by Lee, India
“Word on the street is that you’re having trouble booking new projects, but that’s not true right?”
“Of course not,” Madison said, forcing a smile. Even if she was going to leave the entertainment industry, she didn’t want to go out in an infamously bad Pop Dinner interview as many before her had. “I just haven’t come across the right project.”
“And it’s not because Gemma Hunter’s fans have it out for you, right? Because you were her high school bully?”
“I wasn’t,” Madison flipped her hair, turning towards the camera to show her nonchalance about the topic. “Gemma Hunter had a really nice life in high school, from what I remember.”
“Because she stole your boyfriend.”
The smile dropped from Madison’s lips. She could see the satisfaction spread on the paparazzo’s face.
“Not that you can be considered a journalist, but where do you get your facts?” Madison laughed, desperate to hide her shock. Her mind ran frantically, wondering who had perhaps overheard her confession.
“From a very close source,” the paparazzo sneered. “So Gemma Hunter stole your boyfriend and cheated on Damian Evans? Then cheated on your ex with Tyler Chase? Did she cheat on Tyler with Liam Brody? Weren’t you close to all three of them? Shouldn’t you know?”
Despite the busy rush hour, a crowd began to gather around Madison and the paparazzo. She felt panicked and unprepared for such an encounter. Pop Dinner’s guerilla interviews were once a weekly occurrence back in L.A. but their persistence had tapered off significantly in the past months. There were no cabs and the subway entrances were too packed for a quick escape. She knew that every moment longer with Pop Dinner meant that they’d catch a reaction worthy of analyzing to death on all the stupid gossip blogs.
She looked at the entrance of the nearest subway once again. It wasn’t the line that she needed to get back to Chrissy and Claire’s, but anything that would put some distance between her and Pop Dinner was now her goal. Madison turned on her heel, pushing her way into the crowd. She looked over her shoulder once to see the paparazzo still filming from a distance, waving at her with a smug grin on his face. It didn’t even matter if any of the rumors were true, Madison’s reaction would be used as proof of her dramatic history with Gemma Hunter.
She was done talking about Gemma and she wanted to be done forever so she could just put it all behind her. Madison wanted a career, a life, her own fame that had nothing to do with Gemma or Tyler or Liam. She had gotten so close to the A-List only to learn that it was all just a mirage. Madison felt tears well up as she let the rush hour commuter crowd lead her underground. She could feel the heat rising to her face and her lips crimp into an expression of hopelessness. But the paparazzo was now far behind her and the tired commuters that surrounded her paid her no attention. For the first time ever, Madison was relieved to be one of many.
~
Stumbling out at Atlantic Terminal, Madison found herself in what appeared to be an underground maze, twisting and turning and filled with the hurried buzz of people as desperate to get home as she was. She was just one transfer away from the safety of her roommates’ home. She wondered if either one of them had said something to the wrong person. They meant well, but had the propensity for that kind of thing.
Following the sign towards the red line, Madison pondered over the thought while batting away the stray tears that had clung to her eyelashes and ignoring the occasional catcalls that the less weary commuters threw her way. When she got to the platform, she was relieved to find it less congested than the one in Midtown but still struggled to find a spot that was a safe distance from the ledge. Madison walked the length of the platform until she was at the end, sighing and leaning against a column for support. Her thoughts had exhausted her.
As she tucked her sunglasses away in her purse, she could feel a set of eyes looking in her direction. Madison kept her glance down, rummaging through her bag for her headphones in hopes of deterring anyone from approaching her. Despite being well aware of how stupid it was, the last thing she wanted was to be recognized while taking the subway.
Popping in the earbuds, she turned away from the stranger’s glance. To her dismay, the gesture wasn’t enough. She felt a tap on her shoulder. Madison shot a quick glare behind her before walking away, hoping the train would come so she could once again disappear into the crowd. Without any music playing, she could hear the footsteps following her.
Madison swallowed, suddenly nervous. She was used to the aggressive male pursuers in the city and the occasional fan, but there was something about the decisiveness in his footsteps that made her worry.
“Madison?” his voice called out. She stopped suddenly, pulling the buds from her ears before turning slowly. She didn’t recognize the person standing in front of her but he appeared just a fan – a young, rugged type that sported a full beard and wore a simple white t-shirt over jeans, the type that definitely went to see Carbine the day that it opened. Madison exhaled, walking towards him with a closed-lipped smile.
“Hi. I’m not really up for a photo today if that’s okay,” she said, trying to sound as friendly as possible. The man smiled, his hazel eyes sparkling with a familiar warmth and friendliness. Madison cocked her head as she looked up at him.
“It’s fine,” he replied. “We have more than enough pictures together.”
Her hand quickly flew to her open mouth. “Lucas?”
“Did you not… recognize me?” Lucas laughed, squinting at her with true confusion. What the fuck, she thought, squeezing her hands over her mouth so the words wouldn’t slip from her lips. He’d always looked and acted mature beyond his age, but now Lucas looked just about the manliest man alive. The material of his shirt stretched over a chest much broader than the one she remembered. His frame appeared to bear an extra inch or two of height and his facial hair was probably the envy of every guy in the world. And in a very characteristically Lucas way, he appeared as if he had put no thought or effort into his look. It was just one that he’d grown naturally into. After all, he’d been surprised by her inability to recognize him.
God. Madison couldn’t help but wonder what the past few years had been like for him. They had apparently groomed him to look more relaxed, wiser. And she had to admit, sexier than ever before. She shook her head, realizing that it was and had been her turn to speak. “No, I definitely didn’t recognize you.”
Lucas cracked a grin. “Alright. For a second I thought you were running away from me because you were still upset with me. But I figured a big shot like you has better things to think about these days.”
“Right,” she exhaled, wishing that that were true. She blushed, embarrassed that he actually played a part in the drama that had plagued her for the past twenty-four hours.
“So what’re you doing in Brooklyn?” Lucas asked, rubbing his beard.
“I’m in town for an audition. My old roommates live here and would kill me if I tried to stay anywhere other than their new place,” Madison replied while studying Lucas’s bearded face. She remembered the days when he was clean-shaven with a youthful mop of dark, wavy hair that would get matted to his forehead in an irresistibly adorable way after basketball practice. She remembered how hard she had first fallen for him and how little she cared that he was a whole year younger, back when a year felt like so much more than it did today.
“You look exactly the same,” Lucas said, his eyes flicking across her face. “Which is a good thing, of course.”
Madison felt a smile touch the corner of her lips. “You look nothing like you used to.” She wanted to reach up and run her hand over his hair. It was cropped short enough that she couldn’t see even a hint of the waves. Slipping her hands behind her back, she clasped her fingers together, restraining them from reaching to curiously touch Lucas in any way. She let out a little laugh. “I think your beard might be longer than your hair.”
“I know,” he said, running his own hand over his head. “How’s it look?”
&nb
sp; Madison gave it another look. “It’s alright,” she shrugged, laughing. “Just don’t expect anyone to recognize you.” She let her hands drop back to her sides as she stepped back. In the distance, she could hear the train rumbling towards the platform. Madison felt her hair whip behind her as the cars barreled out of the tunnel.
“You getting on the 3 train?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Madison yelled over the clacking of the tracks. “You?”
He nodded, smiling. “Guess we’ll have some more time to catch up.”
~
It turned out that Lucas lived a mere five blocks from Chrissy and Claire, a move he made about a year ago after he returned to the states. He’d apparently toyed with the idea of living in the southwest where his parents and sister had since made a home but couldn’t handle the dry Arizona heat.
“I thought I’d prefer that over humidity,” Lucas said, taking a bite of his curried shrimp. “But after two years living in Southeast Asia, dry heat feels like your skin’s going to crack if you move the wrong way or something.”
“Sounds lovely,” Madison laughed. She poked at her vegetable dish, largely untouched since the food arrived at their table. Lucas had chosen a Caribbean restaurant midway between both their destinations. Madison felt strangely nervous. It had been close to four years since she’d last seen Lucas. She watched his now bearded face sprout stories of his international travels while eating spicy seafood when he once ate nothing but pizza. The quiet, reserved boy she once dated and loved was very much a different person now – a man with a lot to say, apparently. His adventures made Madison’s pale in comparison.
“Alright.” Lucas balled a napkin up and tossed it effortlessly into a nearby trashcan. He smiled. “You’ve been quiet for long enough. Tell me about your life. What have you been doing? Other than being a Hollywood starlet.”
Madison shrugged. “Just auditioning.”
“How are you liking Los Angeles?”
“I love it,” she smiled. “I know everyone says this, but the weather is enough to make you stay.”
Lucas grinned. “And you’ve always looked like a California girl.”
To her surprise, Madison felt her cheeks flush. “Yeah,” she said in response, annoyed with her strange inability to make good conversation. It was unlike her. Luckily, Lucas helped her out.
“You made a pretty convincing Southern belle in Carbine too, though,” he said, making her smile. “It was weird. I hardly felt like I was watching you.”
“That’s because you were watching Dakota,” Madison said quietly, with a crooked little smile.
Lucas’s hazel eyes gleamed as he nodded. “True. You deserve some sort of award for that role.”
Madison blinked, her smile quickly falling. “No,” she pursed her lips. “It was just Tyler with the nominations and another one for best original screenplay. We didn’t win anything though, but we were happy to get any nominations at all.”
“Well I thought you were great,” Lucas said. He shot her a quick, genuine smile. “It was actually the first movie I saw when I got back to the states. Elisa’s still got a big crush on Tyler Chase.”
“Yeah, Tyler,” Madison laughed nervously, shaking her head. The topic of Gemma had yet to come up, but she knew they were coming closer. Her heart actually pounded with annoyed anticipation of it. The brief silence only confirmed her suspicion.
“Was it weird?” Lucas finally asked.
“What?” Madison asked, knowing well where he was heading.
“I’m assuming you saw Gemma on set.”
Madison peered up from her fingers at Lucas. She’d been hoping to catch some sort of glimmer in his eye upon saying Gemma’s name, some sort of aching look that she could match to Tyler’s expressions when he’d spoken of Gemma. But there was none. All Madison saw was the same genuine interest Lucas had had in every question he’d asked her thus far. She wasn’t sure how to interpret that, but then again, she wasn’t sure why she was trying to interpret anything. Clearing her throat, Madison straightened her posture.
“I did see her.”
Lucas nodded. “And you two are cool now?”
Madison stared at him. “Cool?” she scoffed despite her best efforts to keep her emotions under wraps. “Ask her fans and that smear campaign they launched against me.” Her jaw tightening, Madison watched as Lucas eyed her, studying her piqued expression and daring to continue despite it. She could hardly believe him.
“Yeah, Elisa mentioned that but I figured the tabloids were just – ”
“You know what,” Madison interrupted him, dropping her fork suddenly and holding up her hands. “It was weird. Seeing Gemma was weird. And this is weird. That we’re talking about it and pretending like it wasn’t weird.”
Lucas raised his eyebrows, simply sitting back and observing Madison’s sudden reaction. He knew this side of her – her often-explosive temperament. She had never felt embarrassed to let it all out in front of him, to let his calm and easy demeanor counter her. They had always been comfortable together like that – at least until now, apparently, because upon hearing the snappy words leave her mouth, Madison felt her face flush. Sitting before the new Lucas made her anger feel suddenly more like a child’s tantrum. She stared at the table for a moment, dumbfounded.
“Madison.”
Eyes fluttering, Madison looked down to see Lucas’s hands taking hers by the wrists. They were as warm as she had remembered but his skin felt just a little more calloused. He rested her open palms on the table.
“It’s been a really long time,” Lucas said. “Since everything. So much has gone on since high school that there are days when it feels like none of that drama ever happened at all. I haven’t really seen anyone from Beauford since coming back. My family’s all out in Phoenix and I don’t know a lot of people in the city. When I saw you before, I was so excited to see a familiar face that I… I don’t know. I guess I just forgot about all the bad that happened between us. I was just happy to see you, Madison.”
Blinking, Madison sat stunned, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. She nodded her head just once before she felt her face crumple and her cheeks grow hot. She looked down at her hands, which pressed hard against the tabletop around her untouched entrée.
“I’m sorry,” she cried, softly. “I’m really sorry. I’m so embarrassed.” She took out her wallet and pulled out enough cash to cover both their meals. Tossing the bills onto the table, Madison rushed to her feet, taking long and rapid strides out the door.
It was dark now and the air was crisper and cooler than it was when she had first gotten out of the station. She could still smell the spices in her hair and she could still feel that long, pregnant pause between her words and his. Madison couldn’t believe herself, couldn’t understand how quickly she was unraveling. New York was too close to home, too close to those moments that had spawned the days of questioning herself. If only she still had that unwavering confidence that she once had at seventeen. Perhaps that was the difference between getting everything versus getting nothing. Four years may have passed but just being back there, sitting with Lucas of all people, she felt like she hadn’t progressed, hadn’t gone very far at all.
“Madison!” She turned, seeing Lucas jogging up behind her. Madison waited for him, deciding it was too juvenile and dramatic a move to keep running. She sighed, resigning to be the absolute mess that she could feel herself becoming. Lucas reached forward, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
“I just want to say,” Madison sighed, “that I was actually happy to see you too.” She nodded, cementing the thought. “But you couldn’t have caught me at a worst time.” She exhaled, shaking her head at herself. “I’m going through a weird… transitional period, or whatever. I’m dealing with these thoughts and things I’ve never had to deal with before. Basically, I don’t know how to handle it all.” Madison pressed her lips together, throwing her hands in the air. “I’m pathetic.”
Lucas gave a simple shrug. “Let’s
talk.”
“There’s a lot to talk about,” she laughed, bitterly. “Got the time?”
He stood unfazed by her sarcasm. “I do. So, let’s talk.”
“Here?” Madison surveyed her surroundings incredulously. “In the middle of the sidewalk?”
“Well,” Lucas gave somewhat of a smirk. He took the crumpled up cash that Madison had left on the dinner table and put it back in her hand. “I already paid the bill and we looked like we were running from their food, so it might be kind of awkward to go back in there.”
“I’d invite you over, but I don’t want to explain to my roommates… I’ve already been ignoring their calls.”
“So yeah, let’s start here,” Lucas said. “In the middle of the sidewalk. I don’t really see paparazzi in this part of Brooklyn, so you’re safe until we start seeing the flashes.”
“Yeah, I’m not too worried about that,” Madison snorted.
“Talk to me.”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Start anywhere. The first thing that comes to mind.”
“The first thing that comes to mind?” Madison repeated with a bitter laugh, feeling her feet begin to walk away from Lucas. “The first thing that comes to mind would be that last thing that separated us. Can you handle that?” she asked skeptically. Lucas followed, casual as he slid his hands into his pockets.
“It’s been water under the bridge. I’m fine to talk about it.”
“Stop saying that!” Madison spun around and pushed a hand against Lucas’s chest, surprised by her own fury. But she continued despite it, feeling her emotions bubbling up beyond her control. “Every time you say that it’s something you don’t think about anymore, something that you barely remember, you’re discounting just how much that incident mattered to me.”
“Why does it still matter to you?” Lucas demanded, his hard expression one that Madison wasn’t used to seeing on his face. “Why, when you have a life that most people would kill for, does some stupid little incident that should mean nothing in the grand scheme of things mean so much to you?”
