She noticed he was talking in the past tense. Yes, she thought, others had ripped them apart. Did she have the courage to pull them back together again?
“Did you intend to make Red Bird your wife, Windhawk?”
“No.”
“You were forced to kill her to save me—have you ever regretted that?”
“Yes, many times. I had never killed a woman before. It was very difficult for me when I had to take her body back to her father and tell him what had happened.”
“Sometimes things happen that we do not seem to have any control over, Windhawk. I feel like my life has been dictated by someone else for a long time.”
“By me, Joanna?”
“Yes…by you…Claudia…my uncle…Red Bird.”
“None of this is important, Joanna. Would you like to try and…”
She placed her hand over his mouth. “Do not speak it, Windhawk. I do not know what I want right now. I need time to find out who I am. If I ever do, I will come to you and tell you.”
Again there was silence. After a while, Windhawk stood up and took Joanna’s hand and helped her to her feet. “I will walk you back to the village,” he said simply.
As they made their way back along the path, they were both silent. When they reached the river, Joanna pulled her hand away from his and raced toward the village.
She entered the tipi to find Little Hawk awake. Sun Woman handed him to her, and Joanna unfastened her gown to feed him. Nothing had been settled between her and Windhawk tonight, but at least they had talked, and she felt that was important.
The time seemed to pass without Joanna’s even realizing it. Her days were filled with taking care of Little Hawk and helping Sun Woman cure meat and prepare hides and skins. Her nights were filled with emptiness and a deep loneliness.
More often than not, Windhawk would be away from the village on a hunt, and at the times when he was present he seemed to pay very little attention to her.
Sometimes Windhawk would ask Morning Song to bring his son to his lodge, and he would keep him there for hours. Joanna didn’t know what he did with her son on those occasions because she was never asked to accompany Little Hawk.
Since the night she and Windhawk had walked in the woods he had not approached her, and she knew he was waiting for her to come to him. So far, she hadn’t made any decision about her life. All she knew was that she loved Windhawk, but she was finding out that love wasn’t always enough.
Since learning about Tag and Morning Song’s feelings for each other, Joanna observed them more closely. By now everyone in the village knew that Tag and Windhawk’s sister were in love. Joanna knew the day would come when she would have to talk to Tag about his future, but she had been putting it off, not wanting to broach the subject.
The bright sunlight spread its warmth across the land, and Joanna breathed in the fragrant aroma of the many wild flowers that were in full bloom.
She was helping Sun Woman dry strips of buffalo meat, and she smiled at Little Hawk who was propped against a tree in his cradleboard, enjoying the outdoors.
“My grandson thrives,” Sun Woman observed.
“Yes, he is healthy,” Joanna agreed.
Sun Woman added more wood to the cook-fire while Joanna removed some of the meat that was done and placed it in a wooden bowl.
“Have you heard about Tag and Morning Song?” Sun Woman asked, taking the bowl from Joanna.
“Yes, I know they believe themselves to be in love.”
“Just because they are young does not mean they cannot experience the same feelings you have.”
Joanna sighed. “I suppose you are right, but they are young. How do you feel about them?”
“As you know, I love Tag. He is a fine boy, and he will grow up to be a fine warrior.”
“But?”
“But, he has always had this thing in him that would not allow him to be at peace. I know he will not always stay with us.”
“I think the time has come for me to talk to him,” Joanna said, a troubled frown on her face.
“Do not talk to him yet, my daughter. It will be best if you wait until he comes to you. He will do so before long. When advice is asked for, it can be freely given, but if you offer an opinion unasked, it will not have as much meaning.”
Joanna smiled at Sun Woman’s wise words. “I will do as you say, my mother.”
“Joanna, I have two daughters. First you were happy, and Morning Song was not. Now she is happy, and you are not. This troubles my heart. Why do you not reach out your hand and take my son’s hand?”
“I might do so if I thought he wanted me. Sometimes, I believe he thinks of me only as Little Hawk’s mother.”
“I think you are just making excuses because you fear being hurt again. It is the same with Windhawk. I say if a love is great, it is worth a little pain.”
Joanna smiled at her mother-in-law. “You always have wise words. You should have been chief in your son’s stead.”
Sun Woman smiled. “I would have made a great chief, but instead I became the wife and then the mother of chiefs.”
Joanna picked up her son while Sun Woman carried the meat into the tipi. When they were inside Joanna removed Little Hawk from the cradleboard and placed him on a buffalo robe so he could crawl around.
Sun Woman built up the cook-fire and then turned to Joanna. “I have been meaning to ask you something for a long time now, Joanna.”
“What?”
“When the Assiniboin were about to raid our village, why did you return? You must have known how dangerous it was to do such a thing.”
Joanna turned away from Sun Woman’s penetrating gaze. “I discovered that I had forgotten something. Fearing the Assiniboin would burn the village, I came back for it.”
“What did you come back for, Joanna?”
“I…it was nothing, just a trinket.”
“It was the bear-claw necklace, was it not?”
