“Right,” she announced, putting on a jacket and tying her hair into a ponytail at the same time. “We’re going to the river.”
“Now, young girl,” started her father. “Mind you—”
“Bogdon-over-Bray,” Jo told him in a tone that would brook no nonsense. Her father shut up.
Josh, baffled and not unafraid, nodded a farewell to Jo’s parents and followed her out of the house.
“Bogdon-over-Bray, eh?” he attempted, as soon as they were at a safe distance.
“It’s a long story.”
“I bet.” He nodded, as though long stories had always been a major consideration in his life.
He walked alongside her in silence until they reached the stunning vista of a bridge over a stream. He stopped.
“My God,” he breathed. “It’s beautiful.”
“Mm.”
Jo slowed down with him, and together, they walked onto the bridge. When he stopped in the middle of it and leaned to look over the stream, she did so too. “Thank you for coming, Josh,” she said quietly.
He turned and smiled at her. Their shoulders were almost touching.
“My pleasure,” he said.
“It’s nice having you here.”
“Thank you.”
“On this bridge.”
“Oh. On this bridge. Well, it’s a nice bridge.”
“New memories and all that,” said Jo.
Josh took this in.
“I bet,” he nodded eventually, beginning to bore himself.
“This is where I had my first kiss with Shaun,” said Jo.
Josh moved away slightly.
“Not exactly here,” she laughed, pointing to a spot a foot away. “There.”
“Ah,” said Josh, following her hand with his gaze.
Then to his surprise, she linked her arm into his and thanked him again for coming. He put his hands in his pockets, tried not to look too happy, and told her again that it was his pleasure.
They strolled off the bridge and past the church. Again, he stopped and took in the view.
“God,” he whispered. “It’s stunning.”
“Mm.”
He listened to the gurgle of the stream, clear against a silence so pure that it was broken by the whisper of a breeze.
“How could you have left?” he whispered.
And then he listened to the clear, pure sound of Jo sobbing.
They found a bench near the pub, and Josh put his arm round Jo as they sat down. After a few false starts, she updated him on how her life had changed since he’d last seen her. She told him about Shaun’s proposing again. About her confronting the truth and their relationship finally coming to an end. About the pain she felt in ending such a big part of her past even though she knew it was the right thing to do. About her guilt for hurting him and disappointing her parents. About Sheila, her best friend, popping round half an hour ago for an overdue girlie chat. About discovering the sham that was her relationship with Shaun. About discovering the sham that was her friendship with Sheila. About her humiliation. Her anger. Her confusion and her pain.
Throughout the dizzying tale, Josh stared at the fields ahead, his grip on reality steadily loosening as his grip on Jo’s shoulder tightened. He couldn’t believe it. It just couldn’t be true. Surely there was a mistake. But no. It wasn’t. Jo was actually single.
He couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just held on and rested his head on hers.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
And then he realized that he could say more. He told her that from a man’s point of view, there was no way Shaun would have gone out with her for that long if he didn’t want to. And he certainly wouldn’t have risked proposing to someone he didn’t want to marry.
Jo considered this. “You mean you’ve never gone out with someone just because you couldn’t be bothered to chuck her?” she asked.
“Not for that long,” he confessed. “And I certainly wouldn’t have proposed to her. Four times. You’re only hearing Sheila’s side, remember.”
Jo moved away a fraction to consider this.
“So, what does that mean? She’s making it all up? She hates me that much?”
“No,” he said pensively. “For all you know, she told you what she’d love it to have been, but not exactly what it was. I watched—saw Shaun with you, and that was not a man who was obsessed with someone else.”
There was a silence.
“It sounds to me like Sheila’s just probably in a lot of pain,” concluded Josh.
“In pain?”
“Yeah. Well, by her own account, she’s been waiting for Shaun for a long time. Even longer than he was waiting for you. And maybe she’s had to resort to using the old rule book ‘all’s fair in love and war.’ Which, let’s face it, we’ve all used at some point or another.”
“I haven’t.”
Josh smiled, and said gently, “Maybe you’ve never needed to.”
Jo moved away another fraction to think.
“I suppose I thought Sheila loved me, not him.”
“Yeah.” Josh sighed. “That’s got to hurt.”
“It does. I don’t know who’s hurt me more.”
“Yeah.”
“And you know what really hurts?” Jo continued. “Really really hurts?”
“No.”
“James’s knowing. They’ve all been treating me like a child for the past six years.”
“Not really.” Josh shook his head. “They’re the ones who have been acting like children for the past six years. You’ve been the only adult in the equation.”
She looked at him. “When did you get so wise all of a sudden?” she said fondly.
Josh turned to her with eyes as warm as a winter fire.
“We really miss you, Jo,” he whispered. “All of us. Turns out the Fitzgerald family needs you in order to function.”
Three layers of foundation hid Jo’s blush. “Oh,” was all she could manage.
“The kids are having nightmares. It’s horrid.” He sighed. “And Scary Spouse is terrifying my dad into a state of almost permanent paralysis.”
“Vanessa isn’t scary,” she said softly.
