The contraction was easing. Heulwen slumped with relief and raised her head to look with glazed eyes towards her distraught husband. ‘I’ll be all right,’ she said, her voice breathless but level. ‘Go…please.’
‘Are you sure?’ He turned, still resisting Judith’s pull.
Heulwen nodded and clenched her jaw, trying to hold off another surge as it gathered like an incoming wave. It was impossible and she dissolved into the cramping pure agony. Dame Agatha soothed and held her, massaging her back. ‘Come on, lass, let’s have you walking again, round to the flagon, that’s it, good girl.’
Judith dragged Adam out of the room. ‘You’ve gone green,’ she snapped. ‘The last thing I need on my hands just now is a sick or fainting grown man.’
‘Is she really all right? You’re not just saying it as a sop to keep me comforted?’
Judith’s features gentled from their exasperation. ‘No, I’m not just saying it. Heulwen’s a healthy mare and the pains are coming good and strong, just as they should. Now, get out from under my feet. Find yourself something to do. I promise you’ll be the first to know any news!’
‘My lord, you have a son,’ Dame Agatha said, placing a blanketed, bawling bundle in his arms, her expression censorious, for she had not yet forgiven him for trespassing on forbidden territory.
He looked down into the baby’s scarlet face. A tiny fist had found its way out of the blanket and was waved irately beneath his nose.
‘A healthy pair o’ lungs and no mistake,’ the midwife added with satisfaction as Renard came to peer over Adam’s shoulders at his new nephew.
‘He looks as though he’s been boiled,’ Renard commented unfavourably, then gave Adam’s shoulder a bruising thump. ‘I don’t suppose you want to celebrate in Welsh mead?’
Adam took no notice. ‘Heulwen, is she all right?’
Dame Agatha saw the fear in his face and relented, her mouth softening. ‘Your lady is exhausted and somewhat bruised, the child was big and strong, but she’s taken no lasting harm.’ Her smile deepened. ‘Do not for Jesu’s sake tell her what my own husband told me after our first — that the next one would be much easier, not unless you want a piss-pot emptying over your head!’ She stood aside and gestured towards the stairs like a sentinel indicating the throne room to a menial.
Heulwen slowly lifted her lids and rested heavy eyes on her husband and the bad-tempered bundle he was holding so awkwardly in his arms.
‘I’m sorry it isn’t a girl,’ she whispered, and easy tears of exhaustion filled her eyes. ‘It would not have mattered so much then, would it?’
Adam glanced quickly towards Judith, but she was busy in the far corner of the room, well out of hearing range.
‘As long as you are safe it does not matter at all,’ he said, and meant it. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid, not even on a battle eve, as I have been these last few hours.’ He leaned down and kissed her, then with a grimace carefully placed the baby in her arms. ‘He sounds like a set of Hibernian pipes. Do you suppose he’s hungry?’
Heulwen slipped down the shoulder of her bedgown and dubiously offered the baby her breast. He screeched, bumping his face against her until by accident he found the security of her nipple and covered it with a desperate gulp. As if by magic the wails ceased, replaced by small, gratified snufflings.
‘Thank heaven for that,’ Judith said tartly, giving Heulwen a steaming cup. ‘Bugloss to promote the flow of milk. It looks as if you have a glutton on your hands. I haven’t heard such a noise since Renard was born, and he still hasn’t learned to be quiet. I’ll go and fetch you something to eat. You’ll need to keep up your strength: either that, or get a wet-nurse.’
It was an excuse to leave them alone for a time. Heulwen knew she would be quite unable to eat whatever was brought. She touched the baby’s hair. It was soft and dark. His eyes were closed now, the lids lined with brownish-gold lashes. The waving arm was still, fingers fanned on her breast as he sucked. She felt his vulnerability and it tugged at her heart as much as the doubts.
At the exact moment of his birth, when he had slipped from her body, she had only been able to think of the rape. Now, alongside that memory, others warmed her. Herself and Adam and some ink stains that wrote their own story; a dish of sugared plums; a stable in Angers and the straw prickling her naked thighs as the bedstraw had done while she laboured.
