by Cheree Alsop
“I thought you were asleep,” he said, sitting up.
Cassie pulled the blanket down just enough to look at him. Her eyes were rimmed with red. “I knew it couldn’t be her. But I hoped. . . .” her voice fell away.
Alex opened his arms and Cassie came down to sit in his lap like she used to do when they first lost their mom and dad. He held her close and felt her shoulders shake as she began to cry. He wondered how many hours he had spent holding her and consoling her, trying to keep his sanity at the same time past the empty void that filled him at the thought that their parents were gone.
“It’s okay,” he whispered quietly into her hair. “You have me, Cass. I won’t leave you alone.”
She sniffed. “Do you remember the way she used to sing to us to wake us up in the morning?” she asked, her voice muffled.
Alex blinked quickly, willing the tears not to fall. “Yes,” he said, his voice almost steady. “She sang, ‘Zipadeedoodah’, and it would always make us laugh.”
“And if we pretended to still be sleeping,” Cassie began.
“She would tickle us until we gave up,” Alex replied. The tears began to slide down his cheeks. “She smelled like strawberries.”
“And cookies,” Cassie said. She gave a little giggle that ended in a hiccup. “She used to tell the best bedtime stories.”
“She always checked for monsters under the bed, too,” Alex said. The sorrow that filled his chest made his heart hurt. He remembered the million things his mother used to do that made their lives wonderful, the games they used to play, the things she would teach them how to cook.
“Do you remember making lemon bars?” Alex asked past the knot in his throat.
“She got mad at us for getting covered in powdered sugar,” Cassie replied. Her laugh ended in a sob. “Then she chased us around and we had a big powdered sugar fight. In the end, the entire house was covered. Dad said he thought a sugar bomb had gone off.”
“Yeah,” Alex remembered with a smile despite his tears, “Then we all attacked him with the sugar. He looked like a giant snowman when we were done.”
Cassie wiped her cheek with a corner of her red blanket. “Dad had the warmest hugs.”
Alex nodded. “I used to think that nobody could hurt us with Dad around. He was so strong.” His voice choked off.
“He used to play dollies with me,” Cassie said. She cried as she spoke, “He did the voices and everything. He said every daddy needed to remember what it was like to be a child.”
“I miss them so much,” Alex admitted, saying the words he had refused to let himself speak for years because he was afraid of the pain they brought, and of admitting that they were never coming back. Seeing what he thought was his mom’s face, then having that taken away again had brought the ache back so fresh and real he could barely breathe.
“I do, too,” Cassie said. She leaned against Alex’s arm. His sleeve was soaked with her tears. “Mom used to fall asleep on the couch waiting for Dad to come home for work.”
“She said she couldn’t sleep in the bed without him because it was too empty.” Alex sniffed and rubbed his eyes. “I remember the first time Mom told me we had a brother. You were asleep, but when it was close to the full moon, I had a hard time sleeping. When Mom checked on us, she saw that I was awake. I asked her to tell me a story, and she told me about Jet.”
He rested his head back. “She said that they loved him so much, but he was kidnapped when he was only a few days old. I was so sad thinking that we would never see our brother. Mom said she kept hoping he’d find his way home. She never gave up believing.” He gave Cassie a small smile. “That’s why she used to check on us every night, to make sure we were safe. She said we were the most important things in their lives, and they wanted to do all they could to let us know how much they loved us, because they knew what it was like to lose a child.”
Cassie was silent for a few minutes. When she spoke again, Alex could hear the smile in her voice. “I remember when Jet came home. Mom and Dad were so happy. It felt like we were all together again, like something we hadn’t known was missing had come back together.”
“Like a puzzle piece,” Alex said, remembering.
Cassie nodded. She sat back and looked at him. “Do you remember Mom and Dad smiling for days on end, and they would hug each other all the time for no reason?”
Alex smiled down at her. “I remember. It was like they were all the sudden young again. They wanted to play with us all the time, and whenever Jet was there, it felt like we had a whole pack.”
