by Anna Katmore
Don’t even think about it.
Julian examined the square window right next to the door that led from my room to the balcony. “Do you think you can step onto the windowsill from inside your room?”
His encouraging gaze made me wonder if I actually could be brave enough, just for him.
“You don’t have to lean out, just hold onto the window frame. When I reach down give me the bird.”
“Reach down? From where?”
One swift move and Julian had hauled himself onto the railing. A breath caught in my throat, my spine stiffened with terror. “God, Julian, will you please get down?”
Not wavering an inch, he balanced along the narrow wood plank. “Don’t worry. I won’t fall.”
I was too scared to lean outside and see what exactly he was about to do. Through the window, I glimpsed his feet lifting from the railing and figured that he’d pulled himself onto the roof somehow. Seconds later, footsteps sounded through the ceiling.
“Oh, this would all be so easy if…” he muttered on the roof.
“If what?” If he could fly? I snorted. Well, buddy, if you could, I’d say you applied for the wrong job here in the vines.
Julian’s irritated grumbling surprised me. I knew he wasn’t angry, but the slightly off tone was something that didn’t fit him. It would rather come from someone moody—like me.
“Okay, hop onto the windowsill now.” His order came from too far for me to feel comfortable.
I gathered every ounce of bravery stored within my shaking body and climbed over my bed onto the sill. My gaze focused on the task and the bird, but never outside. Not standing halfway steadily, I reached outside and lifted the bird.
“A little to the right,” Julian said, and I obeyed, struggling to breathe. He laughed. “The other right, Jona!”
With a hot face, I steered my hand to the other side. The bird’s tiny weight left my palm. Excited chirrups from more than one bird carried down to me and assuaged my tense nerves.
I dropped from the window ledge onto my mattress then stood and waited for Julian to climb down from the roof.
The white towel sailed to the floor. Next, his shoes and legs came into view, dangling outside my window for a second. Then he dropped to the balcony, and my heart skipped a beat. I took a jump backward into the room.
Julian landed softly like a cat. He straightened and rubbed his palms on his rear. “Job done.”
“Jeez, you scared the hell out of me.”
“Sorry about that. But you know,” he took a step toward me into my room, “I’m majorly proud of you. Climbing up that ledge was very brave.”
“You think?”
He nodded. For an awkward, long moment we stared at each other. When the silence became unbearable, I coughed. “So, what does it look like up there in the nest? Are there more young birds?”
“There are three. Why don’t you come out and see yourself?”
An outraged laugh ripped from my throat. “Very funny.”
“No, seriously. I think you should try to get over that fear.” His face was stern, meaningful, but encouragement shone in his eyes. He grabbed my hand and tugged me. “Come on. Marie gave you the prettiest room in the house with this beautiful balcony, and you don’t even appreciate it.”
“I—that’s not true.” I wanted to defend myself, to protest—to his statement and to how his soft touch on my hand made me move. “I love the room.”
Julian tugged a little harder. I stumbled one step forward, then another.
“Wait, I can’t do this.” My knees trembled when he tried to pull me out onto the porch engulfed by darkness.
“Of course you can. Just hold onto my hand and do as I say. I’m holding you.”
I couldn’t say what convinced me in the end, his gentle tone or his warm blue eyes. But before I could think straight again, my right foot shoved over the threshold and landed shakily on the dark painted boards. The wood felt warm against the bare sole of my foot, but it creaked eerily under my weight. Please don’t crack. Please don’t crack. My quavering left leg followed.
“Very good.” Julian smiled. I drew encouragement from it. He tightened his hold of my hand then laced his fingers gently through mine. “Now turn around. No need to look over the railing right away.”
“Huh?” My breathing went on high speed. I winced.
But he didn’t give me time to think. With a soft shove, he directed me around until I faced the outside of my room.
“Oh my God, what are you doing?” I squeaked out in panic.
“I’ll guide you. Trust me.” Julian switched on the dim balcony light. Then he took my other hand, too, and pulled me away from the wall. “I won’t let you fall.” His voice held the seal of a promise.
With some reluctance, I made one step after another by his subtle pull. Hysteria blurred my vision. I closed my eyes and followed blind.
“Breathe, Jona.”
Inhale. Exhale. Trembling breaths pushed out hard.
“You’re doing great. We’re almost there.”
“There? Where? At the slide to hell?”
One more step, then Julian stopped and wrapped both his arms around my middle. He leaned against the railing, feet planted far apart for a better stance. He cradled my back against his chest. “You did it. Just look what a grand first step you made.”
“Hopefully, it won’t be my last.” Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and faced the façade of the house tinted in soft porch light some seven feet away. My jaw dropped to my chest as amazement washed over me.
Oh God, all I wanted was to get back inside. But Julian’s hold of me felt solid and secure. I knew he would keep his promise, and only for that reason I stood rooted.
“Now, eyes up there.” With my hand wrapped in his, he lifted his arm and pointed one finger to the top of the roof.
I zoomed in on the small nest right under the eaves. Three tiny round heads popped over the edge, the mother bird towering watchfully over her spawn.
