When I wake, I’m covered with a blanket and there is a note under my coffee cup.
CC, I’m headed to pick up Landry and then to the store. Rest today. We’ll be back in a little while. <3 Ky
I smile at the note and decide I should probably get my ass in gear for the day. I apparently slept for a few hours, so I was even more worn out from last night than I thought. Not that I’m complaining one bit.
I take a quick shower and dress in casual clothes, throw my hair into a bun and make my way back downstairs. I left my phone downstairs while I was showering, so I look to see if I missed any calls or texts. That’s when it dawns on me that I’ve missed or rejected several calls from an unknown number over the past few days.
I scroll through my phone to the missed calls and find that there are seven over the past couple of days from the unknown number. The last one left a voicemail. I’m almost afraid to listen to it because I know in the back of my mind it could be from Jerrod. He’s been quiet for too long, and it’s making me nervous. I hit the button to retrieve the message and start back toward the stairs.
When I hear the voice in the message, I stop and sit down on the stairs.
“Hi, Carson. It’s Christopher. (long pause) I really didn’t want to do this on your voicemail but seeing how you still don’t ever answer your phone when you don’t know the number, I guess this is what I have to do (he chuckles lightly). I know you’re surprised to hear from me after all of this time but I had to call. It’s your dad, Car. He’s not doing so good. So much happened after you left, some of it good and some of it bad. I know you hate me, and you have every right to, but your dad needs you, Car. Please call me back. My number is 337-555-1212. Please, Carson.”
Oh, my God. My dad!
I run up the stairs, grab my purse and race back down. I snatch my keys and head for the door. I run out of the house, pausing when I step out onto the front porch. Where am I going? I need to call Chris back and find out what the hell is going on. I could tell by the tone of his voice, which still sounds the exact same, that he is worried. Whether he is worried about having to call me, or worried about my daddy, I’m not sure.
I walk back into the house, looking at the clock on the wall. Kyler and Landry should be back soon. I need to call Chris now. Surprisingly, I’m not nervous to talk to him at all. I’m terrified of what he’s going to say about my dad, though. For the past few years, I’ve realized that completely axing my dad from my life was stupid. Moving away was punishment enough for him, I’m sure. But my stubbornness wouldn’t allow me to call him first. Now look where we are. There is something terribly wrong with him; I feel it deep down in my soul. I look toward the ceiling, closing my eyes, and I pray for the first time in a really long time. Please don’t let my daddy be gone.
I take a long, slow deep breath and pick up my cell, listening to Chris’ message once again, and then I call him. It rings only once before he answers.
“Carson,” he chokes out, with so much emotion in his voice.
“Hi Chris.” I take a deep breath. He sounds exactly the same. “What is wrong with my dad?” I sob.
“Car, I am so sorry. I will never forgive myself for being the cause of you leaving. I should’ve…” I cut him off.
“Chris, I don’t have time to talk about what we did wrong in our relationship. I called because you said there is something wrong with my dad. Please, tell me what is wrong,” I practically yell.
I hear footsteps on hardwood floor and then a door shutting before he speaks again. “He has cancer, Car. He’s had it for a few years but things are getting really bad, and I know he needs you. You need to come home,” he says quickly but gently.
I feel all the air leave my body. My daddy has cancer.
“Where is he?” I ask.
“He’s in Tulane Medical Center,” he replies.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I take a deep breath because I have to know just how serious this is. Before I can change my mind, I choke out, “Is he dying, Chris?” At first, I don’t think he is going to answer because the line is completely silent. My sobbing must bring him out of whatever thoughts he’s lost in.
“Yes, he is,” he answers softly. “I’m so sorry, Carson.”
My body starts to shake and the tears and sobs are coming so fast I can’t breathe. My daddy is dying.
“Where is my mother?” I grind out.
Chris doesn’t say anything for a minute, and I pull the phone away from my head to see if we got disconnected. Nope.
“Chris, where is she? Why are you avoiding this question?” I ask through clenched teeth.
