by Zoe Chant
“I know you’re a shifter,” Danny said, sounding more puzzled than alarmed by Griff’s sudden outburst. “Who says you aren’t? They’re mean. And stupid.”
The barely-leashed savagery vanished from Griff’s eyes. “Ah, you’re a kind wee soul,” he said gruffly. “Kinder than most.” He glanced up at Hayley, looking a little ashamed of himself. “Sorry. Sore spot. I’m sure you can imagine what other shifters think of one of their own who can’t actually shift.”
Her heart went out to him—even if it was still beating hard at the shock of the sudden reveal of the raw, feral strength hidden behind Griff’s amiable exterior. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. That must be…very hard.”
“But why can’t you shift?” Danny demanded, with a little kid’s unabashed rudeness. “You’ve got a lion, just like me. I know you have.”
Griff beckoned to him. “Come here, lad. Let’s see if I can show you.” He cupped the back of Danny’s neck, drawing him close until their faces were only inches apart.
Danny stared deep into Griff’s eyes for a long moment. Then he jerked back, his own widening. “That’s not a lion.”
“No, it isn’t.” Griff released him, letting out a long breath. “That’s my eagle. My father’s a lion shifter. But my mother’s an eagle shifter. That’s why they named me Griffin—that’s a pretend beastie that’s half-lion, half-eagle, ye ken.” His mouth quirked wryly. “My ma and da don’t have a lot in common, but they do share the same terrible sense of humor.”
“So if your father’s a lion and your mother’s an eagle, that makes you…both?” Hayley asked.
“And neither.” Griff grimaced. “My eagle and my lion don’t get along. Shifters aren’t supposed to have two animals. Neither one of mine will let the other one fully take control. If I try to shift, I end up tugged back and forth between lion and eagle.”
That sounds awful. And painful. From the way both Griff and Danny talked, Hayley had the impression that a shifter’s animal was like some sort of alter-ego in their minds. The idea of having two of them, at odds with each other…it was amazing Griff wasn’t completely schizophrenic.
“But you said your sisters are lions,” Danny said, his forehead wrinkling. “How come they only got one animal, but you got two?”
“Because…ah, just unlucky, I suppose,” Griff said. Hayley wondered what he’d decided not to say. “Four of my sisters are lions, and three are eagles, and I’m neither fish nor fowl nor good red herring.”
Danny frowned. “If you can’t shift, how’re you gonna teach me?”
“Lad, I’ve studied more theory than most shifters even know exists. I taught all seven of my sisters how to control their animals.” Griff poked Danny playfully in the ribs, making him giggle. “And they taught me how to wrestle a lion. Come on. Shift back, and I’ll show you.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Griff
Griff hummed to himself as he put the last few plates in Hayley’s dishwasher. He smiled a little, thinking of John as he started the machine. He hoped the sea dragon shifter was having a good time at the pub right now.
On a Sunday evening, they always went down to the Full Moon together to meet up with the other firefighters on Alpha Team. It was usually both the high point of Griff’s week, and a kick in the teeth. Alpha Team were his closest friends…but also a reminder of everything he’d lost.
The afternoon with Danny and Hayley had been similarly bittersweet. Romping with the cub should have been pure joy, but even as they chased and wrestled and pounced, Griff had kept being stabbed by pangs of wistful longing. Much as he tried to just enjoy the moment and be content with what he could have, he couldn’t help wanting more. He couldn’t help wanting to be more.
Danny should be his cub.
He is our cub, his lion said matter-of-factly. He is the son of our mate. That makes him ours.
Griff shook his head, muzzling the lion again. No matter what his inner beasts whispered, he had to remember that he had no claim to Danny.
Or to Hayley.
He heard her close Danny’s bedroom door upstairs, and the soft tread of her feet down the stairs. Realizing she was heading toward the front room, he quietly called out, “I’m in here, Hayley.”
