by Zoey Draven
He’d come in his pants.
“What you must think of me,” he rasped, his eyes dropping to her reddened, swollen lips, those pupils flaring to life. “A few nights ago, I couldn’t even fuck you properly. And now I’ve come too soon.”
Her cheeks were flushed as she met his eyes, surprised that he’d admitted such a thing so openly. Most males, in her experience, would have never admitted it.
“Would you even believe me if I told you neither thing has ever happened to me? Not once in my entire vauking life?” he asked.
“You don’t strike me as a liar,” she whispered, still not trusting her voice. “So yes, I would.”
So what was it about these last two times with her?
Tavak swallowed, something strange sparking in his eyes at her words. A deep sigh escaped him as Stella tried to get her breathing back to normal.
Quiet descended between them but they never looked away from each other.
“You do not know how many regrets I have about a few nights ago,” he confessed to her gruffly. “Truthfully, I do not even know how to explain it to you. About why and about what happened. Right now, I don’t think I can.”
There was a softness to his voice that she’d never heard before.
“All I can say is that sex…” He trailed off, his gaze briefly leaving her before returning. His jaw was tightening. “Sex has always been the easiest thing in the universe for me and yet…it has always been the most difficult.”
Stella’s brows furrowed, hearing a sudden edge in his tone that made her throat go tight.
A rough sigh escaped him. He met her eyes, watching as she processed his words.
There was obviously more there. Words he wouldn’t say, or wouldn’t say right now. Stella was beginning to realize that she’d read the entire situation—and perhaps him—all wrong. Before.
It had never been about her.
She nodded, swallowing. She reached out to touch his hand, which was pressed into the door next to her waist.
When she curled her fingers into his, he hesitated but only for a moment. Then he brushed his thumb over her knuckles and murmured, “I’m sorry about that night, vellia. I was going to come to Reji’s later tonight, to talk to you, but you…” The side of his lip quirked up, ever so slightly and her heart soared when she saw it. “You beat me to it and caught me off guard. It seems like you always do that.”
Her lips parted.
Who was this male?
Because he had her tongue-tied and Stella wasn’t at a loss for words very often.
She cleared her throat. She gave him a sheepish smile and admitted, “Patience has never been a virtue of mine. I’ve gotten into a lot of trouble for it over the years.”
A sharp huff escaped Tavak’s nostrils. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a clock. A Dumerian clock. Instead of numbers, Dumerians kept time by colors. The evening shades were all differing hues of blues and the one that slid to the top of the clock was a deep navy. The color told her that the mines and the labs would be letting out soon and she needed to be back at Reji’s bar.
“I have to go,” Stella told him, her shoulders sagging a little at the words. “The mine train will be getting into the depot soon.”
Tavak nodded.
It wasn’t finished between them. They both seemed to know that. But for right now, she needed to get back.
“I’ll walk you back into town,” he said. “Just give me a moment to clean myself up.”
Her eyes couldn’t help but flash down to his cock.
She flushed. “Right. Of course.”
His eyes ran over her face. They were still pressed close to one another, and for a breathless moment, she thought he might kiss her again. She wanted him to.
But then he was pulling away and disappointment flooded her. He disappeared down the dark hallway.
Stella blew out a long breath, sagging against the door.
Tavak was dangerous.
I might not survive him, she thought.
Then she grinned.
She thought, But I damn well want to try.
Chapter Nineteen
“The vessel is beautiful,” Ravu said, his voice crackly but clear over the Coms patch. “So unlike the ones we’ve ever been on. I didn’t even feel the take off. We were in space before I knew it.”
Tavak nodded, leaning back in the chair, peering at his brother’s flickering form on the screen. Khiva’s labs were emptied and it was merely by chance that he’d caught his brother’s call.
“I’m glad,” Tavak murmured, thinking there was something different about his brother. He was…excited. Bright and alert in a way Tavak hadn’t seen in years. Maybe ever. “Where are you now?”
