‘Do you think she’ll be able to cope, Mum?’
Tina stopped washing a cup. She had her back to Jenny. ‘She has to, love. She doesn’t have any choice. She’ll have to muddle through and we’ll all have to help. It’s not going to be easy. One was going to be difficult, but two … Well, it makes things more complicated. But children are such a blessing and a joy too. Honestly, they are the greatest thing in the world.’
‘We should have known it was twins – she got so huge so quickly,’ Jenny said.
‘All women have different bumps but, yes, she was very big very early on. Poor Lucy, if only … Well, no point in wishing for what isn’t.’
‘Do you think she’ll be able to go back to college? Will you and Dad really be able to cope with twins and the shop?’
Tina faced her younger daughter. ‘She has to, Jenny. She can’t let this stop her achieving her dream. We all have to help her get there. That’s what family’s for, to help each other out in times of trouble. We’ll find a way somehow.’
Jenny hoped her mum’s plan didn’t involve her having to change nappies or babysit on a Saturday night. Jenny didn’t want to have zero social life and become an outcast just because her sister had got pregnant.
Tina sat down and put her hand on Jenny’s arm. Uh-oh, a serious chat was coming.
‘What’s happened to Lucy is a lesson to you to be very careful when you meet boys and they want to take things to another level. You have to look after your own body and not trust them to. Do you understand?’
‘You’re telling me I should go on the pill if I’m having sex?’
Tina laughed. ‘Yes, I suppose I am.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to end up pregnant.’ And if I ever do, Jenny thought, I’ll be on the first plane to England.
10
Lucy waddled along the street to Sarah’s house. The sun was beating down and she was sweating profusely. She felt as if she was in a furnace. She was hot all the time and the warm weather was making it really hard to sleep and walk around. Then there was the weight of the babies pressing down on her bladder, making her feel like she needed to go to the loo every two minutes. Being pregnant sucked, but pregnant with twins was the worst. How could she be so unlucky?
She had just about got her head around having one baby when she’d found out it was two. It had pushed her over the edge. Even her mother had been shocked into silence at the ultrasound.
Lucy was exhausted and weepy all the time. She tried to pretend to her family that she was coping, but she wasn’t. She cried herself to sleep every night. She prayed all day long that Tom would come back. How the hell could she cope with two babies alone? She longed for the old life, the one before Tom. How had one silly mistake cost her so much? She was the laughing stock of the university and her neighbourhood.
She could hear the locals in the shop whispering to each other. They clearly thought being pregnant had affected her hearing.
‘She’s huge.’
‘Poor thing, her life is ruined.’
‘Stupid girl, she had it all.’
‘It’s Billy I feel sorry for.’
‘He was always boasting about her. Not much to boast about now.’
‘I thought the younger one was the wild one.’
Lucy would grit her teeth, fake-smile and ask, ‘Can I help you at all?’ and the customers would fake-smile back. Tina said Lucy didn’t have to work in the shop if it was too much, but Lucy had insisted on helping out. She wanted to do as much as she could before the babies arrived so that she wouldn’t feel so guilty when her parents were flat out helping her to raise them.
Panic rose in her throat whenever she thought about after the birth. How would she even feed them? She’d decided not to breastfeed – it was too much. At least with bottles she could feed one and her mum could feed the other at the same time. And what about when she had finished her degree and was working? Would any guy ever look at her again? Who’d want to go out with someone who had two kids? Lucy’d never get married now. She’d end up on her own, living with her parents and her two fatherless kids. Lucy Murphy, the screw-up.
Her mum kept telling her she was beautiful and smart, and men would line up to be with her. She said that Lucy had to be optimistic and believe she would have the full and wonderful life she deserved. But Lucy wasn’t so sure. What man wanted to raise someone else’s twins?
Lucy stopped walking and wiped sweat from her forehead. She was tempted to lie down in Mrs Molloy’s little front garden and go to sleep, she was so tired. Two hours of uninterrupted sleep had become a distant memory. Lucy wanted the twins out and her body back. She felt so big and disgusting. She didn’t think she could do another month of this. It was really awful now.