It was lovely. Not just the sight of the nest built under the eaves, but also how much care shone in the mother-bird’s eyes when she hovered over her children.
“I always wished to have someone look at me that way,” I whispered without thinking.
“Like the bird?” I felt Julian staring at me from the side. “You might not have noticed, but there is someone in this house who looks at you exactly like that.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, the dragon, right.”
“I’m not speaking of your mother.”
My brows knitted together, and I tilted my head to glance at him from only a few inches distance. “Who then?”
“It’s Marie who tries to pull you into her embrace.” Julian’s thumb drew small circles on the back of my hand, sending little shivers up my arm. “She’s pleading for permission, don’t you see?”
“Permission to what?”
“To love you.”
The truth tugged at my heart. Aunt Marie did everything possible to make me feel at home and welcome. But with so much hatred for my mother, I couldn’t let anyone else’s love intrude on me.
Hypocrite. There I stood, dreaming of someone who’d replace my loneliness, and yet I was about to break the heart of the only person who’d tried to make this dream come true. But I couldn’t allow my aunt to break through my shield. Not when those who I opened up to tended to leave me in the end anyway.
“She offered to spend the day with me alone tomorrow.” The reason I told him this eluded me, but suddenly Julian seemed like someone I could be honest with. Someone like Quinn. “And she gave me so many beautiful clothes.”
“Sadly, you didn’t put them on tonight.” He tugged at the hem of my t-shirt to mock me. “But she knows how to welcome someone, doesn’t she?”
“She does indeed.” A low chuckle ripped through me. “Very much the opposite of you.”
Out of the corner of my eye I caught him arch a brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
By his voice I could tell he was smiling.
“Well, you weren’t the most charming person in the world when we first met. With all the bantering and such, no wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Who says I don’t have a girlfriend?”
“Well…you. I mean, you said you weren’t my mother’s lover. And I don’t see any other girls around.” I bit my lip. Shit. There was probably another woman waiting for him somewhere. Someone nice and young, not god-awful like the dragon. Suddenly an invisible boa slithered around my chest and did what it was supposed to do best. It constricted.
When I spoke next, I sounded anything but confident. “So…do you?”
“No.” He dragged out the word and laughed softly.
No girlfriend! The snake evaporated and was replaced with a bunch of excited butterflies. I wanted to squash them with my fist. This really shouldn’t have made me so happy. The pounding of my heart annoyed me something awful. Especially since he must have noticed it with my ribcage pressed so snugly against his warm chest.
Out of an insecure habit, I resorted to my snappy tone. “See, that might be different if you were a little nicer to girls to begin with.”
“It might,” he whispered. And then his lips brushed my ear as he spoke. “And yet, here I stand, holding you in my arms after only three days.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and lowered my gaze to my bare feet. I shouldn’t have been here, in this house. In his arms. And most of all, I shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as I did. Ready to rip out of his embrace, my spine stiffened as did every muscle in my body.
Julian’s arms wrapped a little tighter around me. “Shh,” he breathed. “You’ll just scare the birds.”
OUT ON THE BALCONY
IF SOMEONE HAD told me that one day I’d be sitting on a balcony fifteen feet above the ground and actually enjoying it, I’d have flipped him off. And yet, here I sat. The warmth of the wall seeped into my back while I watched the stars in the velvety night sky.
“Your knees stopped trembling. You aren’t getting comfortable after all?” Julian glanced at me from the railing where he casually perched. For the past five minutes, he hadn’t taken his eyes off my shaking body which he probably assumed was related to vertigo.
I hugged my knees tighter to my chest and nodded. “Strangely enough, it seems so.” I wouldn’t tell him that the rattle of my bones had actually set in with his tender hold and soft words and finally ceased when he’d guided me to the wall and released me. He didn’t have to know everything.
“So, what’s your plan for tomorrow? Will you and Marie paint each other’s nails pink, lounge on the patio with your swim suits on, and sip from cocktails with fancy little umbrellas?” Blowing at his imaginarily polished nails like a real diva, he made me laugh.
“You’d like to see that, wouldn’t you?”
The look he gave me from under his lashes would fit a hungry wolf. “I would so love to.”
Sparkling electricity ran through me, raising gooseflesh along my arms.
“You cold?” He made the wrong connection again.
“Nothing ever escapes you, does it?
Julian jumped off the banister and shrugged out of his gray hoodie. My eyes widened, and I tilted my head to keep him in focus when he stepped closer. He squatted, and I leaned forward so he could swing the sweatshirt around my shoulders, even though I wanted to protest.
“You don’t need to do this. I can fetch my own from inside,” I told him. “Keep it.”
Without his hoodie, he sat back on the banister. “Nah, I’m not cold.”
Neither was I.
But the smell that enveloped me the moment he placed the warm fabric on my shoulders kept me tongue-tied. It was like someone had popped open a can and a double dose of Julian’s wild wind scent escaped. I breathed deep and shoved my arms through the too long sleeves.
With my arms folded on my knees, I buried my cheek in the cozy material and peered at him from the corner of my eye. Should I tell him that he was never going to get this sweatshirt back? The crook of my elbow hid my grin. But the dimple appearing in his left cheek and his slight frown had me wondering if he read my thoughts anyway.
