He draws so close I feel his breath on my tongue, in my mouth, flowing into my throat.
I’m trembling in anticipation, ready for this man and his love.
“You were there for me, every single time I needed you, just like I was for you,” Merc says flatly.
“I know,” I say.
I try to avoid all mention of love.
I don’t have time to consider that Merc still loves me, or how it almost killed me when he died.
That was my lowest low, especially when Evan was such a mess.
I didn’t hold Evan together.
We held ourselves together; we leaned on each other.
We survived Merc’s death together.
When you see the darkest parts of someone, and you know how far down the rabbit hole they’ve gone, you don’t forget that.
You remember, and then you do everything in their power to make sure it never happens again.
That’s what I’m doing now.
I come to my senses, drawing away from temptation, willing my traitorous womanhood to just stop it and ease it down.
I step away from this man, hating myself for every word I tell him.
It’s all a lie, and he knows it.
I know it.
But, this just can’t be.
Not now.
Not ever.
“I didn’t choose Evan, Merc. You left. Remember that. We had no choice but to rally together and lick our wounds, and try to save ourselves from our own personal hells,” I say with finality.
My ire at having to do this is driving me mad.
I have to get away, because if Merc were to grab me again, I would be lost.
“I’m going back inside, don’t follow me. Or Evan,” I say, firmly.
He stands there, all tension and action, a keg of explosives, primed for action.
But, I refuse to light the fuse.
“Ok,” Merc says.
I snort, as I walk away, suddenly furious, both with myself, and Merc.
You fucker.
You bastard! I think.
I made the right choice, after all, I tell myself.
I deserve a better answer than that.
I stifle the scream of rage and agony I feel, pushing it deep inside, where it can’t come out again.
20
Leigha
Two months after Merc’s Death
Capri
September 28, 2015
Evan purchased an amazing villa with gorgeous views of Capri, and I don’t know how Noah didn’t notice.
His father still doesn’t know Evan was put on leave, for PTSD, since Merc’s death.
I pull on a sheer robe over my nightgown because it’s too immodest for me wear while I tour the seven-bedroom villa.
I’ve seen plenty of naked women as they come and go from Evan’s room, though.
The constant train of gorgeous women servicing him has dwindled in the last month, though.
He rarely has anyone sleepover; I wonder why, but it doesn’t bother me.
It doesn’t bother me that he sleeps with random women all the time.
I already told him no.
We need each other.
I fill the bong with water from the kitchen, and plunk a couple ice cubes in the catch before I move outside to the patio.
The grinder is already full, so I back a bowl before setting the bong in my lap, and take a nice, deep hit.
“That was a big one,” Evan grins.
“There’s plenty left for you,” I manage, trying to hold my breath.
I exhale, and the haze comes over me, almost immediately.
“This stuff is super mellow,” I mention.
“Isn’t it?” he replies.
Evan grins at me as I hand him the bong.
We pass it back and forth in silence, the ocean breeze wafting over us.
I pull my feet underneath me and look out over the crystal-clear blue water.
“I wish we could stay here forever,” I tell Evan.
“Me too, just like this. We have each other, what else do we need?” Evan nods.
He takes one last hit of the bong and spreads out on the couch shaded by the trees.
His legs rest against my lap, and the sunlight that peeks through the trees glints against his muscles.
Everything about Evan is sculpted and hard.
Just because I said no, doesn’t mean I don’t want to sleep with him.
“What are you thinking about?” Evan asks.
“Your tongue is sticking out of your mouth slightly,” he adds.
“That always gives me away,” I admit.
I fall into silence and close my eyes.
I can hear the ocean, the breeze flowing through the trees, and, somewhere far off, a bird chirping.
“What are you thinking?” Evan’s voice is suddenly in my ear.
“Evan, stop,” I say in my warning tone.
“Now, I have to know,” he insists.
“Evan, I was thinking about sleeping with you,” I admit casually.
“Finally?” Evan asks.
I burst out laughing at that.
It’s so like him!
I can’t stop myself from laughing.
“What are you talking about?” I laugh.
“I’ve been walking around half naked, and completely naked, might I add, wondering if you’d even notice. You barely react,” Evan says as he laughs along with me.
“Why do you even want to sleep with me?” I ask.
“Because, Leigha, I’m crazy attracted to you, and I thought it would go away, but it hasn’t. You’re driving me insane!” Evan exclaims.
“Oh, I am not,” I say casually.
“Yes, you are. Take your robe off, let me look at you for a second,” Evan insists.
His hands work the knot of the silk tie of my robe as I laugh.
Feeling giddy, I shrug it off.
I cover my pubic areas and my breasts, imitating the Venus in that one painting.
I’m far more modest than most women Evan sleeps with.
I stand up in front of him.
All natural. Just me, no makeup, i.