“Nearing the Third Quadrant soon,” Ravu replied. “We are stopping on a neutral colony named F’ehzin in the morning, to pick up a load. Then we continue on to the Fourth Quadrant.”
“Will you be—” Tavak started to ask.
His brother was already answering him. “Veki, I won’t be disembarking. Just Haase. It’s a quick pick-up.”
The merchant life, space travel, and vessel hopping appealed to many beings. Tavak had never been one of them. He preferred his feet rooted to the earth, no matter where that might be. He never planned on leaving Dumera. He never wanted to be in space again.
But Ravu…
“The crew’s been easy to get along with. And welcoming,” Ravu told him. In the background, Tavak could make out a bed. Beyond it was a large window. Beyond that was space. Dark and endless. Tavak could even make out the brightness of the stars. Everything looked clean, orderly. “Though I think that may be because of your female.”
Tavak straightened in his chair slightly, something that Ravu no doubt picked up on.
“They always talk of her. Apparently, she’s like Haase’s daughter or something. Obviously not really his daughter but the crew refers to her like she is. They ask me about her,” Ravu continued.
“What do they ask?”
“If she likes Dumera. If anyone has given her a difficult time. If she seems happy,” Ravu said, lifting a shoulder in a small shrug.
“What do you tell them?” Tavak asked.
“I told them that you know her better than I do. But that everyone I know likes her, that she’s always smiling. It seemed to comfort the crew.”
Tavak looked down at his hands pressed against the table. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell his brother what had happened between them. That he’d finally had sex because he’d wanted to, not because he was being paid for it…and it had ended terribly. That Tavak feared he’d never be able to truly differentiate the act between pleasure and necessity.
But earlier that afternoon, he’d come in his pants like a Keriv’i youth and he’d hoped that maybe, he could be more open with Stella. That he could relearn everything with her. Reprogram his brain, in a way.
Demav knows she certainly scrambled his brain whenever she was around anyways.
Ravu’s quiet, hushed voice suddenly broke through his thoughts.
“Did you know that her mother died on the ship?” his brother asked.
Tavak’s gaze flashed up to Ravu. His muscles tensed.
“Something to do with her brain. A clot. It was during a hyperdrive run. Not uncommon in humans at those pressures and speeds. She was apparently laughing one moment and then dead the next.”
Vauk.
“Stella was right next to her when it happened too. I can’t—I can’t imagine something like that, you know?”
Tavak’s fist squeezed hard.
He’d asked her why she’d left Haase’s ship when those males obviously cared for her. He’d wanted to know why she’d come to a place where she knew no one, alone. She’d said she wanted a place that was permanent. She wanted a family of her own.
But now he knew that much had gone unspoken too.
As if reading his thoughts, Ravu said, “It happened a year ago, I think. But the crew said that Stella w
as never the same after that. She started to get restless on the ship. They said they weren’t surprised when she told Haase that she needed to leave. Haase knew of Dumera. He knew it was safe. He took work with Khiva so he could check in on her, even though the route is far from his usual ones. That was why he brought her to Dumera.”
Tavak’s chest felt tight, like a fist was wringing the air right from him. He thought of Stella, thought of her bright smile and unwavering positivity. She’d been embarrassed when she’d complained about her day once, as if she didn’t want to burden others. And Demav, the female had courage. She didn’t give up. He’d seen it when she’d stalked into Reji’s bar and demanded a job. He’d seen it every night since as she went out of her way to talk to Tavak.
There was a part of him that felt uncomfortable discovering these things about her this way. Personal, private things. For a female so open, Stella had never revealed any of this to him. Tavak knew that was for a reason. Because she didn’t want anyone to know.
Stella kept secrets from him just as he kept secrets from her.
“Let’s talk of something else,” Tavak finally said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Pax?”
