Ben’s eyes blinked, then skittered to search out his wife. “I love you, Allie.” His rasp was slow, deliberate, but they could understand him. “I’m sorry. Tell Trey I’m sorry.” His fingers stirred against the mattress.
Her hand quickly found his on the sheet, and she hovered over him, stroking it with her thumb. “I know sweetheart. I’ll tell him. He knows.”
His chest was tight. He stood to leave, they needed privacy. He was nearly run down in the doorway.
“Good evening, I’m Doctor Carter. I’ll be the neurosurgeon handling Mr. Tate’s case.” The knot of anxiety that swept in with the doctor was just as quickly swept away by his confidence and energy. Jake let out a slow breath.
The doctor dropped into one of the chairs lining the wall and lowered his readers from their perch on his forehead. He glanced at the notes in his hand and replaced the glasses with the push of a finger. “As Doctor Fielding forewarned, we’ll be taking Mr. Tate into surgery soon. There will be additional surgeons in the room to assist with abdominal bleeding and anything else that may arise.” The doctor spoke with authority for several minutes, for a lifetime, even as he nodded to the nurse who followed him in and proceeded to check Ben’s IV.
“According to test results, I have a clear indication of the extent of the damage. I’d like to outline the procedures I plan to follow.” He stood and opened his tablet. Jake and Allie crowded around. “Let me show you what I have in mind.”
With each of Doctor Carter’s diagrams and detailed explanations, Jake’s pulse took a slow and steady climb. All color drained from Allie’s face. He shoved her into a chair beside Ben’s bed. When he was finished, the doctor strolled to the edge of the curtain and turned back before stepping out. “The risks involved with this surgery are great. I expect it to last several hours.” He glanced toward the nurse. “In the meantime I’m ordering more medication.”
And for the first time fear sunk its gnarly fist into Jake’s midsection and twisted.
Jake stood near the curtain. Doctor Carter was already halfway down the hall. He moved to stand beside Ben’s bed and gave him a smile. He meant it to be reassuring.
Ben’s eyelids drooped. Probably the new medication. “Hey Jake, I need to call in a favor.”
His heart ached at the strain in Ben’s voice. He inched closer and took his hand. “What now? No way will I loan you my truck.” The jest fell flat, landed with a thud in his gut as Allie watched them from across the room. He studied Ben with what he was afraid was desperation looming in his eyes.
Ben gestured for him to lean closer still, lifted a hand to hook it behind his neck, locking their eyes together.
“I screwed things up bad.” Ben’s words were weak and grated against his throat. “I have to take care of this now, before I… go.”
Ben’s eyes bore into him, piercing and insistent. He would do anything to take away his pain.
“You’ve always been my best friend. If something happens—if I don’t come back—I need you to look after them. Allie and Trey.”
Jake jerked with a start, but Ben’s grip held.
“You’re the best person I know, Jake. Much better than I am.” His glance found Allie, then skittered back. Jake followed his gaze. “You’ve loved her as long as I have.” The quiet seriousness on his mangled face was heartbreaking. Every word was an obvious effort. “It’s your turn now, Jake. Take good care of her. Promise me.”
Guilt swamped him. The least he could do was look his friend in the eye. He cleared his throat, took hold of Ben’s hand again. And let fear fuel his anger. It was the only defense he had. “Bullshit, Ben. You don’t need any promises from me. You’ll be good as new in no time. Take care of her yourself.”
Shooting his hands up he spun, took a step back. He had to turn away. It was unthinkable that Ben would ask that of him. Absurd that he would consider it. He swiped at his eyes, which were flooded. But he would make that promise to Ben.
Because there was nothing he would rather do.
Jake stepped away from the bed and Ben sagged into the pillow. Allie edged closer. The soft beeps of the machines blended into the sounds coming from the adjacent treatment rooms. A tray clattered. Someone rushed down the corridor, their soft-soled shoes slapping the tiles. Her lips brushed over his, which were swollen and cracked, his fingers were cold in her hands. She was probably hurting him, but she couldn’t let go.
He would be fine. He had to be fine. Hot tears drenched her eyes. The pressure on her chest made it hard to breathe. “I love you, sweetheart. Go to sleep. We’ll be here when you wake up.”
Ben’s hand stretched out to caress her cheek. He would want to touch her dimple. He held her, loved her with his eyes, and spoke without turning away from her. “Can you give us a minute, Jake?”
Jake dropped a hand on Ben’s blanketed foot and then left, pulling the curtain closed behind him.
She hovered over Ben, her hand resting on the metal side rail of the bed, tears dripping onto the covers, leaving splotches on the white sheet. He pulled her hand from the rail, lowered it to his chest. “If everything’s not—”
“You’ll be—”
He cut her off with his eyes. His voice was weak, soft and breathy. If only she could will her strength into him.
“You’re so beautiful.” He grimaced a crooked smile. In there was Ben’s smile. “And I’m so proud of Trey. I wish—” His voice faded. He closed his eyes and wobbled his head. “But mostly, I’m so damned sorry.”
Her tears started fresh. His eyes opened, his gaze was unfocused. “Jake will be alone now, Allie. Take good care of him.”
There was no controlling her tears, and the splotches on the sheet grew. The tissue she used to mop her eyes, to blow into, was useless against the stream running down her face. She nodded. “I promise.” She would swear anything if it would bring him back to her.
When his eyes drifted shut, she wiped the tears from her cheeks, and his. There were so many things they would do when he was well. So many things she would tell him.
His injuries weren’t the only tragedy of his accident. It was time she realized that the resentment she’d buried all these years was petty and selfish. Acid wearing away the tender lining of their marriage.
Jake peeked through the curtain.
“Come on in, he’s asleep.” She held out a hand for him, then closed her eyes against the comfort of his arm draped across her shoulders.
“I called Bentley a few minutes ago. Nick too.” Her murmured words came from her place beside him on a cold vinyl sofa. “Let them know about the accident and the surgery. Bentley said he’d leave a message with his secretary and come down right away. My parents and brother are on their way, too.”
“Have you spoken with Trey? Or Maddie?”
Trey. Her hands twisted in her lap. “I gave Michael an update. You remember Maddie’s husband? He and Ben have been friends for years.”
“Of course.”
“He offered to bring Trey over. Oh, they’re here.” She stood.
They entered as a crowd, their voices raising and lowering as they greeted each other and then settled into seats to wait. Her eyes swept the room. Small groups of mismatched chairs sat in clusters. Low tables held scattered magazines. A nearby counter held a florist’s vase of deep red roses, periodically she caught their scent. Other families sat nearby, talking quietly, waiting for word of their loved ones.
A flat screen was mounted to the far wall, broadcasting the latest happenings in the Middle East in closed captions. Jake leaned forward in his chair, his elbows braced on his knees, studying a young child playing with blocks across the room. He glanced over his shoulder at her, then nodded at the child. “Almost hard to remember when Trey was that small.”
It certainly was right now with his gangly arms draped over the back of the adjacent chair and his lanky legs kicked out under the coffee table. The elevator chimed in the hallway. She lifted her eyes to check the clock on the wall. Ben had been in surg
ery three hours already.
Doctor Carter, the surgeon they met during the wee hours of the morning rounded the corner flanked by another man. Shoulder to shoulder they paused in the doorway and searched the room.
With deliberate movements she uncrossed her legs and stood. Jake unfolded beside her.
She pressed her shaking hands together as he neared. He wore blue scrubs and throwaway booties, and his mask hung from ties caught behind his neck. In his hands he mangled a matching cotton skullcap.
His somber expression had her eyes welling. She reached for Trey, tugged him close. Ben was fine. Ben was fine. Ben was fine.
It was important to concentrate. The timbre of the doctor’s voice as it rose and fell was like an echo bobbing in a deep well. Her throat thickened and stung and her ears clogged and the sound became an animated wah, wah, wah. She closed her eyes. Now she could focus on his words as they stuttered through her silly tears.
