by Zoey Draven
“But make no mistake,” Tavak said, his voice low, “if I ever see you again, if you ever think of coming back to Dumera, it will be the last mistake you ever make. Do you understand me?”
Yikerza’s eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared at the threat, his feet stomping a bit, restlessly.
Tavak let him have his pride when Yikerza spat, “Like I would return to this hot hellhole. Get me my credits and you will never see me again.”
With that, Yikerza stalked past him, his heavy feet shaking the soft ground. Tavak watched him go, tracking him down the main stretch of road until his bulk disappeared into the darkness. There was a desperation, a heavy fatigue about the other male that made Tavak believe him. If he paid him, he would never see Yikerza again.
He realized that it was by chance that Yikerza had come here. But the moment he’d seen Tavak, the moment he’d heard about Khiva’s business and done some digging around Dumera…he’d seen an opportunity. One he was never going to pass up. He might’ve come to Dumera looking for honest work but Yikerza had soon realized that he could make a profit without any work at all.
This was always his end goal. He’d been dependent on Tavak’s hatred of him so that Tavak would pay him.
Relief and disgust mingled in his chest. He felt a little sick. Sick that he’d have to give his credits—credits he’d earned—to Yikerza. But Tavak knew he’d never have peace if the Wa’zuyi remained on Dumera. He would never be able to move on.
Besides, most of the credits were from Everton, Tavak thought.
Maybe it would be a relief to pay Yikerza off with them. Maybe once those Everton credits were gone, Tavak would finally be able to start fresh.
What was that human saying?
Killing two birds with one stone.
“Tavak?” came her voice, long after Yikerza had gone. “Are…are you okay?”
Chapter Thirty-Four
When the unfamiliar Wa’zuyi male had come into Reji’s earlier that night, Stella hadn’t thought anything of it. He’d sat himself down at the bar in an empty stool—thankfully not Tavak’s—and ordered a Luxirian brew.
He’d been quiet, watchful. He’d kept to himself though others in the bar had often shot him looks throughout his time there.
When Stella had taken his emptied goblet off the bar counter, it was then that the Wa’zuyi had asked, “Does a Keriv’i male come in here often?”
Stella had been immediately put on edge though she’d smoothed her expression into a smile. “Some do,” was all she replied, shrugging. “Can I get you another brew?”
Not long after she’d slid over his refilled goblet, Tavak had stormed in, confirming her suspicions that the Wa’zuyi had been speaking about Tavak. Who, with the exception of his brother, was the only Keriv’i who frequented Reji’s.
Stella had never seen Tavak so angry as he’d been in that moment. Which led her to wonder just who this Wa’zuyi was and how in the hell Tavak knew him.
Outside the bar, Stella had stayed back but close enough to hear their hushed conversation. She’d listened to the muted fury in Tavak’s voice. She’d listened to the Wa’zuyi asking for credits—a mindboggling amount.
50,000 credits.
Unfathomable.
And then she’d listened to Tavak agree to it, which made her breath hitch in disbelief and concern.
Did Tavak truly hate this male enough to give him 50,000 credits to leave Dumera? And why? What had happened between them? And how in the universe did Tavak have 50,000 credits casually lying around?
After the Wa’zuyi had left, Stella was filled with more questions about Tavak than before…and she hadn’t thought that was possible.
And it only highlighted the fact that he’d truly told her nothing of importance about his life with the exception of his mother. He’d kept her in the dark about where he’d been before Dumera. About what he’d done, though Stella had her suspicions, carefully constructed and pieced together after numerous conversations with Valerie and Eve.
“Tavak,” she murmured, approaching the male she’d been sleeping next to each night, feeling that he was still a stranger to her in a lot of ways. “Are…are you okay?”
He didn’t answer her. He didn’t even look at her. His eyes were glued on where the Wa’zuyi had disappeared into the darkness, a deep frown on his face that seemed all the more menacing with the glare in his eyes.
“Tavak.”
She reached out her hand to touch him and then pulled it away quickly when he flinched.
“Don’t,” came his growl.
Stella’s breath left her.
“O-okay,” she whispered, stepping back quickly, holding up her hands to show him her palms.
His jaw was tight, the muscle there ticking, seemingly in time with his hearts. How was it just that morning he’d groaned and chuckled into her neck when she’d playfully squeezed his taut backside?
Silence descended between them.
Who is he? Stella wondered. Truly?
“I have to go take care of something,” Tavak finally said, darting her a quick look. “I’ll come back for you after you close up, pax?”
But he didn’t wait for her to reply and he was already striding forward, down the road. For a moment, she worried that he was planning to go after the Wa’zuyi, that he might do something in his anger.
Fear struck her in the chest but then she relaxed. No, Tavak wasn’t a murderer. He wouldn’t do something so terrible, no matter how he felt about someone.
Do you really know though? Stella couldn’t help but question, nibbling her lip.
She stared after him, the taser hanging laughably useless in her hand.
She wanted to laugh. And then maybe cry.
Because she realized she’d fallen in love with a male she didn’t truly know.
Didn’t that make her the biggest fool in the universe?
In the morning, Stella woke up alone.
Slowly, she sat up in Tavak’s bed, looking at his side. It was cool to the touch, the imprint of his body nearly faded. She cocked her head, listening for the hammering outside on the terrace but everything was quiet.
“Tavak?” she called out, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.
No response.
Stella bit her lip.
She was wearing his tunic, which hung to her knees. Usually, she woke naked and dressed in her own clothes but last night had officially been the first night they hadn’t had sex.
Tavak had showed up at Reji’s long after she’d closed it down and she’d been debating if she should just stay the night in her room. She’d begun to wonder if Tavak was coming back for her at all but then he’d showed up, leading her back to his jivera.
“Where were you?” she’d asked quietly, beginning to feel like she was nagging him. Which was ridiculous, all things considered.
“At the labs,” he’d grunted back and his tone left no room for further questioning.
All night, he’d been quiet. Pensive. His ever-present frown in place. But he’d made no move to touch her. To tease her. He hadn’t called her vellia, which she’d always assumed was a kind of pet name, like how she called him darling. He hadn’t held her hand on their walk and she hadn’t tried to initiate the intimate touch, even though it was one of her favorite things to do with him on their walks back and forth into town.
This was the old Tavak. Not her Tavak.
When they’d reached the jivera, she’d gone to bed, expecting him to follow. Only she’d crept out after an hour of lying in bed alone, and found him in his armchair, his Coms device fired up, though she couldn’t see what he was looking at from that distance. She’d crept back to bed alone, only waking at some point in the night to find him beside her, sleeping.
And now he was gone again.
Stella blew out a long breath, her gut churning with something that felt like dread. Worried dread.
Because she’d come to a conclusion last night, tossing and turning in bed, waiting for him to
join her. And that conclusion was that if he continued to keep things locked away from her, if he continued to push her away whenever his past came into question, they would never have a future together.
Not that he wanted a future with you to begin with, the treacherous little voice in her mind reminded her.
But…she’d thought that ever since his Rut, Tavak might’ve changed his mind about that. She’d hoped he had.
Then last night, he’d shut her out so completely. Again. Flinching away from her touch. Again.
This time, Stella didn’t know if she could move past it. Not without proper answers this time.
She had told him everything he’d ever wanted to know about her. About her mother, about her life on Haase’s crew, even about her ex-lovers. He’d been mildly jealous when she’d mentioned her Luxirian, but when she’d questioned him about his ex-lovers, he’d smoothly guided the conversation away and distracted her in other ways.
It bothered her. A lot.
And she knew that they needed to have a conversation about them. About him. About…how Stella felt about him. How she’d fallen in love with a male who kept her at arm’s length when she only ever wanted to hold his hand.
“I shouldn’t be afraid to love him,” she whispered to herself, staring at the floor of his empty room. “That’s not how this should be. Even I know that.”
Was Stella so desperate for love that she would overlook these things?
This wasn’t who she wanted to be. This wasn’t who her mother had raised her to be.
She’d given Tavak enough chances to confide in her. It wasn’t just about knowing his past. It was about him not wanting her to know it. Not trusting her to know it.
“The next time I see him,” she told herself quietly, standing in his kitchen, watching the water boil as she made her morning tea. Only one cup was on the counter, not two.
The next time she saw him, they needed to talk. She would tell him how she felt and then they would need to determine how to move forward.
If Tavak even wants to, she knew.
The twisting in her chest was warning enough for how she thought he’d react.
Only, the next time she saw him came entirely too soon.
Because no sooner had she finished her cup of tea and washed it in the cleaning basin than she heard the telltale signs of someone coming up the ladder to the terrace.
When the door creaked open and Tavak plodded inside, seeing her standing, frozen, in the kitchen, she might’ve felt her heart give a little quiver. As if preparing itself to break.
Because even Stella knew that this wouldn’t end well.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Where were you?” she asked him softly, feeling that sensation again. Like she was a nagging partner, pestering him for answers, answers he didn’t want to give.
Tavak turned to shut the door.
“At port,” he told her, not quite meeting her eyes as he said it.
“To see off the Wa’zuyi?” Stella asked, not attempting to hide the fact that she’d heard their conversation last night.
Tavak stilled, his gaze flashing to her.
“Pax,” he finally grated, approaching her but stopping at the end of the food prep counter, regarding her over it.
“Is he gone?”
“Pax.”
He seemed to be in a better mood this morning than he’d been in last night. At least, his shoulders weren’t so tight and his frown wasn’t so deep that Stella thought it would become a permanent fixture on his face. And he was actually looking at her and not flinching away.
The cowardly part of her, the part that wasn’t ready to have to let him go, whispered, Just wait. See how he is over the next few days.
But Stella knew she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t.
Her throat was tight as she asked, “Who is he to you?”
Tavak’s face darkened, stepping back from the counter. Shooting her a look that said he wouldn’t speak of this, a look she was sadly very familiar with.
“No one,” was what he replied gruffly. “Are you hungry? Did you eat yet?”
“No one,” Stella repeated, ignoring his attempt to divert her attention, like she was a fucking child. “So you just gave a stranger 50,000 credits to leave Dumera? Because he was no one to you?”
“Stella,” he growled in warning, his temper rising.
“Tavak,” she said back. “I’m not an idiot!”
“You don’t need to know who he is to me!” he hissed, those eyes beginning to swirl. “It’s not your business. It’s mine. What I do with my credits is none of your concern.”
“It’s not about the credits,” Stella argued, stung by his words, shaking her head. “It’s about you shutting me out whenever I try to get closer to you!”
Tavak scowled, his brows dropping in a fierce look. As if he thought her words were incredibly…distasteful.
Gold and silver threads spun and swirled, getting faster and faster by the second.
“And it’s not even about your past. About who or where you were. It’s about you not trusting me,” Stella continued, softening her voice, swallowing the huge lump in her throat. She told herself to have courage as she stared unflinchingly into those eyes. “It’s about how I’ve realized how difficult it is to wholeheartedly love someone until they trust me.”
Those eyes flared and flashed.
“Stella,” he said warningly. “Don’t.”
She almost laughed. Don’t?
It was too late for that.
Her voice was defiant as she said, “It’s about the fact that I’ve fallen in love with you, Tavak. It’s about how I’ve been too scared to tell you because I fear how you’ll react. And I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to be afraid to love someone.”
Quiet fell between them like a boulder, heavy and suffocating. The rapid pounding in her chest felt like a drum.
“And…” she whispered, licking her lips, feeling that dread in her belly only grow. But she needed to say this. She needed to get it out. “And I know that it was only supposed to be sex. But I think I’ve been falling in love with you since I first saw you. I don’t understand it but I know what I feel. I think we can really have something together but only if you trust me. Only if you let me in. Please.”
Her last words sounded weak and quiet even to her own ears.
And Stella’s gaze caught on his jaw, on the way the muscle there was ticking, a telltale sign that he was in a foul mood.
Stella knew what it meant even before he said quietly, “This was why I always wanted to keep things separate. From the very beginning, I told you what to expect with me. But this is my fault. For letting you think that…”
“Letting me think what?” Stella asked, her throat tightening further, a little spark of anger igniting in her chest, as if to mask the incredible hurt she felt at the words. “That you actually cared about me? That you actually give a damn about how I feel?”
Tavak ran a hand down his face and paced away. Stella rounded the counter, needing to feel that anger or else she might just collapse into a mess of tears in front of him. And she needed to keep what remained of her dignity.
She would damn well walk away from this jivera with her head held high, no matter how much she was crumbling inside.
Stella tugged at his arm until he faced her, his skin warm and smooth under her grip. Cool air from one of the open windows caressed her bare legs. She felt exposed and vulnerable, wearing only his tunic. She stood, staring up at him, this stranger who still made her heart skip a beat, even when she was furious with him. Even when he was breaking that heart…and for a moment, she hated him for it.
But she’d always known. Right?
He was correct about one thing. He’d told her from the very beginning not to expect more than sex from him.
And he’d been a male true to his word, no matter how much Stella had hoped he was lying.
She only had one question for him. One question that would
determine everything.
“Answer me one thing honestly,” she told him, her gaze flickering back and forth between his eyes. “Do you ever see a future with me? A future for us?”
Would he ever let her in? Would he ever let down that cold guard that had surrounded him like a steel cage since day one? Would he ever love her like she loved him?
He held her gaze. They were only a hand’s span away from one another but they might as well have been miles apart.
“Veki,” he said softly.
She swore she felt her heart begin to crack at that word. A splintering, deep ache.
“Veki,” he murmured, shaking his head. His brows were drawn down and he looked almost remorseful as he added, “Not like this.”
Not like this?
Surprisingly, Stella felt a thread of calm slither through her and she grasped onto it with both hands.
“Okay,” she said, surprised that her eyes were dry and her voice was steady. “Okay.”
It hadn’t taken long at all. A short, brief conversation to completely shatter her hopes.
If that was all it took, then they really didn’t have a chance at all, did they?
“Stella,” he murmured, reaching out to touch her arm, but she was already stepping away. She needed to leave. She needed to leave right now. “I’m sorry. I hope you know how sorry I am.”
And Stella believed him. Truly believed him. Despite the words she’d thrown in his face, she knew that he did care about her. Just not the way she wanted him to.
You can’t help who you love, she reminded herself. It wasn’t Tavak’s fault that he didn’t return her feelings. It was her own fault for getting in too deep when she’d known better.
“I know,” she said quietly, somehow managing to give him a small, sad curl of her lips. Smiling until the very end. “I—I should go.”
Stella turned and walked back to his bedroom, hardly seeing a thing as she dressed in her own clothing. She had a few things of hers in the washroom but nothing important, so she didn’t bother retrieving them. She snagged her travel sack off the floor, pushing in the blanket she’d brought over and her small stack of clothes. She debating leaving the green silk Tavak had given her. She was currently working on it to make it into a dress, the edges pinned and only a small portion of it sewed.
