I get to Landry’s room and immediately go to her closet to get the clothes Pops left here. I realize I need a bag, so I go to Lu’s room where I know she has luggage in her closet. I won’t look around; I’ll just go in, get the bags and get out.
The moment I walk into Lu’s room, my knees almost give out. It still smells like her. I feel the tears start to come and I try to choke them back. I don’t even make it to the closet before I’m on my knees. God, I miss her. I miss every single thing about her. Her smart-ass mouth, the way she always calls me out on my shit, her sense of humor, and the fact that she has been my rock for the past six years.
I hear Kyler walk into the room and I start to stand, but feel his arms go around me and then he pulls me up, hugging me to his chest. He’s done that a lot today. I’ll have to remember to thank him when I find my voice.
“We need to get this done, Carson. Come on.” He slowly lets me go and grabs my hand, giving it a light squeeze before he releases it. I quickly grab the luggage bags from the closet, handing them to Kyler. We head back to Landry’s room to start packing it up.
I watch Kyler as we sift through Landry’s clothing, adding all of it to the suitcases as we pull each piece off the hangers. He’s holding up each outfit like he’s gauging her size, and I see his lips turn up slightly in a smile. He is going to be a loving dad; I can tell already.
After we’ve packed up all of her clothes, plus some of her stuffed animals, we head back toward the stairs. I can see Kyler looking at the pictures again as we walk down. He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell he’s considering taking some of them. I get to the bottom stair and place the suitcase I’m carrying on the ground. Kyler continues into the other room without looking back. I climb a few stairs and look at the pictures. I grab my favorite three and as I turn to go back down, I see Kyler walk back into the foyer, watching me closely.
“She’s gonna want pictures of her mom close by in her new surroundings,” I say with caution, hoping he’s not opposed to having them in his home. I know he’s still pissed at Lu, and he has every right to be, but Landry needs his full support.
“Absolutely,” he agrees, breaking eye contact and walking toward the stairs. He grabs the suitcase I set at the bottom and heads for the door. I take one last look around. I don’t know if I can come back here. I know at some point, Pops and I probably need to go through the house and box up the stuff we think Landry will want, the stuff he will want and the stuff I want. Everything else will probably go to Goodwill.
We walk quietly out to the car, carrying Landry’s stuff. He helps load everything into the trunk and we get into the car without really saying much.
“Okay. Let’s go introduce you to your daughter,” I say with a smile.
Kyler looks at me and my heart just melts. He can’t contain the smile on his face. He is beaming at the thought of meeting Landry.
“Thank you, Carson. Thank you for not making this any more difficult than it already is.” He closes his eyes and gives my hand a squeeze before letting go and starting the car.
We drive in silence to Pops’ house, me only speaking when telling him where to turn and where to stop. As we pull into the driveway, my nerves hit and I pray that this goes well. It never even dawned on me how Pops is going to react to Kyler. This is the man who knocked up his baby girl during a one-night stand and then had no contact with her afterwards, after all.
The front door opens and Pops walks out, holding Landry’s hand in his. Landry is bouncing from foot to foot with anticipation, a smile spreading across her face. I look over at Kyler who has tears running down his cheeks. Damn, this just guts me. Landry lets go of Pops’ hand and runs to me, screeching “CC” over and over. I drop to my knees and scoop her into my arms. I hug her for a second and then pull back to sign to her.
“Hi, baby girl. I’ve missed you,” I say.
“You, too,” she responds. “Who’s this man?” She turns and walks toward Kyler but stops just shy of reaching him. She looks up at him and then back at me with a questioning look on her face. I realize in this moment that Kyler is a huge guy, and may be scary to Landry. He has a menacing look most of the time, which I could see scaring someone who doesn’t really know him.
“She asked me who you are,” I whisper to Kyler. I don’t know why I whisper; I just can’t seem to find my voice.
“Tell her the truth, Carson. She deserves to know. I’m not going anywhere. You have my word,” he promises without taking his eyes off her.
I reach for Landry and she pulls her hand back, once again signing, “Who is this man?”