‘What you got in there? A watermelon?’ a cheeky little boy shouted, as he pedalled by on his bicycle.
‘King Kong more like,’ his friend roared.
She shuffled up the road, down the path to Sarah’s house and rang the bell. It was ridiculous: she was out of breath having walked barely a hundred yards.
‘Hey, gorgeous.’ Sarah grinned when she opened the door.
‘I know you’re trying to be nice, but I look like a sweaty whale.’
Sarah laughed. ‘Let’s just say you’re not neat. But once they’re out, you’ll be back to yourself in no time. Look at your one Jane Seymour. She had twins a few years ago and she’s so skinny now.’
‘I feel like my body’s been taken over by aliens. I want them to come out, but I’m scared of what it’ll be like when they do.’
Sarah led her into the kitchen and got her a glass of cold water.
‘Having one kid was frightening, but two? Seriously, is God having a laugh?’ Lucy said miserably.
Sarah gazed at her best friend. She was like a different person. She had always been petite but now she had this massive bump, which looked so weird and unnatural.
Sarah didn’t know why people said pregnancy was beautiful. The whole thing was putting her off wanting kids. Darren was mad keen to get married and start a family, but Sarah wasn’t so sure. She was happy to get married – they’d been together since they were fifteen, so she knew he was the one. But a family? She wanted to open a hairdressing salon next year and a baby would just complicate things.
She didn’t want to tell Lucy that Darren had proposed. She’d asked him to wait and not tell anyone until after the babies were born. It wouldn’t be fair to shove her happiness in Lucy’s face when she was having such a tough time.
Sarah said yet another silent prayer that Tom would feel guilty enough to come back. Darren reckoned he never would, but she didn’t want to give up hope. It didn’t matter if he didn’t want to be with Lucy, but he needed to come back and give the poor babies a dad. Everyone deserved a dad. Sarah knew that better than most. It wasn’t easy growing up without one. That was why she loved Darren so much: he looked after her and minded her and told her she was his princess. Darren would never leave her. Sarah was not going to end up like her mother, bitter and a man-hater. No way. Sarah was going to have a good life, with two solid parents for her kids, if she ever decided to have any.
She’d lied when Lucy had asked her if she’d found it difficult to grow up without a dad. She’d been lying about it all her life. She always pretended it had made no difference. She pretended she didn’t care. But inside it hurt like hell to know she’d been rejected by her father. That he didn’t even love her enough to contact her or send her birthday presents or a lousy Christmas card. He’d walked out and disappeared, just like Tom had, except Sarah’s dad had waited until she was three to do it. She didn’t know which was worse, to have your dad walk away before you were even born, like Tom had done, or when you were three and he knew you. They were both awful.
Sarah used to hear people say it was worse for her brother because he was five and a boy needed his father. But she thought that was rubbish. A girl needed her father just as much. She had alway
s envied Lucy. Billy looked at her with such adoration – it was gorgeous. Billy thought the sun, moon and stars revolved around Lucy. Sarah had watched him at sports days, school plays and the school graduation ceremony … Whatever the occasion, Billy was always the first there, sitting in the front row, cheering and clapping. Sarah ached for that kind of love from a man.
She’d found it when she’d met Darren and she was never letting him go. Darren was the piece of her life that had been missing. He would look at his daughter the way Billy looked at Lucy. Darren would be a brilliant dad.
But Sarah had lied about it because Lucy didn’t need to hear that. She’d told her that having a good mum was all a child needed, and that Lucy would be the most amazing mum in the world. Besides, the kids would have Billy, who would be an amazing granddad, so they’d have a positive male figure in their lives. That had seemed to make Lucy feel better.
‘I do have some good news,’ Lucy said. ‘I got my results and I got a first.’
‘What?’ Sarah whooped. ‘You are unbelievable! In the middle of all this crap you get yourself a first! Honestly, Lucy, you really are Wonder Woman! You can do anything.’
Lucy smiled. ‘Dad hasn’t stopped crying – he’s over the moon. Mum cried too. At least I’ve been able to make them cry with happiness for once. It makes the guilt of the mess I’ve caused a little less horrible.’
