by Kira Barker
Not knowing what to reply to that, I held my tongue, and Kara gave me a brief, disappointed pout for it.
“Oh, come on, like I give a shit about what you two are up to in the bedroom. Or elsewhere. Just thought I should let you know that I know how that implicates you. You know, ho code and the like.”
That made me snort.
“Ho code? Seriously?”
“So you haven’t forgotten how to speak!” she cheered, then turned serious again. “I have to admit, I’ve underestimated you. The worst I thought I’d ever hear about your sex life is the lack thereof, but you’ve been quite the busy bee, now, haven’t you?”
“No more so than anyone else involved,” I pointed out succinctly.
That made her chuckle.
“I expect shit like that from Jack,” she replied. “On a good day I could maybe admit that Simon’s not a completely asexual being. But you? Didn’t they vote you ‘least likely to end up in a threesome’ in high school? Seriously, what the fuck got into you? Everyone knows that you don’t fuck where you sleep. Or was that shit where you eat? I can never remember.”
“Just for your information, it wasn’t my idea, and I didn’t instigate it. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Don’t be such a spoilsport. Simon already left out all the good stuff, so it’s your obligation to fill in the blanks now,” she continued to needle me.
I hadn’t expected her not to tear me a new one within the first five minutes, but with Kara, I never could tell when that might happen.
“What did he tell you? Not to sound cruel, but his version might be somewhat different than mine. Or the truth.”
She heaved a theatrical sigh as if I’d asked her to do something incredibly hard and laborious.
“The Cliff Notes version? The three of you were screwing each other while Simon and you had your thing going on the side. Jack got jealous because he realized that he’d somehow become the third wheel, so he seduced Simon to try to wrench you apart to have you to himself, which kind of worked because deep down you’re an insecure scaredy cat.”
I blinked, surprised how close to my version of the events that was. Kara noticed but held her tongue, clearly waiting for me to reply. Then I realized the reason for that grin.
“Are you smug because you got one part of it right?” I asked.
“Not just part of it, the main catalyst, please! That’s something to be proud of,” she jeered back.
“It’s not. It’s pathetic and petty.”
“Potato, potahto.” She waved me off. “The real question is, what are you going to do now?”
Just then a waiter approached us, offering us champagne flutes on a tray, and I took that opportunity to extricate myself from Kara’s grasp and take two glasses. The waiter didn’t even blink when I drained the first and handed it back to him straight away, while Kara shook her head in silent reproach.
“I don’t know. Talk, I guess,” I offered once we were on our own again.
“Is that what you and Jack did today? Talk, until you were both sweaty and panting?”
Her tone held just a hint of scorn, but it was too much to ignore.
“You’re aware that I didn’t start this? Any of it. I almost walked in on them doing it. Why am I to blame now if I don’t turn into the paragon of celibacy?” I bit out.
Kara looked playfully aghast for a moment, then shrugged.
“It’s so typical that you and Jack gang up against the world. Just saying.”
“That wasn’t my idea, either,” I informed her. “Jack turned up on my doorstep this afternoon. What should I have done, kick him out? You were likely next on his list. Would you have preferred that?” She held my gaze evenly but sipped her champagne a little too fast, making me realize that for once I’d hit the bull’s eye right on. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re pissed because he came to me, not to you!”
Her shrug was less than convincing, and when I kept staring at her, she eventually caved.
“Okay, maybe a little. I just hate being excluded,” Kara admitted.
“Are you aware that you’re just as childish as he is sometimes?”
That made her consider her reply for a moment.
“Maybe I am, but then, don’t I have reason aplenty? Inside of a few weeks, you’ve managed to have not one, but two insanely bright and handsome guys panting after you, while I’m left at the sidelines to watch this whole spectacle unfold.”
“Trust me, it’s less amusing when you’re caught in the thick of it. And what about Dan? There’s still the country club,” I pointed out.
Her answering laugh was loud and brash, making a few heads turn in our direction.
“That’s true. Too bad I can’t go there tomorrow. They’re having their yearly bake sale.”
“Other plans?”
“Well, there’s Linda’s garden party. You know, the one I keep reminding you of, and which you’ve obviously forgotten about again?”
“Ah, that one,” I confirmed her guess. As if I didn’t have enough to keep track of right now that gave me hives, a garden party was exactly what I needed.
“That one.” She laughed, and, much to my surprise, a rather insipid smile crept onto her face. “I might be bringing someone. You don’t know him yet. His name’s Andy.”
“Let me guess… a banker? Broker? CEO of a start-up turned billion-dollar corporation?” I proposed.
She didn’t even frown at me calling her superficial.
“Actually, he’s working as a barista at my favorite coffee shop. Nice guy, really. So not my type, but with the peanut gallery all up in your business, I might stand a chance of actually introducing him to people before he gets scared and runs off, never to be seen again.”
That gave me pause, but then neither Jack, Simon, nor I had ever exactly bonded with any of the guys Kara kept dragging along. Not our fault, if anyone asked me, but I was careful not to point that out.
“Nice way to get back on topic, by the way.” I had to give her that.