I respond, “Landry, let’s go inside so we can sit down and I’ll tell you about him.” She nods and I look at Kyler, tilting my head toward the house.
“Pops, this is Kyler. Kyler, Pops.” I fully introduce them this time as we come up onto the porch. Kyler holds his hand out and Pops looks at it for a moment before shaking it firmly.
As I walk toward the door, I hear Pops say, “Please don’t hurt her, Kyler.”
“No worries, sir. She is my daughter. Now that I know about her, I promise I will never leave her,” Kyler states firmly.
“I know that, son. I can see the love you have for Landry already just in the way you look at her. I meant Carson. She’s a good girl who’s been through a lot. Please don’t hurt her, or Landry for that matter. I own a shotgun. I have no problem shooting you,” Pops says with a smirk. “I’m old and not gonna be around much longer. I don’t care if I go to prison.” He’s full on smiling now. Crazy old fart!
“You have my word, sir. I will do everything in my power to avoid hurting either of them,” Kyler replies with a small chuckle.
“All right then. Let’s go inside and see what the girls are up to,” Pops says. I quickly walk away from the door so they don’t realize I was being nosey, trying to choke down the emotion I feel from hearing Pops stand up for me like my own daddy would.
I sign to Landry, “Let’s go sit on the couch.” She shakes her little head and looks behind her to make sure Kyler is still following.
We all sit down in the living room and I turn to Landry. “Baby girl, this is Kyler.” I speak the words out loud as I sign so Kyler knows what I’m saying. She waves at him and smiles and he returns both.
“Landry, do you know what a dad is?” I ask her. She nods and signs, “Moms and Dads get married and have babies.” I speak what she is signing out loud.
“That’s right, honey. Lulu was your mommy,” I start to choke up a little and take a deep breath before continuing. “And Kyler is your daddy,” I finish, holding my breath for her reaction. She tilts her head to the side and stares at Kyler with confusion. Then it seems to dawn on her and she stands and walks slowly across the room to where Kyler is sitting in a chair. I can tell he is holding his breath, too, waiting for her reaction. She walks right up to him, stopping just inches away, lifts her little hand and places it on his cheek.
I can see the tears in his eyes and he doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Carson, please tell her I am so happy to finally meet her and ask her if I can give her a hug,” he says quietly, never taking his eyes off her. He points to me and Landry looks my way.
I repeat and sign what Kyler says and she turns back to him, smiling and nodding. That’s all it takes. He lifts her into his arms and hugs her for all he’s worth. The tears that were in his eyes are now spilling down his cheeks. He’s rocking back and forth with her, and I hear Landry giggle but she doesn’t try to pull away.
“Kyler, we need to talk to her about the move,” I butt in gently after a few minutes. I watch him pull back and look at Landry’s face.
He sets Landry down and she comes over and sits in my lap, never really taking her eyes off her dad. I set her on the couch beside me and start to sign/speak.
“Landry, your dad is very excited to meet you.” I pause, waiting for her reaction, which results in a huge smile from her so I continue. “He wants you and me to come and live at his house fo
r a little while. My apartment is just not big enough for us, and he wants to spend lots of time with you.” I pause again, but she just continues to smile. “Would you like for us to move in with your dad for a while?” I finish.
She jumps up while nodding and throws herself back into Kyler’s arms. He holds her tight to him, never breaking eye contact with me. This is going so much better than I ever thought possible. She is accepting him completely and it makes my heart soar.
I tap her shoulder so she’ll look at me. “Are you ready to pack some stuff so we can go check out our new place?” I ask with a smile. She signs yes and stops dancing around to the music only she can “hear”.
I chuckle and look at Kyler. He has the most content, happy look on his face.
“Thank you so much, Carson,” Kyler chokes out. “She is absolutely beautiful and I can’t believe I’ve missed so much time.” I hear the emotion in his voice, and I turn my head to give him time to compose himself. I know this is hard for him.
“Don’t thank me. It should’ve been this way all along,” I whisper. “Let’s go help her get the things she wants. We can pack the rest later. I’m exhausted, and I want her to have some time to adjust to her new surroundings before bedtime.”