He lifted one foot up to the railing and leaned his chin on his knee. Hand laced around his ankle, he held the leg in place. “It’s the end of day three of your detention. How many more to go? Thirty-five?”
“Thirty-eight.”
“Right.” He chuckled, but I couldn’t see how that was so funny. “What’s your first impression of your new home?”
“It’s not my home,” I said in a voice gone cold, matter of fact. “But everyone is quite nice, and I like the house and the vineyard, if that’s what you mean. Working is actually okay.” I studied the stars for a moment. “This would be a good place to live if Charlene wasn’t here.”
“How so, Jona?” His intense tone pulled me back from the sky. He slid his leg down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. The porch light played softly in his blond hair. “What exactly would be different if your mother wasn’t in this house? I mean apart from you talking a lot more during meal times.”
At his grin, I frowned. How dare he probe and poke his nose where it didn’t belong? “Everything.”
He cocked a brow. “Name one.”
“Just one?” I could allow myself to enjoy this place. The sound of grinding teeth filled my ears, and my eyes narrowed. I hated being outsmarted.
“The stench of dragon wouldn’t follow me everywhere I went.” I grinned bitterly. “Come to think of it, do you believe Charlene would disown me if the smell of another human was on me?” To provoke him, I rubbed the sleeve of his sweatshirt on my cheek.
No answer came from Julian. Instead he eased off the railing and lowered to the floor opposite me. Burning blue eyes studied me for a long moment. “Do you always use sarcasm for protection?”
Yes.
It protected me from the world. From people who tried to get too close. If I hurt them first, they couldn’t hurt me. Especially, when they planned to disappear from my life. “Why do you say that?”
“I haven’t heard anything out of your mouth about your mother that wasn’t dripping with sarcasm.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, so what?”
“Just saying.”
It bothers you like hell. “Well, I’ve got news for you, mister. That’s just who I am, and if she’d cared at all the past twelve years she would have known me, and then she might not have forced me to come here after all.”
“If that’s really who you are, then why haven’t I heard your lippy tone toward Marie?”
Lowering my gaze, my head sank back onto my bent arm and my voice dropped to little more than a whisper. “Marie is different. I find it hard to be myself around her.” Only thinking of her calmed the emotional storm brewing inside me.
“Or, maybe it’s just too easy to be yourself around her?”
I blinked twice then raked a glare over Julian. Was he accusing me of a soft personality? I was anything but.
The years in the orphanage and partly in the streets had taught me a hard lesson: be soft and you go down like a ship under cannon fire. Only the toughest kids kept their heads on in a place like the Westminster Children’s Home, where teachers tried to get under your skirt, and bullies aimed to make you the poster child for losers.
“You don’t understand,” I muttered. “I don’t even blame you. From your place in the world, everything must seem easy. Living in a palace with nice people around, and a good job in the vines, there’s nothing to worry about. But things look a little different from the gutters of society.”
Julian’s lips curled as he scooted across the floor toward me. I watched his every move. His long legs sprawled out before him. When his left arm brushed my right, the nearness of him struck me once again. Excitement rose from my stomach to my chest and set my heart fluttering. Arms crossed over his chest, he tilted his head to regard the stars.
“W
hat are you up to?” I murmured.
“Just trying to see the world from your point of view. If that’s okay with you.”
“Oh. Feel free.”
He cast me a sideways glance, and the strangest thing happened. The expression in his face remained one of intrigue and friendliness, but his eyes seemed to live through a multitude of emotions in this extended moment.
What the hell did he see? For a second, I had the feeling he really had glimpsed the world through my eyes.
Scads of icicles stabbed a line from my neck to the bottom of my spine. My toes curled on the warm wood. The urge to crawl away from him—to safety—was overwhelming. But an even more powerful impulse kept me rooted. Like two opposite poles of a magnet, I was drawn toward this man with every cell of my body, with every breath of my soul. At this moment, I wouldn’t have budged if someone had shocked me with a cattle prod.
Happiness invaded me and kept me paralyzed. If I’d been able to move at all, then it would have only been in one direction. Toward him. An invisible aura radiated around Julian that made me want to sling my arms around him and press my body against his as tight as a mountain climber would hold on to life.
“Knock it off!” Or else I was going to lick that peaceful aura off his very skin.
The sensation stopped. As fast as it had begun.
A final quiver started at the back of my neck and slithered down until it uncurled my toes. Julian crossed his legs, relaxed his hands at his sides, and gazed at the night sky. Everything returned to normal.
Apart from me. I sat rigid, but inwardly I panicked. Bloody hell, what was that? Had I gone mental? Please not now. Not so shortly before my escape into freedom.
Calm down, Jona. You’re tired, that’s all.
Shaking my head, I tried to get rid of the hysteria inside me. I clenched my hands to fists and buried them in my lap. An exhausted sigh lifted my chest. Calm enough to speak, I turned to him. “So, what does life look like from the gutter?”
Julian turned his head and studied me for a couple of seconds. “Can I ask you something very personal?”