She looked from her son to her husband. Adam said that it did not matter, but he had been quick to put the baby into her arms. It could be a natural male response to something so feeble and tiny. She could not tell from his face and she could not ask him.
‘How would you have him named?’ she asked into his silence.
Adam watched the busily working small jaws drawing life and comfort from her. His son or a changeling, the child was still Heulwen’s, and as he had said, an innocent. He played with a strand of her hair. They had unbraided it, following the superstition that twists and knots of any kind could impede the smooth passage of a child into the world. ‘There is only one possible name,’ he murmured. ‘He has to be Miles.’
Heulwen’s throat closed on a sob. Her body jerked as she tried to control herself, and the baby, losing his grip on security, bawled his indignation, rooted frantically until he found it again, and settled, sucking at double-speed. ‘Yes,’ she managed huskily, ‘he has to be Miles.’
Chapter 25
Ravenstow, Summer 1128
Elene de Mortimer, seven years old, stretched out her hand and considered with pensive pride the enamelled gold betrothal ring shining on her finger. Renard would one day place her proper wedding ring there when she was a woman and old enough to be married to him. As of now they were only betrothed — pledged to each other as in the tales of the romances that her nurse sometimes read to her. He had given her another ring too, to be worn when her hand grew, but too big now. It hung on a silk cord around her neck for today, but her father said that she must put it away in her coffer when they went home.
All the grown-ups were still eating and drinking in the hall and talking about another wedding. Someone called Matilda had got married to someone called Geoffrey, and there seemed to be some kind of disagreement about whether they should have got married at all. Elene had become restless, then bored, and used the need of the privy as her excuse to leave the high dais and climb the stairs to the apartments above. Then, although knowing that she should return the moment she had emptied her bladder, curiosity had overcome caution and she had begun to explore this stout border keep that would one day be her home.
One of the rooms contained a sewing bench and two looms. A dog was asleep in a pool of sunshine near the window, but it raised its head and growled when it sensed her presence. Startled, she hurried out and came to a small wall chamber which she knew was reserved for herself and her nurse tonight. It smelt musty and dried lavender was posied everywhere to combat the odour of the stone.
A short turn up another spiralling set of stairs brought her to the lord’s chamber that one day she would share with Renard, as Lady in her own right.
A small round gazing glass was propped up on a coffer and she stopped short with a small gasp that was half awe, half delight. She had heard of such objects of course, even seen a poor imitation of one at a fairing, but they were rare and vastly expensive. Picking it up and holding it this way and that, she studied the reflection of a child with hip-length, blue-black hair, wavy and strong, a crown of fresh flowers pinned grimly in place and still defying the pins. It showed her wide-set golden-green eyes, a milky skin, a smile made gappy by missing teeth, and a mischievous expression emphasised by a small snub nose. Her father had smiled sadly at her before the ceremony, and said in a voice rough with emotion, ‘Child, you look just like your mother.’
She had never known her mother, her father’s second French wife and much younger than he, for she had died of a miscarriage a year after Elene’s birth. Her father was often sad, more so these days since the news of Warri
n’s death.
Elene wrinkled her nose at the mirror. She had never really liked her much older half-brother. He would bring her presents, expect her to enthuse over them, and then ignore her. Her father had ignored her too when Warrin was at home, telling her to go and play or find her nurse.
A sudden sound made her gasp and whirl round guiltily from the mirror, and for the first time she noticed Renard’s older half-sister sitting in a chair nursing a baby.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t eat you,’ said Heulwen with a smile, and lifting the baby from her breast, she covered herself.
Elene tiptoed to the chair. Unable to resist, she put a curious finger on the brown spiky fuzz crowning the baby’s head. ‘What’s his name?’ she asked.
‘Miles, for his great-grandfather.’
‘Oh.’
Heulwen studied the child. She was impishly appealing and bore no resemblance whatsoever to her late brother, lest it be a suggestion of stubbornness about the small, round chin. ‘Do you want to hold him?’
Elene’s whole face lit up. ‘Can I really?’
For answer, Heulwen placed her son in Elene’s arms, showing her how to hold him, not that he needed as much support now. He was able to sit on his own, and turned his head frequently to take note of what went on around him.