I sign to Landry we need to go pack her stuff and she nods, grabbing Kyler’s hand and heading for the stairs to her room. I follow behind them, smiling to myself. She is taking to him so quickly. I can only pray that Kyler keeps his word and never leaves her side. She’s can’t lose anyone else.
As we pack up the things Landry wants to take to Kyler’s, I watch as he continues to stare at her in awe. When Landry is finished, she signs to me that it’s time to go, which makes me giggle. I’m happy that she’s so excited about all of this. She’s been through a lot in the past few months, and to see her smile with genuine happiness makes me almost giddy.
“Okay, baby girl. I think we’ve got what we need,” Kyler says, then looks to me to translate. We’ve really got to start working on Kyler’s ASL lessons soon.
I grab Landry’s bags, her favorite stuffed bunny Beck, and the blanket she’s had since birth that she won’t sleep without and follow them from the room. We hug Pops, who still looks a little torn on the whole situation. I can see a range of emotions in his face. I know he’s tired, but he loves Landry so much, and the idea of putting her in a situation that could potentially break her heart is almost too much for him.
“I’ll take care of her, Pops. Don’t worry,” I whisper to him as I kiss his cheek and head for the door with Landry in tow. I turn back to him as we head down the porch steps. “I’ll FaceTime you when she goes to bed so you can tell her goodnight.” I smile and he returns it.
He signs, “I love you” to Landry and she responds the same.
Kyler scoops Landry up in his arms, which make her giggle even more. I grab her bags and we head out. I can tell already that Kyler is going to be an amazing father.
We get Landry into her car seat, pile everything into the car and head toward Kyler’s house. It dawns on me that I haven’t even seen this place. I know Kyler is loaded, but what if he lives in a bachelor pad and it’s not kid-friendly? Let’s face it; Landry is a 5-year-old whirlwind, so I hope there’s not a bunch of glass. The phrase “bull in a china shop” comes to mind.
I’m not paying much attention to where we are as Kyler drives us to our temporary new home. As I feel the car slow, I look out the window, gasping at the sight of the homes we are passing. This can’t possibly be the street he lives one. These are million-dollar mansions, not bachelor pads. I look at Kyler and he keeps glancing at me.
“You live here?” I ask, almost breathless.
“No,” he says with pause. “We live here.” He smirks at me.
I don’t even know what to say. I need to not overthink this. Of course he’d live here. He isn’t a 21-year-old rich kid who does nothing but party. He’s a 30-something multimillionaire CEO.
When we pull up in front of the house, I turn to look at Landry, who has her face plastered against the window, mesmerized. It is a beautiful house: Tudor-style brick, large fountain in the middle of a circular driveway, and gates at the entrance. This may be the most amazing house I’ve seen in this area. It’s breathtaking. You can even see the ocean in the distance. It is an amazing view, that’s for sure.
As I step out of the car, Landry jumps out and starts running for the front door. Guess she’s more ready than I am for this step. Her smile is contagious, though, and I find myself smiling at the knowledge of how happy she is. Kyler ushers us through the front door into a beautiful hardwood entryway, complete with a round table with a beautiful floral arrangement and chandelier. I watch as Landry takes in the vast space, thinking it has to be overwhelming for her. This place must look like a castle to a little girl. She turns to me and signs quickly, “Is this my dad’s house?” I say the words out loud so Kyler knows what she’s asking.
I watch for Kyler’s reaction and am pleased when he walks over and squats down in front of her so she is looking him in the face. With a big smile, he nods and she launches herself into his arms, giggling. He hugs her tight before setting her back on her feet. He grabs her hand tentatively and she allows it as he pulls her toward the stairs, looking over his shoulder to ensure I’m following.
“I want to show her the room that will be hers. Can you tell her that we will do whatever she wants to the room? We can take her shopping for all new furniture and stuff tomorrow. Tonight, she’ll just have to sleep in the bed that’s in there,” Kyler says as we walk up the stairs.