“We did,” Cassie said. “It was wonderful. There was so much love.” Her smile faltered.
Alex shook his head. “Don’t let it go, Cass. Don’t forget.” At her creased brow, he explained, “As long as you hold it in your heart, the love is always there. It never goes away. No matter what you do, Mom, Dad, and Jet will always love you. Never let it go, because as long as you keep it with you, they will always be with us.”
“Do you still feel it?” Cassie asked, her eyes bright as she looked up at him.
Alex nodded. “I do.” He swallowed, pushing down the emotions that filled his chest. “I always do,” he said.
“Me, too,” she said, giving him another smile as she wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks. “I promise I won’t forget.”
“Me, either,” Alex replied. His heart gave a strong stutter and he leaned his head against the bedframe. “Mom never told us that we have an aunt,” he said quietly.
“She’s our aunt?” there was a hint of light in Cassie’s respond.
Alex gave a tired nod. “She’s mom’s twin. That’s how come she looks just like her.” He heard the sadness in the sigh Cassie let out; he completely understood. He blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, Cass.”
She nodded. “I knew it was too good to be true. I just hoped. . . .” She let the words die away.
“I know,” Alex replied softly. “A part of me hoped, too, even though I knew it couldn’t be true.”
“Is she going to be okay?” Cassie asked softly.
Alex nodded. “Jaze said she’ll be fine. She’s been through a lot, but they’re taking care of her. I’m going to go over there in the morning.”
“But Jaze said—”
“I know,” Alex replied, cutting her off. “I won’t let her see me. I just want to be sure.”
“You want to make sure she’s safe,” Cassie finished; an appreciative smile crossed her face.
“Yes,” Alex answered. “But I don’t want you coming with me. I worry too much when you’re outside of the walls.”
Cassie smiled. “You’re sweet, Alex.”
Alex shook his head. “Don’t let anyone hear you say that,” he told her in a mockingly stern voice.
She laughed and Alex was happy to hear it. “Okay, I won’t,” she said.
Chapter Nineteen
Alex waited until everyone had left to combat training before he slipped out the backdoor. He phased behind a tree and left his clothes where he could get to them when he returned. He glanced back once at the Academy before turning away to lope through the trees.
The forest was much bigger than he had anticipated. He had never tried to cross it completely. It wasn’t until close to noon that he climbed a rise and saw a small cabin nestled below in a secluded valley surrounded by trees. Alex trotted down the slope. He slowed when he drew closer to the cabin. Wolves paced around the perimeter. Alex drew up far enough away and downwind so his scent wouldn’t be carried to them. He sat and waited.
Alex wasn’t quite sure what he was hoping for. He wished there was some sign that his aunt was alright, some way to tell that she was safe within the walls. He knew Jaze wouldn’t place her anywhere she would be vulnerable to attack. The fact that another safe house existed made Alex happy. He figured at least some of the wolves outside the small cabin were in Jaze’s rehabilitation program; he doubted so many would be required for security.
Alex’s heart slowed when the backdoor opened a
nd his aunt stepped out. He realized at that moment that he didn’t know her name. She shielded her face from the sun as if it had been a long while since she had beheld such brightness. Alex found himself smiling, but the smile fell as he wondered why. He didn’t know her. She wasn’t his mother. Yet the fact that he watched his mother’s twin sister in freedom after all they had all been through filled him with relief. He would have wanted the same for Cassie if something had happened to him.
Someone walked out the door after her. True warmth spread through Alex’s heart at the sight of Gem, Dray’s wife. Her pixie cut bright pink hair practically glowed in the noonday sun. She skipped out behind his aunt, her happiness palpable even at that distance.
Alex had never met anyone like Gem before he and his sister made it to the Academy. She had personally assigned to herself the goal of cheering up all of the orphans from the attempted werewolf genocide. At first, it was a trying process, but nobody could resist Gem’s charms and smile. Eventually, she got all of the students to warm up to her. She usually taught math at the Academy, but this year she had been noticeably absent. A new assignment to the safe house to help with rehabilitation fit the cheerful werewolf like a glove.