“They are divorced, Carson. Have been since not long after his initial diagnosis. She’s married to someone else and hasn’t spoken to your dad in a few years,” he spits out.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I roar. That selfish bitch!
“Car, calm down. I’ll explain everything when you get here. Please, you need to come now. I don’t know how much time he has left,” he replies.
“I’m on my way,” I say as I disconnect the call.
I grab my laptop to book my flight. I hear Kyler and Landry come in a little while later, as I’m running around frantically trying to pack.
“Carson?” Kyler calls out.
“I’m up here, y’all. Can you please come here for a minute?” I yell back.
I hear him trotting up the stairs, with Landry giggling right along behind him. I run back into the closet to grab a few pairs of flip-flops, throwing them into my suitcase as they come into the room. Kyler stops when he gets to the doorway and sees me.
“What’s going on? Carson, why are you packing?” he asks, sounding confused and almost scared.
“Chris has been calling me, but it said ‘unknown number’ and I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t know. I finally listened to the voicemail and he said he had to talk to me about my dad, so I called him back and my dad has cancer and my parents are divorced and he’s dying alone…” I trail off as I run into the bathroom to grab the necessities.
I’m rummaging through the drawers in my bathroom when I feel Kyler wrap his arms around my waist. I feel his breath on my ear right before he whispers, “Take a slow, deep breath, baby. If you don’t slow your breathing down, you’re going to pass out.” He pulls me to him and holds me for just a second before turning me around and holding onto my arms.
“Can you try that again a little slower this time,” he says as he looks into my eyes.
“My dad is dying, Kyler, and he’s alone. I have to go home. My flight leaves in an hour,” I reply, trying so hard to keep it together. I’ve got too much shit to get done to break down right now.
Kyler steps back, starts walking back into my room, and says, “I’ll come with you. Call Pops and see if he can keep Landry for a few days.” He keeps walking, not waiting for me to respond.
“No, Kyler. I don’t have time to wait. We have to leave now if I’m going to make it. Plus, I really need to do this on my own,” I say as I rush after him. “I haven’t seen any of them in more than six years. Shit could get ugly, especially if my mother is involved.” Although I know having him there would probably be a great distraction for the shit storm I’m sure will take place when I get back into town, I won’t put him through that. Plus, Landry needs him here.
“Are you sure Carson, ‘cause I will come. I can book a later flight. You shouldn’t have to do this alone,” he replies.
“I’m sure. Can you take me to the airport? I’m almost done packing.” Kyler nods and walks toward the stairs.
It dawns on me that Landry is standing in my room and has no idea what just happened. She looks frightened and when I start to walk toward her, she points to my luggage and signs, “Where are we going?” She looks terrified, and sad.
“I have to go to my hometown, baby girl. My daddy is sick, and I need to go and see him. You and Kyler are going to stay here. I will be back as soon as I can, I promise,” I sign to her.
I can immediately see the relief in her eyes. She was afraid I was taking her away from Kyler.
I grab her face and kiss her forehead. “Landry, Kyler is your daddy and I will never try to take you away from him. We both love you so much,” I sign. She smiles big and nods that she understands.
“I will miss you,” she signs.
“I’ll miss you too, baby girl. I promise to call Kyler when I get there and we’ll set up FaceTime so I can see you every day, okay?”
She nods again, smiles and turns to leave the room. I finish getting all my stuff in my bag before grabbing the handle and lugging it onto the floor.
When I get to the bottom of the stairs, Kyler takes the bag from me and walks out the door without a word. Landry grabs my hand and we follow him out.
Kyler and Landry get in and I slide into the passenger seat, ready to get to my dad. The ride to the airport is quiet, which I’m thankful for. It’s taking every ounce of my energy to hold myself together.
When we pull up to the unloading area, I turn and look at Landry in the backseat. I sign, “I love you, sweet girl, and I will talk to you tomorrow, okay?” I smile at her because I know she reads people mostly by their facial expression. She smiles back and signs, “Love you, too.” I get out of the car and walk to the trunk, where Kyler is pulling my bag out.
“Text or call me when you get there, or I’ll worry,” he says quietly.
I wrap my arms around his waist, pull him to me and hug him for all I’m worth. “I will, but it won’t be until tomorrow. I have a late overnight layover in Houston.”
“I don’t care what time it is. You text me when you get to Houston,” he demands.
“All right, bossy pants,” I agree with a smirk. He pulls away just enough to look at my face. He gently pulls my hair to tilt my head back, and I smile when I realize what’s coming next. He gently kisses my lips, only lingering for a few seconds. His kiss takes my breath away, and when he pulls away I’m already missing his warmth.
“We’ll miss you, babe,” he whispers quietly before pulling away completely.
“I’ll be back before you know it. Y’all don’t have too many parties while I’m away,” I joke as I grab my bag and head toward the terminal. I hear Kyler chuckle and look back just in time to see him wave before he slips into the car.
God, I’m going to miss them while I’m gone.
The flights from SeaTac to New Orleans are long. Due to the last-minute booking, I have a plane change in Denver and then fly into Houston, with an overnight layover there. I consider just renting a car in Houston and driving to New Orleans but when we land, it’s almost midnight and there’s no way I’d stay awake for a five-hour drive. I’ll need some sleep in order to function tomorrow when I get to the hospital. I decide to just grab a hotel room in the airport and get a few hours of sleep before my flight leaves at 7:30 a.m. for New Orleans.
I text Kyler to let him know I made it to Houston and that I’ll text him when I get into New Orleans tomorrow. He responds that everything at home is fine and to keep him posted.
I also text Chris, letting him know I’ll be in tomorrow and thanking him for calling me to tell me about my dad. I leave it at that. I don’t have anything else really to say to him. I appreciate that he let me know about my dad, I really do, but Chris and I haven’t spoken in years and any other kind of conversation would be awkward. I think the tragedy of losing Lu has really made me realize how short life is. I probably should tell Chris I forgive him and get that closure.
Weird that hearing his voice did nothing but cause me to worry about my dad. There was no missing him; there was no regret for leaving. It dawns on me that I’m completely over him, and probably have been for some time. I’ve been holding on to the hurt he caused for far too long. This trip will finally give me the closure I’ve needed after all these years. It’s time for me to let go of their betrayal and move on with my life. Forgiving him will be for my sanity, though, not for their penance.
Chris responds, which surprises me since it’s so late.
C: What time? I’ll pick you up.
Me: Not necessary. I’ll grab a cab. Thanks again.
I decide to go to the restaurant/bar downstairs and grab something to eat and a drink. I need one. Just as I reach the elevator, my phone dings with an incoming text.
C: Come on, Car. I’ll pick you up and take you to the hospital. You don’t even have to talk to me if you don’t want to.
I contemplate his offer. What’s it going to hurt?
Me: Okay. Flight arrives at 8:50 a.m. Thank you. See you tomorrow.
I stick my phone in my purse as I ride down. It dings as I walk into the restaurant.
C: See you tomorrow.
I sit at the bar and pick up the menu the bartender sets in front of me.
“The grill closes in 15 minutes so if you want food, you should order it quick,” he informs me with a kind smile then turns to walk away.
“I’ll just have a cheeseburger, no onions, and fries,” I order before he gets too far away. “And can you have them make it to go. I’ll just take it back to my room.” He nods and heads to the kitchen.
The bartender comes back over a few minutes later and asks if I’d like something to drink while I wait. I order a Corona and a shot of Patrón. He smirks and then turns to get my drink. When he brings it back, I down the shot, ask for another and then throw some salt in my Corona before taking a long, slow pull off it. He pours me another and walks away to put in my food order.
I lift the shot to my mouth and let my mind wander as I throw it back, the alcohol warming my insides. I know tomorrow is going to involve so many different emotions. I’m excited to see my daddy but terrified of what I’m walking into. Chris said he’s had cancer for a while, which means he probably will look horrible and since he’s nearing the end, I don’t know if my heart can take seeing him like that. I need to tell him I forgive him and I love him, though. I will never be able to forgive myself if he dies thinking I don’t love him. I need to hold his hand and tell him how much I love him and have missed him. I’m sick to my stomach at how long I’ve let the past stay between us.
My mother, on the other hand… I am absolutely at a loss on how to deal with her. Maybe I’ll luck out and won’t have to see her at all while I’m there. Chris said they’re divorced and she’s married to someone else, so maybe she won’t know I’m there and I won’t even run into her. Here’s to hoping, I think as I take another long drink of my beer.
I’m not sure how I feel about seeing Chris. I mean, I know in my heart I’m over him. Yes, he broke my heart. Yes, he knocked up my cousin. Yes, they all kept it a secret. However, if that had not happened, I’d be a Stepford wife living in New Orleans, probably ignoring the affairs Chris was having, while being a stay-at-home mom who spent her days drinking too much wine at the country club with other Stepford wives. That’s not me. What Chris and Jenna did to me paved the way for the life I now love in Seattle. Maybe I should thank them. I wouldn’t have met Lulu and Landry; I wouldn’t have pursued my dream of being a chef and owning my own restaurant. I wonder if they’re still together. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.
When the bartender comes back, he’s carrying my dinner. I order another Corona, uncapped, and pay the tab. Heading back to my room with my dinner and beer, I try to think of what tomorrow will bring. I’m nervous and scared, and I’m regretting not letting Kyler come with me. He’d definitely be able to soothe my nerves right now.
As I get to my room, I hear my phone ringing in my purse. I quickly get the card key out and slide it through the slot. Setting my dinner and beer on the counter, I reach for my phone just as it stops ringing. I look to see who it was and see Kyler’s face. I wonder why he is calling me in the middle of the night. I call him back.
“Hey, Ky. Everything okay?” I ask.
“Hi, baby. I just wanted to make sure you grabbed something to eat. You’ve been traveling most of the day, and I know you forget to eat when you’re s
tressed out,” he says with a chuckle. My heart flutters. I love it when he calls me baby.
“Yeah, I actually was just getting back to my room after getting a burger from the grill downstairs. Great minds think alike.” I giggle.
“Okay, well, eat your food, finish that beer and get some sleep,” he replies.
“I’m drinking water.” I laugh. “You don’t know me.”
“Whatever. Shot of Patrón with a Corona chaser. I know your ‘stressed out’ drink, Car.” He laughs. “Text me when you land tomorrow.”
“I will, bossy pants.” I chuckle. It’s silent for a second, and I think he may have hung up when he finally speaks.
“I miss you.” Pause. “I think, when you get home, I would like to take you out again.” Pause. “On a date.” Pause. “Carson?”
“Kyler, does that mean we’ll be officially dating? That will be date number two, and two dates is dating,” I ask with humor. “You are aware that we live together, right?”
“Yes, ma’am, I am fully aware. I think that when you get home we should see where things go,” he replies.
“Dating it is then.” I smile.
“Great. Text me when you get to New Orleans. Do you have your hotel and transportation set up?” he questions.
“Hotel, check. I’m staying at Hotel Monteleone. It’s just a couple of miles from the hospital. Chris is picking me up at the airport and taking me to see my dad,” I say.
“Chris? As in ex-fiancé, heart-breaker, knocked up your cousin Chris?” he asks.
“One and the same. No worries, Ky. There is absolutely nothing he could say that would make me stay in New Orleans. My home is there, with you and Landry,” I state proudly. I know in my heart I mean it, too. Chris is my past, and Kyler and Landry are my future.
“I’m not worried about that. I just know how much he hurt you. Between having to see him and then seeing your dad sick and in the hospital, I’m afraid you’re taking on too much all at once,” he replies gently.
“I’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll call you in the morning once I land. I imagine things will move quickly once I get there. From Chris’ tone earlier, my guess is my dad is barely hanging on. I just hope I make it in time,” I croak out. It’s taking everything in me to hold it together, and the Patrón isn’t helping.
Raising Landry Page 15
