‘Yes, he does,’ Kelly interjected, putting her hand over his to tell him to be quiet. ‘It’s all right, Mum. He knows what he has to do.’
36
Lucy fiddled with her napkin and tried not to cry as she explained the trouble Dylan was in because of his partying.
‘He’ll be fine,’ Damien said. ‘All kids make mistakes. It’s part of growing up.’
Lucy frowned. ‘No, it’s really serious, Damien. The parents were going mad. He could lose –’
Damien’s phone rang. He picked it up and looked at the screen, then mouthed an apology while taking the call. Lucy glared at him. He talked on and on about a case while Lucy simmered opposite him. Eventually he said goodbye to the caller and put his phone down.
‘Sorry for being rude, Lucy, but it’s a new case, a really juicy one. Paul Clark has been accused of –’
‘Damien!’ Lucy snapped. ‘I was in the middle of telling you something really important to me and you still answered that call.’
Damien was clearly startled. ‘But you never mind me taking work calls. You’re usually so understanding about it.’
Lucy leant forward, her voice shaking, ‘I’m really upset about Dylan. I’m terrified he’s going to get kicked off the team and out of the school. This is a huge deal for me and you just dismissed it and took a call.’
Damien sighed. ‘Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?’
Lucy gripped her napkin tightly. ‘No, I do not, because it is really serious. The scholarship is a huge deal and it would be humiliating and mortifying for Dylan to blow it because he got drunk with some stupid party girl who is leading him astray.’
‘To be fair,’ Damien said, ‘she didn’t make him drink. He did that all by himself. You can’t vilify her.’
‘She’s a bad influence. Before he met this girl, Taylor, Dylan was never in trouble in his life. She’s going to ruin everything. He needs to get rid of her. He’s going to break up with her. He has to. And I’m going to make sure he does.’
‘But it was one mistake, Lucy. As you said, he’s never been in trouble before, so that’s reason enough to give him a break now.’
‘You don’t get it.’ Lucy pushed her plate away, her appetite gone.
Damien stared at her for a few seconds, his mouth set in a line. ‘I do actually get it,’ he said quietly, his voice flint-edged. ‘I get that you’re completely obsessed with St Jude’s because Gabriel and Tom went there. You are proud the twins got scholarships there and you want them to shine. You want to prove what wonderful children they are. If they fail, it puts you all in a bad light, proves Gabriel was right and you are a bad mother. That’s wrong for a number of reasons, not least because Gabriel doesn’t even know they’re his grandchildren.’
‘Yes, but he will. He’s sure to be at one of the events, like the football final, if the team makes it, or the end-of-year prize-giving. He’ll be at something, and when he is, I will rub his nose in it. I’ve been dreaming of it almost every night.’
Damien leant across the table. ‘Listen to yourself, Lucy. This is crazy. Why are you wasting time even thinking about him? You’ve done a wonderful job raising two fine children. Why do you need a man you hate to tell you so before you’ll believe it? Focus on your children and forget Gabriel and Tom.’
‘How can I forget them?’ she hissed. ‘Tom’s their bloody father. Every time I look at Kelly, I see Tom. Every time I see a father hug his son after a football match, I see the hole in Dylan’s life. It’s easy for you to sit there and say, “Forget about them,” but I can’t. They will always be part of my life, even though I don’t want it.’
Damien reached over for her hand. ‘Lucy, please, you’ve got to stop obsessing about Tom and Gabriel. They’re the past. You have to let it go?’
She snatched her hand away. He just didn’t get it. Tom had left the twins with no father; every single day she saw that yawning gap in their lives, and it hurt like hell. She wanted nothing more than for Dylan to have a dad hug him after a great game, or for Kelly to have a father cheer loudly as she won yet another class prize. Lucy wanted to look at her children’s father and share the pride and the joy. She was always alone. Yes, Billy was there in the house, but he worked long hours so she was always at school and sports events on her own. She’d watch parents sharing the precious moments of celebration and pride, and feel desperately and acutely alone.
‘I’m not hungry. I think I’ll just go home.’
‘Come on, Lucy, forget about all of it for one night. Have another glass of wine.’