‘They adore you. You can never change that.’
I’ve certainly put their love to the test, Lucy thought grimly. ‘Look at my ankles!’ She swung her feet out from under the kitchen table. ‘Huge.’
‘It’s just the pregnancy, don’t worry. You’ll be skinny Lucy again soon.’
‘Jenny calls me Moby-Dick. To be honest, I was surprised she knew who the character was.’ Lucy grinned.
‘You’re very hard on her. She’s smart, you know. Not book smart like you, but street smart, and she really is brilliant with make-up.’
‘I know, but where’s that going to get her?’
‘Where’s hairdressing going to get me?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that. You’re an amazing hairdresser and you’re planning to open your own salon. You’re going places fast. A lot faster than me, that’s for sure. It’s just that Jenny is kind of lazy. She just thinks she can do make-up and have a career. She seems to have forgotten the working-hard part. The part where you have to work for free and build up a portfolio and all that.’
She had a point. Jenny was lazy, but Sarah had seen how passionate she was about make-up. She recognized that passion: it was the way she’d felt about hair when she was sixteen. It was all she’d wanted to do. Her mother had badgered her into going to college and she’d had enough points to do an arts degree, but Sarah had put her foot down and said no. She’d gone straight into a salon and worked her way up. After only three years she was a senior stylist.
Lucy didn’t understand because she wasn’t creative, but Sarah could see that Jenny had lots of talent. ‘Jenny will learn all that along the way. I just don’t think your parents should force her to go to college. There’s no point. She’ll be miserable and probably wasting her time. She needs to do a make-up course at night and get experience during the day.’
‘Well, you know what Dad’s like about university. He’s obsessed with us going and bettering ourselves. He hates the fact that he had to leave school at fourteen and he’s worked so hard building up the business so we can have a better life than him. He’s always wanted more for us …’ Lucy’s voice shook. ‘I’ve let him down so badly. Sometimes I catch him looking at me and his face is so sad. I know this is killing him. I have to figure out a way to be a good mother and finish my degree. I can’t blow it all. I have to make Dad proud of me again.’
‘Come on,’ Sarah said. ‘This is just a bump in the road. You’ll get back on track. Look at your exam results, for goodness’ sake. Billy and Tina are so proud of you getting a first! But, Lucy, you have to give yourself time. Take the year off and see how things go. You may need to take two years off. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.’
Lucy shook her head. ‘There’s no way I’m taking two years off. I’m already freaking about postponing for twelve months. I’ve done some reading over the summer, to try to get ahead and keep on top of things. I have to get a first in my finals. I want to prove to Dad and to Gabriel, Tom and everyone else, but most of all to myself, that I can do it. I have to, Sarah, I can’t let this ruin my life.’
‘You will do well in your finals and the babies won’t ruin your life, but give yourself a break for the next few months. You’ve had a lot to deal with.’
Lucy twirled the water glass in her hands. She whispered, ‘Do you think he’ll come back? I keep hoping he will.’
Her friend looked so lost, Sarah thought. ‘Sure, he might, but maybe best not to get your hopes up too much.’
A tear ran down Lucy’s cheek. ‘How could he do this to me? I’ll never forgive him, Sarah, never. If he doesn’t come back for the birth he’s dead to me for ever.’
11
Jenny was in the shop with Lucy when it happened. Mrs Prendergast was complaining about the strawberries being overripe. She’d already given out about the bread only lasting three days before going mouldy and the ham being dry.
Jenny snatched back the strawberries. ‘Well, Mrs Prendergast, maybe you’d be better off driving over to the supermarket if you’re so unhappy with everything here.’
Mrs Prendergast frowned. ‘Don’t speak to me like that, you young pup. Isn’t it bad enough your sister getting pregnant without you being rude and insolent too? Your poor father must be ashamed of you both.’
Jenny was sick of these judgemental old bitches gossiping about her sister. Who the hell were they to judge anyone? They all had their own secrets.
