Holly swallowed heavily and looked up into Brax’s angry eyes.
“I wanted to help you.”
“Help me?”
“I didn’t want you to face Mason on your own. I was worried about you.”
“And you thought having you there would actually help me? If I’d known you were there, I’d have been so worried about you I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate. Keeping you safe would have driven my every movement and thought. What if he’d seen you? What if Eddy had seen you? What would you have done then?”
So Eddy had been the other brother.
“But no one saw me. I was careful.”
Brax paced around the room, his movements without his usual grace. He turned to her. A twitch had developed beside his eye.
“How did you get there? You weren’t following me.”
“No,” she replied, even though it hadn’t been a question. “I looked up Mason’s address a few days ago and used my GPS.”
His gaze narrowed and she squirmed, feeling like a naughty teenager caught out after curfew.
“Did you follow me there the other night?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He cursed under his breath. “Don’t you realize how dangerous that was? You could have been seriously hurt. You had no business being there, Holly. None at all.”
“I was trying to protect you. If I hadn’t been there tonight then Eddy would have caught you by surprise.”
Brax just shook his head. “It wasn’t worth risking your safety.”
It was to her.
He stared at her for a long moment. “Holly, I want your promise that you will stay far away from Mason Philips and his brothers.”
She bit her lip.
“Holly,” he growled.
“Okay. I promise.”
“And I expect you to keep that promise, or…”
“Or what?” she asked, curious.
“Nothing.” He turned away, running his hand through his hair. “I’m going to bed. You need to do the same.”
“Brax, wait.” She grasped hold of his arm. She couldn’t let him leave like this. “Don’t leave like this.”
“I told you to keep out of it.” His whole body was stiff, angry.
“I know.”
“You disobeyed me.”
Well, she didn’t quite see it that way. But, okay.
“I thought I was doing the right thing.”
He turned, eyes stormy and dark. “The right thing was to keep yourself safe. You keep doing these sorts of things and one day you’re going to end up hurt, Holly. You need to start thinking first. Just be thankful you’re not mine to discipline.”
That phrase hit her like a ton of bricks, stirring her insides as her clit throbbed.
“Why? What would you do if I was?”
He just shook his head.
“Brax? Tell me.”
“I’d spank you. I’d turn you over my knee, pull those pants and panties off you then I’d spank your naked butt until you begged me to let you go.”
She took a deep breath. “Maybe you should do that then.”
“What?” He stared down at her in shock.
“Spank me. You should spank me.” Dear Lord, what was she saying?
And yet, she wanted to know what it was like. Plus, this was Brax. The man she was incredibly attracted to. This was who he was.
Her nerves made her feel slightly ill, her hands and feet tingling in shock.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he dismissed. “Just because you’ve read a few romance books doesn’t mean you want this.”
“But it’s part of who you are.”
He opened his mouth then shook his head. “I’m not having this conversation with you—it’s ridiculous. BDSM is the latest ‘in thing.’ I see it at the club. There’s been a surge of interest that will die as soon as something else comes along. I’m not interested in someone who is just going along with a craze. I want a woman who is serious about placing herself under my control.”
“You-you’d want total control?” she asked. She wasn’t sure she could give that.
“No. I’m not after a master-slave relationship. But I want a woman who has the same ideals and beliefs I do. I can’t play it vanilla and I can’t turn my needs off at the bedroom door. If you were mine you would be all mine. I’d spank that ass whenever I thought you needed it. Believe me, I’m not what you want. I’m not rich. I’m not a city boy.”
“I don’t need those things,” she insisted. But he didn’t seem to be listening.
“When I think of everything that Mason could have done to you…” He shuddered.
“So punish me. I care about you, Brax. A lot. I feel awful about the way I scared you tonight. You’re right—it was a foolish thing to do.”
Brax continued to shake his head until she reached for the top of her pants with trembling hands and pushed them down. She’d taken off her brace earlier. She took in a sharp breath as his gaze was caught on her scars. She was completely exposed and she could only pray he didn’t turn away in horror.
But she had faith that he wouldn’t. Brax wasn’t a shallow man.
“Ahh, baby.” He kneeled in front of her and, in a surprising move, leaned forward and kissed the largest scar.
She let out a laugh. “Trying to make it all better?”
“I wish I could, honey. I wish I could.”
She could feel the emotion in his voice; she knew he meant every word. Holly placed her hand on his head hesitantly then moved it through his silken hair when he made no protest.
“It’s okay. I live with it.”
“You live in pain.”
“But I’m alive.” That’s what she told herself during her recovery, when it had all seemed just a bit too much. She was alive and she wanted to live.
He hugged her tight, his face against her stomach.
“I’m all right, Brax.”
“I know.” He stood and held out his hand, his gaze firm. “You really sure about this?”
She took a deep breath. “Yes.”
Brax sat on the bed and drew her closer. He helped her steady herself as she lay on his lap.