Ravu nodded slowly. For a little while, they talked of Ravu’s meals on the ship, his schedule, what he was working on. Ravu had already gotten lost on the ship a handful of times over the course of the last few days but he was learning.
All too soon, Ravu’s head jerked to the side. Another male’s voice came over the line, something about a sizzling wire, and then Ravu turned back to Tavak. “I have to go.”
“Is everything all right?” Tavak asked, frowning.
“Just a panel in the engine room that needs some work,” Ravu said, already standing from his chair. “I’ll try to patch you in a few days. The connection should be better then.”
They said their goodbyes and then the screen went dark. Tavak stared at it and then caught sight of the Dumerian clock in the corner. Silver in color, which meant it was midnight. Or just a little after.
He jolted. When had it gotten so late?
He’d meant to see Stella tonight but he wondered if she’d already closed up the bar. Standing from the chair, he made a quick perusal through the labs to make sure that everything was in place and then he locked up.
The main stretch of road that led to Reji’s was quiet and empty at that time. It was what he appreciated most about Dumera. Because if this had been Jrika or even Everton, midnight was when most beings were out. On Jrika and Everton, Tavak had slept during the day and fucked during the nights. The schedule of a whore. Midnight had always been his starting time.
But now, Tavak’s gaze went to the moon overhead, and for once, he didn’t loathe the mere sight of it.
When Reji’s bar came into view, he saw the lights were still on. As he got closer, he heard the heavy thud of goblets on wooden tables. Anticipation rose in him. He thought of what he’d learned of Stella tonight, wondered if he should tell her that he knew about her mother, wondered if she would be upset that Ravu told him.
But then he stepped over the threshold of the door, and when he caught sight of Stella, Tavak thought he should be alarmed by how his shoulders relaxed and his hearts slowed. And when she saw him? He saw her eyes brighten and a wide smile—shy yet vauking seductive—slide over her face.
Tavak’s body responded as it always did. Three males remained in the bar but Poy’ra was standing up, readying to leave, just as he strode in. Poy’ra nodded at him as they passed, the male’s eyes lingering curiously, but then he was gone.
Stella’s gaze never left his as he made his way to his stool. When he slid into it, he breathed in the familiar scent of wood and brew and Stella. She permeated this place too, sunken deep into the lines of Dumerian wood. His favorite scent.
Tavak’s gaze flashed to her hips as they swung his way, his muscles tightening.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” she murmured. That damn voice, throaty yet innocent.
His eyes went to her lips, remembered how red and soft they’d been earlier that afternoon. How she’d vauking melted into him, responding to his touch, mewing her pleasure, so easy to read and so open with her needs. Tavak marveled at that. He remembered that moment when he’d looked into those eyes and realized that she was on the edge, that she needed to come desperately, and Tavak had wanted to give that pleasure to her. Because he needed to see it, experience it.
His eyes went to the two males still in the bar, lingering at their separate tables, drinking the dregs of their brew.
“Veki,” Tavak answered, his voice low. What he really wanted to taste was between her legs. “Not yet, at least.”
Stella’s breath hitched. A little pink flush that was already tinting her cheeks from the warmth in the bar deepened.
Her pink tongue darted out and Tavak’s gaze zeroed in on it. It was a strange sensation, he realized. Desire. True desire. He felt focused, almost like a predator stalking prey. He’d felt focused as a whore too, but in an entirely different way. He’d been focused to maintain his control over his body, in order to fuck beings he would rather not fuck. And on Everton, he’d had a very specific clientele. Females who expected to be courted and wooed and seduced, a ridiculous game leading up to what they really wanted: a rough, dominating fuck.
Tavak had hated it. And yet, he’d always played along, hadn’t he?
Because if he didn’t, Madame Allegria would take him down to the room with her whips and his back would be bloodied and raw. And what was worse was that she’d demand a fucking after it all.
What was worse was that Tavak would actually do it. Because after she whipped him, as his blood dripped onto her flesh, he would fuck her like he wanted to kill her, like he hated her. Because he did. And it would unleash something dark and untamed within him, something he feared, and something he never wanted to experience again.