‘I don’t want to drink. I need a clear head. I have to watch Dylan like a hawk now. I will not let him ruin this opportunity over some stupid girl. No way. I will do everything in my power to prevent that happening.’
‘But you can’t watch him twenty-four/seven,’ Damien said, looking annoyed. ‘Be realistic.’
‘If I have to, I will. This is too important. To be honest, I shouldn’t even be here tonight. I got Jenny to come over and make sure Dylan didn’t go out. Billy is out with his friends. I should go home. I need to be there to keep an eye on things.’
Damien poured himself another glass of wine. ‘Seriously, Lucy, you need to calm down. He’s a seventeen-year-old boy, you can’t stalk him. He’s almost an adult, for God’s sake. I’m sure he knows he’s made a mistake. That’s how we all learn, from making mistakes.’
‘I’m aware of that,’ Lucy said tersely, ‘but my mistake cost me everything and I will not let that happen to Dylan, no bloody way.’
Damien looked at her for a moment, then he sat forward. ‘That’s a very extreme way to look at it. I mean, I’ve basically lived the life you say you wanted and it’s by no means perfect. I go home to an empty apartment every night. You think being a Senior Counsel in a law firm would have given you the perfect life, but that’s not reality. Life happens, and sometimes what you thought was going to be the perfect life really isn’t, and sometimes the life you didn’t plan is actually better.’ Damien leant forward. ‘Lucy, you’re blessed to have a beautiful family, but if you over-parent Dylan you’ll suffocate him. You could lose him if you go on like this.’
Lucy stared at Damien. How could he possibly understand the perspective of a parent? When you had children, it was your job to protect them and keep them on the right path. ‘I don’t expect you to understand, Damien, but if I have to stalk him for the next eighteen months until he leaves St Jude’s, I will do that. I will do whatever it takes. Because my children are my priority, Damien. I’m really sorry, but I won’t be able to see you for a while, probably a long while. I think we should just call it a day. It’s been great fun, but I can’t afford to have any distractions in my life right now. My focus must be one hundred per cent on the twins. I’ve taken my eye off the ball, and now Kelly is lying to me about seeing Sean, and Dylan is lying about drinking. I let my attention slip and look what happened.’ She sat back in her chair and gestured to the waiter to bring her coat. ‘I’m sorry, Damien, but my kids have to come first.’
Damien stared at her in disbelief. ‘Now hang on a second,’ he said. ‘Lucy, I know I don’t have children, but if you push them too hard they may react badly. Too much pressure is not good for teenagers. I had a case recently –’
‘This is my life,’ Lucy said. ‘I have a responsibility to those kids to keep them safe from harm. I’m sorry but you don’t get it. You can’t. I’m all they have. I’m their mum and dad and I have to be better.’
‘Jesus, Lucy, I’m trying to help here. I know I’m not a father, but I think I can still be a good sounding-board for you. And you need that balanced perspective, Lucy, you really do.’
She glared at him. ‘Oh, really, and what’s that supposed to mean?’
He took a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to lose you or fall out with you, Lucy, but I feel that, as a friend, I should be honest with you.’
Lucy folded her arms tight across her chest. ‘Go on.’
‘You need to
stop obsessing about Gabriel and Tom. It’s like you never moved on. It’s what drives you, but you don’t seem to see that it’s also your Achilles heel. Since the twins went to St Jude’s you’ve become even more fixated with proving them wrong and making sure your kids succeed. I’m genuinely worried about you, Lucy. If you keep pushing your children, you could break them. If you’re always looking to prove something, you’re going to miss what’s going on right under your nose. It’s completely unhealthy and I know you hate hearing this, but really, truly, I’m saying that out of love for you.’
The waiter interrupted by bringing Lucy’s coat to the table. She stood up and allowed him to help her into it. Then she picked up her bag and turned to Damien.
‘You just don’t get it. I’m not obsessed with those two bastards. I just want the best for my kids and I’m going to make sure they get it. Dylan and Kelly are my world, and they will be everything I couldn’t be. It might look pushy from where you’re standing, but that’s what real love is, Damien. It doesn’t take a day off, it doesn’t stop, it doesn’t give in. I won’t let the twins blow great opportunities. I know first-hand how that feels and how it ruins everything else. I have fought for them their entire lives, and I will not stop now. So while I’m sorry to end things like this, I have to put my family first, which means I can’t see you any more.’