Satisfied that his aunt was alright, Alex made his way back to the Academy. He had missed all of his morning classes, and probably lunch. When he reached the Academy and phased back to human form, he had no desire to mingle with the rest of the students. No matter how good Kaynan and Grace were at teaching, he just couldn’t bring himself to sit through English. The sun shining on his shoulders was too great of a temptation to turn down.
Alex pulled on his clothes and walked to the front of the Academy. Jet’s statue stood tall, the silver seven on its shoulder blazing in the sun as though it had been written there by lightning. Alex had wondered a thousand times what the seven meant, and why his brother had it. If it was silver, it would have never stopped hurting. He wondered if his brother had chosen the mark or if it had been given to him.
Alex sprawled out on the sun-warmed grass beside the statue. He closed his eyes, willing his body to soak up the warmth. He kept a hand on the huge stone that made up the base of the statue. His weary mind drifted away, lost in the feeling of the rough rock beneath his fingertips and the grass that brushed against the back of his neck.
***
“Do you like ice cream?” Alex saw his younger self ask Jet.
The older werewolf glanced down at him, his expression solemn. There was so much depth to the black-haired werewolf’s deep blue eyes. Sometimes it looked as if he had seen the end of the world; other times, Alex could have sworn there was a shield over Jet’s eyes, holding everything in so that the only emotion seen was the distance the Alpha kept between himself and everyone around him.
This shield vanished at the question. “I love ice cream,” Jet replied. “I could eat it all day.”
“Me, too,” Alex replied.
It was one of the few memories Alex had of he and Jet alone together. The older werewolf visited as often as he could, but Alex knew he was busy saving other werewolves from whatever he had gone through. At that time, Alex knew Jet had experienced horrible things, but nobody told him exactly what. His young mind had been left to wonder, and then shudder away from those wonderings.
That day, Jet had stopped by for a surprise visit. The twins were supposed to be cleaning their room, but Alex had seen Jet wandering down the street as though wondering what to do with himself. Alex had seen the same searching, somewhat lost expression a few times on his brother’s face. He figured it was his job to chase it away.
He had slipped out the back door and ran to catch up to Jet. He could never sneak up on the werewolf. Jet always knew he was coming no matter how quiet he was.
“Where you going?” he had asked.
Jet’s hands clenched and unclenched. He glanced at Alex, then back down the road. It was a few minutes before he had answered with, “I’m not sure. The walls got too small.”
Alex nodded. “I know what you mean. They’re even smaller in our room, but probably because it’s so messy in there. I’m supposed to be cleaning.”
He was grateful his brother didn’t send him back inside to finish the chore. Instead, they walked together in silence. That was when Alex had the idea about the ice cream. The gas station a few blocks away had the best ice cream around. It was one of their favorite family walking destinations on bright, sunny days like that one. He led Jet there and pulled out the few dollars he had saved up from his allowance. Alex had been saving the money to buy a yo-yo, but the chance to have ice cream with his big brother was a rare one. Toys could wait.
“What kind would you like?” the woman behind the counter had asked.
Jet looked at the many flavors with a concerned expression. His gaze kept darting from one to the next. At the woman’s rapidly growing annoyance, Jet glanced out the door. Alex could tell he was losing his brother.
“Two scoops for both of us with mint chocolate chip,” Alex said, setting his dollars and coins on the counter.
The woman gave the coins a disapproving look.
“It’s three dollars and twenty-two cents, along with two dollar bills,” Alex explained. “Sorry for the pennies. Mom said she would pay us a penny a weed that we pulled. My sister and I pulled a lot of weeds.”
“Very well,” the woman answered. She glanced at Jet again. Alex could tell his silence disturbed her. She shook her head and began counting the pennies one at a time.