She retraced her steps, coming into the kitchen. “Oh!” she exclaimed, her jaw dropping as she took in the tidy work surfaces and sparkling floor. “You cleaned?”
“I could hardly sit on my backside while you were busy putting the bairn to bed, now could I?” Griff dried his hands on a tea towel, smiling at her.
He was simultaneously pleased by her evident astonishment…and infuriated. Not at Hayley, but at the previous men in her life. If they’d treated her right, she wouldn’t have looked so flabbergasted that a man might do a few chores.
Reiner Ljonsson, you have a lot to answer for.
He nodded at the two glasses he’d placed on the kitchen table, an inch of deep amber liquid from his hip flask at the bottom of each. “Do you drink whisky? It’s from my clan’s distillery. I’ll warn you now, though, my ma’s spirits aren’t for the faint-hearted. It’s a bit like swallowing the sun.”
“I could do with that,” Hayley said ruefully, seating herself and picking up one of the glasses. “I don’t think I’ve been warm since we came to this country.” She took an incautious sip. “Hey, this is act-”
She stopped mid-word. Her eyes went very wide.
Griff laughed out loud as she struggled valiantly not to cough. “I did warn you. It’s bloody freezing in the Highlands. Especially at fifteen thousand feet. Eagle shifters need a bit of fire in their bellies.”
He took the other glass, and sat down as well, surreptitiously stretching out his aching leg. “So how does a warm-blooded Californian lass end up in this cold, wet land, anyway?”
“Work,” Hayley replied succinctly, taking a second, rather more respectful sip of her whisky. “I’m from SoCal. School funding there is slashed to the bone. I happened across an article about teacher shortages in England, and, well, it seemed like a good idea.”
Griff took a tiny sip of his own whisky, savoring the sweet burn. It was a taste of home—and one he couldn’t indulge in very much any more. Alcohol didn’t interact well with his pain meds. “Long way to come for a job.”
She went a little pink. “Well…this is going to sound stupid, but I thought coming to Europe might help with Reiner. I hoped that if Danny was closer, easier to visit, he might finally get in touch.”
Griff’s lion snarled, and his eagle’s wings spread. Not now, he told them, not letting his beasts’ anger show on his face. “He lives over here?”
“Yes. Well, not England. Denmark, or rather a little island near it. He was always kind of evasive about exactly where.”
“Hmm.” Griff furrowed his brow. An island near Denmark…? “Was it Valtyra, by any chance?”
Hayley’s eyebrows rose. “I think so. You know it?”
“It’s actually a shifter country. There are a couple of them in Europe. Tiny wee places, out of the way, keeping themselves to themselves. Hard to get into, generally.”
“Oh. I was hoping to at least take Danny to see his dad’s homeland someday, but it sounds like that’s going to be harder than I thought.” Hayley pursed her lips a little. Griff firmly repressed a fantasy of how that full, enticing mouth would feel under his. “Griff, if there are entire shifter countries…does the government know about you, then?”
“Aye. Well, some of the government. Our existence is a state secret, but we’re quietly interwoven through most of society here in the UK. Our own Parliament, our own courts, our own additional laws.”
Hayley sighed with relief. “So does that mean I don’t have to worry about Danny being dragged off to some Black Ops secret lab?”
“Not in this country.” He flashed a grin at her. “The Queen looks out for our interests. The entire British royal family have been dragon shifters ever since the War of the Roses.”
“Wow,” Hayley br
eathed. He loved the way her face lit up with delighted curiosity. “Now I really want to read a shifter-written history book. What about America? Is there a, a secret shifter President or something?”
“Ah, no. Shifters in America have to be more careful. There are rumors…well, let’s just say that shifters who go to ERs over there don’t tend to come out again. If you’re thinking of going back…” His heart lurched at the thought. He realized his knuckles were going white, and made himself relax his hand before he broke the glass. “Talk to me first. I can put you in contact with some good people, who can watch out for you and Danny. Shifters in the States have to stick together.”
