by Shona Husk
Footsteps followed. Then a man in a paint splattered T-shirt and black multi-pocketed pants came down the stairs. Roan’s feet were bare. No torque adorned his neck and no sword hung at his side, yet he was obviously a king. His king.
Meryn knelt and bowed his head. He didn’t even have his sword to lay down before him because he’d lost it his first night in the Fixed Realm. Next to him Dai didn’t move. Once Meryn would have stood and looked Roan in the eye, but he’d been a different man then. One worthy of a king’s friendship.
“Meryn, cousin. Rise,” Roan said in Decangli, his footsteps drawing closer.
Meryn lifted his head but remained on his knees. “I would if I were worthy to stand.” He’d seen men ask for forgiveness for lawbreaking and beg for leniency, yet he’d never suspected it would one day be him. He’d never pitied supplicants before, and he wasn’t going to start now with himself. He swallowed, then forced out the words. “I abandoned my duty when I was most needed. I understand the nature of my crime and also the penalty. I accept your decision as law.”
Once spoken, the burden he’d been carrying became lighter. He couldn’t change the past—no man could, not even Dai had that power—but he could make reparation. And this was a start.
“That first night in the Shadowlands was hard on us all. I know what you saw and I’m sorry for your loss, for all the lives lost because of the rebellion I led.”
“We all supported it.” Dai spoke softly.
“But I had the final say. I have to live with that. There wasn’t a day I didn’t wonder if I could have done something differently. We all have to live with regrets. We don’t have to let them rule us.” Roan held out his hand. “You’re forgiven.”
Meryn looked at his cousin’s hand. “You forgive me that fast?”
Roan squatted down. “I forgave you years ago. Thoughts of you kept us going when fading to goblin seemed like an easy way to end it. Your sacrifice gave us the strength to fight the curse.” Roan’s jaw tightened as if he were remembering those that didn’t survive. “If you hadn’t lost heart, we’d all have lost our souls to the curse.” Roan stood, his hand outstretched. “Get up, Meryn. Here I’m no one’s king.”
Meryn took Roan’s hand and rose. Almost as tall as Roan, it had been a long time since they’d been anything but king and council.
Roan drew him into an embrace. “It’s good to have you back.” Then he released Meryn, but Roan’s gaze lingered on his cousin’s face. “You did bring the Shadowlands with you.”
“It was all I saw for too many years.” The dullness and nothingness had gotten caught in his eyes and in his soul. But no more nightmares had crept out since he’d killed the goblin. He glanced at Dai, wondering how much Roan knew.
For a second, Dai’s eyes glimmered with magic. “Meryn’s ties to the Shadowlands are gone.” He gave a small nod as if to reassure Meryn.
But Meryn already knew that connection was gone; he’d severed it with hope and the dreams of the life he wanted. While he might still have the occasional nightmare, at least they wouldn’t follow him through into this world.
The three of them stood silent. With two millennia between them, no one knew where to start. Did Meryn want to know everything they had done? Would they want to know what he had done as a goblin? All that was best left well alone.
But it should’ve been six standing here reunited.
“Dai told me Brac, Fane, and Anfri didn’t make it.” None of them should’ve died. Their deaths, the deaths of all the Decangli, were the traitor’s fault. One man had condemned the whole tribe. “I know it will change nothing, but I would like to know who the traitor was.”
A look passed between Roan and Dai. Meryn’s gut tightened. He wasn’t going to like the answer.
“It was Drem.” Roan said. “Dai saw his body in the general’s quarters that night.”
Meryn lowered his gaze to the floor, the betrayal by his brother twisting in his gut even though it had happened so long ago. “I should’ve known.”
Maybe if he’d been paying more attention to what was going on and less attention to Idella and the baby—no, he couldn’t think like that. Every second he’d had with her had been worth it.
“None of us did,” Dai muttered.
Roan cut in, “We’ve had a long time to get used to these things, Meryn. Drem was his own man, however poor his choices; you aren’t responsible for his actions. We have made a memorial for Fane, Brac, and Anfri if you’d like to see it?”
