“What happened back there? You earned the restaurant and now you’ve got it. I don’t understand what’s wrong.”
The phrase careful what you wish for came to mind. “The only reason I earned it was by sleeping with you.”
His jaw stiffened. “You know that’s not why you got the job, so don’t insult us both by claiming otherwise.”
“Then tell me what happened, Knox, if this isn’t because we were lovers.”
“Were?”
God, this hurt like hell. But she had to reclaim her life. She had to put herself back in the driver’s seat and that would be impossible with Knox holding sway over her. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Past tense. For now, until I can think straight again.”
He swallowed hard. His focus slipped to the empty space past her shoulder. “Okay, then I’ll tell you what happened. I challenged you to make me think about food as more than fuel. You did that and so much more. You made me crave things I never knew I needed. You brought me to life. You opened my eyes to so many aspects of living and myself that I’d been blind to. You’re brilliant, Emily. You’re the most brilliant light I’ve ever seen.”
How could he say that after she’d embarrassed him in front of his business partners? “You’ve opened my eyes, too. You’ve helped me see that the thing that’s been holding me back all the time has been me. I’ve let fear of my parents and fear of the unknown dictate every single choice I’ve made since running away. I feel like a bird who’s never exercised its wings for fear of falling. And now, instead of flying on my own, I’m using you and Briscoe Ranch as crutches.”
“Not crutches, support. There’s a difference. Everybody needs a support system. Even you, Emily.”
“Knox, please don’t argue semantics. Phrase it any way you want, but the truth is the same. I was letting you dictate the terms of my life. And I have to knock that shit off right now before it drowns us both. I can’t be with you if it’s not as your equal.”
He clamped his lips together. Because, clearly, he knew she was right.
All these years, she’d convinced herself that she didn’t need love and companionship, but now she knew that had been her fear talking. Knox had helped her see that she needed both. And, not only that, but he’d helped her realize that she was strong enough to risk her heart to love. Maybe from Knox, or maybe from someone with whom she didn’t share such tangled connections.
There was only one way for her to find out, and that was with space and time and distance. “I have to go.”
With a stunned expression, he lowered his hand from the door and stood aside so she could pass. Emily flung the stairwell door open and raced through the lobby. She no longer heard Knox’s footfalls or voice, but she continued to push herself faster until she burst into the night through the main doors—escaping her past, escaping her fears, and escaping the sheltered box of a future that would have only held her back while she finally learned to fly.
Chapter Eighteen
Emily pounded on Carina’s door for a second time, ready to spill the confession she’d been poised to share with Carina before the dinner party. Knox had been right about one thing: Emily did need a support system, and hers was her best friend. She wasn’t sure what advice she hoped Carina would give her—to support her quitting or encourage her to go groveling back to Knox and his investors—but either way, Emily was bound to come out of their talk with a clearer idea about what she felt and what she wanted to do.
At the sound of the door unlocking, Emily drew herself up, trying to look poised and in control of her faculties. Decker opened the door, looking sleepy in a pair of tattered sweatpants and flannel shirt with a day’s worth of stubble on his cheeks. When he saw it was Emily, he flicked his eyebrows in a bored greeting and stepped aside for her to enter. “Can’t you womenfolk powwow in the morning? What is it with you two and these late-night gabfests?”
It wasn’t that late, only ten o’clock, but for a rancher like Decker who woke before the crows to tend to the horses, the hour was well past his bedtime. Emily darted past him into the house. “Sorry. I need to talk to Carina.”
She found Carina sitting on the sofa watching TV, her belly protruding between her bent knees as though she were wearing a watermelon under her pajamas. “What’s wrong?”
What a question. What wasn’t wrong? There was only one place to start the story. “I slept with Knox. A lot.”
Carina gasped, then made a cumbersome attempt to leap to her feet. Decker snatched his cowboy hat from a peg near the door. “Okay, that’s my cue to scram. I’m gonna go check on the horses.”
Emily had never seen a man disappear so fast.
Carina waited for the door to close behind Decker, then smacked the sofa cushions in time with her words. “You what? You what?”
Emily let the humiliation wash over her. She knew this was the worst Carina had ever seen her, but their love was unconditional, so she had nothing to hide from her friend. “I slept with Knox,” she repeated, more slowly this time.
“By a lot, do you mean a lot in one night? Or…”
“More than one night. A lot of nights. My place. His place.” Emily cringed and closed her eyes. “His mother’s place.”
“Oh my God, Em. How?”
Restless and agitated, Emily started to pace absentmindedly in front of the sofa. “What do you mean how? You’re the one who’s pregnant. I think you’re plenty aware of how it’s done.”
“You know what I mean! I need details. You … and Knox … you two—” Carina’s words were cut off by a grunt of pain. “Ow. Damn it.”
“What happened? The little guy’s kicking harder?”
“Well, yeah. But this was just another Braxton-Hicks contraction. Don’t mind me. I need details, now! I can’t even picture you and Knox as a couple. He’s so … so … reserved. And you’re … you.”