“I’m sorry…”
Her eyes flew open.
“…everything in our power…”
Her sobs unleashed when Jake hauled her into his arms and crushed Trey between them.
“No, No, No!” Someone cried out.
“Despite our best efforts…”
It was her. Her knees were weak.
“No! Stop!”
“…didn’t make it.”
Jake guided her as she crumpled to the sofa.
“…dead.”
The doctor quieted. And stood before them.
Trey’s bleak eyes were huge in his face, their indigo irises flooded. Jake’s hold firmed around them both. Tears flowed down his anguished face.
There was no escaping the truth.
Her heart, her soul, her Ben, would never return to her.
He was gone.
The aroma of fresh coffee assailed Allie as she followed Trey into their home on the arm of her father-in-law. Mourners milled throughout, talking quietly in small groups. Some juggled paper plates laden with food, others held disposable cups of punch or coffee. She let her arm fall away from Bentley, and with a nudge from her, Trey followed his grandfather toward the kitchen, loosening his tie as they ran the gauntlet.
Her mother immediately replaced Bentley, warm and comforting, guiding her to a comfortable armchair. Allie adjusted the skirt of her simple black dress and sat stoically, her hands quiet in her lap. Someone she didn’t recognize brought her a cup of punch. She ghosted a smile, then set it on the table near her, untouched.
One after another stepped up. She appreciated the condolences they offered, the anecdotes. They all had memories of the man they cared about. She made an effort to seem interested. These people were all feeling loss as well, but she didn’t have the strength to focus on their needs. Her heart was broken. Nothing else mattered.
Ben’s secretary—no, Jake’s now—perched on the arm of her chair with moisture clinging to her lashes. “It was a beautiful service.” Allie found her hand clasped along with Kim’s offer of sympathy and a wispy smile. “Ben was one of the best bosses ever, and a good man.”
She could only nod. “Thank you.” Her chest was embedded with a weight that wouldn’t ease as her eyes wandered the room, lighted on Jake. “This will be difficult on him, running the company alone.”
Kim’s eyes followed hers, found her new boss. “Don’t you worry about him; I’ll keep an eye out.” Kim’s smooth drawl was familiar and kind. “But you need to take care of yourself and Trey now.”
She thanked Kim again with a lifelessness that was familiar now and let her eyes float around the room. So many people gathered in her home –hovering nearby, waiting to speak to her. Hysterically, a scene came to her from one of the movies Ben loved. The mafia don was dead and the son sat, as if on a throne, a line of people at his feet, waiting to kiss his ring. The head of her family was gone and here she sat. Her tears flowed freely again, great wracking sobs that refused to be controlled, ever since that brutal morning.
Jake, standing nearby, watching over her, witnessed her collapse. He caught Reese’s eye and motioned her over.
“I’ll take her into her room now.” Her frailty was unsettling. But she would find her inner strength again. They all would.
Reese nodded and led the way down the hall. “I’ll turn down the bed, help her out of her clothes.”
He hovered as Reese got her tucked in and went to the bathroom for water and a sleeping pill. Allie had argued against the pills, but after two sleepless nights she relented and let him call her doctor. He and Reese stayed with her, talking softly, crooning nonsense until Allie fell asleep. In the kitchen he found Maddie packing leftover food away, stacking containers neatly in the refrigerator. It was an arduous day for everyone.
Reese sidled up beside him. “Jax invited Trey home with them, and Maddie agreed. I think they’re hoping to distract him with video games and late night refrigerator raids.” He offered Reese a smile of gratitude as his eyes located Trey, sitting quietly by himself. “I’ll spend the night tonight, in case Allie wakes and needs someone.”
The kitchen was clean, the refrigerator stocked; there was nothing left to do. Everyone gradually made their way out the door until the house was finally, mercifully, quiet. Only he and Reese remained.
Reese distributed floral arrangements around the living room and stacked sympathy cards on the kitchen table while he moved through the house with a trash bag, collecting discarded plates and cups. He stalled, hated the idea of leaving Allie, but Reese would be there. There was no reason to delay his departure. He peeked in on Allie then left, headed to his empty house. He deliberated stopping by Michelle’s on the way, remembered she was out of town.
Their trip home from Las Vegas was a pleasant one. He’d ditched the scorned Bach when they stopped for gas, they were happy and rested, chatting about the weekend. They saw a show—a popular comedian—and played a little blackjack, and again he was glad he suggested the getaway. It was a long drive, but he enjoyed having the time alone with Michelle, without the interruptions of their busy schedules.
“Hey, what do you have going on over there?” He was pulling into the outskirts of Phoenix, the lights of the skyline in the near distance. Michelle systematically jabbed buttons on her Blackberry.
“Getting a jump on tomorrow.” As usual her attention was on the backlit screen. “It looks like there’s a problem with a project in Tucson. I’ll need to head over there in a couple of days.”
Jake’s forehead furrowed and his lips thinned to a narrow line, but he said nothing. As he turned into her complex he commented again about the weekend. “I had a great time, Michelle. We’ll do this again, one day soon.”
Michelle frowned and looked up from the email she was composing. “Sure sugar, but next time we should fly. Who ever wants to be stuck in the car for such a long time?”
Hiding the clutch of disappointment, Jake pulled up to Michelle’s condo. He wheeled her suitcases to her door, kissed her goodbye and promised to call. He drove through intermittent weekend traffic to his own home with a vague sense of unease. As he pulled into his own garage, he parked the car and answered a phone call that changed his life forever.
Allie awoke groggy the next morning, a mind-numbing combination of grief, exhaustion and medication. She was curled up on Ben’s side of the bed and shoved her whole face into his pillow, straining to catch his scent, but there was nothing left of him there. With a sad sigh of resignation she stumbled from the bed and ambled through the house to the kitchen, the smell of coffee and cinnamon a powerful lure.
There was Reese, pulling muffins out of the oven. The enticing aroma was a blatant reminder that she’d deprived her body of food for days. It rumbled in protest.
Reese turned at the sound of Allie entering the room.
“Morning, sleepyhead. Ready for coffee?”
Allie offered a scrawny smile, her palm massaging the back of her neck. “Mmm, definitely.
Reese poured two mugs of the fragrant brew and Allie took
a chair at the table. She idly thumbed through the stack of condolence cards, then set them aside. Allie doctored her coffee and took her first sip. Reese turned back to the counter and returned a moment later with her own mug and a basket of hot blueberry muffins.
Allie selected one, paused before taking a bite, her eyebrows furrowed. “Where’s Trey?”
“Maddie took him home last night.”
Her forehead smoothed; she nodded, then fixed a vague stare on her muffin. She pulled off small pieces, placed them one by one into her mouth and chewed sluggishly. When she was finished she took another sip, peering over her mug and gaining her friend’s attention. She had no tears this morning. Her eyes were dry but her heart was empty. “What am I going to do, Reese?” For something to do, she shredded a paper napkin. “How do I get through this? I need to pull myself together, but I don’t know how.”
Reese’s expression softened. She reached across the table and took Allie’s hand in sympathy. “Oh, honey. For now you get up each morning and you get through that day. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. And don’t make it any harder than that.”
Pretty much what her mom had said for days now. Allie nodded and lowered her eyes, her palms both clutching her mug like a lifeline. “I’m worried about Jake, too.”
“I know you are, sweetie. He called while you were asleep.”
Allie nodded again, squeezed her hand around Reese’s then pulled it away, lifted the coffee to her lips without tasting it. Tears snuck steadily through an invisible barrier, trickled down her cheeks. “I keep waiting for Ben to walk into the room, kicking off his boots.” Her flooded eyes bounced off the entry and landed at the door to the laundry room, visible from her seat. “I hear his voice, but when I look of course he’s not there. This all seems so unreal.” She lowered her mug to the table, framed her face with her hands, whispered brokenly. “This happens to other people.”
Twice in a Lifetime (Love Found) Page 10
