by Kira Barker
It took me a moment for my mind to overcome the imminent terror that idea brought up inside of me.
“Stop that, you insufferable hag! I’m aware that you know Linda better than I do, but she’d never call Simon anything but an insufferable brat, and last year at the garden party she got offended because someone said she looked good for a woman who has an adult son. I doubt she’s secretly waiting for grandchildren!”
Kara snorted, very unladylike, and finally succumbed to the laughter she had been trying to hide so desperately.
“But you should have seen the look on your face just now! Golden! I should have taken a picture of that. Oh, look, we still can. Selfie, hashtag ‘if looks could kill!’”
I gave her exactly such a look, making her crack up anew, but at least she didn’t brandish her phone in my face.
“Annoying you aside, what’s up with you and Jack?” Kara went on, making me go still for a second. Just how much of my dirty laundry would she make me air in front of her today?
“What do you mean?”
Her brows drew together at my cautious tone, but when I gave her my best innocent look, she shrugged.
“He’s been intolerable the entire last week, needy and irritable at the same time. I don’t mind it when he’s broody as that usually translates into pretty intense sex, but I don’t really need all that huffing and chuffing whenever we’re not screwing. And don’t look at me like that. You’re fucking my best friend—it’s about time you accept that Jack and I have our on-again, off-again thing.”
I hastily did my best to wipe my expression clean. Had I really been frowning?
“Trust me, everyone is aware of your arrangement. Don’t you think I would have spoken up like ten years ago if that bothered me?”
Kara struck a thinking pose, but her bright grin wasn’t terribly friendly.
“Like I’d give a shit about it if you did. But yeah, we haven’t been exactly stealthy about it. Unlike you and Simon. This still sounds so weird, thinking of the two of you getting it on.”
“I can’t speak for Simon, but I personally don’t need you picturing that too clearly.”
She snorted and took another sip of coffee.
“Don’t worry, I won’t. But really, are you his girlfriend now, or what?”
“I seriously don’t know,” I admitted somewhat absentmindedly. So Jack’s moping reached beyond avoiding me? It was only then that I realized that I hadn’t had a chance to ask Simon how things were between them. He hadn’t seemed overly tense when Kara and Jack walked in on us, but then it took a lot to unnerve him, and I knew him well enough to know that he’d suppress his own reaction if he thought it would upset me in my not quite settled state.
“Well, it must be getting serious if you break your pattern and hunker down with Simon instead of spending the evening curled up with Jack.” She hesitated, then opened her mouth but closed it after a second. It didn’t happen very often that she was censoring herself.
“Simon wasn’t my first choice,” I admitted, hating how vulnerable and sad that came out.
Kara’s cautious mood changed immediately.
“What? Are you trying to say that Jack deliberately blew you off?”
I shrugged, a lot more uncomfortable with the topic than I’d expected.
“Kinda. We had a fight last week, and he’s been weird since then.”
That was one way to describe it, and as it did fit into Kara’s observation, I figured it was the way to go.
“Weird how?”
“I haven’t talked to him since then,” I admitted. “Except for calling him last night. And when he hung up on me, I went to Simon instead.”
Although it was the truth, that statement rubbed me the wrong way. Sure, I’d been completely out of it, running on autopilot rather than acting on intent, but still. Thankfully, Kara ignored that part completely.
“What an ass! I swear, if I’d known that he’d done that, I would have kicked him out the moment he showed up on my doorstep. I was surprised when he did show up, but I figured you’d decided to hunker down on your own this time, or something.”
“So your immediate reaction was to think I’d drink myself into a stupor, alone, rather than jump some guy to distract myself?”
“You’re not exactly the jumpy type,” she pointed out, her smile doing nothing to cushion the blow. “Besides, you’ve obviously been seeing that mystery guy on the side. I guess I half expected you’d end up there. As you did. See, I’m omniscient.”
“That was very apparent just half an hour ago,” I pointed out.
“I was on your tail the entire time. I just let Simon’s obtuse answers distract me. Really, why did you two asshats think you had to keep this from me?”
“Maybe to avoid getting roped into double dates?”
She considered that for a moment.
“Whatever. You’re not getting out of tonight. But, for the record, I always keep that day clear in my schedule, so if next year you decide you want to get stupidly drunk without any mopey guys getting in the way, just call me, okay? That’s what friends are for.”
I nodded a quiet thanks, but couldn’t diffuse the feeling of guilt rising inside of me. The last twenty-four hours had made me realize that I’d been kind of an ass to my friends, or more so than usual, and having everyone but Jack fall in line didn’t actually make me feel better.
“What was that fight about? Must have been big if you’re still on thin ice.”
She really had a talent for dragging up exactly those topics I didn’t want to talk about.
“Nothing, really.” I wasn’t sure I could even have explained, but certainly didn’t want to. “He doesn’t agree with some of my choices, and having Simon get in the middle of that didn’t help.”
Kara pursed her lips, considering.
“I guess it makes sense that he’s jealous.”
“Who, Jack?!”
