by Diana Graves
Mom held her hand out for the picture and I handed it to her. Tears were in her eyes as she looked at it. I gave her a one armed hug.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
For a while I didn’t think she was going to answer me, but she said, “Everything, Raina.” Her words were broken from crying. “You think I hate you, don’t you?” she asked, but she didn’t let me answer her. Maybe she didn’t want to hear what she thought I might say. “I don’t. It’s just hard…I think I owe you an explanation.” I didn’t move. Mom was a touchy kitty and I was being very still, so as not to scare her away. But, when she didn’t go on I had to say something.
“About whom my dad is?”
“About everything, Raina.” She closed her eyes for a moment, perhaps collecting herself before continuing. “Dan is your father.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a finger to stop me. “He is, Raina. Whether you or he want him to be, he is.” She licked her lips. “This is hard for me to say. I promised myself I’d die with this secret, but the older you get the more I fear I can’t keep that promise.”
I was so confused. “But, if Dan is my father, why am I so different?” I could feel Katie’s mind by the door. She wanted to tell us that lunch was ready, but she didn’t want to interrupt, so she listened from the hall. I didn’t care. I should have, but I didn’t.
“Raina,” Mom began softly. She put her hand on my leg and I stiffened. I didn’t know what she was going to say, but I felt like I wasn’t going to like it. “You were eight months old. You had huge brown eyes and shaggy bright red hair, like Fauna. You were so happy, so full of love. Your toothless smile melted hearts. Your father and I were so much in love with you, and each other.”
“But…,” I stumbled. My reality was being turned upside down. Those weren’t my features, and I was always told that Dan divorced my mom before I was even born. “How?”
Mom looked to the floor. Maybe it was easier to talk to than me. “I know what we told you, but this is what is true. Your father and I divorced not too long after that, when I discovered his second family; Rachael and their son, Michael… But, before that, we were happy. Him with his secrets, and me with my ignorance, but we both loved you and your brothers so much…until, one night.” She looked at me then, but she didn’t meet my eyes. “I woke up, wide awake in the middle of the night. I felt this panic in my heart and I rushed to your crib. You were lying face up, eyes closed, mouth parted, but you weren’t breathing.” She closed her eyes and tears fell down her cheeks. “You were cold in my arms.” Mom held out her hands, as though she could still feel the weight of my tiny body. Her lips were trembling.
“I was dead,” I whispered. Mom didn’t say anything, she nodded slowly.
“I don’t remember exactly what I said or did. I heard screaming. It was me, but no one sleeping heard me. I remember shaking you. Holding you close, trying to warm you up. I heard myself say, ‘Come on baby, get up, wake up, wake up.’” She was sobbing, and I wanted to hug her, but I was frozen in thought. “Maybe hours passed before I placed you back down in the crib and kneeled on the floor. I prayed so hard. Not to any God in particular, but one answered. She um, came to me, larger than life and she took over. She didn’t say anything, but I felt her in my head. She didn’t have to ask me what I’d give to save you. She knew me; every corner of my mind, every secret was bare to her. There was an understanding between us, and she picked you up, holding you so delicately in her hands. She kissed you on your lips, and you cried. It was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.”
I heard Katie gasp from the hall. I looked down at my hands. Somehow, I wondered how they could look so normal. Surely there should be some kind of sign of damage. I died!
“What was the understanding between you?” I asked.
“That you would be our daughter, mine and her’s. And, you started to change right away. Your eyes turned red, your hair became darker, but your skin never quite regained its rosy glow. You smiled less and you became sensitive to other’s emotions. I thought that would be the extent of her influence…but, after the attack you began changing again. The mind reading…controlling.” She whispered that last part. Katie strained to hear her, but she missed it. All the better. She didn’t need to know that.
“Why does that scare you? Why did you kick me out, Mom?”
Tears streamed down her cheeks again as she blinked them from her eyes. “Being in the presence of a god is terrifying, Raina. It’s like—it’s; I can’t describe it. They’re not of this world.” Mom closed her eyes tight, and cried. She was shaking all over.
“Mom,” I whispered as I patted her back gently. I’d been in the presence of a demon, Raphael. Demons aren’t as powerful as gods, but he was terrifying. I was left huddled in a fetal position the first time I met him. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, Raina. It’s not your fault. You just remind me of her, and that’s not your fault, not at all. I panicked. I felt like I was living with a part of her. I was just so scared.”
“Who was she, this Goddess?” I didn’t know whether to hate her or be thankful. On one hand she gave me life, and on another hand she crippled my relationship with my mother. But if not for her I’d be dead.
“Melpomene, the muse of tragedy.”
“A muse? So, I didn’t turn, because a part of her is in me?” I searched my memory for what I knew of muses. “They inspire art; theater, poetry, dance, whatever.”
Mom looked at me from under a furrowed brow. “More than that, Raina. After that night I learned all I could about them, and what I found does not bode well. Muses are known for their mind control…they inspire, motivate, cause, force people, and people don’t like that, but what can they do to a God? Nothing. But, Gods have mortal children, children that can be burned alive or worse.” Mom seemed calmer, though the conversation had taken a dark turn. She took the box of photographs from my lap and set it on the floor. “I think that’s why Melpomene answered me. Through you, she could have a daughter that no one would kill, because no one would know. That’s why I’ve kept this secret. That’s why you have to let Ruy train you. You need to protect yourself. If people found out that you are a…,”
“Demigod,” I interrupted her.