Joanna turned and looked at Sun Woman. “Yes!”
Sun Woman turned back to the cook-fire. “You risked your life for a trinket? I think not, Joanna. The bear-claw necklace was enough for you to risk your life to save it, so I will tell you something about that necklace that you do not know.”
Joanna waited for Sun Woman to continue.
“Red Bird found that necklace and put it about her neck. When Windhawk saw it on her, he tore it from her neck in anger. He wanted no one to have the necklace but you.”
Joanna lowered her eyes and spoke softly. “I will remind you of your own words, my mother. Advice asked for is cherished, advice not sought is not very effective.”
Sun Woman smiled. “This is true, my daughter.” It didn’t matter what Joanna said, Sun Woman could tell she was pleased by what she had told her about Windhawk. She was weary of Joanna and Windhawk playing their little games. It was time she took a hand in their affairs, she thought to herself.
It wasn’t until the next night that Sun Woman found her son alone. When she followed him into his lodge, Windhawk looked at her with a curious expression on his face.
“I can always tell when you have something on your mind, my mother. Say what you have come to say.”
She raised her head and gave him a look that she had often given him as a child. “I just wanted to tell you something that might interest you.”
“And what is that?”
“I know why Joanna came back to the village when the Assiniboin were on their way.”
Windhawk smiled. “Why was that?”
Sun Woman walked to the opening and then turned back. “She rode back to get the bear-claw necklace. Your father would never have allowed me to vacate his bed as Joanna has yours,” she said, before sweeping out of the lodge.
Her announcement seemed to knock the breath from Windhawk. At first it was hard for him to absorb what she had told him. When he thought about it, he started laughing.
Joanna still loved him! She might pretend indifference, but her actions the day
of the raid were the proof for which he had been searching. She had come back for the necklace because she knew what it stood for, and, no matter how her lips denied her love, he was now certain she loved him!
His heart was overflowing with joy. Should he go to her and demand the truth from her lips? No, he would find another way to make her face the truth. She was the proudest, most stubborn woman he had ever known, but he would make her admit to him and to herself that she loved him.
It was as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders; he would have her in his lodge where she belonged before too long!
Sun Woman smiled to herself. She had always despised women who interfered in their grown son’s and daughter’s lives, but she didn’t feel the least bit guilty for interfering if it would bring Joanna and Windhawk back together.
She knew her son, and it wouldn’t be too long until he would take matters into his own hands. She laughed out loud. Poor Joanna, she wouldn’t know what was going on when Windhawk decided to act on the information she had given him!
Philadelphia
Claudia stood at the second-story window of what had once been Joanna’s bedroom. She looked down on the front yard noticing that the snow had all melted. As she let her eyes travel past the huge iron gates which seemed to hold the world at bay, she reflected on her situation. She should be happy, because her fondest dream had come true. Was she not now the lady of a grand house, and was her wardrobe not overflowing with beautiful costly gowns? There were servants to see to her every need and she didn’t have to worry anymore about what to do with her life. She thought of Harland Thatcher—word had reached her that he had recovered completely from his wounds. Not once had he called on her or Howard since they reached Philadelphia. Claudia was finding out that she and Howard might live on the hill with all the socially elite, but they were certainly not accepted by any of them, and that included the Thatchers. There existed an invisible line that separated her from the old families of Philadelphia, and it couldn’t be easily crossed over. It didn’t help Claudia’s temper any to know Joanna would have been welcomed with open arms by the Thatchers and their kind.
Claudia’s eyes sparked fire. One day she would have the money and power to make all of Philadelphia bow down to her. She would hold grand balls and no one would dare decline an invitation for fear of offending her.
Howard had been examined by several different doctors, and it had been each of their opinions that he would never fully regain the use of the right side of his body. He had been installed in one of the bedrooms and she had hired a man to see to his needs, freeing her to do as she pleased. At first it had been like a glorious dream to be able to walk into the finest shops in Philadelphia and buy anything she desired. Lately, however, she had begun to feel at loose ends. She was finding out that Howard had spoken the truth when he had told her that most of the money had been tied up in trust for Tag and Joanna.
She turned around, scanning the bedroom with a critical eye. She had been told by one of the maids that the room hadn’t been changed since the night Joanna had left the house. Claudia often found herself in this room, touching the things that had belonged to her hated enemy. Why did she feel the need to punish herself by coming here? she wondered. Deep inside her there burned a hatred so intense that it seemed to overshadow everything else in her life. She picked up a delicate ivory-handled brush and threw it against the wall, finding satisfaction in the fact that it shattered into many small pieces. She walked past the wardrobe that still held many of Joanna’s gowns and stood at the window once more. “You may not ever come back, Joanna,” she said aloud, “but one day Tag will return to Philadelphia, and I’ll be waiting for him.” Her eyes looked past the gates once more. What would she do on the day when she was finally confronted by Joanna or her brother? She knew in that moment that she must prepare herself for the inevitable. Now that she had tasted the good life, she had no intention of giving it up. Someway, somehow, she would hold on to what she now had!