‘Lucy …’ Damien called, as she turned and walked out of the restaurant. The catch in his voice hurt her heart, but she kept walking. She had absolutely no choice.
37
Sarah looked at the photo. It was a picture of Beyoncé.
‘That’s what I want to look like tonight,’ Janice said.
Sarah heard Lucy coughing beside her.
‘What do you think, Lucy?’
‘About what?’ Lucy feigned ignorance.
‘About Janice wanting to look like Beyoncé tonight. Any thoughts on how to achieve that look?’ Sarah’s eyes were twinkling.
Lucy chewed her lip to stop laughing out loud. Janice was a fifty-year-old woman, with shoulder-length black hair and skin as pale as a ghost.
‘It’s for me new fella’s birthday. He’s younger than me. I’m a cougar.’ Janice cackled. ‘He’s mad about Beyoncé, so I thought I’d try and do myself up like her.’
‘What’s a cougar?’ Ollie came out of the back room with his maths book.
‘It’s when an older woman goes out with a younger man,’ Janice explained.
‘What age is your boyfriend, then?’
‘Thirty-five.’
‘What? But you’re about eighty.’
‘Ollie!’ Sarah glared at him.
‘Feck off, you divil, I’m only forty-ish.’
‘Well, you look way older.’
‘Go and do your homework, Ollie,’ Sarah hissed.
‘I need Lucy to help with my maths.’
‘I’ll be with you in a minute. I’m just finishing the wages for your mum.’
‘So what can youse do to turn me into Beyoncé?’ Janice asked.
‘Extensions will fill your hair out and lengthen it, and we can curl it to make it look wavy,’ Sarah suggested.
‘Beyoncé!’ Ollie turned around. ‘You’re white.’
‘Well, I know that, I’m not blind. I want to look like a white woman version.’
Ollie frowned. ‘But you’re old enough to be her granny.’
‘No, she isn’t. Now go.’ Sarah pointed at the back room.
‘Well, Janice mightn’t be blind, but her fella must be,’ Ollie muttered.
‘Come on, Sarah, let’s get going. Transform me.’
‘I’ll do my best, Janice, but you do know you won’t look like Beyoncé? You’ll look like Janice with long wavy hair.’
Janice beamed. ‘Ah, yeah, but when I’m all dressed up and have me fake lashes on, I’ll be pretty close.’
Sarah sighed. She knew Janice would be disappointed. The ones who brought in photos always were. They came in thinking that Sarah could turn them from themselves into supermodels and celebrities. She was a hairdresser, not a magician.
She wanted her customers to feel good leaving the salon. If they felt better, she felt better. But sometimes the ones who brought photos cried when they weren’t transformed and she felt terrible.
Sarah went into the back room to get the hair extensions and found Ollie and Lucy bent over his maths book.
‘Lucy’s brilliant, Mum. She makes maths seem easy.’ Ollie grinned.
‘This young man will end up ruling the world, he has such a quick mind. He just needs to focus it.’ Lucy ruffled Ollie’s hair.
He tried to duck away. ‘Don’t touch the hair. I spent ages gelling it.’
‘What am I going to do about Janice?’ Sarah asked.
‘Women are mad,’ Ollie piped up. ‘Imagine a granny thinking she can look like a pop star.’
‘Easy with the granny comments, sunshine. I’m not that much younger than Janice,’ Lucy said.
‘What? Well, you look thirty years younger.’
‘Aww, thanks.’ She kissed the top of his head.
‘But, seriously, a granddad would never come in with a photo of Ronaldo and say, “I want to look like this.” ’
He had a point, thought Sarah. Men were less delusional about some things.
‘Yeah, but a sixty-year-old man would buy a sports car that he can barely get in and out of and think he looks cool in it. One of the dads on Dylan’s team bought some fancy sports car, but it’s so low to the ground, he takes ages getting out. He has to open the door, grab on to the roof and heave himself up. It’s hilarious to watch – he looks like such an idiot.’
‘I heard Dylan scored a hat-trick on Saturday.’