“I know.” She grinned. “So what are you going to do now? Just talk?”
“Why is it any of your business?” I asked, a little suspicious.
“It isn’t,” she agreed, surprising me. “But Simon’s my friend, and so are you and Jack. As much as I love teasing you, I don’t like seeing any of you in any real emotional pain, and if Simon’s any indication, the three of you managed to really fuck each other up. Besides, you can’t very well be interested in hearing about all my most interesting conquests and undertakings when you’re all busy getting your collective shit together. I’m just looking out for myself here.”
It gave me the strangest kind of warm feeling to realize that she really cared, in her own way.
“How bad is he?” I asked, chewing on my lip as unease continued to creep up my spine.
Kara made a face, her eyes back in front where the blonde had finally beat it and removed her abundantly displayed goods from the podium to give Simon the stage. I hadn’t had a good chance to look at him before, and watching him now, I had a hard time at first seeing any signs that anything had happened today. He was wearing that sports jacket again from the night we’d been out with Kara and Jack, combined with dark jeans and a form-fitting black T-shirt underneath. It took me a moment to realize that it was one of those he usually wore in the attic. As he looked out over the crowd, his face was calm and composed, and his voice was steady and strong as he started thanking everyone for coming here tonight.
Then his eyes skipped to where we were standing, and for a moment our gazes met. He glanced away quickly, and a look of pain crossed his face, but was gone before it really registered. If I hadn’t known him so well or hadn’t been looking for something, I would likely have missed it.
“That depends.” Kara cut my observation short. “I think he’s taking the entire getting his heart ripped out by those he feels closest to thing rather well, considering the circumstances. He sounded defeated rather than angry when we had our little chat r
ight before you showed up. It could be a brave front he’s showing to the world, though. It’s been a while since we had a talk like that, and he’s grown a lot harder and colder since he was seventeen.” She considered something for a moment, then looked at me with concern shining in her eyes. “It really isn’t my business, and even if it was, you should know best what you’re going to do, but if you care about him, don’t screw this up. I’m not saying that it all rests on your shoulders, and he’s old enough that no single person can truly screw him up for life anymore, but this goes a lot deeper than any relationship that only lasted a couple of weeks should go. If you don’t want to continue what you’ve had going on, try to at least save your friendship. I think he could deal with a clean cut now, even if you and Jack hook up. What he can’t deal with is being led along.”
I had to blink several times to keep myself from looking at her cross-eyed.
“Did he mention the part where I told him that I loved him, and he looked back at me as if I’d just told him this was all a joke?”
Her smile was rueful as she nodded.
“He mentioned that. Not one of his brighter moments, I might add.”
“Then why would you think that I’d end up with Jack?”
Now her smile turned condescending, until she realized that it wasn’t a rhetorical question.
“Seriously? The way you two have always behaved, it’s a wonder that I don’t accidentally call you Cersei on a regular basis! You do lack the awesome hair, which makes it easier, I guess.”
“And there’s the lack of psychotic offspring,” I pointed out.
“And that. Have you finally caught up on this season?” she asked.
“Not even started it,” I had to admit. “Between working and trying to juggle two guys, something had to fall short.”
Kara heaved a theatrical sigh.
“See, that would be a deal breaker for me. You’re so lucky that we’re not screwing each other.”
“Be still my heart. The very idea has my stomach all aflutter,” I stage-whispered.
“Oh, shut up. You know that I’m irresistible. And I give the best advice.”
“I don’t know about that.”
She raised her brows at my retort, then pointedly jerked her chin toward the front of the room.
“You. Him. Talk. Either be blunt and forward, or let him down gently, but don’t string him along. Maybe pad out your bra beforehand—shoving your tits into a guy’s face seems to get you everywhere. Now, shoo! There are a couple of lit critics here that I need to work over for the shit they’ve been writing about the book this week. That they even dare show their faces here is inexcusable.”
“Really, the gall!” I huffed.
Kara muttered something under her breath, then leaned close.
“Good luck. You’ll need it.”
And then she left me standing at the back of the room, all by myself, with only my dark thoughts for company.
I must have been scowling quite a lot because no one dared approach me over the next couple of hours, which turned them into their very own ordeal. The first thing I did after Kara left me to my own devices was text Jack that I would be later than expected as I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Simon yet. He replied with a one letter acknowledgment that made me wonder if he was really too down to write more, or so busy regaling Marcy with tales of our explicit adventures that he had no time. I didn’t know what I would have preferred, but the latter sounded healthier.
The party took forever to wind down. I had no idea how long they usually took, but even with a quick pass by the open bar and a few canapés, I felt like I was dying from boredom while anxiety ate away at me. Kara’s words left me hopeful but also scared the shit out of me. I certainly had time aplenty to watch Simon from afar, and from what I could tell, he didn’t look at me again once. He was busy talking with people, but even when they left him some breathing space, he didn’t look even remotely approachable to me. I couldn’t help that sickening feeling of jealousy creep up whenever another easily excitable woman did her best to throw herself at him, even though I tried telling myself that likely none of them could offer him anything he’d want. I’d never noticed how many guys made goo-goo eyes at him, too.