The idea was so incredulous that it was hard to wrap my mind around it.
“I doubt Simon would get jealous of himself.” She laughed. “Of course I’m talking about Jack.”
“What would he be jealous of?”
There was one answer to that in my mind, but it wasn’t an option I would offer up unless she next walked in on Jack and me, which seemed even more unlikely now than two weeks ago.
“Maybe jealous is the wrong term,” she agreed, as if the very idea of Jack having sex with me was impossible. I didn’t know if I should be offended or not. “It’s probably more like two little boys fighting over a shiny new toy.”
“Wow, good job making me feel good about myself.”
“Oh, shut up!” she interrupted my comeback. “Do I really have to spell it out to you? You’ve always been Jack’s exit strategy, should everything else fail. Or rather you, the girl who went to prom with some other guy, was. And then, wham, more than ten years later you start something with his roommate who’s never really shown any interest in you. Guess to the whacked-out way guys think, it makes sense that suddenly he starts seeing you as an option again, and, correct me if I’m wrong, but you and Simon don’t necessarily harmonize each other in a way that you get less blunt and ‘in your face!’ with things. I don’t know the details, but that alone makes for a wonderful setup for that fight you had last week. And, of course, now Jack’s feeling rejected by both of you, and my vag is reaping the benefits. Although, I admit, he has been kind of a pain in the ass over the last couple of days.”
“Then use more lube,” I proposed, hoping that this once my poker face would not betray me.
Kara gave me a wink, and thankfully moved on now that she had imparted her never ending wisdom on me.
“What are you going to wear tonight? Not this, I hope?”
She indicated my shirt and jeans.
“Probably not—I already wore that yesterday. I have a change of clothes in my locker.”
Huffing, she shook her head.
“You’re hopeless, you know that?”
&
nbsp; “Deep down I care a lot about fashion, but it’s so much more fun to annoy you that I can’t help myself.”
“Bitch, please. Don’t flatter yourself! But I guess as it’s just the four of us, I can let you get away with it once. It will be much more fun to watch both you and Simon squirm! And you deserve to do some squirming for keeping this under lock and key for over two months!”
I tried to protest, but already knew it was useless. Just one more thing to look forward to, besides having Jack glare at me the entire time.
When had friendships started to become so complicated?
Chapter 14
I was running a little late, so we switched plans to meet at the restaurant. The moment the hostess walked me up to the table, I knew that this was not going to be one of those evenings that would leave me happy and mellow. Not because of the scenery—that was perfect; the table was the very last in a row of tables that was separated from the main part of the restaurant, downright cozy, and unless anyone actually shouted, animated conversations wouldn’t be overheard by half the diners. The decor was simple but elegant, and I doubted that it was coincidence that Kara fit right in. The table was just large enough to comfortably seat four people, and the remaining free spot was the one next to Simon, which didn’t come as much of a surprise but was still unfamiliar. Kara was busy explaining something or other but finished as she saw me approach, leaving way too much attention from all sides resting on me.
I murmured something about being sorry for being late and sat down, just as Simon kicked his chair back in what I belatedly realized was a last-second attempt to get up to hold my chair our for me. We stared at each other for a moment until he shrugged and I rolled my eyes, but when I focused back on the others, I found Jack veritably glowering at me. An entire shift on my feet with all the usual annoyances and stress had already set my nerves on edge, and the last thing I needed was for him to keep adding to that.
Kara was watching the spectacle with one eyebrow cocked, her eyes skipping between the three of us momentarily before she glanced down at the menu in front of her.
“Oh, please, don’t act like strangers just on my account. A little PDA won’t kill me. Or you.”
That made me frown, until I glanced at Simon and found him smiling back, clearly amused.
“I think what she actually wants to say is that she grants us permission for a kiss hello.”
I opened my mouth, ready to explain that I never kissed him when I came over, but the words got stuck in my throat. It occurred to me then that even with the casual sex excuse that wasn’t really an excuse, just not the whole truth, Kara probably still expected us to act like, well, lovers. Only now the moment for that had already passed, and acting on it would have felt twice as weird.
“This is priceless,” Jack muttered under his breath, and when I looked at him sharply, I got a jovial smile in return that sent my bullshit radar into overdrive. “This reminds me of when you brought that one girl to the garden party a few summers ago—what was her name? Melinda?”
The name didn’t tell me anything, but Simon went rigid next to me. Jack’s grin grew just a hint more feral.
“Or what was that other chick’s name, the one who wouldn’t even let you grab a beer without her trailing behind you? Suzy? And let’s not forget about Erica, who crashed not one but two parties after you dumped her because you got bored with her and who bitched you out in front of everybody.”
Kara looked more bemused than alarmed, but the tension that came off Simon in veritable waves irritated me. None of those names rang a bell, but I could take an educated guess of what the nature of their relationship to Simon had been. A tiny part of me might have felt a little jealous, but all that was in the past, and there was a good reason for that, and none for me to act up. What made me angry was the implication in Jack’s words.
“Want me to list all the whores you’ve been screwing over the years? Present company excluded, of course.”