“We’re not a couple. The thing between us isn’t even physical,” she said, almost to herself. It was a nutso idea. Of course, their attraction was physical. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. “I mean, it is. He’s so hot, I can’t even deal … I mean, that body … and the sex is … wow … but it’s not…” But when Emily thought about everything she loved about Knox, the aspects of him that had captured her heart, his eight-pack abs didn’t even make the list. It wasn’t his body. It wasn’t infatuation or lust. Her feelings ran so much deeper than that.
Carina groaned. “You’re driving me crazy. Spit it out already.”
She whirled to face Carina, fully aware that her horror was showing on her face. “I think I’m in love with him. I think that’s what this is. Love.” She nearly choked on the word, it was so foreign a concept. She grabbed fistfuls of her hair. “This is horrible. It feels terrible. I can’t sleep and food doesn’t taste good at all and I feel like my life’s spinning out of control and all I can think about is him.”
Carina was back on her feet. “You’re in love? You’ve only known him for a month.”
“I’ve practically been living in his house for that month. I’ve been studying him for a month. I climbed inside his mind and his soul, and then I let my guard down and I let him climb inside me.”
Carina scrunched her face up. “That doesn’t sound all that romantic.”
“Huh? No, not like that. I mean, yeah, but—” A frustrated growl. “Double entendres are the bane of my existence! You know how I get when I want to fix someone the perfect meal. I get inside their heads.”
Carina snagged Emily’s hand and tried to drag her down onto the sofa next to her. “That’s what makes you such a great culinary artist.”
“Yeah, well, I got inside Knox’s mind and I learned everything about him. And then he got inside my head, too. And I fell in love.” Holy shit. She was in love. Her throat tightened even more. She gasped, struggling to draw a full breath. “I ruined my career over a man. Over love, of all the goddamn terrible things.” Dizziness made her sway. This time, she allowed Carina to pull her down onto th
e sofa, where she pressed her hands over her eyes. “What have I done?”
Carina rubbed her back. “Your career’s not ruined. Knox is a professional. He’s not going to let—”
“I quit, Carina. Tonight, in front of all the partners at his firm. I quit the resort. I turned down the restaurant because I can’t live like this anymore. He has too much control over me and my future.” Her throat tightened. “He boxed me in.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. You quit your job here?”
“It was the only way.”
“You don’t have to do this, Emily.”
Emily could see shades of Knox in Carina’s expression and tone of voice when she spoke the words that echoed his. How fucked up was that? She’d slept with her best friend’s cousin? Knox was practically family. That was how low she’d sunk. “Yes, I do. I don’t have a choice. He left me with no other options.”
Carina pulled Emily into a hug and released a long, slow exhalation that prompted Emily to do the same. “I’ve got you,” Carina cooed. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
A knock sounded at the front door.
After exchanging looks, Emily pulled away from Carina to peer through the peephole. When she saw who it was, her heart gave a painful squeeze. “It’s Knox,” she whispered. “I can’t talk to him. I need time.”
Carina wiggled and scooted her butt to the edge of the sofa then held out her hand. “I’m going to tell him that, okay? Let me handle it. Just help me up first.” Emily pulled Carina to standing, then hustled to the shadows of the kitchen as Carina opened the door as wide as her body.
“Is she here?” Knox said.
The sound of his voice sent a shiver down Emily’s spine. Tears pricked her eyes.
“Yes,” Carina said.
Emily looked in his direction to make sure he wasn’t trying to push past Carina to get in, which he wasn’t, and found him watching her. She met his troubled gaze, pride forcing hers not to turn away.
“Emily,” he rasped from behind clenched jaws.
“Give her time to calm down, okay?” Carina said.
Knox’s nostrils flared. With his attention locked on Emily, he offered a terse nod.
Decker appeared behind Knox and set a firm hand on his shoulder. “Tomorrow’s as good as tonight, man. You want to go grab a beer with me?”
Knox scowled, the contortion of his lips reflecting the monumental effort it was taking for him to remain poised. “Can’t. I have a restaurant full of investors waiting for me to return with an explanation about why the talented chef I’ve been telling them about just quit. I wanted to ask her one last time if she’d reconsider.”
Shit. She’d embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. Yet another way their relationship had messed with her judgment. She walked toward the door, prepared to apologize for putting him in such a terrible place. “That’s what this visit is about? Your investors?”
“Of course, it’s not,” he growled. “It’s about you and me and whatever the hell happened back there. But more than that, I want you to—” his voice broke. “I want you to succeed in your career, with your passion. I’m trying to be your support.”
“Tomorrow,” Carina pressed. Decker’s hand appeared on Knox’s shoulder once more.
Knox’s eyes remained steadily on Emily. “Tomorrow.”
Emily swallowed and turned away from the door. Then tomorrow she’d need to be long gone.
Chapter Nineteen
He was going to fight for her. After too many sleepless nights alone in bed spent playing the events of the past month over and over again, this was the one truth Knox kept circling back around to. He refused to lose Emily over this decision. And though he was no closer to understanding why she’d quit, he was going to fight for her presence in his life.
Starting today.