Lucy smiled. ‘Yes, he did. He was brilliant, if I say so myself.’
Sarah was glad to see Lucy smiling again. When she had called over to Sarah the night after Dylan had got benched for being hung-over, she was so upset Sarah had got a fright. Sarah hadn’t seen her that upset in years. In fact, she didn’t think she’d seen her that upset since Tom had left. Lucy was terrified that the twins were going to be expelled. It had taken Sarah ages to calm her down.
It was lovely to see Lucy back to her old self. The only problem was, Lucy thought Dylan wasn’t seeing Taylor any more, but Shannon had told Sarah he was. Shannon had seen photos on Taylor’s Instagram of the two of them drinking at a party only the week before. Shannon said Kelly was really worried about Dylan’s partying too.
Sarah didn’t know whether to tell Lucy or not. But Dylan had played well on Sunday, so maybe he had only had one drink and was able to manage it all. Sarah didn’t want to upset Lucy or land Dylan in trouble unnecessarily. She’d asked Shannon – if truth be told she’d had to bribe Shannon by agreeing to do hair extensions for her – to keep her updated on Dylan’s movements.
She’d play it by ear. If he did seem to be partying too much or going off the rails, she would have to tell Lucy. It might be only a matter of time, Sarah thought glumly. From what she had seen of Taylor’s Instagram pics that Shannon had shown her, the girl liked to party all the time.
Sarah felt weighed down by all the secrets and lies. She was keeping the Tom secret from Lucy. Dylan was lying about Taylor. Kelly was lying about Sean. All of these family and friends lying and keeping secrets from each other – it was crazy. But that was what you had to do sometimes to protect people from hurt. Sarah was keeping the Tom messages secret because she didn’t want to hurt Lucy. She still hadn’t figured out a way to tell her, and things were about to get a whole lot more complicated. Her head hurt with all the information she was keeping inside. Every time she looked at Lucy she felt guilty. What would her best friend do when she found out Sarah was in touch with Tom? Sarah shuddered at the thought.
‘Mum, hello?’ Ollie waved his hand in front of his mother’s face. ‘I want my dinner now. I’m starving.’
‘I have to finish Janice’s hair, love.’
‘I’ll take him,’ Lucy said. ‘He
can come back with me. I’ll give him something to eat and he can finish his homework.’
‘Great, and when Billy closes the shop we can go to the shed.’
‘If it’s not too late.’ Lucy smiled at him.
‘Are you sure?’ Sarah asked.
‘Of course.’
‘That’d be great, thanks.’
As Ollie and Lucy left, Jenny came through the door. ‘I just want to make an appointment for next week,’ she said, winking at Sarah.
The door closed and Jenny rushed over. ‘Well? What did he say? Your text sounded urgent.’
Sarah pulled her into the back room. ‘He’s coming over.’
‘What?’ Jenny gasped.
‘I tried stopping him. I told him it was too soon, that Lucy would freak, that he should wait until the summer, but he said he can’t wait any longer, he has to see his kids.’
‘When?’
‘In three weeks. At Christmas.’
‘Let me talk to him. I’ll set him straight.’
Sarah shook her head. ‘There’s no point, Jenny. He’s their dad. He has a right to see them. He’s devastated about not knowing all these years – and he’s a lawyer. He knows his rights. We can’t stop him. He said all he wants to do is meet them. He promised not to interfere with Lucy’s parenting or anything like that, he just wants to meet his kids.’
‘But how the hell are we going to break this to Lucy? Feck it anyway.’ Jenny kicked the door. ‘She’s just got over the scare with Dylan and the drinking and is in good form again. This will kill her – seriously, Sarah.’
Sarah ran her hands through her hair. ‘I know, but what can we do? He’s their dad and they have a right to know him too. He wants to be in their lives … and maybe it’ll be a good thing. He seems decent. We’ve been messaging back and forth. I’ve been filling him in a bit about the twins. Look.’
Jenny leant over as Sarah pulled up the message she’d received from Tom the day before.
I can’t believe the twins are in St Jude’s! I feel quite emotional about it. I’m picturing them walking down the corridors I walked down and eating in the canteen and swimming in the pool. It makes me feel closer to them somehow.
Our Secrets and Lies Page 25