My only saving grace was that he didn’t seem to be aware of any of that happening.
It was well after 11:00 p.m. when the party started winding down, likely because people were either flocking to other venues or leaving for home. And suddenly Simon was gone, leaving me with panic rising inside of me. I was ready to freak out when my phone chimed with a text from Kara.
Check the hallway by the bathrooms. You’re welcome.
I didn’t hesitate but left the room immediately, familiar with the venue thanks to the five cups of coffee I’d chugged once my lack of sleep had started catching up to me. I could only worry myself into ulcer territory so long before my body started clamoring for its due.
I’d barely made it around a corner when I almost collided with a solid, tall body, and it took me a moment to realize that I knew every line of it all too well. For a moment, all I could do was gawk up at Simon, and he looked actually startled to find me here. Then I saw him shut me out, his face becoming a calm, composed, but cold mask. I’d seen that happen a few times, particularly when someone annoyed him, but I’d never expected him to look at me like that.
Remembering Kara’s words, I decided to cut right to the chase.
“Can we talk? I know this is weeks overdue, but, please?”
The way he looked down at me—at least physically, and the sudden guilty feeling rising inside of me made it a mental thing, too—made me lick my lips, but that didn’t seem to sway him one bit.
“Kind of ironic that now you finally know how to beg?”
My first impulse was to keep a tight lid on my temper, but after a moment I tore it right off.
“I can play nice if I want to, but you’re at least consistent in acting like an asshole to me. What does that do for you, Simon? Does that keep you warm and happy when you’re all alone?”
Maybe I should have stopped after the first part, but my words, if not my tone, did the job and wiped that arrogant, cold look off his face. What lurked underneath wasn’t exactly better because seeing anguish in his eyes made me feel like the lowest kind of shit immediately, but at least it made him seem a little more open to my suggestion.
“Talk, please? Just hear me out, and if you don’t like what I have to say, you can leave and I won’t bother you again.”
That made him look even sadder, but after a moment he nodded.
“Sure. Talk.”
It was then that I realized that while I’d spent hours agonizing over what I wanted to say to him, I was all out of words now.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to come up with something smart, but ended up blurting out the first thing I could think of.
“I had sex with Jack. Not to get back at you, exactly, but the thought crossed my mind. For all intents and purposes, we’re even now.”
He took that in calmly, his utter lack of reaction angering me a little. He could have looked a little annoyed at least, if not because of me, then for Jack’s sake.
“I wasn’t aware that we were keeping score, but if you want to then yes, that makes us even.”
I hated that he didn’t give me any point I could latch on to, but at least the block in my mind was dwindling now.
“Does it make any sense that I’m trying to save what we have?”
“Are you? Trying, I mean. Because that must be the worst possible way to start a reconciliation. I fucked the guy you were stupid enough to fall for. Great start.”
That point definitely went to him.
“At least I’m being honest. And it’s not like I can’t relate to the feeling.”
Simon winced, but I got absolutely no satisfaction from his reaction—quite disappointing.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I really didn’t know,” he began, then looked away, using
one of his hands to comb through his short hair, making the dark strands stick up. “That’s not true. The part about being sorry is, but the rest is not. I didn’t want to see it. I guess on some level I knew, but it was easier to ignore it. You see, you’re not the only one who can set herself up for disappointment.”
I didn’t know what to make of that, but the fact that we were both talking now had to count for something.
“I didn’t tell you to put any pressure on you. It was kind of my last resort. Couldn’t think of much else to say, kind of like now.”
That made him smile, even if it was a sad smile.
“You’re not alone with that, either. Exactly when did just talking become such a fundamentally hard task?”
“No idea, but it is ridiculous.” Sighing loudly, I tried to think of something else, but my mind was strangely blank. “Why don’t we take this somewhere a little more private where we don’t have a good chance that your mom barges in on us any minute now? If I can avoid clueing her in to what we’ve been up to, I’d be much obliged.”
“Sounds good,” he replied, but I didn’t miss the hesitation in his voice.
“And I should probably call Jack to join us for that talk,” I added cautiously.
A muscle jumped in Simon’s jaw when he gnashed his teeth, but before he could protest, I raised my hands placatingly.
“He’s an idiot, I’m not going to protest that, but he’s still our friend, and he’s in this as much as either of us, whether we like it or not. Unless you want to break off all contact, we should do this with him present. Maybe he has a few things to cough up that will make your decision easier.”
Simon looked away, and when he caught my gaze again, a strange kind of tension had seeped into his shoulders.
“I knew what he was doing, or trying to. Get you away from me and choose him, I mean. I’ve known for weeks, and I didn’t do a single thing to stop it. I realized that something was going on when he started getting cranky and felt neglected, I knew that it was likely to blow up in our faces, and chances were good that you’d get hurt in the fallout, and still I did nothing. On some level I realized that he was just using me to set up the next stage of his plan, but I let it happen, because right then it was all the same to me if I could just get what I wanted out of it. Does that change your view of me? Can you still trust someone who does that to you?”