I’m still wearing a short little sleep shirt with “I’ll Never Let Go” blazoned across it.
“You’re so curvy, and I dig it! First of all, your tits are incredible, and your ass is to die for! I would do such bad things to that ass!” Evan admits.
“Evan, stop, you’re joking,” I insist.
“I am not,” Evan says.
The fire in his eyes tells me he’s serious.
“You always sleep with model types,” I remind him.
“Yeah but, they’ve got nothing to hold onto! Come on, Leigha, you seriously don’t believe me?” he asks.
“No,” I say.
I slip my robe back on and sit down.
“Maybe I do believe you, Evan, but do you really want to go there?” I ask, suddenly.
Evan takes another hit off the bong and holds it.
He sets it down on the coffee table in front of the couch and moves towards me.
I know what’s coming next and I open my mouth to him as Evan blows smoke in my mouth.
I exhale and cough, as I try not to laugh.
When I look over at Evan, he’s got that determined look in his eyes.
I could fall into those eyes forever.
God, they’re distracting!
At the moment I’m distracted Evan’s lips crush against mine and all my attempts at resisting him collapse.
His lips are soft, warm, and determined to convince me this is the best course of action.
Everything I do in my life, in my work, is quantified and analyzed.
I am a machine, calculating every possible angle.
But, now, with Evan’s lips against mine, these feelings I am having refuse proper analysis.
We’re so hungry for each other; I lose myself under his lips, and his hands are all over my body.
I return his caresses,
as I touch him, running my hands along his bare chest.
Evan’s lips move from my lips to my neck, my collarbone, and down, down my body as he pushes my robe down from my shoulders.
“Evan,” I gasp.
He sucks on my skin lightly at first, and then harder, and I know he’s about to leave a mark.
Who cares?
I yell at my inner voice to shut the fuck up.
I haven’t slept with anyone in months, and I’m dying to feel him against me.
“Let me make this clear,” I tell him, as he pulls my nightgown over my head.
“This is just sex,” I tell him.
“Right,” Evan nods, barely paying attention.
Everything is such a blur.
When he kisses me I have a hard time convincing myself that this is only sex.
Every kiss is hungry and passionate, and soon enough, Evan’s boxers are gone.
We’re naked, lying against each other, in the middle of the patio, and neither of us cares.
Evan’s hand moves between my legs, and he smirks.
“What?” I ask.
“You want me, so bad,” he whispers.
I’m soaking wet.
He licks my taste from his fingers, and then kisses me.
I taste my own salt, and lick his fingertips.
My tongue dances on them, teasing him.
“So, what?” I said back in a naughty tone.
Evan pulls a condom from between the couch cushions, and I’m somehow not surprised.
I don’t care.
He rolls the condom on and pulls me towards him roughly before he claims my lips again.
I can’t force myself to pull away from this, not now, I’ll regret it too much.
With Evan’s lips against mine and his tongue in my mouth, he takes me.
I feel the whole girth of his massive member fill me.
“Evan,” I gasp.
“Leigha,” he whispers.
“Oh, my God!” I scream against his skin.
“You feel so good,” Evan whispers.
Every slow thrust only coaxes more unintelligible words from my mouth.
I moan in ecstasy, writhing against him as he plunders my treasures.
Evan sinks deeper and deeper inside me, and I rake his back with my nails, digging hard into his skin.
“Leigha,” he whispers my name.
This isn’t just sex, I now realize.
My mind slowly wraps itself around this thought, and I smile as he fucks me, harder and harder, his cock pushing against my womb.
It’s slow, and sensual, and hits me somewhere very deep inside.
I can’t explain the state of disarray I am in, my mind is completely swallowed by the sensations.
“Fuck!” I moan as he drives into me.
I realize he’s hitting a spot that’s never been touched before, and my legs wrap around his waist, and I squeeze him tightly.
He groans, looking me in my eyes as he shoves deep.
I don’t know what he’s doing to me, but it feels more than amazing.
“Evan! Don’t stop!” I beg him.
Evan growls in my ear.
His hands grip my hips harder than ever before.
“Leigha, I’m going to cum,” he grunts.
“Oh! God! God!” I manage discrete words, but not any manner of complete sentence.
A wave of orgasm so deep washes over me, I crumble into nothing as my eyes roll back inside my head and I’m no longer in control of my body.
I shake as he spends himself in me.
Evan roars as he finds his orgasm, and with one last thrust fills the condom completely.
We lay back, panting.
Both of us are amazed by this.
Evan kisses me, slowly relishing the feeling of the afterglow of our lovemaking.
His kisses are welcome as he runs his hands through my hair, then we’re lost in each other.
“Are you really going to tell me that was just sex?” Evan asks.
“I don’t know if I can,” I admit.
Then, we’re kissing again, and I fall into him, eager to be consumed by whatever emotions it brings.