“Yes, that. If they found that out, you would be in danger.”
It was a lot to process, and I was left staring at the wall while I let it all sink in. Katie was in shock. I wondered if she’d keep my secret. Mom moved to her vanity to clean herself up. I watched her for a time.
“So, that’s why I can’t hear your thoughts, huh? You taught yourself to block me.”
Mom looked at me through her mirror. “Yes,” she said plainly.
I stood, and found my legs to be a tad weak. “Lunch is ready.” I told her, and Mom smiled slightly as she reapplied her face powder. As I exited the room Katie started walking down the hall, acting like she hadn’t heard a thing.
“Katie,” I called after her. She turned slowly, red faced. “We need to talk—in the kitchen.”
We set the table and had a lovely meal after Katie promised not to tell anyone about my condition, but she swore she didn’t know what I was talking about. Her thoughts said otherwise. She had heard some of the conversation but how much, I didn’t know. She definitely knew I was part Goddess, but I wasn’t sure she knew what that meant.
Mom folded her napkin over her plate, her way of saying, ‘I’m done.’
“Well, that was lovely, Katie. Thank you,” Mom said as she stood to turn the lights on. The kitchen had grown dark in the sparse light of dusk.
Katie had made a lovely pasta dish with fresh veggies and warm cider.
“Thanks,” Katie blushed. “It wasn’t easy with such limitations. I’d never cooked in a kitchen without any animal products whatsoever.”
“So…,” I said, before Mom could give her the, ‘animals are people too’ lecture that I’d given a few hundred times myself. “We have some time to kill before the boys get here. Who w
ants to watch a movie?”
♦
By the time I heard Ruy’s jeep pull into the driveway over the sound of pounding rain, Mom, Katie and I were sitting in the living room, enjoying a second round of cider, and watching end credits crawl up the screen. I’d been out voted and spent the past two hours watching some old chick flick called, Sleepless in Seattle. I enjoyed it, but I’m not sure I’d admit that to anybody.
Ruy’s knock was loud and Katie jumped, but I had been expecting it and perhaps Mom was used to it. I stood as casually as possible, even though I wanted to run. I was so full of jitters. The last time I saw Mato, he was naked in a fur bed. I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep my composure.
I opened the door to find both of them standing in the rain. My eyes shot straight to Mato and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face, not if my life depended on it. I instantly held my arms out to him and he didn’t leave me hanging. We embraced each other right there in the doorway. Ruy had to squeeze past us to get out of the rain.
“I see you two have made up,” Ruy said.
I blushed at him and Mato kissed my forehead. I wasn’t sure what Katie’s face looked like. Her mind was ugly enough. You would think that she would at least try to guard her thoughts from me now that she knew I knew them, but she didn’t. Had she not understood that part of being half muse?
Mom stood to meet Ruy and they, too, embraced each other. Mom beamed up at him and he smiled to see her happy. He looked at me, but I looked away before our eyes could meet and he could see that he had been right, too right about too many things. Right about Mato, right about my training and right about Mom and I needing to talk. I hid my grimace in Mato’s neck.
The phone rang in that moment and Mom left the room to answer it.
“So, you’re Raina’s boyfriend?” Katie asked Mato as we sat on the sofa together. Ruy took the computer chair.
“I do not know. Am I your boyfriend, Raina?” Mato asked me with his head bent back to see me. I couldn’t help the blush.
“Boyfriend sounds too juvenile,” I said.
“What would you call me then?” he asked.
I thought about it. Boyfriend didn’t sound right, but he wasn’t my lover, or my steady, honey bunny, sweetie pie. None of that.
“You’re my Mato,” I said with a squeeze.
Katie hid her frown well, but not her thoughts. “One word, necrophilia,” she thought. I gave her the face that that comment (thought or otherwise) deserved. She looked at me like she didn’t know why I would give her such a look. She didn’t know. Somehow, that part of the conversation she had eavesdropped on had escaped her. Either that or she was messing with me.
“Raina,” Mom called out from the hall. “It’s for you. It’s Alicia.”
My head went to a tilt. Alicia had been the last person I’d expect to hear from. She was my best friend for most of my life, but when her dad found out I had been infected with vampirism he forbid her from seeing me. Alicia was the same age as me, and she still let her dad call the shots in her life. I was angry at her for letting him come between our friendships, but I couldn’t refuse her call. I still loved her.
ALLEGORY
MY RED EYES looked like captive blood droplets, thick with black eyeliner and silver eye shadow. My lips were a deep crimson that matched my eyes well and complimented my dark auburn hair, but I didn’t feel comfortable. I wiped the lipstick off. I shouldn’t have let Katie do my makeup. I looked fine without it, but when I told them that I was going to meet Alicia at Allegory’s night club she had insisted both on going with me and on helping me get ready. She straightened my hair, making it sleek and so soft. I pulled down the little black dress she unfortunately found in my mom’s closet, but it was still too short for comfort.