He ran his hand over her bottom. Oh Lord, what had she been thinking? He now had a prime view of her dimply thighs, her most hated body part. She tensed.
“What’s wrong?”
Besides lying over the lap of a gorgeous guy, my white, wide thighs on view about to get my butt tanned? Why nothing.
“Just a bit nervous.”
“Understandable. If you need to stop me, yell out Red. But be very sure you mean it. I will always respect a safe word. You will need to keep quiet, no need to wake up the people next door.”
Just how much noise did he expect she would make?
“Say ‘Yes, Sir’, so I know you understand.”
“Y-yes, Sir.”
He slipped her panties down over her bottom, running his hand over the skin before smacking his hand down heavily on her butt.
Shit! That hurt.
She nearly jolted off his lap as his hand landed again. Though it damn near killed her, she tried her hardest to lie still as his hand spread fire over her bottom.
Tears dripped down her cheeks as he moved down to the sensitive skin of her bottom. “Please,” she cried, unable to help herself.
“Please, what? Please stop? You put yourself in my hands, you asked for this.”
Would he believe her if she pleaded temporary insanity? “Forgive me!”
His hand stilled. “Baby, I already have. Please start taking care of yourself. I would hate it if anything happened to you.” As he spoke, he didn’t once hesitate, his hand continuing to make contact with the burning skin on her butt and thighs. “You are so precious. So sweet. You deserve to be cherished and protected. You need to allow others to take care of you.”
Finally, he stilled as she sobbed quietly into the bedspread. He ran his hand over her back as she tried to get herself under control. Then
his hand moved lower and she held her breath as he cupped her mound. Instant warmth infused her and pain morphed into pleasure.
“You’re so wet,” he whispered. Using two fingers, he parted her lower lips then slipped one long digit deep inside her. Holly clenched around it with a groan, wanting more.
“You’re so warm, so soft,” he told her huskily, pulling his finger in and out in long, slow movements that drove her crazy. She thrust up, trying to get him to move faster when he smacked her butt. Hard.
She cried out, shocks of pleasure-pain surging through her.
“You liked that.”
Brax drew his finger free.
“No, please,” she begged.
“Shh,” he told her. Then his finger swirled around her swollen clit and she grabbed the bedding beneath her, searching for an anchor as he drove her wild.
His free hand rubbed her throbbing bottom, sealing in the heat.
“Come for me, Holly. I want to hear you cry out in satisfaction. Come for me.”
Holly was being driven out of her mind, she’d never felt anything like this. She was so close, so close…
Smack! His hand landed on her bottom, setting her off. She arched back, crying out as her whole body shuddered with pleasure. Brax withdrew his hand, rubbing her back soothingly until she settled with a satisfied sigh.
He shifted her off his lap, setting her on the bed. Immediately, she felt the loss of having him close, but held herself back from reaching for him.
“I’ll get you a glass of water,” he said suddenly, striding quickly into the bathroom.
Brax braced himself against the sink, peering at himself in the mirror. What the fuck was he thinking? He hadn’t been, apparently. This entire night had been one big fuck-up after another—confronting Mason, coming here tonight, spanking Holly. Pleasuring her.
He’d been a fool to think he could keep this platonic, that they were just two friends having a few dates. Neither of them were casual sort of people.
Brax didn’t just go around spanking women. Well, not outside the club. And when he was at the club, he knew those subs and they all knew the rules. There was usually negotiation, discussion, and never any expectation that things would go beyond the club.
With Holly. God. He’d really fucked things up. He cared about her deeply. He wouldn’t be so upset with her if he didn’t. He had come here to give her a good scolding, not to spank her. Not to give her pleasure.
Not to fall more deeply for her.
He ran his hand over his face. He looked like shit and he felt even worse. What he’d just done wasn’t something he took lightly. He had barely even kissed Holly. Damn, she was hot. She’d come so beautifully.
He adjusted himself, his cock pressing painfully against his jeans. It would be so easy to go back in there and take her, make love to her.
But he shouldn’t pull them further into something that could go nowhere. It wouldn’t be fair for either of them.
He steeled himself. He hated this, hated that he was about to go back in there and cause her pain. More pain. He should feel guilty about spanking her, and yet if it meant she thought twice the next time she went to do something that dumb and dangerous… Except who would be there to follow through if she did?
His discipline meant nothing if they didn’t have a committed relationship. Holly was impulsive, especially when it came to looking out for others. She needed someone to look out for her, to put her first.
“Brax?” she called out, a note of vulnerability in her voice.
“Why don’t you get into your pajamas, sweetheart,” he called back.
“Okay.”
End things now, before you both get too deep.
Turning, he walked back into the bedroom, worried that it might just be too late.
Holly lay on her side, her bottom throbbing. Strangely enough, although it had hurt far more than she’d thought, she was more aroused than she’d ever been.