Meryn nodded and Roan let them out into the garden. Beneath a little house wedged up in a tree was a plaque. Meryn stared at the metal as the engraved letters un-jumbled. Reading, even with magic, required effort. Three words. The names of the three who didn’t make it and who had died in the Shadowlands. Meryn closed his eyes for a moment. May they find peace in the hall of the gods and a new life on the other side.
“We buried their torques and swords. Ours too. No one has swords these days.”
“I’d noticed.” No one carried weapons; it was odd. Being weaponless was akin to being naked. “Mine was taken.”
“I can get that back,” Dai offered.
“With paperwork, not magic.” Roan lips were smiling but his words were firm. Dai’s magic use wasn’t well accepted.
Dai smiled. “Yeah, yeah, of course. How about a drink for the dead?”
Roan glanced at Meryn. “You’re staying.”
Meryn nodded. He could stay for a while, but he had to be back home by morning for the wedding with Nadine. “I would like to sleep in my own bed.”
In Dai’s hands three beers appeared. He handed them out. The bottles were icy against Meryn’s palm. He copied his cousins as they twisted off the tops and then sat on the grass.
“For the fallen, all of them,” Roan said. He raised his drink and then took a long swallow.
Meryn and Dai did the same. Meryn coughed on the cold liquid. It wasn’t what he was expecting. “What is this?”
“Beer, hundreds of different flavors, these days. You should try the wine. Much better than the Roman swill.” Roan took another drink. “For a while there I didn’t think we’d ever see you again.”
“Particularly after you broke my sliding door to get out of my apartment.”
Meryn winced; Dai had kept nothing from Roan. “I didn’t know what was going on. I barely knew who I was when I was pulled out of the Shadowlands.”
“I know,” said Dai. “I checked on you in the hospital. What I saw filled me with doubt about how well you’d heal. You were tied to the Shadowlands after living and breathing it for so long.”
“It’s good you are well again; we lost too many.” Roan’s gaze was on the plaque.
It was such a small reminder of what had happened. The Roman coins in Meryn’s pocket became heavy. He’d carried them for so long, as if in his heart he knew they had meaning even after his mind forgot. He couldn’t spend them in this life, but the gold and silver could be put to use. He took out the coins and handed them to Dai. “Do you remember how Idella and the girls looked?”
Dai nodded. He should. Idella had looked after Mave, Roan and Dai’s younger sister, and Dai had been a frequent visitor.
“Can you make the coins into something to honor them?”
Dai closed his eyes. For a few moments nothing happened, then the metal began to quiver. How much power did Dai have to melt gold and silver without heat? Enough to make the world bend to his will? In Dai’s hand a gold disk formed. At the center, in silver, was a pregnant woman, each hand held by a little girl. “Will this serve?”
Meryn studied the image. He touched his wife’s face, the likeness as he remembered her. “Add Mave, she was part of the family.”
The surface of the metal behind Branna shimmered and an older girl appeared in silver. Dai met Meryn’s gaze. “Thank you. She ought to be remembered.”
Meryn inclined his head. Had Dai ever had a chance to really grieve after his sister’s murder or had he always been wary of spilling the secret
of her death? He touched the golden disk again. His family was long gone, living only in his mind. While he would always have his memories of Idella, he wanted a woman of flesh and blood, not whispers and shadows.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Roan put his hand on Meryn’s shoulder.
“I know.” Meryn let the disk go.
With magic, Dai stuck the new plaque to the tree. The past was there for all to see. It was a pity the future wasn’t so clear, but he saw a glimmer when he was with Nadine.
Meryn raised the beer. “To Idella and the girls, I hope the lives they’ve lived since have been filled with joy.”
Roan and Dai raised their bottles in salute before taking a drink. If they drank for everyone who’d died the night of the failed rebellion they’d be here all night and unable to walk in the morning.
Meryn switched the bottle to his other hand, his skin like ice. Sitting with his cousins felt so familiar it was almost as if no time had passed, and yet so much had. He stared at the tree, but the loss no longer cut him. The wound had healed so only the scar remained. Idella would want him to live, but tonight was about catching up with the past. Tomorrow he’d face his future.
“So, what did I miss while I was running with the goblins?”
Several beers later they were lying on the grass, looking up at the stars. Eliza had come out and introduced herself by bringing food and water, should they choose to start sobering up. The stars weren’t spinning. He hadn’t had that much to drink, but he had eaten well—toasted sandwiches; dips; crunchy, salty biscuits; and three types of cheeses. Even the Romans would be impressed with all the different foods available now.
He smiled to himself. While Dai and Roan hadn’t told him everything that had happened over two thousand years—that would take a very long time—he’d got the short version with just the highlights and lowlights, including the death of the druid that had cursed them and how Dai had met his partner Amanda.
“How is the house?” Roan asked.
“Good.” It was; he liked it very much. It was also reassuring to know that Dai lived somewhere else—Roan didn’t expect them to all live together. Meryn glanced at Dai. There was one thing that still puzzled him about the house. It had been filled with everything he might need and more clothing than he could wear in a month if he wore something new every day. “Why were there no shoes?”
“I didn’t know your size. I thought about putting some in there but in the end I figured one of us would take you shoe shopping. Probably not Roan, as he thinks all clothing can be bought at the army surplus store.”
“I like boots that are comfortable and that don’t fall apart. Besides, Meryn has shoes.” Roan pointed at the black-and-white checked shoes.
Dai sat up and peered at Meryn’s feet. “You do.”
“I took myself shopping.” Both of his cousins looked a little shocked. Meryn bit back the smile. “I’m managing fine.”
“I can see that.” Roan propped himself up and finished the last of his beer. “Another round?”
Meryn was tempted to say yes, simply because he was actually enjoying himself. But he didn’t want a hangover tomorrow when he was accompanying Nadine to her friend’s wedding. He pushed himself up. He was cold from lying still, but it was still warmer than the Shadowlands. “Not for me.”
“Somewhere to be?” Roan asked, dusting grass off himself.
“Someone to see,” Dai corrected.
Was he that transparent? Did it matter if they knew? “I have met someone. We see each other when she runs at the park.”
“Ah, and you don’t want to sleep late and miss her.” Roan smiled.
“No, tomorrow her friend weds and she asked me to go with her.”
Roan raised his eyebrows and even Dai looked surprised. Had they really expected him to be more dependent?
Dai looked at Meryn’s feet again. “Well, there are suits in the closet, but you can’t wear those shoes to a wedding.”
“What shoes am I supposed to wear?” Would he have time to buy a new pair in the morning?
“Shoes that match a suit. Black, uncomfortable, with no grip on the sole,” Roan said.
“Then why do people wear them if they are so impractical?” He’d seen men in the pointed toes shoes, and women in the spiked heels. Would Nadine be wearing shoes like that? He tried to imagine her dressed in something other than her running clothes and failed. He liked the close fit of her running clothes, the way they gave a suggestion of what was beneath without revealing anything.
“Because they look good. I think you’re about my size.” Roan looked at Dai. “Grab the ones I wore to get married in.”
Dai closed his eyes. “Got them.” A moment later they were sitting on the grass in front of his cousin. Dai shook his head as if trying to clear it. “No more beer, or no more magic tonight. The two still don’t go well together.”
“I can drive Meryn home.” Roan stood and offered Meryn his hand. This time Meryn took it without hesitation.
He’d only been in a car when the police had arrested him, and he’d been too confused to enjoy it. He opened his mouth to speak but Dai mouthed no.
“It’s okay. I have to get home too. I’ll just have a couple of painkillers, a bit more to eat, and I’ll be fine.” Dai gathered up the beer bottles by hand.
Meryn picked up the food tray and they walked into the house. There was a light on, but the rest of the house was silent. No doubt Eliza had given up waiting for Roan and gone to bed. In the kitchen they packed away. For a moment there was a silence. Not uncomfortable, but a pause as if no one really wanted the night to end even though it must.
Roan clasped Meryn’s free hand. “You are always welcome here.”
“Thank you, for everything. I’m glad I came. I’d forgotten how good it could be to do nothing but talk.” For a change, they hadn’t discussed ways to kill the General and get the Romans off their land.
“Missing the old days?” Roan raised an eyebrow.
The people but not the life. He’d known it was precarious while living it, yet looking back he saw that they’d been clinging on with fingernails that were breaking from the strain. “No.” And he meant it. “Another time.”
“Don’t wait another two thousand years.” Roan released Meryn and nodded to Dai.
Dai took his arm and in a blink they were standing back in Meryn’s house, the lurching sensation of his stomach was the only sign they’d moved. A few more drinks and maybe he could’ve convinced himself he’d imagined the whole thing, except that he was holding a pair of borrowed shoes.
His cousin didn’t release him straight away. “Going to a wedding with a woman you hardly know…are you rushing into things? After what happened…?”
He probably was, but it felt good to be alive and he wanted everything that entailed. “I know enough about her.”
“And what does she know of you?”
“Nothing, except the loss of my family.” Did he tell Dai Nadine already knew about goblins? “You know our story survived as a children’s tale?”
The corner of Dai’s lips turned up at the side. “Yeah, I had something to do that. People were forgetting about goblins, so I wrote a few pieces, both fact and fable.”
“You didn’t want us to be forgotten.”
“I wanted to warn people that the danger was there even if they didn’t remember. Goblins still ride at winter solstice, stealing gold and women. These days, people forget to leave a token piece of something gold and they forget to stay indoors. The damage they blame on storms or vandals.”
“I can barely separate one wild ride from another. They blur.”
Dai shrugged. “I’ve forgotten more than I can remember. The human brain wasn’t made to hold so many memories.”
“Best to make new ones then.” And push out every memory he’d made as a goblin.
“Yeah. Good luck tomorrow.”
“Why would I need luck?” He’d be accompanying Nadine. It wouldn’t be difficult. Yet his
stomach still bounced and he couldn’t blame either the alcohol or the magic. He’d be meeting some of her friends, and they’d be looking at him to see if he was worthy of Nadine. Once, that would never have been an issue. He was cousin to the king and had rank of his own. Now? What Nadine saw was what she got.
“Women, weddings.” Dai was smiling as if remembering. “I’d best be getting home. Amanda is staying over and she’ll be waiting.”
“Thank you for coming, for everything.”
“Just call.” Then Dai’s eyes shimmered like sunlight on water and he was gone.
Meryn dropped the shoes on the floor. His house was empty and dark. He wished he wasn’t going to bed alone.
Chapter 15
This was a fancy wedding on a shoestring budget. Neither Gina nor Bryce had wanted to spend thousands for the wedding when they wanted to buy a house. Nadine straightened Gina’s dress and gave her a thumbs-up. Gina smiled but she was starting to look a little nervous. Her eyes were a little too wide and her smile too bright.
“You’ll be fine.” Nadine gave Gina’s hand a squeeze.
Her friend nodded. “I didn’t think I’d get the jitters. I mean we’ve been together for years. Nothing is changing except a piece of paper.”
“But you have to get up in front of all your friends and admit that you love him.” The idea of making such a public declaration made Nadine’s stomach tremble.
“Not helping.” Gina checked her nail polish again. It wasn’t damaged, as Nadine had opened every door and done anything that might chip a nail since putting on the final coat this morning. In a day it would be off, as Gina went back to work. “Is your man here yet?”
Nadine tried to give a casual shrug. “I haven’t had a chance to look.”
“Send my sister to me. You go find your guy…and make sure you introduce me after.”
“You sure?”
“Tell her to bring Dad. No doubt he’s talking Bryce’s ear off and I want to get this done so I can enjoy the rest of the day.” Gina smiled. “Thank you, I couldn’t have got here without you.”
A lump formed in Nadine’s throat. It hadn’t always been easy for Gina while Bryce was away, but Nadine didn’t think she’d done anything special by being there. Gina would’ve done the same for her. “You’d have been fine. You’re meant to be together.”