“Well, I can tell you now she’s gonna want to paint it purple.” I laugh. He stops for a moment before turning to me.
“It just dawned on me that first day we were texting and you said you were painting a little girl’s bedroom purple. You were talking about my daughter, and neither of us even knew,” he grinds out. I can see the anger and hurt in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and smiles gently at Landry as she pulls on his hand to get him to start moving again.
I can only pray that someday he can find it in his heart to forgive Lu. She was an amazing mother and loved Landry with every ounce of her soul. Yes, she made a bad decision, but it’s the past and there is nothing that can fix that. He’ll need to let that go or it’ll eat at him for the rest of his life. The irony of that thought isn’t lost on me. If anyone knows how hard it is to let go of their past, it’s me. Maybe we’ll be able to heal together.
Over the next several weeks, things run smoothly. We are learning to live in the same house and respect each other’s space.
Landry and Kyler spend tons of time together and Kyler is proving to be a very attentive father. He hired an ASL instructor to come to the house and help both he and Landry. Although she and I can sign to get by, she will need someone who is trained to teach her. She gets some of that at school, but she is in a public school with an ASL interpreter with her and is only there 3 hours a day. Having the instructor at the house is helping both her and Kyler, who seems to be learning quickly.
Kyler has been friendly to me, but all things intimate have stopped since we moved in together. At first, I was a little mad that he seems to be putting distance between us, but then I realized how selfish I was being. I mean, he has missed five years of his daughter’s life and is trying like hell to make up for it. Feeling left out is just selfish on my part. They both need this time together. Still, I am aware that the more I see his love for her and the more I watch his gentleness with her, the deeper my feelings for him get. I remind myself hourly, it seems, that I need to stay out of their way and let them build this relationship. Maybe someday, Kyler and I will have our time to explore what we feel for each other.
I managed to talk to Jack about sending my last paycheck to me. That was awkward. He wasn’t unpleasant, but I could tell he was uncomfortable talking to me. I just had him send my check to my apartment because I am not giving anyone Kyler’s address, especially anybody who has anything to do with Jerro
d or his family. Jack thanked me for the years I dedicated to the Friedmont, and I could hear the sadness in his voice. I had really enjoyed my time there and enjoyed working for Jack. He was a nice man. I never officially quit and they never officially fired me, but I think we all knew that me working there with everything that had happened was not going to happen.
I got ahold of my realtor again a few days ago and she said a man had called about the property I’d been interested in. She had emailed him a bunch of pictures, but he’d said he’d think about it and she hadn’t heard back from him. I scheduled a time to go see it later this week. I’m excited to see it and just have this feeling in my gut that this property is going to be my new beginning.
Detective Lopez called me a few days ago to tell me that after speaking to a few of Jerrod’s friends, they’ve got a few leads they’re following up on. Apparently, one of his friends thought Jerrod had “gone over the edge” and was willing to help find him. There had been some talk about Jerrod having a history of meth abuse, and that he had been declining fast in the few months leading up to the accident. Detective Lopez promises to keep me apprised of their findings. It does make me feel a little better that at least they have some leads now.
My physical therapy ended and the MRI showed that everything healed well, so I don’t need to continue with PT. It still hurts with some movements so I do have to continue working on the range of motion. Living in a house with a full-size gym is definitely a benefit. I find that I spend several hours a day in the gym between working on my shoulder and running.
We’ve taken Landry over to see Pops every Sunday for a few hours, and he loves the visits. He still seems a little standoffish with Kyler, but I know he’s trying.
Friday morning, I wake up early to get ready, nervous that today is the day I get to see the property. It’s only about 30 minutes from Kyler’s house, but I wanted to get Landry up and make her breakfast before I headed out. Kyler has been dropping her off at school on his way into the office every morning, and then I pick her up afterwards since she only goes until 2 p.m. Today, Kyler will be taking half a day off to pick her up so I don’t have to rush back into town after I see the property. He offered to go with me, but I really want to see it for the first time by myself. Knowing that Lu was as excited as me about it and not having her with me makes this viewing kind of sentimental for me.
Raising Landry Page 12