Tavak took a deep breath when he felt those thoughts starting to push into his mind, thoughts that had permeated when he’d been here a few nights ago.
Instead, he focused on Stella. He breathed her in deep and studied her smile and thought of the warm desire that he’d felt when he’d kissed her, when he’d been present with her. He wanted that again. He could be right for her. At least as her lover, couldn’t he?
“Tavak?” she asked softly.
Could she sense when his thoughts darkened? Could she sense when he began to pull away? When he put up his mental defenses that had been in place for over ten years? Could he undo them for her? Learn how to be vulnerable with her?
All he could do was try.
Because even though Tavak had fought against it for two months, ever since she’d stumbled into his life, he wanted her. He cared for her. She made him feel…hope.
He would never be good enough for her but Tavak thought that he could make her happy, at least for a little while.
Stella’s hand was resting on the bar slab between them and Tavak smoothed his fingertips over her knuckles. Her breathing hitched. One of the chairs scraped back. One of the males left. Just one more to go and they would be alone. Again.
And finally, a few moments later, Tavak saw the male drain the last of his brew, heard the goblet hit the table, and then the Laoti, one of the regulars who worked the mines, was standing.
He raised his chin at Stella, who smiled—though it was a little tight—and waved.
“See you tomorrow night, Burri,” she said.
Burri grunted and trudged out the door without a backwards glance. Stella’s gaze immediately flashed to his and Tavak saw the curiosity, the anticipation there. Her expression was almost mischievous. That amazed him, considering what had happened a few nights ago. He’d expected to ease her into this.
Tavak stood, releasing her hand. He went to the door. Behind him, he heard her swallow hard when the locking bolt slid and latched.
Tavak stared at the grain of the wood, his eyes traveling along it. His body was tight, his blood was rushing. Vauk, he wante
d this. He wanted her. And he wouldn’t allow his thoughts, or old memories, to ruin this or hurt her. Again.
When he turned, he saw that Stella had come around the bar and was lingering near his stool. Biting her lip, her expression was uncertain but excited.
Tavak started towards her. Unconsciously, she took a step back, as if her body recognized the danger she was truly in that night. Tavak didn’t think that Stella knew what she was getting herself into with him.
But by the end of the night, she would know.
When he reached her, his arm flashed out and snaked around her waist, eliciting a gasp. He hauled her up onto the bar and then his fingers were making quick work of the ties of her pants. When he had them undone, he tore her boots off so he could pull her pants down.
The ugly beige material of them fell to a heap on the floor. Stella blinked, an innocent, bewildered look on her face, like she wasn’t entirely certain how her bare ass was now pressed onto the bar she’d just wiped down.
Tavak grinned, savage and feral no doubt because her lips parted in shock.
“Tavak?”
Then that shock turned into disbelief as a moan tumbled from her lips, throaty and loud. Tavak hissed, his thumb moving through her folds, finding them soaked and slick for him already.
So sensitive, he thought.
And it was obvious to him that she needed a male. She’d needed a male for a long, long time.
And that male will be me, he thought, determined and satisfied from that realization.
But first he had a lot to make up for. She’d told him she’d had only two lovers before. Well, Tavak knew he could ruin her for other males. Males that would inevitably come after him, when Stella realized that he couldn’t give her anything beyond this.
Tavak went to his knees, the bar counter a perfect height. He heard her breathing quicken when she realized what he was about to do. Heard her swallow and saw the way her hips moved.
Tavak growled, pulling her lips open so he could see everything. Vauk, his mouth began to water, especially when her musky, deliciously sweet scent fogged his brain. Her clit was swollen, her folds glistening and pink with her arousal. The slick muscles of her entrance were tightening and pulsing. She’d be like a vice around his cock once he sank inside her. He remembered how she’d felt the first time.