“It is cold tonight,” Mato said.
We were making our way toward the club from the far off street parking we managed to score. I gave him a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t think the cold would bother you.”
“Not me,” he said nodding his head to Alicia and Katie walking in front of us.
Katie had borrowed a dress from Mom as well; a pretty little blue thing that somehow brought out the white in her dirty blond hair. Her makeup wasn’t as thickly applied as before, but it was still more than I cared to see on her. Alicia’s golden hair was up in a messy bun. Her green eyes were thickly outlined in black and her earthy-brown skin was riddled with glitter. The ridges along her jaw and forehead revealed her ogre blood, but didn’t take away from her handsome face at all. They were huddling in on themselves, visibly shivering. It was summer time, but it was the Pacific Northwest. Some nights were warmer than others, and some nights made you question the season altogether. The cold didn’t bother me.
“They should just be glad it stopped raining.”
Allegory’s was not too far from Bastion Fatal. Once upon a time, the building was used for boat storage. It still had the old red metal siding and the large green metal doors that allowed boats to be towed in. The inside of the building had been gutted and remodeled, though. There were no windows, and no other doors that led outside, other than the emergency exit near the back staircase.
The line to get in was a long one, but Alicia and I knew people. We were regulars to the scene before my infection and the end of our friendship. When she asked me to meet her I surprised us both when I didn’t hesitate to agree. I missed her. She had always been there for me before. Perhaps I could forgive her for abandoning me. Perhaps.
“Hey, Chap!” Alicia called to the bouncers at the door as we walked up the line of waiting people.
Chap wasn’t your typical bouncer. He wasn’t huge with too much muscle. He didn’t have a hard face and a tight shirt. No, instead Chap was a small, skinny man in his late forties. His sandy brown hair was receding something fierce, but it gave him character that only added to his fun loving eyes and big smile. He was an all-around pleasant guy.
“Well, hello there Ally and Ray, what are you two up to?” Chap asked loudly, with a big smile and a mouth full of braces.
“Just making up with my best friend,” Alicia answered.
Chap’s face went all serious, something it rarely did. “I heard about what happened to you and your brothers, Raina. I’m sorry.”
“We’re fine,” I said, with a hand on his upper arm.
“You sure? If the bastard that infected y’all was still up and about, I’d fix that right away.” I didn’t know how to respond to that, ‘thanks?’ So, it was a good thing that I didn’t have to. “Well, you guys get on in,” Chap said with a smile.
“Who’s playing tonight?” Alicia asked.
“Um,” Chap looked down at his black clipboard, “Looks like Fire Wood.”
Alicia grabbed my arm and literally jumped with joy. Fire Wood was a local artist. Alicia and I grew up with her, but back then she was known as Danette Wood. She was the whole package; smart, funny, beautiful, talented and kind. Her songs were amazing, mind blowing rap/harmony with politically inspired messages. She made me look forward to voting season.
As we entered the club, to our left there were four bouncers that checked us for weapons, ID and collected the entrance fee. The bouncer that approached our group fit into the paid muscle stereotype perfectly, with arms bigger than my waist and a tight red shirt. He didn’t even look twice at Katie’s ID, though. She looked old enough to him because he was busy looking elsewhere. He was eyeing me hard, and I moved away from him quickly. He whistled after me and Mato put an arm around my waist and ushered me to the coat booth.
Three women stood behind the coat booth. I didn’t have anything to drop off, but Katie gave a short brunette with a nasal septum and bridge nose piercing, her coat. Alicia gave a little blond lady her shawl. Mato gave the same girl his long black trench coat. He looked like a stiff in his button down shirt and jeans. His shirt was open just enough to let you know his chest was smooth and hairless. As he turned back to me, his hair followed in a wave of shining silk
. When he caught me staring, he gave me a gorgeous, brilliant smile. I smiled back, knowing it wasn’t as wonderful as his.
Beams of lights shot out from every angle as we stepped out from the large entryway, and Mato put his sunglasses on. There was no telling when one of those lights would hit you square in the face. To our left, was a raised dance floor and Fire Wood was setting up on the stage in front of it. To our right, was a lounge, bar and restaurant. The tables were glowing blocks of black light, and the chairs were shiny metallic blue. The walls were covered in black panels of fabrics for acoustic purposes. Huge beautiful sculptures of angles came from the walls, posing as though they were supporting the second floor. The statues had been splattered with paint that cleverly placed black lights illuminated. There were two ways to get to the second floor; the stairs on the opposite side of the club, and the metal lift next to the unisex bathrooms, not too far from the stage.
We got the last available table closest to the dance floor and ordered drinks; Diet Coke, black Russian, warm blood and for me, the driver, a virgin martini.
The place was almost packed and the night was just beginning. Fire wasn’t yet set up, but there was music being played. The music was loud enough to reverberate through my body. Several people were out on the dance floor, most of them women. We weren’t sitting long before Alicia dragged me out on the dance floor, too. Katie laughed at me as she sipped her Coke. Mato smiled with amusement but he wasn’t so cruel as to laugh. Good man.