Josh snorted and moved his arm from Jo’s shoulder onto the back of the bench.
“Believe me,” he said, “that woman could terrify for England.”
Jo recalled Josh’s and Dick’s whisperings and felt a sudden, visceral loyalty to all betrayed women.
“I hardly think that’s fair,” she said.
“Trust me,” smiled Josh. “I know. I know all about Vanessa and Dick’s marriage—”
“—You can say that again—” she muttered.
“—And Vanessa is one scary woman.”
Jo tensed. “Well,” she said. “Perhaps she needs to be.”
Josh paused for a beat.
“Why?” he asked.
“Sometimes a man needs a bit of scaring,” said Jo. “Especially when…he’s the kind who plays away from home.”
Josh stared at Jo. She put her head down.
“Sorry, but that’s how I feel.”
Sometimes,” he said, “a woman pushes a man into playing away from home.” He ignored Jo’s gasp and continued, “And then she piles on the guilt after he’s been forced to look elsewhere for love and ruins his life.”
“That’s an atrocious thing to say!” said Jo. She stood up and walked back toward the river. Josh followed.
“No it’s not,” he said. “A woman might resort to being manipulative, you know—subconsciously. And a man can’t help it if he stumbles into the arms of someone else. Believe me, I know.”
“How can you say such things? After your dad did that to your mum? How can you condone his affairs? How can you help him have them?”
“I don’t condone—”
“You do! You just said—”
“He only had one—”
“Oh don’t play that with me. I know all about you and Dick and your sordid little s
ecret from Vanessa.”
“What?”
“D’you know? You’re all the same. You disgust me. Men disgust me.”
“Is that why you keep so many hanging on at the same time?”
Jo gasped. “What?”
“You’re a prick-tease.”
She slapped him hard on the cheek, and tears sprang to both of their eyes. Josh bit his lip, his hand on his cheek.
“Anyway,” he said, slightly muffled, “they want you back.”
“Fuck off.” She turned and walked back toward the bridge. Josh followed her.
“Oh come on,” he said, when he’d caught her up on it. “It’s great money, thanks to your little raise.”
“Oh yeah,” she spun round. “And you understand all about money.”
“I do actually,” said Josh, his hand still on his cheek. “I know what happens when there isn’t enough. It can tear people apart just as much as affairs.”
“Tell me,” said Jo, hands on hips. “Is that why you scrounge so much?”
“What?”
“You heard.”
“I don’t scrounge. I don’t need to.”
“Oh no, that’s right. You earn an absolute fortune, then live rent-free off your dad like a spoiled child, while the rest of us scrimp and save to earn a living.”
“How do you know what I earn? And who told you—”
“Vanessa told me you were living rent-free ages ago. At your age! It’s disgusting.”
“Well!” Josh was now beginning to shout. “That just goes to show that Vanessa doesn’t know everything.”
“She certainly doesn’t!” Jo shouted back. “You and Dick Dastardly make sure of that.”
They stood facing each other, the river flowing fast beneath them.
“Right,” he said. “I think I’d better go.”
“I think you better had.”
“Nice to know what you think of me.”
“Yeah, strange that,” she said. “Two-faced, hypocritical, scrounging bastards with a Peter Pan complex are usually my type.”
Josh blanched. And then walked away.
Meanwhile back in Highgate, Scary Spouse was enjoying a rare moment alone. Dick Dastardly had gone to the shop for the day, the children were playing together in the playhouse (they seemed to be spending an awful lot of time together recently—even with Toby), and she was reading the Saturday papers to a background of radio ads. She didn’t know where Josh was and frankly she didn’t care because it was rather wonderful to be alone in her own house. Things had felt a lot better between her and Dick after their little chat. It had just felt so good saying those things out loud to him—her anger hadn’t appeared once since then. And he seemed to be treating her differently, too. She had even started to see glimmers of the man she married.
The front door opened and shut. She looked up at the kitchen clock and sighed. Well, she’d had twenty minutes, what more did she expect? She didn’t look up from her paper when Josh wandered into the room. But she did look up when he went straight to the drinks cabinet. So she was somewhat surprised to discover that Josh was in fact Dick.
“Hello!” she said, surprised.
Dick didn’t turn round as he took a swig of whiskey.
She stopped herself from her knee-jerk reaction of asking if he was celebrating selling a record.
“Hello,” she repeated.
When Dick eventually turned round, he was so pale he was almost translucent, except at the edges where he’d gone a sort of green. Vanessa was on her feet fast.
“What’s happened? Have you been robbed? Attacked?”
Dick shook his head as she led him to the kitchen table, sat him down, and poured him another drink. Then she knelt beside him and stroked his back as though he were being sick.
“I’m fine,” he said weakly.
She sat on the chair next to him, never taking her eyes off him. She waited as he took another swig, then hung his head in his hands.
“I’ve just found something out,” he groaned, almost inaudibly. “It involves you. And affects the children.”
Vanessa stopped breathing. Blood pumped to her heart.
When Dick took another gulp of whiskey, she stood up to get herself one. He put out his glass. She took it and poured them both one.
