by Steve LeBel
“I’m fine, thanks, Isaiah. I got a builder job with The Business. They’ve been keeping me really busy.”
“That’s great, Bernie! Congratulations. So when do you think we’ll have some books with your name on them in the awards section?” Isaiah asked with only a hint of teasing.
“Well, it might be a while. I found out it isn’t as easy as it looks.”
“You’ll get there, Bernie. You’ve got Simeon blood in you. It’s just a matter of time.”
A Garden Universe?
Two more days passed and Billy still hadn’t shown up to work.
It was a productive time for Bernie. He worked hard on his animal designs. He’d set a goal to create a companion animal for his pod people, but the complexities of creating companion creatures with the same morphing ability as his pod people was proving exceedingly difficult.
By the end of the day, the best he had come up with was two overlapping companions. The first companion would be a tadpole-like creature living with the fish-kids in the water. Eventually it would grow legs and become like a slow dog and live on land. When it died, halfway through the land period, the pod people would get their second companion. It would be a Rite of Passage for them. The second companion would resemble a flightless chicken. When the pod people were ready to leave the land, the chickens would develop strong eagle-like wings, just in time to follow their companions into the mountains to begin their new lives in the sky.
That kept things tidy. No left over companions.
* * *
“Bernie, I think you’re working way too hard at this,” Lenny said, more than a little exasperated. “Interesting life will develop all by itself if you just give it a chance.”
“But I’m trying to create a very specific type of higher life.”
“I know, but if you can’t figure out what you want or how to do it, in the end, you’re going to end up with nothing. Then you’re really screwed.”
“What would you do?”
“I’d probably just do a Big Bang. That works pretty well.”
“What’s a Big Bang?” Suzie asked.
“Basically, you create a huge mass in the center of your void, apply pressure and heat, and let it explode. Then you advance time about fifteen billion years and see what you’ve got. If you do it with a big enough mass, there’s sure to be interesting stuff that comes out of it,” Lenny said.
“I don’t think that will convince anyone of my builder skills. Even if I get something interesting, everyone will know it was just random chance.”
“Then try a garden universe,” Lenny suggested. “I read a study that one of every four worlds that achieve gaia will develop advanced life forms.”
“I remember gaias,” Suzie said. “You said they happen when the life on your planet reaches a critical mass, and a gaia comes alive and starts looking after the planet, right? But what’s a garden universe?”
Lenny liked it when he got to explain things. “That’s where you plant every kind of seed you can think of in your universe. Then you sit back and see what happens.”
“What kind of seeds?” Suzie asked.
“For example, you pick five types of suns. Then you pick five types of planets. Then you pick five types of orbits. You keep adding more variables, like atmospheric composition, the number of moons, and so on. Once you have your variables, then you create one system for each possible combination.”
“But that could mean thousands of worlds,” Suzie said, as she considered the permutations.
“Yep. You have to plant a lot of seeds in a big field if you want a good crop. The purists would frown on it, Bernie, but you could even seed your worlds with a good dose of primordial soup. That would kick-start the slower ones. Then all you have to do is jump ahead three or four billion years and see what hatched. Make sure you have a good star chart so you can keep track of which systems didn’t take. Then, when you go back, you try something different on your duds,” Lenny said.
“How many of these worlds will generate higher life forms?” Bernie asked.
“It all depends on your variables. Some are more likely than others. If you throw in some soup, my guess is you could get thirty to forty percent. Out of that group, you should get something you like.”
“Hmm… So with 1,000 systems, I might get 300 to 400 worlds with higher life forms. That sounds pretty good. What do you do next?” Bernie asked, warming to the idea. His shimmer confirmed his excitement by adding two new colors to its display.
“I’d pick the 5-10 most interesting, blink out the rest, and then—”
“What?” Bernie interrupted. “Why would you destroy the rest of them?”
“Well, you don’t want one of these other systems contaminating your chosen systems. What if somebody develops space travel and starts messing with your good systems? Or what if some of them start evolving into spiritual beings? A lot of those spiritual types end up as missionaries, trying to turn everyone in their neighborhood into spiritual beings too. It’s hard enough to make life forms take the path you want without a bunch of meddlers trying to send your people someplace else. It’s better to eliminate the competition.”
“I don’t think I can do that,” Bernie said as his shimmer lost the two recently added colors and a third one as well.
Candi Comes Calling
Bernie was the first to see her as she approached their table in the cafeteria. Her long light-brown hair, mixed with her golden shimmer, made her look like a slow motion comet heading straight toward him. Her shapely legs, the slow sway of her hips and arms as she moved were more hypnotic than any cobra that ever existed. Whatever thoughts Bernie might have had turned to perspiration and were lost for all time.
Still, she had not yet revealed her super power. That came when she looked into Bernie’s eyes. Her gaze stabbed deep, and he found himself in a dream sequence, aware of oncoming danger, but powerless to move out of its path. Having pinned her victim, she readied her final strike—the lethal smile. It began with her lips, but soon joined forces with her eyes until the look and the smile fused into a laser beam so powerful it vaporized any male thought within a fifty-foot radius. It also worked on clouds.