Did that make her a masochist? Did she get turned on by pain? She bit her lip, feeling confused. She should ask Brax. Yet she was hesitant—slightly embarrassed. She’d felt so vulnerable over his knee, bared from the waist down. She wished Brax would hurry back and reassure her, hold her. She didn’t like feeling this way—in doubt, worried.
Brax walked in and she smiled up at him, her grin fading as he stared down at her seriously. He sat on the bed beside her and she scooted back a little to give him room.
“How you feeling?” he asked her, reaching out a hand to touch her before snatching it back at the last minute.
Holly frowned. She had a bad feeling about this.
“Sore.” She grimaced, reaching back with one hand to rub her bottom.
He grinned slightly. “That was the idea.”
“Brax?”
“Yeah?”
“Just spit it out.”
He stared down at her, his gray eyes sad but firm. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
She raised her brows. “You’re sorry you spanked me?”
“Yes. I had no right to do that. We’re not in a relationship. You’re not my submissive or my girlfriend.”
Each word stabbed her in the stomach. No, she wasn’t. She wasn’t anything.
She moved further back. He narrowed his gaze but didn’t say anything.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I shouldn’t have come here tonight, I definitely shouldn’t have spanked you and I’m sorry for overstepping the bounds of our friendship.”
“And that’s all we are—friends.”
Holly just couldn’t let him leave without dragging every painful word out, without making completely certain that she understood. Seemed she really was a bit of a masochist.
“I hope we’re still friends,” Brax said. “I understand if you’re angry with me, but I hope we can keep the friendship we’ve been growing. As attracted as I am to you, Holly, we still can’t be anything more. Nothing has changed.”
He reached out to brush a lock of hair off her forehead. Holly flinched back, away from him.
His gaze darkened with pain as he dropped his hand. “I’m sorry about tonight, sweetheart. I took things further than I should have. It’s best we just stop this now, before either of us gets in too deep. You’re so beautiful and sweet and you deserve so much more than me.”
He turned away and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
Holly stared after him, completely shocked. What the hell had just happened? He’d decided to stop things before they both got in too deep?
Well, too fucking late. She’d fallen for him, even knowing he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Her heart had gotten involved.
She’d have been willing to compromise on a number of things to be with him, to see where this thing between them was going. Didn’t they at least owe it to themselves to see what it could be before getting worried about things like where they lived?
“Asshole,” she muttered, tears running down her face. She really thought that they could have had something—and he wasn’t even willing to try.
Chapter Six
Growling with frustration, Brax pushed away the blue print he’d been trying to study for the past hour. He couldn’t concentrate. Every ten minutes, he was up, checking for Holly, hoping to see her car. He moved out of the trailer he used as an office, pulling his hat on.
Yesterday, in a bid to distract himself from thinking about Holly, he’d headed out to Heath’s place. He kept his horse there, having nowhere to stable him on his property. Once he had more cash coming in he’d be able to put up proper fencing and shelter.
But until the business was more established he wouldn’t draw a bigger wage. So it would take a few years for him to make improvements on his place. Holly would be shocked if she saw the tiny house he lived in. She was used to nicer things and he just couldn’t provide them.
Where the hell was she?
It was nearly lunchtime and he hadn’t seen or heard from her. If she was all
right, then she should have at least had the professional courtesy to call him and tell him that she wouldn’t be in today.
He took off his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. Looking up, he noticed Joshua walking towards him.
“Have you heard from Holly?” he growled at the younger man. He knew he was acting like a bear with a sore paw but couldn’t help it. His crew was definitely giving him a wide berth today.
Joshua sent him a wary look. “Ahh, yeah, she’s working from the hotel today.”
Brax frowned. “Well, she could have let me know.”
“She said she text you.”
Brax grabbed his phone, opening it. “Damn, crappy reception,” he muttered.
Joshua nodded. “Thank God we have the landline. Otherwise I’d never get anything done. Some days I get great reception, others it’s completely hopeless.”
Brax just nodded, wandering away. Finally, his phone showed two bars and a series of beeps came through. He scrolled through them, looking for Holly’s name.
Working from hotel today. Won’t be in.
His frown deepened. He hated text messaging, so much could be misconstrued and it felt so impersonal. Yet, Holly had the ability to infuse warmth in her texts; he could usually hear her friendly voice in them.
Not this time.
Well, he’d wanted space.
So why was this horrible, churning feeling in his gut telling him he was doing the wrong thing?
*****
Holly walked around the main street of Lilyvale, peering in windows. She was trying to distract herself. She had spent most of the morning moping and then all afternoon trying to catch up on her work. None of it worked, she was still feeling sorry for herself. Finally, knowing that she needed to stretch her leg, she’d grabbed her purse and taken off for a walk.
It was early evening and most of the shops were closing down.
“Good evening, Mr Duggan,” she called out in a friendly tone.
His Old-Fashioned Love (Old-Fashioned Series) Page 8