Likely not the best thing I might have said, but it certainly made Kara crack up and Simon swallow whatever he had been about to say. Jack cocked his head and regarded me levelly, and I felt my cheeks heat up a little when I realized that I’d not just implicated Kara with that statement.
“Didn’t know they’d serve comedy with the meals,” Kara interjected before I could put my foot into my mouth again. Following her example, I was only too happy to open the menu, my stomach growling on command.
Scrolling through the options, I tried hard to get a better grip on my temper. The last thing I needed tonight was to escalate the situation in front of an audience. Just between the three of us had been bad enough already.
“Any suggestions on what’s good here?” I asked, more to break the silence that at least to me seemed uncomfortable than to really ask for anyone’s opinion.
“Why, aren’t you allowed to choose your own food anymore?”
This time it wasn’t just Simon who tensed, and Kara gave Jack a look that was bordering on hostile.
“Is it ‘bring your favorite asshole to dinner’ day and I missed the announcement?” she chuffed.
Jack murmured something that might have been vaguely apologetic, then continued to stare a hole into me. I chose to ignore him and went back to browsing the menu, glad that Simon held his tongue. That in itself was a red flag, but one I was ill-equipped to make sense of.
Our waiter returned with our drinks and took down our meal choices, and conversation leveled out when Kara and Simon started chatting about a movie they’d both seen recently. Jack didn’t seem interested in anything except glowering at either me or Simon, and I hadn’t even heard of the film, so it left me itchy on the sidelines. Things got marginally better as the food arrived, but by the time I’d polished off my salmon, I could have really used a drink. I’d seldom been so uncomfortable sitting at a table with people who I’d known for almost longer than not, and I couldn’t fault Simon for bailing when his phone rang. Then Kara got up herself to use the bathroom, leaving me and Jack to our less than amicable selves.
“Do I even want to know why you’ve been behaving like an asshole the entire evening?” I hissed at him, wishing I’d kept my dessert fork so I could stab him if he kept this up.
Jack didn’t react for a full ten seconds, and just continued to stare at me.
“How are things as his doormat working out for you? Not too well, judging from the fact that you’ve pretty much shut him out for an entire week, and this morning you didn’t look like you’d just made it out of the attic, either.”
It was hard to keep my irritation in check, but not having to censor myself anymore helped.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but this is none of your business.”
“He’s certainly not screwing you for your eloquence, but then I don’t think you get to do much talking, anyway.”
The temptation to go into full-frontal assault was strong, but I tried to take the high road this once.
“It’s not like he’s asking me to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together. Why are you making such a huge deal out of this? It doesn’t even concern you.”
He opened his mouth to deliver what likely would have been another acerbic comeback, but instead thought of something else.
“How are your thighs? Arms? Pretty much the rest of your body, too, I presume. Are you still all black and blue? Did he leave scars?”
Unease spread up my spine, but I did my best to keep my composure.
“What you saw last week probably looked worse than it was. I’m all healed up, completely. No scarring.”
“If you’re feeling so chipper, why didn’t you just ask him to beat you into oblivion last night? Would have been one way to deal with shit.”
“Shit I wouldn’t have needed help dealing with if you weren’t acting like a petulant five-year-old!” I hissed, then took a deep breath to calm myself again. “But on one thing I have to agree with you—it was about time that I learned to deal with my own shit
without relying on you to help me through it. Turns out, I don’t really need you.”
It was a low blow, and I was kind of sorry for delivering it when I saw his eyes harden, but there was no taking it back.
“True, instead of letting your friends be there for you when you need them, you run to the guy who’s physically abusing you so he can pull a mental number on you, too. Very mature, Erin, very mature.”
Like the last time he’d flung that accusation around, it cut deep into me, but this time I’d at least had a chance to brace myself for it. Not that it helped take away the sting.
“It’s not abuse when it’s consensual,” I pointed out.
“It’s still abuse if you just think it’s consensual,” he shot back, and when I wanted to reply, he forestalled me with a raised hand. “But for the sake of this argument, let’s pretend you’re really fucked up enough that you actually, physically need this. Why did you shut him out of your life for the past week? And I presume you really didn’t play last night?”
I’d thought the worst he could do was victimize me, but this was worse. I hated how he was able to just pull my own doubts from the depths of my mind and fling them right in my face. I briefly considered just ignoring Jack and forcing an end to the conversation that way, but the hint of triumph on his face made it impossible for me to shut up.
“Just for your information, we sat on the couch and he held me while I cried my eyes out. And after that, we had sex because I was so starved for basic human contact that I couldn’t stand the idea of being alone. He was there for me while you apparently had nothing better to do than mope around and screw Kara!”
That didn’t sit well with him, but didn’t make him drop the point, either.
“Don’t you see what’s wrong with this picture? You wanted comfort, and what he did was fuck you. Don’t deny it. You know I’m right. That’s all he ever does, because that’s all he’s capable of.”
I didn’t know why that even hit home.
“You weren’t even there last night, you have no idea—”