‘My father is incredibly proud of us,’ she said angrily, ‘especially Lucy, who is a genius, which is more than I can say for your thick fool of a son who is so ugly that no girl will ever go near him, even though he spends all his time in school trying to feel girls up. So you’ll be stuck looking at his disgusting face for the rest of your life.’
‘What? I never … You horrible girl. My Greg is a lovely well-brought-up boy.’
‘Greg is a pervert. I could take him to court for sexual abuse – he grabbed my boobs at least three times last year. He’s the biggest loser in school. All the girls hate him and so do most of the boys.’
‘Perhaps, young lady, if you didn’t go around rolling up your school skirt and behaving like a hussy, boys would leave you alone.’
‘The best part of Greg’s day is looking at my legs. Besides, he’d try to feel up a nun, he’s that desperate. He’s like a dog in heat. A really ugly dog that no one will ever touch.’
‘Wash out your filthy mouth,’ Mrs Prendergast hissed. ‘You’ll end up like your sister, a pregnant tramp.’
‘Don’t you ever call my sister a tramp. Lucy is the best person in the world. She made one tiny mistake. I’m sick of all you bitter old bitches spreading rumours about her. Now get out and don’t ever come back here.’
‘You’re a disgrace. You’ll both end up in the gutter.’ Mrs Prendergast slammed the door as she left.
Jenny was shaking with rage. She kicked the counter hard. ‘How dare she? I’m sick of those old biddies! I hate them all.’
‘Jenny!’ her sister exclaimed behind her.
‘No, Lucy, I’m not going to feel guilty about what I said. I will not let anyone talk about you like that. It’s not right.’
‘Jenny …’
‘And Greg is a disgusting perv, although Amanda Moran actually let him feel her up and she kissed him, the blind cow. But then again, she’s got such bad acne that you can’t see much of her face any more. It’s like two eyes staring out from a pepperoni pizza.’
‘Jenny, will you shut up?’
Jenny whirled around. ‘What?’
Lucy was standing up, holding onto the wall. Below her was a puddle of wat
er.
‘Oh, my God! Is … Does that … Are you …?’
‘Yes, I’m in labour and it’s two weeks too early.’ Lucy was crying.
‘Sit down, I’ll get Mum.’ Jenny sprinted out of the shop, through the kitchen and out to the back garden, where her mother was hanging the washing on the line.
‘Muuuuuuum! The babies are coming!’ she roared.
Tina dropped a sheet and ran after her daughter. Reaching Lucy first, she wrapped her arms around her. ‘It’s okay, pet.’
‘It’s too early, Mum,’ Lucy sobbed.
‘It’s fine. Twins often come early. Now, we’ll get you into the car and fly up to the hospital. It’ll be quicker than calling an ambulance.’ To Jenny she said, ‘Run up and get the red sports bag at the end of my bed. It’s got everything we need. I had a feeling they might come early.’
Jenny sprinted off.
Lucy laid her head on her mother’s shoulder. ‘I’m scared.’
Tina kissed her. ‘Everything is going to be okay. I’m here, sweetheart, and it’s all going to be fine.’
Billy stared into the cot at the two beautiful babies sleeping side by side, one swaddled in a pink blanket, the other in blue. My grandchildren, he thought. Who would have thought I’d be a granddad at forty-seven?
‘Aren’t they precious?’ Tina whispered.
‘Magnificent,’ Billy said, welling up.
‘Lucy was so brave and brilliant. I was so proud of her,’ Tina said. ‘I’m so relieved everything went all right. I don’t think she could have taken any complications. And six pounds each is a very good size. No wonder poor Lucy was so big. They’re all going to be fine and that’s all that matters.’
Billy put his arm around her. ‘Aren’t we lucky to have two healthy daughters and now two wonderful grandchildren?’
Tina smiled. ‘I could happily have waited until my sixties to be a granny but, yes, we are lucky.’
Billy looked at his elder daughter, who was sleeping as soundly as the babies. Lucy was pale and there were dark purple circles under her eyes like two bruises. Poor pet, she needed her rest. What a year, Billy thought, what a bloody year.
Our Secrets and Lies Page 6