Howard watched as Baxter the handyman hung the portrait of the James family over the mantel in his bedroom. He was thankful that at least he was able to make his wishes known by writing out his orders with his left hand. He had written instructions the day before, stating that the portrait should be moved to his room and that Joanna’s room should not be disturbed in any way. Later, when he was feeling stronger, he would have Baxter carry him to Joanna’s bedroom, where he could feel close to her.
He lifted his eyes to the painting and stared at Joanna’s lovely face. If he were able to look at her likeness each day, perhaps it would keep him from losing his mind, he thought. His eyes caressed her face, and he knew in his heart that he would never see her again. One day, when Taggart was older, he would return—but Joanna wouldn’t come with her brother. He almost wished the years would fly by so that day would come.
He heard footsteps in the hallway and frowned when Claudia entered the room. She looked up at the portrait and gave him a malevolent smile, and her lip curled into a snarl.
“So, you are still mooning over Joanna,” she said, walking over to the bed and plumping up the pillows. “I should be insanely jealous that my husband loves another, but I may just be able to live with that fact. After all, you will need something to keep your mind occupied in the long days and nights ahead, won’t you, Howard?”
He turned his face away, not wanting to look at Claudia. He was paying, and paying dearly, for any sins he had committed in the past. He was at the mercy of a deranged woman, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.
When Howard turned back to his wife he found her staring at the portrait. He could read the naked hatred and rage that was so clearly written on her face. She knew the day would come when her position would be challenged by Tag-gart, he thought. Suddenly he saw fear in Claudia’s eyes, and smiled to himself, realizing that she was living in hell the same as he was—he found great satisfaction in that fact. She schemed and manipulated other people’s lives, but she hadn’t won a complete victory. Every day of her life she would be haunted by the fact that her dreams might decay into dust. Suddenly he had a driving need to live. He wanted desperately to stay alive, in the hopes of one day watching Claudia get what was coming to her!
And it mattered but little to Howard that, when that day did come, he would also be pulled down with her.
Chapter Twenty-nine
The Blood Blackfoot village
Joanna’s feelings of unrest continued to plague her. Although Windhawk did not single her out again, she could feel he was watching her.
Each day he asked Morning Song to bring Little Hawk to his lodge, and Morning Song told Joanna that Windhawk spent those mornings playing with his son.
Whenever Joanna saw Windhawk, her eyes followed him, and she felt an ache deep inside. She was honest enough with herself now to admit that, even if he didn’t love her, she still longed for the touch of his hand and the feel of his hard, muscled body next to hers.
As time passed, Joanna found herself waking up in the mornings anxious to see Windhawk. She took particular care with her appearance, hoping he would think she was pretty.
Sun Woman watched her son and Joanna with mixed feelings of amusement and irritation. She was amused because all the village knew that Windhawk and Joanna craved the oneness they had once shared—and irritated that they were both too prideful to take the first step that would bring them together.
Sun Woman lifted up the gown she had been working on and examined it with a critical eye. She smiled, feeling pleased with the green and blue porcupine quills she had worked into the design. The gown was made of soft doeskin, and she thought it might be the best work she had ever done.
Hearing Joanna enter, she quickly hid the garment behind her.
“It is a nice afternoon, my mother, but there are rain clouds moving in from the north. I fear it will rain tonight and perhaps spoil the ceremony.”
“No, it will not spoil the ceremony, since it will be held in Wind
hawk’s lodge. Let us hope, though, that the rain holds off until the assinahpeska dance is over.”
Joanna bent over Little Hawk and saw he was sleeping. “Tell me about the dance, my mother. I know that all the young maidens line up on one side of the lodge and the young warriors line up opposite them.”
“That is true. A young maiden may show her feelings for a certain young warrior by dancing up to him. When the ceremony begins, the maidens and young men will dance toward each other and then retreat. This will go on for a time, and then they will stop to feast. After the feast, the dance will begin again. The maiden will choose the man of her choice and throw her robe over him. The young man must give her a kiss, and later a gift. If the young man likes the maiden, he may give her a gift of great value, such as a horse or a fine robe. If she is not the maiden of his choice, he may give her only colored beads or some small trinket.”
“It sounds like fun to me.”
“Yes, I remember when I was young. I had loved Windhawk’s father, but was too shy to show him. I gathered up my courage at the assinahpeska dance and threw my robe over him.”
“What gift did he give you?” Joanna wanted to know.
Sun Woman smiled as she remembered that night. “He gave me three horses and asked me to be his wife. I did not know that he had loved me, also.”
“How wonderful for a maiden to have a chance to show the man she loves her feelings,” Joanna said wistfully. “In the society I was brought up in, it would never be allowed.”
Sun Woman stood up and walked over to Joanna. “You could go to the dance tonight and throw the robe over Windhawk’s head,” she said, watching Joanna’s face.
Joanna’s mouth flew open in horror. “No, I could never act in such a bold way!”
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