“What?” she whispered urgently. “What have you found out? Dick?”
And then to her horror, he started sobbing into his whiskey. Great huge, racking sobs that shook his whole body. She sat in wretched pity, nursing her drink, feeling she had forfeited her right to soothe him. Eventually he stopped and, exhausted, looked up at her. She looked down quickly at her glass.
Dick stared at his wife miserably. How did he get here? How did he make such a mess of his marriage that when he needed his wife most, all she could do was sit in stony silence?
“Well?” she asked again.
Dick had no choice but to explain.
“I popped up to the flat today,” he whispered. “They’ve gone. Vanished. No rent, no nothing. They’ve taken most of the furniture with them and left the flat in a mess. I’ll never get new tenants in and can’t afford to do it up again.”
Vanessa frowned. “Is that all?”
Dick let out a short, bitter laugh. “Not really,” he said. “The missing bit of information is that they’ve been paying for everything except Jo’s salary for the past two years because the shop’s been making such a steady loss.”
Vanessa frowned some more. “How does that involve me?”
“Well I’ve been conning you for years, and I can’t keep it up any longer.”
Vanessa dropped her head in her hands and took long, deep breaths. After a while, she sat up.
“So how have you been paying for Jo?” she asked, confused.
He started crying again.
“Dick?”
Dick took another swig. “Well, while my wife’s been paying the mortgage and keeping the children in clothes, my son’s been paying the nanny.”
“What?” she cried. She thought frantically of how on earth Zak could be paying for Jo. Maybe Dick was having a breakdown and was talking gibberish. She started to get scared. She wanted her old Dick back!
“Dick!” she cried. “For God’s sake, try and explain!”
Dick took a deep breath. “When I realized I couldn’t keep you in the manner to which you’d become accustomed, the only thing I could think of doing was to go to Josh for help. The bank wouldn’t give me another loan, and I didn’t know where else to turn. To save my pride, Josh pretended he wanted to live with us—to ‘bond’ a bit—though why he’d want to bond with his failure of a father I don’t know.” He took a big sniff before continuing. “Anyway, I pretended to believe him because it was the only way I could save face. So he’s been paying me ‘rent’ so that it looked to you like I could easily afford Jo. By the way, giving her that raise when she called the police didn’t help, ’cos Josh couldn’t afford the difference.” He shrugged. “Meant the shit hit the fan about two months earlier than it would have anyway.”
Vanessa blinked. She could almost hear her brain churning from the effort of trying to take in the information. “Josh?” she repeated.
Dick nodded, wiping his eyes and nose with his shirtsleeve.
“What about his flatmates?” she whispered.
Dick let out a half laugh, half sob.
“They didn’t go traveling, did they?” asked Vanessa slowly.
“Still all living in the flat in Crouch End,” Dick spoke in a low monotone. “Josh is still paying rent there. That’s why he doesn’t go out. He hasn’t got much money to play with.”
Vanessa sank into her seat.
“So,” said Dick, “now you know everything.” Vanessa stared at him. He couldn’t even raise his eyes as he spoke. “You’re married to a man who needs help from his son from the first marriage he fucked up, to support the second marriage he’s fucking up.”
Vanessa looked away.
“Yes,” she
said finally. “I know everything. I know you couldn’t talk to me when you needed me most, didn’t believe that I loved you unconditionally, yet loved me enough to try everything to save our marriage.”
Dick turned to her in surprise, and then it was his turn to be horrified at the sight of her crying into her whiskey.
Chapter 24
Josh was so livid he could barely drive out of Niblet. When he passed a picture-book pub, he stopped, parked the car, and stormed into it.
“We don’t open till seven,” said a stunned landlady.
“I’ll give you £100,” said Josh.
“What’ll you have?” She smiled.
“Vodka. Double.”
He sat at the bar and downed his double vodka in exactly the manner he assumed a two-faced, hypocritical scrounging bastard with a Peter Pan complex would.
Vanessa snuggled up to her husband under the duvet. He gave a contented groan.
“How come Josh wants the shop then?”
“He says he’s sick of being an accountant,” said Dick. “Wants to give the shop a go. Wants to buy the flat above it as well, either to rent out or to live in himself if he can afford it.”
Vanessa sighed.
“It would save my life,” said Dick. “I wouldn’t be able to sell it for half as much to anyone else. But of course, he’s pretending I’d be doing him the massive favor, as usual.”
“Wow,” she said. “I’m beginning to see him in a new light.”
“Good.”
“Now we just have to work on Toby.”
Dick sighed. “Poor lad. By the time he was Tallulah’s age, I’d already left.”
There was a long pause. “God,” breathed Vanessa. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Thank God we’re not going to repeat that pattern,” whispered Dick.
“Of course not!” said Vanessa, kissing his cheek.
“I thought we were going that way,” Dick whispered, hiding his face in her hair.
“I can’t believe you thought I loved you for your money,” she said.
“I didn’t think that exactly,” said Dick. “I just thought you’d love me less for having less of it.”
The Nanny Page 32
