The world was a better place with them dead but I was the poorer for it. It had turned me from a sensitive guy who cared about people into a killer of people. I was paying a heavy price for this. I was not concerned about treatment in an afterlife; I was concerned about the rest of my life on this earth. What kind of human being was I now?
I felt bad when I talked with Lydia after the El Paso killing but now that had been multiplied by three. Did I feel three times as bad? The answer was no. Worse, the last killings were much easier. I had a bad feeling about being a killer of human beings and I was alarmed by the fact it was becoming easier to kill. It also made me a liar because I could never tell the truth about what I had done. This was not how I wanted my life to be. My life had collided with the forces of evil and there had been a lot of damage.
Chapter 57
The Funeral
It took weeks for the DNA results to identify the bodies. One was identified as Will’s. Bill Simpson phoned me with the news. He and the family were devastated. No one should lose a child like this. I had already grieved but I expressed my sorrow to Bill.
The body was to be released in another week and then they would hold a funeral. I asked Bill if it would be okay for me to attend. He said, “Of course, why would you ask something like that?”
I replied, “There is a contract barring me from being within one hundred yards of the children.”
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. I don’t think the one hundred yards restriction significance really ever sank into the family. To them it was just a number they threw around like a slogan. Bill should have known better and perhaps did since he was a lawyer.
Finally, he said that he would talk with the family and get it okayed but he assured me that there would be no problem. I mentioned that if I could come to the funeral, I might bring some friends. He said that would be fine and he would talk with Katherine about it and get back with me. He phoned me the next day and said that my friends and I were welcome.
A week later Bill let me know the date and time of the funeral. It would be held in the church that our family attended. I told him that maybe six people would be attending with me and he assured me again that they would be welcome.
Then he said, “You know, Jack, I am glad that you are coming to the funeral. It is important to me that you be there.”
I asked, “How does Katherine feel about us coming?”
“She is in shock and isn’t doing well. She knows that you and your friends are coming and she raised no objections.”
“Bill, I don’t want to make a spectacle at the funeral. We will sit in the back of the church and be unobtrusive as possible. My friends will understand.”
“No, no. You don’t have to feel that way. I will have a row of seats reserved for you. I appreciate you coming.”
“To be honest I am coming for Will and not the family. I loved that boy like he was my own. He needs to be put to rest.”
“Yes. I understand how you must feel. I’ll be glad to see you there. I need you there.”
We disconnected and I contacted Bob and told him the details. He said that he would fly the company plane to Ohio and all of us could ride so we wouldn’t have to drive. I politely thanked him for his generosity but said that I preferred to drive. If it was all right with him, I would take my company car. He responded that the car was for me to do with what I wanted. I wanted to have some quiet time on the road to think and reminisce.
Luckily, I was required to wear a suit to work occasionally so I had a suit to wear that would fit. I had put on some bulk since I came to West Virginia and my old clothes would no longer fit right in the shoulders. Most men don't bother wearing a suit to funerals these days but I felt true respect required a suit, at least a jacket and tie.
I phoned Woody to find out if I could stay there one night. He said that I could stay at his house as long as I wished. He had already heard about the funeral and asked if it would be okay if he attended. He said that he knew that he wasn’t in the same social class as the Woodwards and Simpsons but he wanted to show me respect. I told him that Bill Simpson said that I could bring friends and Woody and Lorraine would be welcome, at least by me. He said, “You know, Jack, this is a parent’s worst nightmare. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to bury a child. It just rips my heart out. I hope the bastards that did this burn in Hell forever.”
I got to the church early and parked down the street. I watched the people go in the church. It was a beautiful fall day with a clear blue sky. The trees were bare, having dropped their dead leaves. I was struck by the thought of all the dying around me. The leaves were dead. In their death throes, they had revealed for the first time their true colors after dropping their chlorophyll disguise. It was their last hurrah before turning into organic material and feeding new plants. It was nature’s cycle.
I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t parked in the church parking lot. I think it was my deep, subconscious feeling that I didn’t belong here. At least I didn’t belong with the people who were attending the funeral. Only my friends from West Virginia and a few like Woody and Lorraine were my true friends. My life had changed in untold ways in the past year.
I saw my West Virginia friends park and start making their way to the church entrance. I got out of my Lexus and began walking to meet them on the church steps. Then I realized that Lydia was with them. This took me by surprise. I had not a clue she might come.
Everyone was somber and I nodded hello. Lydia fell in beside me and put her arm around my arm and held on tight. We went in the main front doors. My life had changed enormously but the church was the same. That seemed wrong somehow but then I thought, why would it have changed in a year?
Inside, there was a line going up the right-hand side of the church to the reception line. I wasn’t looking forward to talking to the people in the reception line. I had nothing to say to these people who had thrown me out but I saw no polite way around it. Katherine’s sister and her husband were the first two in the receiving line. Then followed Mama Woodward, Katherine’s grandmother. Next, was Katherine’s mother, followed by Katherine’s father, Bill and then Katherine. Last in line was the child-sized casket for Will.
I thought it wasn’t right that they manufactured coffins the size of children. It just seemed so wrong somehow. Why would a benevolent God allow such a thing? Maybe the Old Testament was right and God was a tough master, short on compassion.
The line moved faster than I liked and we were soon at the head. I offered my condolences to Katherine’s sister and her husband and said nothing further. It was too awkward to try to introduce all my West Virginia friends so I didn’t try.
Mama Woodward sat in a chair maybe because of her age or maybe because she wanted to look like a queen. It didn't work; she didn't look like a queen. She looked terrible. The stress of the last few weeks had taken its toll. For once her money hadn't helped. I never liked her and since I was sure she was behind my divorce, I felt a revulsion toward her. The woman had no power over me now. I nodded to her but said nothing.
I offered my mechanical condolences to Katherine’s mother who I also never liked. She was too scatter brained and weak to have had much influence on my divorce.
To Bill I offered my sincere condolences. He was a much diminished man since the last time I saw him. He was a man of influence and power in the state but it hadn’t helped him get Will back. It had affected him terribly. I always liked Bill and felt genuinely sad for him. He looked like he had lost twenty or thirty pounds and what little hair he had left was grayer.
Katherine was next and in some ways the hardest for me to face. How would I address the woman who had cut off my access to the children? Why wasn’t I in line receiving condolences? Why was I in the line handing them out? I finally said, “Katherine, I am sorry for your loss.” Her eyes were so sad I couldn’t look in them. She thanked me.
Lastly was Will in his casket. His casket was not much longer than the span of one of my ar
ms. Such a small box for a small boy. The casket was closed of course. He must have been in an advanced state of decay when found.
I moved to the head of his casket and whispered my goodbyes. In a lower whisper I told him that I had twisted the head off the bastard responsible for his death just like little boys twist the heads off flies. I told him I had killed the others who did the kidnapping. I doubt if Will could hear me but I felt better. Lydia was hanging on my arm like I was a life preserver in a storm. I don’t know what she heard but I didn’t care. I was beginning to understand that maybe she was the only person in the world whom I could trust completely.
Bill had an usher take us to our seats. We weren’t seated in the back as I had suggested. Bill had us seated one row from the front on the left side of the church. We weren’t family but we were treated as important friends.
The service was not long for which I was grateful. Immediately after the service we drove to the cemetery for the interment. For me this was the saddest and most final part. I was having a hard time keeping it together and many weren’t. