by Shona Husk
She shivered as her skin cooled and the heat that had burned in her blood melted away. She would always be the woman who came after his first love. What did that even mean? Was that a good thing or a bad thing?
She had no history to compare with. Her own boyfriends had come and gone more out of convenience than any real feeling. Love brought pain and the man in her arms was living proof. She wasn’t that brave or that strong, but it was already too late. The moment she’d kissed him it had been too late.
Like a princess in a fairy tale she’d fallen into his arms even though she knew happily-ever-afters weren’t real.
Meryn reached out and turned off the tap. “Come and rest.”
She nodded. “Will you stay with me?”
He smiled and the dimple appeared. “Where else would I go?”
Nadine glanced way. Of course, this was his house. She finally knew where he lived.
He drew away, leaving her wet and naked and cold without his body next to her, then handed her a towel.
She dried off with one eye on him as he toweled dry. He had scars on his fair skin, the pale-pink shiny lines of old wounds. Beneath the marks marring his flesh, muscles moved. Hard and lean. While she’d seen him fight with dangerous efficiency, she couldn’t put him in uniform. He didn’t seem the type. He was too…pretty. Gray eyes, the dimple, those lovely lips, and the casually unshaved look.
“Why did you join the army?”
He turned, completely at ease being naked. His gaze remained on her face, not sneaking a peek while she finished drying.
“To defend my home and protect my family.”
“That’s very noble.”
Meryn shrugged and his gaze traveled to take in her half-covered body. No, he didn’t sneak a look; he did it without hiding. And she didn’t feel the need to hide.
“Being a nurse is no less noble.”
“It’s hardly frontline combat.”
“Saving lives is always frontline combat.” He hung up his towel and walked into the bedroom, leaving her to follow.
This time she took in the details she’d missed in her hurry to get to the shower and try and put the morning back on track. She hadn’t intended on being in the shower for their first time. The bed seemed much more appropriate, and yet she wouldn’t change it. It had happened in a rush of pent-up lust.
“How long have you lived here?” The bedroom was neat and practical but without a real personal touch. A house but not a home.
“Since my cousin arranged the purchase.” He shook the sheets to straighten them, and she tried not to smile. He was making the bed just to get back in and make a mess.
“You came over to be with family?”
“They insisted.” He sat on the edge and glanced over his shoulder at her. “I was lost for a long time.”
Nadine slid into bed next to him. He put his arm over her and she turned to snuggle into him. In her mind she saw him as he’d first appeared in the emergency room—wild, disheveled, and weighed down with pain.
“You never did tell me why the police brought you into the hospital.”
His sigh slid down her spine. “I wasn’t coping. I was living rough for a while, hoping to numb the pain. I’d fallen when they picked me up. I guess I looked worse than I was.”
“Will it happen again?” She twisted to look at him.
“If I block out my family, they cease to exist. If I remember and hold on to the good parts, they still live. It took me a while to realize that was what I had to do.”
Nadine eased back onto the pillow. “Will you ever love again?”
“Yes. What is the point of living without loving?” He placed a kiss on the back of her neck, his touch sending shivers down her spine to her belly.
“I don’t know.” She didn’t want to be alone. She wanted someone to share her life with, but she’d only seen love destroy and wound. Yet, despite the murder of his family, Meryn still thought love was worth the hurt.
Either his heart was stronger than hers or the love he’d had with his wife had been something great. Something bigger than she’d ever seen or experienced.
“You’ve never been in love.” It wasn’t a question. He knew that if she’d truly ever been in love then she would know its value.
Nadine worked her lips between her teeth. “Maybe I have.”
“You would know if you had. You would carry the memory with you long after it ended.”
“Love always ends. Why would I want to risk my heart on a fantasy?” Even as she spoke she knew she’d already crossed that line. She’d let Meryn get under her skin and lodge in her heart. An arrow so fine she’d never felt its sting.
Meryn was quiet; his breath tickled her skin. She closed her eyes as exhaustion crept through her body.
After a minute he whispered, “How do you judge the highest mountain if you’ve never stood at the bottom? An endless flat plain gets dull.”
The dull plain followed her into sleep.
Beyond the wall of the castle, the world was flat and barren. The land and sky merged in the distance to form a solid gray that was mirrored in the man’s eyes.
Meryn smiled at her. His hair was roughly cut and hanging in his eyes, but his beard was neat and full. She touched his arm to make sure he was real. He was, like the last time she’d dreamed he was here. She wasn’t alone in her castle anymore.
Now she had company, a knight to protect her even though the dream world was breaking apart. Like all fairy-tale knights, he wore a cloak and sword. And like all princesses, she wore a beautiful gown that swept the stone floor.
Once she’d been safe here, but like the last few times, her castle was slowly deconstructing. The gardens and fountain that had filled the gap between castle and wall were gone. Pieces of path showed through the dust where Meryn had followed it to the door. She’d hoped the castle would begin to fix itself, but every time she imagined it whole, nothing changed. The maze was gone, and the forest that should’ve been on the other side of the wall hadn’t come back.
She pressed her hands to the glass and stared into the endless gray twilight, trying to bring back the sky and grass. “Where has it all gone?” Why had the Shadowlands invaded her dream after all this time?
“Come away. It’s not safe.” Meryn took her hand and drew her back.
“This is my dream. Why can’t I fix it?” She pulled free to scan the desolate landscape again. Everything she’d built was gone. Tiny cracks formed around the window in the brickwork. Her castle was decaying as she watched. Soon there would be nothing left.
“I don’t know, but the goblins are coming.”
As she watched, a half dozen goblins climbed over the wall and dropped into what should’ve been garden. She stepped back as fear made her blood run cold. “They shouldn’t be here.”
“We need to hide, let them take the gold, and we’ll be safe.”
Then she noticed the gold coin on the windowsill. Who had put it there? She hadn’t. She would never do something so dangerous. The goblins were being drawn to her castle because of the gold. Meryn was right; they weren’t safe here. “Hide where?”
Glass shattered. She spun as the shards fell to the floor like rain, breaking into ever smaller pieces on the stone. A hideous gray face with a hooked nose and long, pointed ears peered through. Long-fingered hands reached for her, yellowed nails scraping her skin.
Too late she reacted, reaching for Meryn, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t move. His arms remained locked by his sides even as he struggled.
“No!” she screamed as the goblin seized her around the waist to pull her through the window. Her dress tangled around her legs, preventing her from fighting back.
Meryn watched in horror, his eyes widening.
“Please, help me.” She elbowed the goblin, trying to get free, but he yanked her onto the windowsill. She was going to fall and die. That would be better than being taken. She dug her nails into his arm, drawing black blood, but he didn’t let go. “Meryn, plea
se.” Her voice was frantic and panicked.
“I can’t.” In his hand was her mother’s cross. As he stared at his hands the skin grayed, his joints thickened. His fine clothes became rags and his hair matted and clumped. Meryn was becoming goblin. He couldn’t help her; he couldn’t help himself.
This was her dream, but it shouldn’t happen like this. She couldn’t will the goblins away. She looked at Meryn; his eyes were goblin yellow and locked on the gold in his hand. “No!”
Then the goblin dragged her out the window and they fell.
She woke with a gasp before she hit the ground in her dream. Strong arms held her still and for a heartbeat spurred her panic on. She struggled against the embrace, her legs tangling in the bed sheets.
“Shh. It’s only a dream.”
But her heart still raced, pounding hard from a fright she’d imagined. Her mother’s stories were taking over her sleep, and each time they became more terrifying. Now she was involving Meryn.
Her hand covered Meryn’s as she eased closer to his warmth. His hands were normal, not gray. It was just a dream, fueled by Meryn’s tragedy and her mother’s death. She closed her eyes hoping to find sleep again, but imprinted in her mind was the image of Meryn going from man to goblin, knight to monster, as she’d been pulled out of the window by cold greedy hands.
She shivered and tried to fake sleep, hoping the real thing would find her, and failed. She was wide awake and she wasn’t the only one. Behind her, Meryn was awake. His fingers made small circles on her stomach. He didn’t press her about her dream. Maybe she should just go home…to her empty bed. Lying next to someone was a luxury she’d never allowed herself. She never let her guard down in front of anyone—except Meryn. With him, she could share her secrets and he didn’t laugh or recommend counseling. And in exchange, he’d exposed his dark past.
With a sigh she relaxed. It was nice having someone there when she woke up from a nightmare. She was safe in his arms. Daylight kept the room bright and free of shadows, but when darkness came, would she be able to sleep at night knowing Meryn was there?
Nadine rolled over to face him. “Were you asleep?”
He opened his eyes, gray and endless. “No.”
“You stayed in bed with me.”
“You asked me to.”
He probably thought she was a bit of freak. “I don’t usually have nightmares.” Not a total lie, but not exactly the truth either. She couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t had nightmares. Building the castle as she went to sleep each night had helped. But they still came, usually when she least expected them. Like now. She should be happy, but instead she was scared of her own dreams.
“You can’t help what you dream.”
Maybe not, but when did she get to sleep without fear? “Don’t you want to know what the dream was about?”
“If you want to tell me.”
Nadine’s lips curved. The start of the dream had been fine. “Promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”
He placed his hand over his heart. “On my honor.”
“I was a princess in my castle, and you were there.”
“I’m sorry to have been so terrifying.”
“I wasn’t scared of you…although I don’t know why you were there.” Why had he appeared in her dreams? Was it just because she was spending too much time thinking about him? No other boyfriend had ever invaded her castle.
“What happened?”
“There was nothing beyond the castle walls, just gray. Like I was in the Shadowlands.”
“How did you get there?”
“I don’t know. It never used to be there; there used to be all kinds of other things beyond the castle walls, but it’s all gone.” It was gone. She couldn’t go back anymore. Would she be able to stop herself from returning to her castle when it had been a habit for so long? She sighed and got to the worst part of the dream. “Then goblins broke in and took me while you watched.”
Meryn closed his eyes in a slow blink. “I wouldn’t let that happen. I would fight.”
“You couldn’t move.”
“It was your dream; therefore, you had the power to release me.”
That wasn’t the first time she’d heard those words. The best way to combat a nightmare was to take control, to alter what was happening. But she’d never been able to do that. The fear made it impossible for her to do anything. So she gave into it, and it fed and grew. Now she was dragging other people into her nightmare and forcing them to watch. She didn’t tell him the rest of her dream. He didn’t need to know she’d imagined him turning into a goblin.
“I’ll try that next time.” Hopefully there wouldn’t be a next time. She placed her lips on his, wanting to forget what she’d seen.
His tongue flicked against hers and his hand slid lower. She shifted her leg and hooked it over his thigh. His touch warmed her skin and tightened the desire building in her belly. Her eyelids flickered closed as his fingers slid over her clit, moving as if he knew exactly what she liked. A moan slipped out and she couldn’t stop herself from rocking in rhythm. She needed more, so she drew him to her.
He rolled over her, pressing her into the bed, sealing her mouth with a kiss. His strength and power and desire were hers. She wriggled her hips, wanting to feel him inside her. But he teased, drawing out the inevitable. Heat coiled low in her belly as her fingers kneaded his butt, wanting more, but like this, caught beneath him, she couldn’t rush him, and didn’t want to. She gave into his touch and he took his time stroking and caressing until she came.
“Say my name,” he whispered against her lips.
“Meryn.” Her voice was light and breathy.
He thrust into her and took her over the edge again. This time, she didn’t care how far she fell, as she knew Meryn would be there to catch her. His name formed silently on her lips.
They moved together, pushing harder, taking what they needed. He groaned words she didn’t understand as he came deep within her. Their bodies locked together.
She stole another kiss, not wanting to lose the moment—not wanting to wreck it like she had last time.
He gazed down at her, his eyes dark with unreadable emotion. Something stirred in her heart. Did he love her? Oh God. Was he going to say it? It was one thing to know it, another to acknowledge what was growing between them and name it. She held her breath, not sure what to do.
Meryn eased out of her and lay beside her. The words, while unspoken, lingered around them. She couldn’t say them. She never had, not since her mother’s death. And she knew Meryn hadn’t said them since his wife’s death. Yet they were there and it was only a matter of time until one of them spoke first and forced the other one to action.
Before the moment could become really awkward, she slipped out of bed and went into the bathroom.
Meryn was still lying in the bed when she came out, tempting her to slide back in, but she needed a moment to catch her breath. She didn’t mind fast lust, but love…could that develop this fast?
“Would you like a drink?”
“I’m fine.” He paused. “The glasses are in the kitchen above the sink. There’s milk and orange juice in the fridge.”
She walked out of the bedroom. Beneath her feet the carpet was soft and thick. No doubt real wool, not the synthetic, hard, nylon rental carpet she had. The living space was big and airy. It could easily feel like home if it were given a few personal touches. At the moment, it was furnished with simple but costly items. Leather sofa—real leather. Big screen TV with all the bits beneath and all the wires carefully hidden. No doubt the cabinet was real wood and not veneer.
He may not be working, but he hadn’t been joking when he’d said his family had money. She opened a few cupboards in the kitchen just to see what was in them. Nothing out of the ordinary except it was all very neat. Stuck to the fridge was a calendar with scenery of Wales, beautiful but harsh and straight out of another time.
Nadine opened up the fridge. Fruit, some veg and steaks,
no beer. With a shrug she closed the door and got a drink of water. As she sipped, she scanned the rest of the apartment. And she realized what was missing.
There were no pictures of his wife and children. She frowned. In fact, there were no photos at all. She poured the rest of the water down the sink. Why did he not have any pictures? Was it still too painful? There’d been no pictures in the news article either. She walked back toward the bedroom, but her gaze was caught by a pile of papers on the dining table under a gold bracelet shaped like a Celtic torque. She’d walked past them before and taken no notice. Now she looked.
The writing wasn’t English. The lettering was wrong. She nudged the paper and saw a second sheet with more of the same lettering. It looked a bit like English lettering—only different. She tilted her head, but the words made no sense. Was it code? Then she realized what she was seeing. Latin. Her blood ran cold even as her skin burned. Something wasn’t right. She glanced toward the bedroom, but Meryn hadn’t come out. He trusted her…now she wasn’t so sure the trust went both ways.
He’d come into the hospital speaking Latin. What kind of soldier spoke Latin? Hell, what kind of soldier read Latin?
A glint of gold under the paper caught her eye. She lifted the corner already knowing what it was, the shape too familiar.
Her mother’s crucifix.
Her stomach contorted as if she was going to be sick. Blood rushed from her head, making the room spin. Her hand went to her throat where the necklace had hung. She hadn’t lost it. It hadn’t fallen off. Meryn had stolen it. She couldn’t breathe.
Why would he do that?
She snatched up the cross, taking back what was hers. Her bag was by the front door. Without thinking, she ran over to it and started pulling out the clothes inside, the ones she’d worn to work. She didn’t care about her running clothes. She had to get out of here.
“Don’t go.”
She spun at the sound of his voice. Meryn stood naked in the bedroom doorway. He must have realized she was taking too long.
“You stole my cross. You…” She couldn’t speak. Anger clotted up her words in her throat. “Why?”