‘I’m going to have lots of babies when I’m married to Renard,’ Elene confided seriously. ‘How many teeth has he got?’
‘Two.’ Heulwen put her palm across her mouth to conceal her amusement lest she hurt the child’s feelings.
Elene sighed. ‘I wish I had brothers and sisters. Warrin was lots older than me, and he never wanted to play.’
Heulwen stiffened at the mention of the name. The smile left her expression. ‘Never mind,’ she heard herself sympathising. ‘You have a whole family by betrothal now.
Elene nodded and gave Heulwen a beaming smile, then looked down at Miles who was studying her with round, curious eyes. ‘I like babies. Are you going to have any more soon?’
Heulwen coughed. ‘That lies in God’s hands,’ she said, and sensing a change in the light, looked beyond the absorbed little girl and saw, with a clenching of her stomach, that Elene’s father stood in the doorway.
‘There you are!’ he said harshly to Elene. ‘What do you mean, running away from your own betrothal feast. Do you know how bad-mannered that is?’
Elene caught her lower lip in her teeth. ‘I wasn’t, Papa,’ she said in a small, forlorn voice. ‘I just went to the privy and, and…’
‘…and then came to watch me feed Miles.’ Heulwen rescued her quickly and gave a brief, reassuring smile at Elene. ‘It is my fault for keeping her.’
Sir Hugh grunted and looked from his daughter to the copper-haired woman now lifting the baby back into her own arms. The infant almost dislocated its neck as it swivelled to stare at him.
‘She still should not have run off,’ he said, and then cleared his throat and added with abrupt gruffness, ‘What you did to my son was wrong, but I accept that he too compromised his honour in more ways than one. For the success of this betrothal, I’m prepared to let the past lie. I’ve spoken to your husband already and he says…’
‘…And he says he will do his best,’ Adam said, following de Mortimer into the room. Going to Heulwen, he kissed her cheek. She stood up, Miles struggling in her arms, met Adam’s eloquent look and although she felt cold, managed a half-smile at the older man.
‘The servants are setting out the trestles in the plesaunce for the afternoon. Are you coming down? You can put Miles on a fleece among the women.’
Sir Hugh stared at the two of them together, the swaddled infant held between them. There was a bitter taste at the back of his throat as he thought how, given different circumstances, that baby could have been his own grandson. Elene ran to him, the garland askew on her unruly raven curls. He set his arm around her narrow shoulders, squeezed them hard, and turned to the doorway. On reaching it he paused and looked round. ‘You have a fine son,’ he said heavily. ‘I congratulate you. May he bring you more joy than mine did to me.’
There was a taut silence after he had gone, broken by Miles, who gurgled and held out hopeful arms to Adam. After a hesitation, Adam took him from Heulwen and walked to the window to look down on the somnolent, sun-steeped bailey. Ranulf de Gernons was being dragged across it by a huge black alaunt, choking against its leash. ‘It’s a pity de Gernons had to spoil the gathering, ’ he remarked.
Heulwen murmured something and pretended to tidy away the baby’s things from the bed. Surreptitiously she looked over at the window. Adam was holding Miles gently now in a relaxed pose, and the baby had stilled, eyes agog on the dust motes drifting in a band of sunlight. He leaned out to try and grab them and his hair took on a red-gold tint as it was touched by the sun.
Heulwen swallowed a painful lump in her throat. She was never quite sure how Adam felt about Miles. While carrying him in her womb, she had been afraid of rejecting him, but after the first difficult moments her doubts disintegrated. He was helpless, dependent on her. The feel of him at her breast filled her with love and a pang too powerful to be understood. Adam did not have that closeness of the body to bind him to a child perhaps not of his siring, and it fretted at her for she dared not search beneath Adam’s outwardly calm exterior to see what lay beneath. He had acknowledged Miles as his heir, but sometimes she feared that it was only for her sake, and the child’s; doing what was right rather than what he personally desired.
To distract herself she asked, ‘Has my father said anything to you about the Empress’s marriage?’
