“Max, I-“
“Just sleeping,” he assured her. I promise I’ll give you as long as you need to forgive me.”
“It’s not that, or not only that,” she confessed moving to rest her head on his chest so that she didn’t have to look into his eyes. “I know the baby couldn’t have been more than six weeks old but to me, she was real.”
“She?”
“I thought she was a girl. I don’t know why, I would love a girl or a boy but…” she sighed. “You must think me strange.”
“Not at all.”
“I had this perfect vision of our family in my mind,” she said, and Max knew that he needed to keep quiet and let her open up.
“It was far too early to be having those kind of dreams, anything can happen that early but… I so much wanted a family of my own again, Max. Don’t get me wrong, your family has been wonderful to me, and I love your parents and May as if they were my own, but it’s not the same.”
Max felt her warm tears fall onto his chest and began to gently rub her arm, hoping that the movement would soothe her.
“I was choosing names, wondering how to redecorate the nurseries, thinking about where we would have the christening. She may have been tiny, but she was very real to me. I need time to let her go before trying again.
Max kissed the top of her head.
“I can’t claim to understand how you feel but it sounds perfectly reasonable to me. You had everyone you loved ripped away from you and that hurt more than I will ever know. To want to rebuild that seems very rational.”
“And to grieve for a baby who was too small to see?”
“You tried to lock your heart away, Luce, to spare yourself future pain but everyone who loves you knows how deeply you really feel things. I would be shocked if you didn’t feel this way.”
He felt Lucy’s lips turn up where they were pressed against his chest, though her tears continued to fall.
“Thank you.”
He held her until her tears finally abated, then felt around in his breeches pocket for a handkerchief to hand her.
“I must look a frightful sight.” Lucy sat up and wiped the pool of tears from his chest and gave him a sheepish smile as she dried her eyes.
“Well I am biased, but you look lovely to me.”
“You’re only saying that because you have to,” she teased, but Max sat up and stilled her hands, taking the handkerchief from her.
He began to gently pat the moisture away from around her eyes.
“No, Lucy, I meant every word I said earlier. I love you.”
“As a sister.”
“As a sister, as a friend and more importantly, as a lover and a wife. You’re everything to me, my darling.” His eyes pleaded with her to believe him.
Lucy smiled tentatively and nodded her understanding.
“What time is it?” she asked.
Max leaned down to the side of the bed and got his pocket watch from his waistcoat.
“Almost six o’clock.”
“We should get dressed for dinner.”
“Do we have to?” Max pouted. “Now I have permission to share your bed again, I'm rather reluctant to leave it.”
Lucy actually laughed, before playfully chiding him. “Go and get dressed now, or you might just wear out your welcome.”
He pulled his shirt on and collected up the rest of his clothes and then left, blowing her a kiss from the doorway. Lucy’s smile faded after the door closed.
She was pleased that their estrangement was over, and that they had finally admitted their love but all was not quite right in her world. She was still angry at him for bringing that woman into their lives and probably would be for a while.
She just prayed that the worst was over, that Madam Poisson would leave them alone from now on and that Max was true to his word, about having been and remaining faithful to her.
She supposed that she would have to speak with Max’s sister too. She had promised faithfully that she would keep Lucy’s confidence and although she was sure that May had the best of intentions, it troubled Lucy. She valued trust and loyalty very highly and just because things had worked out this time, didn’t mean that she would feel able to trust May in the future.
***
When she got to the parlour for pre-dinner drinks, May was already there, looking rather abashed, although still pleased with herself.
“I know what you’re going to say, Lucy and you’re right. It was very very wrong of me but I swear I kept my fingers crossed the whole time.”
“I know you had the best of intentions, May, but keeping your fingers crossed doesn’t actually negate a promise.”
“Yes it does and you know it.”
“And if I’d asked to see your hands while you swore, would you still have told Max?”
“Well… yes. But Lucy, you have to understand that what you described wasn’t the Max I knew. And I was right, it was some silly play he was reading.”
“I know that now, May, and we won’t say anything more about this but…”
May came up and embraced Lucy.
“I know. But you trust my judgement, don’t you?”
“Well…”
May pulled away and took Lucy’s shoulders.
“How often have I told you that Max was madly in love with you, but would you believe me?”
Lucy blushed. “You were right,” she admitted. “But he never gave any-“
“No, no buts. I was right and you were wrong. Say it.”
Lucy couldn’t help smiling. “You were right and I was wrong.”
“Good. Now, after dinner you and Max can get back to making me a new niece or nephew but in the meantime, there have been quite enough tears and tantrums for one day so-“
“I did not have a tantrum!” Lucy argued.
“I meant Sophie actually,” May smiled, taking Lucy’s arm. “The little prima donna refused to go to bed and gave the nanny a terrible time. She’s always more difficult when her father is away. Now, on to happier things; have a glass of wine and try to relax for the evening, all right?”
Lucy nodded and accepted the glass.
Chapter Eleven
It was the first weekend in August and the date of their garden party although in actual fact, many guests would be staying for two weeks, a few longer. Travelling was just so difficult that only those who lived within a day or two’s journey would be staying for just a few nights.
Not counting servants, sixteen people were staying; four couples, four older daughters and four single men (numbers had to be balanced, after all). Lucy and Donald were still here too and Max’s parents had come as well, although only for five nights.
Despite the preparations she had put into this event and other occupations to keep her guests entertained during their stay, Lucy wasn’t able to enjoy it.
She had been thinking a lot about what May had said to her, about using judgement when breaking a promise. Lucy had given her word to Charles but every fibre of her being was telling her that the right thing to do, was to betray that confidence, at least partially.
Poor Charles was looking quite grey these days and he had lost a little more weight. The laudanum kept his cough mostly under control but he had needed to raise the dosage and by early evening, was looking quite glassy eyed. Lucy wouldn’t call him addicted, not like people who abused it, but he was definitely dependent.
He covered the signs of opium use by almost always having a drink in his hand, so people would think that his stupor later on was from drink, not the drug. Lucy had even played along, chiding him not to have another drink, even though she knew he was actually only drinking two or three throughout the day.
Lucy felt dreadful though, knowing how hurt Max was going to be when he found out that she’d kept that information from him. Trust was important to her, both that she be trustworthy and that those she confided in were too.
She didn’t know what to do for the best.
Max was still sharing her
bed each night but only to sleep. To his credit he hadn’t tried to initiate sex once, even though she knew he was suffering for it.
She was still a little angry with him but the main reason she didn’t want to be intimate, was because she was now the one he couldn’t trust and she couldn’t give herself to him physically, until she had given him everything else that mattered.
“The weather looks as if it will stay nice for the garden party tomorrow,” he said as they lay in bed, Lucy curled into his side as usual.
“Hm?” She asked, having been pulled out of her reverie.
He repeated himself.
“Oh, yes, it should be good.”
They lapsed into silence again. Max had asked what was troubling her before but she wouldn’t answer, so he didn’t pressure her.
“Max?”
“Mm?”
“Do you think it’s ever acceptable to break a confidence.”
“It depends?”
“On what?”
“The circumstances.”
“Such as?”
“Well… if someone confides something trivial but that could harm their or their family’s reputation, then no. If someone is making a bad decision though, or about to do something that could hurt another, then yes.”
“If I share a confidence with you, do you swear to keep it from your mother?” She couldn’t ask him to keep this from his sisters, especially May and Charles’ main concern was that his wife wasn’t troubled by his illness.
“My mother?”
“Promise me!”
“I promise.”
“Show me your hands and promise again.”
Max held both hands where she could see that his fingers weren’t crossed, and promised once more.
Lucy manoeuvred so that she was lying sideways, her head propped on her hand.
“I'm sorry I kept this from you,” she began, her gaze focused on his chin rather than his eyes. “I gave my word not to tell anyone but I think that staying silent could hurt many people, people that I care about.”
Max nodded for her to continue, looking curious and just a little apprehensive.
“Your father is very ill, Max. He has consumption.”
“Don’t be silly, Lucy, he’s as healthy as a horse.”
“He was, Max, but he isn’t these days. Look closely tomorrow; he’s thinner, his complexion is pale and by the evening, his eyes glaze over because of his medicine.”
She could see Max searching his memories.
“But…” He seemed almost stupefied for a few minutes. “How long have you known?”
“About eight months. I felt unwell while your mother and I were shopping and returned home early, only to see the doctor leaving. He didn’t want to tell me but I made him, and he swore me to secrecy.”
“How long has he been ill?”
“He doesn’t like to talk about it but I think, perhaps two or three years, maybe longer.”
Max was silent for a long time after that and Lucy didn’t know if it was just shock or if he was angry with her for keeping this from him.
“Don’t you see, that’s why he has been so hard on you for the past few years, because he knew that he wouldn’t be around for very much longer?”
“He was always hard on me.”
“Not like this. Ever since you came home from university, he’s different with you.”
Again, silence enveloped them and Lucy began to worry her lower lip.
“I'm sorry I didn’t tell you, Max, but I gave him my word. I feel awful even now, breaking his confidence.”
Max finally looked at her and his expression softened when he saw how concerned she was. He lifted his hand and with his thumb, pulled her lower lip from her teeth.
“You’ll hurt yourself,” he told her, before placing a light kiss on her lips.
“You aren’t angry with me?”
Max shook his head. “I’m a lot of things but angry isn’t one of them, especially not with you. I know how loyal you are and it must have taken a lot for you to tell me.”
Lucy nodded.
“Please though, promise me you won’t tell your mother, or anyone who might tell her. He doesn’t want her upset.”
“She’ll be upset when he dies, regardless.”
“I know, but I think he wants to spare her, well all of you but especially her, for as long as he can.”
“You have my word.”
“I’m so sorry, Max.”
“Stop apologising, none of this is your fault.”
“Maybe so,” she said, although she felt that this was her fault, if not for keeping it from Max, then for breaking her promise to his father. “I don’t have to be in the wrong to feel sorry.”
“Let’s try and forget it for now,” he said, kissing her again.
This time she kissed him back and the kiss quickly grew passionate. Lucy repositioned herself so that she could better lean down to kiss him and his hands began to wander over her curves.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked in between kisses.
Lucy looked down at him and tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. “I’m sure,” she reassured him. He still looked sceptical though, so Lucy sat up and pulled her nightgown off, throwing it aside before she settled against him again and resumed kissing him.
His hands began to explore further afield now, stroking, caressing and teasing her back, hips, bottom and thighs but it wasn’t enough for him. He rolled them over until Lucy was on her back and took her breast in his hand, rolling her nipple between his finger and thumb. She groaned through their kiss and Max’s hand traced a path lower, over her stomach to her mons, running his fingers gently through the hair, which he knew she loved.
Finally he separated her wet folds with his finger and began to rub her clitoris.
One of Lucy’s hands was caressing Max’s back while she slipped the other hand between them, grasping his length in her fist and rubbing the drop of fluid into his bell end with her thumb.
Max groaned and dropped his head to her shoulder. It had been so long since anyone other than he had pleasured him, and every sensation was so much more intense because of that.
“I need you,” he told her, his voice husky with desire.
Lucy apparently felt the same way and opened her thighs further as an invitation.
Max didn’t need telling twice and settled between her legs. As he buried his shaft within her hot depths, he felt as if he had come home and paused to look down at Lucy. It wasn’t the sex so much as they eye contact that moved him.
They had both been completely honest with each other and there were no more secrets that could put distance between them now.
She smiled up at him, reaching her hands up to caress his face for a moment, before pulling him down for a hungry kiss. Max began to thrust into her and Lucy wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly.
To date, every time that Lucy had climaxed, it had been with stimulation from his fingers or tongue, so he was surprised to realise that she was building to an orgasm just from penetration. He began to thrust harder, hoping to give her more stimulation.
Lucy began to whimper and gasp as she got closer to release and when her climax finally hit, she cried his name, digging her fingernails into his back. The muscles of her tight sheath clamped down on his member and Max followed her over the edge moments later.
They lay there for a long time, both breathing heavily as they recovered. Lucy came to her senses first and began caressing him, stroking his back, then lightly scratching his rear. Max responded by beginning to nibble her neck, lightly nipping the sensitive skin there and he was surprised to realise that he was growing hard again; he hadn’t even pulled out yet!
Lucy laughed softly. “Someone’s keen.”
“You have no idea,” he whispered seductively in her ear.
He thrust into her a few times, just enjoying the moment, then he pulled out as his mouth left her neck and he crawled backwards, placing kisses over he
r chest and navel, until his head was between her thighs. He gave her a wicked grin, then passed his lips over her clitoris and began to stimulate the sensitive tip with the rough side of his tongue.
He teased her until she was writhing in pleasure on the bed, begging him to take her again. He held out though, enjoying teasing her, until she grabbed two handfuls of his hair and literally pulled his head up.
“If you don’t take me right now, I will make you very sorry.”
Her pupils were dilated, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was wild; Max didn’t think he’d ever seen a more appealing sight. With a triumphant smile, he acquiesced and guided his length to her entrance. Lucy met his thrusts with equal enthusiasm but apparently he wasn’t hard enough for her and with a little effort, she flipped them over and began to ride him, literally slamming her pelvis into his. She closed her eyes and threw her head back and Max realised that there was indeed a more appealing sight than seeing her lying passive and dishevelled under him, and that was seeing her aggressive and dishevelled, riding him.
He reached up with both hands and began to lightly pinch and tweak her sensitive nipples. Lucy sped up her movements and began to groan with each thrust until finally, she came, her features squeezed tight, almost as if the pleasure was painful. It only took another two thrusts until Max spilled his seed into her.
“Oh, my word,” Lucy said, collapsing on top of him. “I feel as if I’ve just run ten miles.”
Max wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hair. “And me, only this was much more enjoyable.”
“Mmm,” she agreed and he felt her lips turn up as she smiled against his chest. A few moments later, he realised that she was sound asleep.
Now it may have been her anxiety about their earlier talk which had tired her out. It might have been the time and energy she spent taking care of her guests the last two days, or it might have been the walk she took with some of the ladies today. Max, however preferred to think that he had tired her out, and that thought did wonders for his male pride.
He gently rolled her onto her side so that she would be more comfortable and after placing a tender kiss on her forehead, soon joined her in a deep slumber.
The Convenient Bride Page 10