And so it was to a blank-eyed, slack-jawed, empty-headed Bernie that she said, “Hi, Bernie. My name is Candi. May I join you?”
It appeared Bernie was at least three to four minutes away from coherent words, let alone complete sentences, so it was probably a good thing Lenny spoke first. “Don’t trust her, Bernie! She’s one of Billy’s henchmen!”
The stunning goddess slowly turned in Lenny’s direction, taking her super-weapon with her. Those same eyes stabbed out, capturing Lenny as easily as she had captured Bernie moments earlier. And, totally unnecessarily, she threw in the smile for good measure. She bent close to him and twirled her finger in what Lenny’s friends generously call his beard. “Now, Lenny,” she said, batting her long eyelashes. “Do I look like a hench-man to you?”
Lenny’s eyes darted back and forth, searching desperately for some means of escape, but the only thing that escaped was an unintelligible gurgle. Later, Lenny would refer to this as a lost-time episode.
“Y-y-yes,” Bernie said as he fought to regain control.
Candi turned back to Bernie with some confusion on her face. “You do? That wasn’t the effect I was going for at all.”
Candi noticed Bernie’s hand extended in the direction of an empty seat at the table. “Oh!” Bernie had responded to her request to join them. “Thank you,” she said as she put her tray down.
Suzie, who hadn’t uttered a word, was saying plenty with her shimmer. And it was definitely not in the PG range. With eyes narrowed, jaws tightened and shimmer flickering, she hissed, “Why are you here?”
“That’s pretty direct.” Candi looked hurt.
“You must admit, Bernie hasn’t been welcomed with open arms in your division,” Suzie spat.
“I know, and I feel badly about it. And I’m not the only one who feels th
at way.”
“Why would you care?” Suzie asked, still suspicious.
“We know what’s been happening to Bernie.” Candi’s voice softened to a near whisper. “Billy told us what he’s been doing. He’s not going to stop until Bernie gets fired. There’s nothing we can do about it, but we had to tell you we don’t like what’s happening,” she said turning her gaze back to Bernie, this time careful to hold down the intensity.
“But why? Why’s he doing this?” Bernie sputtered. At a table somewhere behind Bernie, someone cried out as their glass of orange juice turned itself upside down.
“I don’t think he’ll ever forgive you for the scar you gave him. I’ve never seen him so determined to get someone fired before,” Candi said.
Bernie felt again the guilt that came whenever he was reminded of the fight. Although he rationalized the incident as best he could, there was nothing that could justify the price Billy had paid for his near-death experience and the scar that would always remind him of it. No matter how many years passed, Bernie would regret that day.
Candi broke Bernie’s reverie when she whispered, “Did you have anything to do with Billy being sick?”
“He’s been sick? I thought he was just taking time off.”
Lenny perked up and said, “You don’t suppose he’s sick because… Ow!” Lenny rubbed his leg where Suzie had kicked it. “Why do you keep doing that?” he grumbled at Suzie, who made it obvious she had no intention of answering the question.
“If there’s anything I can do to help, I will,” Candi said to Bernie.
“You and your friends could report what Billy’s doing,” Suzie said.
Candi shook her head. “That would make things worse. Billy would get a reprimand for foolish pranks, but the rest of us would be systematically harassed and fired. Shemal likes Billy, and anyone who makes trouble for his nephew will end up dealing with Shemal. If I learn something that can help, I’ll try to get a message to you. I can’t promise more than that.”
“Thank you,” Bernie said.
Suzie was still withholding judgment. Lenny, on the other hand, was busy formulating a question. Finally, he said, “How did you know our names?”
“We all know Bernie’s name. Suzie’s name wasn’t hard to find because we know she works in Personnel. Your name, Lenny, took some detective work. But one day, I just got determined, and I asked around until I found out.”
“What day was that, exactly?” Lenny inquired.
Candi gave Lenny a quizzical look and said, “It was last Thursday.”
“Do you remember what time, exactly?”
“Lenny,” said Bernie and Suzie at the same time.
“This is important,” Lenny pleaded.
“Well I guess it was when I saw you at lunch that day. Yes, that was when I decided to find out your name,” Candi said.
“Excellent,” said Lenny, as he began paging through his notebook looking for last Thursday. “It must have been the star-crossed tawalla seeds,” he announced with a happy smile.
“They always worked pretty well for me,” Candi said slowly as she looked again at Lenny, as if for the first time.
Lenny and Candi stared at each other for so long, it became uncomfortable for Bernie and Suzie. Finally, Lenny said, “We should talk.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Candi said as she picked up her tray.
Lenny picked up his tray and followed her to an empty table.
“It looks like Lenny’s charms are finally working,” Bernie said with a smile.
“Or else hers are,” Suzie observed with considerably less optimism.
Burn, Baby, Burn!
The first thing Billy noticed after his return was Bernie had begun staying behind as the others left for the day. He pretended to be working, but he was just making sure Billy left before he did. That didn’t mean Billy couldn’t come back later, of course, and that is what he did.