This was bigger than the restaurant, bigger than the resort. He was going to fight for the woman he loved because the two of them deserved a chance to try for something real. And so, at dawn on the seventh day—seven days of unanswered voicemail messages to her, seven days of her being AWOL at the resort—he hoisted his gym bag into the back of his truck.
He pushed the key into the ignition, then paused. Ever since he’d been voted the new CEO of Briscoe Ranch, he’d felt his dad’s presence all around him every time he was in the truck. What was his dad’s spirit’s opinion on everything that had gone down with the resort and with Emily?
Did it matter anymore what his dad thought? Knox was feeling less and less that it did. Knox had made enough decisions in his life with the goal of making his father proud, and he was starting to reach the conclusion that it was time for him to grow the hell up and stop worrying about his father’s judgment.
He rested against the seatback, his vision softening as he pictured his father sitting in the passenger seat, as they’d done so many times in their lives, beginning when his dad had taught Knox how to drive. “Dad, my life can’t be about revenge anymore. I did this for you, but I never expected her. I’d love your support, but either way, I know what I want now, and I’m going after her. And I’m not sure what that’s going to mean for my plans for the resort. I’m not sure I can sell it off anymore.”
He’d never expected the way Emily had changed how he thought about passion and family and love. Just like he’d never expected to care about his grandmother or cousins the way he did. The idea of displacing them when he sold the resort made his stomach churn.
One thing at a time, man. Nothing was going to happen with the resort for a couple of years, until the renovations were complete, so he had time to figure out how to handle the sale in a way that would keep the Briscoes on their property while keeping Knox’s investors happy.
All he knew now was that there was more to life than revenge. And that he was in love with a woman worth fighting for.
He half expected his truck to break down on the way to Murph’s Gym.
It didn’t. He sent up a silent prayer of thanks to his dad, then grabbed his gym bag and headed inside. Murph didn’t look up from the game of solitaire he’d dealt himself on the counter. “She’s not here.”
Knox had figured as much.
“She hasn’t been here for a week.”
Panic made Knox’s heart squeeze painfully. “She’s coming back, isn’t she?”
Murph shrugged. “She said she was, but I wouldn’t hold her to it. People who’ve been through what she has, they’re light as a feather. Doesn’t take much of a storm to blow them away.”
Knox had to believe she’d be back. If nothing else, then for the birth of Carina’s baby. He dropped his credit card on the glass countertop. “I’d like to become a member of the gym. And I’m going to need a personal trainer, someone to teach me kickboxing.”
Murph flicked the credit card back toward Knox. “What is this about? What’s your move, here? You stalking our girl for real this time?”
“I’m in love with her.” It felt weird to say aloud, as the truth often did.
“Doesn’t make you any less of a stalker.”
He wasn’t going to get anywhere with Emily unless he could win over the men who protected her and show them that he was a stand-up guy who valued her as much as they did. “True. So run my ID and credit card, look me up online, start a file on me. Meanwhile, you can train me. I’ll even let you or any of your guys try to beat the shit out of me in the ring.”
Murph’s stone-cold expression cracked with a snort of laughter. “Need me to go over the rates?”
“Nope.”
“Pay by the month?”
“Let’s do a year. Or two,” Knox said. “Whatever max amount your system is designed for.”
“That would be the lifetime membership.”
Sounded about right to Knox. He planned to stick around for as long as Emily would have him. A lifetime, even. “Sign me up.”
Murph raised a single eyebrow. “You want to hear how much that costs?”
“No. But get on with it. I
could use a good fight this morning.”
Chicago, Illinois …
For the fourth day in a row, Emily sat at a café across the street from the building that had housed her parents’ penthouse apartment, wondering if that was even their place of residence anymore. She supposed she could have made her life easier by looking them up online, but that ran the risk of discovering a gushing society page article about their participation in a charity gala or news of her father’s latest business deal. She didn’t want to see their pictures on the internet. That wouldn’t do her any good.
When she’d set out on the trip, she hadn’t been clear on why she was driving twelve hundred miles north, or what she’d do if and when she saw her parents. All she knew was that fear of them—and fear of who she really was—had held her back for far too long. As she had when she’d quit the resort, with this she knew that the only way to change the trajectory of her life was to ignore her misgivings and force change to happen with sheer will.
It wasn’t until she crossed the state line into Illinois that she’d figured out her purpose for traveling there. She wanted to look into the faces of her parents and remind herself that she’d done the right thing by leaving. All she needed to do was see them, if only from across the street. There was no need for words to be exchanged, or for them to even know she’d been there.
Seeing them in the flesh was the only way she could bring them back down to the status of human beings rather than the larger-than-life, all-powerful monsters she’d created in her imagination. And then, once she’d corrected the image of them in her mind, she’d let go of all the fears and resentment she’d been harboring so she could move on to the next phase of her life with a clear heart.
The trouble was, she was running out of time. She had to get back to Texas soon because Carina’s baby was due any day. As important as it was for her to discover what had happened to her parents, being there for her best friend was priority number one, even though it meant apologizing to Carina’s family for leaving her job so abruptly. Even though it meant that she might see Knox before she was ready.
One More Taste Page 24