Hayley had gone a little pale. “Okay. Though I don’t actually have plans to return. There’s nothing for me in California.”
Thank God. “No family?”
Hayley’s shoulders tensed fractionally, betraying an old, deep pain. “No. My mom died when I was at college, and I never knew my dad.” She attempted a smile. “You have no idea how envious I am of your family. Seven sisters! I would have killed to have grown up in a big pack like that.”
Griff turned his glass absently, watching the amber liquid catch the light. “Ah, well, it wasn’t quite such a horde as you’re imagining. We were never all in the same place at once. Technically they’re my half-sisters, you see.”
“Oh.” Griff could see Hayley’s mind working as she put two and two together. “Oh. So that’s why you’re the only one who’s both a lion and an eagle.”
“Aye. I’ve got the same da as my lion sisters, and the same ma as my eagle sisters.” Griff grimaced a little. “I’m not ashamed of it or anything, but…I wasn’t sure how much you’d want me to tell Danny. It’s a bit complicated to explain to a wee bairn, especially one who doesn’t know about shifter customs.”
He read a hint of sudden wariness in the way she eyed him. “Um, is it usual for shifters to be…” She appeared to be groping for a word. “That is, to have kids by lots of different partners?”
Griff choked on his whisky. “Good God! No!” That was one misapprehension he really didn’t want her to have. “Quite the opposite, in fact.”
Hayley looked rather relieved, but also confused. “What do you mean?”
Oh, we’re flying into dangerous winds now…
Griff hesitated, wondering whether it was safest to just deflect her line of questioning. But clan loyalty meant he was reluctant to leave her with an erroneous bad impression of his kinfolk. Or, indeed, shifters in general.
“My ma and da met in their late twenties,” he said slowly, picking his words with care. “They both knew that they weren’t the love of each other’s lives. But they got on well enough, and they both wanted the same sorts of things, especially when it came to kids. So they settled.”
Hayley looked down at her hands. “A lot of people do.”
“Aye. Shifters are just like regular people in that respect. So they got married, and had me, and were happy enough.” Griff tapped his chest. “This was before it became obvious there was something wrong with me, ye ken. For a few years, everything was fine.”
Hayley’s round, pretty face was filled with compassion. “And then?”
“Then my da did meet the love of his life,” Griff said, simply. “So he left.”
Hayley’s mouth dropped open. “Just like that? Abandoning his wife?” She was suddenly as fierce as a lioness, outrage flooding her features. “Abandoning his child?”
“No, no, it wasnae like that! He didnae shirk his duty to me or my ma.” He took a deep breath, getting his emotions back under control. “Not like Reiner and you and poor wee Danny. My da would have stayed with my ma, if she hadn’t released him. But she knew that he would have been miserable. So she let him go. Though…she was sad, for a while. Very sad.”
Griff tossed back the rest of his whisky. He welcomed its searing fire, a distraction from the painful memories of that black time. Hayley said nothing, watching him.
“Anyway, a year or two later my ma met her mate,” Griff said thickly, when he could speak again. “So it all worked out for the best in the end. For everyone.”
“Except you,” Hayley said, very softly.
“Ah, well, I did all right. Got a passel of sisters and two loving homes out of it. Not many are so lucky.” Griff was painfully aware that his light-hearted tone was not fooling Hayley in the slightest.
She frowned, putting her empty glass down on the table. “So your mother let your father go just because of shifter custom? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you, but that sounds…kind of awful. I get that your dad fell in love elsewhere, but I’m afraid I don’t think much of a married guy who lets his eye wander like that.”
“He didn’t,” Griff said, struggling to keep his voice even. It took all of his control to pretend that all of this was just of academic interest. “That’s where we are different from regular humans. Every shifter has one true mate. Many are never lucky enough to meet them. But those who do…well, that’s it. My da didn’t want to leave my ma. But he had to. He’d met his mate, and from that moment on, there was no one else he could want, no one else he could be with, ever again.”