When he got his first look at Bernie’s world, he couldn’t help but smile at the big trench that circled the globe just above the coast of the main continent. Bernie must have done that to stop the tsunami. It must have worked; he couldn’t see any evidence the water had reached the continent. Surprisingly, Billy wasn’t disappointed. He liked seeing the gashes and gouges on Bernie’s planet. It showed Bernie was sloppy and careless, which were two things Uncle Shemal would never tolerate.
Billy would never admit it, but he was nervous. Spending the last week in bed had made it clear the stakes in this game were higher than anything he and Bernie had played for back in school. He was convinced Bernie had done something to prevent him from using his time lever in this universe. Who knew what other tricks Bernie may have set up? He would have to be careful.
Very careful.
* * *
It had taken time for his plan to mature. For several days now, Billy had returned to the office late at night. Each time, he removed all the moisture in the atmosphere above Bernie’s world. That was why it hadn’t rained for days. That was also why the forests were so very, very dry.
Tonight, the young god was ready for something different. Tonight, he was ready to make the cloud. He could have made it easily by creating a volcano, but he wanted no trace of his handiwork. He began by warming the air above the surface of the planet. At the same time, he created a thick layer of moisture high above. As the hot air rose, it mingled with the moist air above. It swirled and thrashed as the competing forces fought with each other.
Billy made adjustments as he strengthened his creation. Soaring thousands of feet above the ground, it was the largest pyrocumulonimbus cloud ever formed on the planet. Billy tweaked the cloud to keep it from touching the ground, and once more to keep it from releasing the moisture from which it drew its energy. He wanted none of its strength to be lost through rainfall.
As the cloud’s power grew, lightning and thunder lashed out in all directions. Billy forced all that destructive energy back inside. The cloud turned inward, feeding on itself until its fury nearly matched the anger of the god who had created it. Then it was ready. And Billy released it onto the world.
Lightning tore from the angry cloud downward, seeking the tallest of trees in the forest below. When it struck, it did not leave a smoldering branch. It left a tree engulfed in flames. And those flames reached out hungrily for nearby trees.
This was exactly what Billy wanted. So he made more. When he finished, seventeen fire clouds raged above the long continent. Before Billy withdrew, each cloud had proven its ability to bring fire to the world.
And they were just getting started.
Candi and Lenny
Candi looked forward to lunch. She was eager to show Lenny her new talisman. They’d been sharing their greatest discoveries with each other for days now. She never dreamed of talking about her finds with anyone else. First of all, gods don’t talk about lucky charms, and even if they did, no one would ever admit to believing in them. Second, she put much effort into finding charms that worked. Why would she ever tell someone else? Let them figure it out for themselves. But Lenny was different.
That’s funny, she thought. Calling Lenny ‘different’ is the biggest understatement of the year. Lenny is the most fascinating god I’ve ever met. One thing for sure, though, is a charm-based relationship is an interesting dilemma. We’ll have to talk about it someday.
As she set her lunch tray down, she carefully positioned herself so Lenny would view her from a westerly angle. She also gave her bracelet a quick glance to make sure her bonny charm was properly displayed. She smiled. She was ready.
Lenny sat down moments later. He was smiling too.
“Wow! That one packs a punch. I want to jump over the table and ravish you. Is it the barrette?”
“No. It’s the bonny charm here on my bracelet.” She pointed out the cause of his intensified infatuation.
“Is there anything you can do to control the intensity? We could get written up for unprofessional behavior in a public area,” he
said with a rakish gleam in his eye.
“Oh, I suppose I can tone it down for you, Lenny. I wouldn’t want you to forget to eat,” she teased.
Lenny looked different today. He had gone from ectomorph to mesomorph overnight. His normally thin body showed strong, well-defined muscles. Even his shirt seemed stretched tight over his chest.
“That’s very impressive. It looks like you’re about to burst through your shirt.”
“I’m glad you like it,” said Lenny. “It’s a pocket charm. Works from every direction too. It works on 60 percent of females,” he said as he took out a small green walnut with a yellow feather hanging from it.
“I’m hearing a strange sound again. Is that coming from you?” Candi asked.
“Oh, that’s Sissy. I don’t know what’s wrong with her lately. When she gets upset she makes a clucking sound. It usually means she’s warning me about something, but lately, she’s been doing it all the time. None of my other prognostication charms are sensing any danger, so I’ve been ignoring her. She usually stops after a few days.”
Candi bent forward and looked closely at the small fur lump with the golden chain on Lenny’s shoulder.
“Hello, Sissy. How are you? Are you taking good care of Lenny?” Sissy’s clucking continued. Candi moved her finger closer to Sissy, only to find Sissy backing away and the clucking sound louder.
“Don’t take it personally,” said Lenny. “She doesn’t like females. The only women I’ve ever seen her friendly with are my mom and Suzie.”
“Well, I’m sure someday we’re going to be great friends,” Candi said to Sissy, but the sounds coming from the little creature didn’t suggest any imminent Kumbaya moments.
They ate in silence for a few minutes. There was a big question on both their minds. Neither of them wanted to talk about it. But silence has a funny way of bringing up things that are otherwise content to remain hidden. Finally, it was Candi who broke the code of silence.