“Mint chocolate chip is my favorite,” Alex told Jet. He could tell the walls were feeling small for the werewolf again. It showed in the way his dark gaze kept seeking the sunlight beyond the glass door, and in his hands that opened and closed the way they always did when he was anxious about something. Alex hoped the woman would hurry.
“Do you want to meet me outside?” Alex asked quietly.
Jet looked down at him. This time, when their eyes met, Alex could tell Jet really saw him. A hint of a smile showed on his face and he crouched down so that they were eye level.
“I’m sorry I’m not the best company,” Jet said. It was a lot of words coming from the quiet werewolf. “I’ve got a lot to learn about being a friend, or,” he hesitated, then said, “A brother.” The word made his smile deepen and touch his eyes. “But don’t give up on me, Alex.”
“I won’t,” Alex promised.
Alex accepted the ice cream the woman held out. To his surprise, she also gave him his money back. She glanced at Jet who hovered by the door. “Was he in the army?” she asked softly.
Alex realized she had overheard their conversation. He nodded, because he didn’t know what else to say. She reached over and ruffled his hair. “Hang in there. He’ll get better,” she promised with a kind smile.
Alex thanked her and hurried to give Jet his ice cream. Jet pushed open the door as though he couldn’t get out of the shop fast enough.
They walked a few more blocks, then sat in the shade of a giant oak tree to eat their ice cream. Jet ran his free hand over the grass. A look of relief crossed his face.
“What is it about grass that’s so wonderful?” he asked.
Alex looked at him, wondering if it was a real question, or if the werewolf was just speaking his thoughts aloud. Jet was usually so quiet; speaking out loud without a purpose was unheard-of for him. Alex took the question seriously.
“The smell,” he finally answered after pondering the question for a while.
Jet leaned down and gave the grass a good sniff. He sat back with an appreciative look. “You’re right. It’s the smell.”
Alex nodded, glad his brother approved of his assessment. “Sunlight, rain, spring, and life all rolled into a tiny little green blade.”
“Hope,” Jet said quietly. At Alex’s look, his brother gave a real smile. “Hope lives in the smell. With grass beneath your hands, it’s impossible not to feel hope.” His face grew solemn. “I lived many years without hope. I know the feeling of it when it�
��s there. Be wherever you feel hope.”
Alex and Jet finished their ice cream cones in silence, but it was tempered with camaraderie, the scent of grass, and hope.
Alex woke up and smiled at the statue above him. Jet was right. After all that had happened, and all they had lost, he still felt hope whenever he laid on the grass.
Chapter Twenty
“Are you going to see her?” Cassie asked.
Alex nodded. “If I go now, no one will miss me.” He had taken to visiting the safe house in the evenings before night games. It gave him fewer reasons to make up for skipping class, and he enjoyed his time in the woods. “She seems stronger. She was walking around the garden helping Gem pull weeds. You sure you don’t want to go?”
Cassie shook her head. “I’m okay.” She hesitated. “Did Jaze say when she’ll be leaving the safe house?”
“I didn’t ask,” Alex replied. For some reason, the thought of his aunt leaving made his heart ache. He still hadn’t talked to her, but watching her get stronger and seeing her smile with Gem made him feel almost like he had something of his mother back. He didn’t want to lose that again.
He hadn’t mentioned to Jaze that he went to see her. He was worried the dean would forbid it because he traveled so far, but he had to keep going.
“Be careful, okay?” Cassie said.
Alex nodded. “I will. Stay within the walls while I’m gone.” It was the same thing he made her promise every night. He still worried about Drogan, though things seemed to have quieted down. Even Brock didn’t have any news.
“I will,” Cassie replied.
He heard his sister’s soft sigh as he left Jericho Pack’s quarters and shut the door behind him. He often asked Cassie if she wanted to go, but there was something that kept her back. He knew deep down that she feared seeing their aunt would make losing their mother feel that much more real. It was hard to see such a familiar face, yet know it belonged to a stranger. But Alex had to keep going. He wanted to reassure himself that she was alright.