“But how did he know?” Hayley pressed.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
Griff dropped his gaze, afraid that she would see the truth in his face. “He just did,” he said roughly. “From the moment he saw his mate, he knew. From her scent, from her glance, from the fire of her barest touch. He just knew.”
Even without looking at her, he could tell that Hayley had gone very still. He kept his eyes fixed on his empty glass. Her hand rested on the table a little way from his own.
Slowly, tentatively, Hayley moved her hand, until the very tip of her little finger just brushed his knuckle. So quietly that even his shifter senses could barely catch her words, she breathed, “Like this?”
He closed his eyes, fighting to control the surge of his blood at even that tiny contact. He should move away, he should draw back, he should stop this before it went too far…
Without his own volition, his hand turned, capturing her small soft fingers under his broad calloused ones. “Aye,” he said, still with his eyes closed. “Just like that.”
Yes! roared his lion, and yes! called his eagle. His two animals were in such accord, it almost sounded like they spoke with one voice. They beat against the bars of his mind, fighting to break the iron chains of his control. YES!
He could feel her fast pulse thrilling through her fingertips, hear the tiny catch of her breath. “Griff-”
“Wait,” he interrupted. Steeling himself, he opened his eyes, although he didn’t release her hand. “There’s something you need to know, before you decide if you want to take this any further.”
“If I want to take this any further?” Hayley’s face was flushed with disbelief and astonishment and slowly rising joy. She let out a short, giddy laugh. “Why on earth wouldn’t I?”
He forced himself to meet her shining eyes. “Because I’m dying.”
CHAPTER SIX
Hayley
For a moment, Hayley was convinced that she had to have heard him wrong.
Griff, dying?
That can’t be right. Just look at him!
Surely sick people couldn’t possibly radiate strength and power like Griff did. He could have appeared on the cover of GQ, or in an ad for protein supplements. How could he be dying?
Sure, she’d noticed he limped a little, but she’d thought he must have just sprained his knee or something. Nobody died of a bad leg, after all.
Unless…
Hayley couldn’t help flinching a little, horrible images of her mother’s final weeks slicing through her mind. She knew that he’d noticed her reaction from the way he instantly released her, drawing his hand back.
“Aye, well.” Griff’s voice was rough, betraying the depth of feeling walled off behind his suddenly closed, impassive expression. He looked away from her. “So now you know.”
&
nbsp; “No, I don’t! I don’t understand—I mean, you can’t be-” The words burst out of her of their own accord, tearing themselves free from the depths of her heart. She drew in a deep, shaky breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just that this is a lot to take in. And you need to know, if, if what you’ve got is bone cancer…that’s what my mom had. It wasn’t treatable for her, either.”
Griff winced, his face softening back into its usual open, compassionate lines. “I’m sorry for bringing up bad memories. If it helps at all, I don’t have cancer.” He shook his head, looking rather rueful. “Is it terrible if I say that sometimes I wish I did? At least doctors believe in cancer.”
“But not in shifters, I’m guessing.” The pieces were falling into place in Hayley’s head. “What’s wrong with you…it’s to do with your two animals, isn’t it? You’re-” The word dying stuck on her tongue. Saying it would make it too real. She substituted, “sick because you can’t shift.”
“Exactly. We shifters are supposed to shift. We have to. If we don’t do it of our own volition, eventually our animal takes over and forces the issue.” Griff’s mouth tightened. “I’m better than most at controlling my inner animals. But I can’t keep them chained all the time. And when they get free…well. It isn’t pretty. So you see, I’m in no position to think about a mate. I don’t have anything to offer you. I don’t have a future.”
Something about his resigned tone made her irrationally angry. “But you said that you’ve never been able to shift,” she said, as if she could somehow argue him better. “And you’ve survived this long, haven’t you? Who’s to say you can’t survive just as long again? I mean, you seem fit, healthy…you climbed that tree as if you were just strolling down the sidewalk. For Heaven’s sake, you’re a firefighter!”