It’s such an easy pattern to fall into.
Wake and bake, make breakfast, have shower sex, get ready for the day.
We walk through town hand in hand.
We attend parties at night, and Evan never takes his hands off me.
Evan and I fade into a delicious blur of sex and weed like there’s no end to this.
It comes to an end all too quickly, as Evan’s military leave is finally over.
We both have to go back to London.
Then, I have to return to New York.
“I’m going to miss you,” Evan says.
I stand at the door with my bags packed.
“I know, I’ll miss you too,” I say.
He kisses me slowly.
It’s a deep kiss that leaves me weak in the knees.
“I don’t want you to wait,” he says.
“I know,” I admit.
Then, I tell him my first lie.
“I don’t want to wait for you. If the same thing that happened to Merc is going to happen to you…” I tell him, trailing off.
He puts a finger under my chin, raising my head, and looks me in the eyes.
“I can understand that. Leigha, I will do my best to come back to you, I promise, okay?” Evan says.
“Promise me you won’t be a stranger,” he pleads.
“I’ll always be here for you,” I nod.
There are tears in my eyes as my car shows up for the trip to the airport.
“Always,” I say again.
“Come here, you can’t leave yet,” he pleads with me.
Evan pulls me roughly into his arms, and our embrace is never-ending, as we are torn apart by time once more.
I understand why he needs to go back, but I don’t regret the last month.
Not at all.
We both know where we stand.
At least, I think we both do.
I will force myself to write this off as a fling, and just continue as though everything is normal.
“I love you,” he whispers in my ear.
I can’t take this.
Now, I’m crying for real.
I want to tell Evan that I love him too, but I can’t bring myself to say those words.
Instead, I sob into his arms, for all that we’re about to lose.
“I’ll miss you so much,” Evan mutters into my ear.
He holds me so close and squeezes me so hard I truly know we don’t want to go our separate ways.
“I’ll be in New York,” I say when I can speak coherently.
“When you get back,” I add.
“I’ll see you there,” Evan smiles.
I kiss him on the cheek, feeling the stubble of his whiskers.
I get into the car, the door closing behind me.
I reach out to him.
The glass of the window stops my hand.
He waves, and blows a kiss.
The car moves away, and he gets small.
I cry the whole way to the airport.
On the plane.
And, I am still sobbing during the ride to my father’s Manhattan home.
21
Evan
March 10, 2018
“I’ll see you there.”
My last words to Leigha echo through my dreams as I’m jolted back into reality.
I wake up and feel for her next to me in the bed, and when she’s not there, I’m reminded that we are back in London.
Leigha has her own room to sleep in.
We need to go to Venice.
My mind whirls around the fact that I couldn’t wait to get back to Leigha, I couldn’t handle the thought of not making it back to her.
By the time I was back in New York, Leigha was dating Mike.
I knew that she and I were just a distant memory now.
I put my feeling
s aside.
I remember the crushing feeling in my chest when she introduced me to that douchebag.
He wasn’t good enough for her, and never could be, but I didn’t say a word.
I wanted to scream at her that she belonged with me.
When they broke up, I was already captured in that messy joke of a relationship with Vic.
It’s like I can see clearly.
I knew what Vic and I had wasn’t healthy, and I chose to ignore that.
Leigha is water to my fire.
I need her, not only to keep me under control, but to satiate the hunger that burns me.
There’s no need to lie to myself like I lied to Vic.
I love Leigha.
I’ve always loved her, on some level.
Trying to replace her only led to marathons of fucking anonymous women, and then the Victoire disaster.
This brings me to another point: would Vic and I have ever been able to make it work, or would my feelings for Leigha have resurfaced anyway?
It doesn’t matter.
But Leigha?
We were never pulled together by sexual attraction.
Even if we cuddled and kissed all night after we came home from the bar, she refused to sleep with me.
I don’t blame her.
We just need time to figure out what this is.
That’s all, I rationalize.
She is not a woman to conquer; she’s someone to be treasured and loved..
Fuck.
I wonder if I really am still in love with my best friend, or maybe if the love is all that ever held us together?
Then, I remember that Merc and Levi are coming today, to go to Venice with us.
My father and Tinsley refuse to hide.
They’re here now, with Sebastian, and have doubled security.
Aidan and Lucius are watching for Elizabeth, Lauren, and Olivia around the clock.
I wish I could scrape Merc away from the equation, but we need him.
Leigha knocks on my door, fully dressed.
“How are you not ready yet?” she asks.
Leigha starts to throw some of my clothes in the open suitcase.
“You don’t have to do that,” I tell her.
“Don’t worry about it,” she says.
When she bends down to put something in the suitcase, I can see right down her blouse, and then I realize I have a raging hard-on.
Secret: A Stone Billionaire Series Novel (The Stone Billionaire Series Book 5) Page 12