Adam turned from the window and came back into the room. ‘No, Guyon’s been avoiding me, biting down on words he’d like to utter but knows he can’t without risk of a rift. I suppose we’ll come to it soon enough — a discussion I mean, not a rift.’ He went towards the door. Heulwen followed him, pausing in front of the mirror to adjust her circlet and veil. Adam stopped beside her. Miles reached out a chubby hand and patted the glass, laughing at himself.
‘He looks like you,’ she said softly. ‘Adam, he’s yours, I know he is.’
For a moment Adam stood silently, watching the baby and the man and the woman; one joyfully innocent, and two balanced on a knife-edge. ‘Do you think it would make any difference, whatever I saw in the mirror?’
Heulwen swallowed. His tone was gentle, but it frightened her. ‘It might,’ she said, her mouth dry, and saw his jaw tighten and his eyes narrow the way she had seen them do on a tilting ground. ‘Adam…’
‘Don’t say anything else,’ he said, still gently, and returning Miles to her arms, walked out.
Heulwen put her head down; eyes stinging, she nuzzled her son’s fuzzy hair. All unwittingly she had just offended Adam’s honour, and she would only dig herself into a deeper pit if she went after him and tried to explain. She knew that look of his by now.
Sniffing, she wiped her eyes on the turned-back hanging sleeve of her gown, balanced Miles on her hip, and went slowly downstairs.
The plesaunce smelt of grass and the spicy, slightly peppery scent of gillyflowers. Bees throbbed among the blossoms. Bream cruised the surface of the stewpond in search of mayflies. The sky was a glorious, soft blue, the sun hot, but tempered by light ripples of breeze.
Adam watched Heulwen join the other women and put Miles down on his tummy upon a thick sheepskin. He was chewing on a ball made of strips of soft coloured leather, and the women were cooing over him and making a fuss. As if drawn by a magnet, Elene left her father’s side to crouch beside him.
Two servants carried some trestles past on which to lay out the food and drink. Adam met Heulwen’s gaze across and between them and turned sharply away. It did not make any difference, or so he had told himself a thousand times over; and a thousand times over the doubt crept in, and she had seen it. He was more angry at himself than her.
Ranulf de Gernons was showing off his dog. Slab-muscled and glossy, it lunged on the leash and snarled at B
rith, young William’s own small pet hound.
‘Owning the biggest horse, the biggest dog and the biggest mouth does not necessarily command you the respect for which you had hoped,’ Guyon said wryly from the side of his mouth as he joined Adam beside the rose bushes that climbed the wall.
‘It also makes you the biggest fool if you can’t control any of them,’ Adam qualified. ‘Why’s he here in the first place? Surely you did not invite him by choice?’
Guyon snorted. ‘I didn’t invite him at all. He’s on his way to Chester and sought lodging and hospitality on the way. That it happened to be the eve of Renard’s betrothal was unfortunate.’ He gave Adam a look. ‘The seeking of hospitality is not I think his main motive.’
‘No?’
‘His father wants to know what we are going to do about this illegal marriage between Matilda and Geoffrey of Anjou, and Ranulf’s gone bloodhound for him.’
‘Illegal?’
‘Oh don’t play me for a fool!’ Guyon snapped. ‘You know what I mean. Eighteen months ago at Windsor we were guaranteed a say in the choosing of Matilda’s husband, a say which has been utterly ignored. As usual, Henry has quietly connived behind our backs to get his own way.’
Adam felt his face begin to burn. ‘So what are you going to do? Get it annulled out of pique and start a war? And who will you put in Geoffrey’s place? Ranulf de Gernons, perchance?’ His voice was harsh.
Guyon arched one brow at Adam. ‘I am not an inexperienced hound to run yelping after a false scent. If the truth were known, I’d prefer not to run with either pack. You knew about this marriage, didn’t you?’
Adam breathed out and pushed his hair back from his forehead. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, exasperated with himself. ‘I should have curbed my tongue but Heulwen and I have just had a disagreement, and my temper’s still hot. Yes, I did know, and for the sake of my honour, which God knows is frequently a millstone around my neck, I could not tell you.’
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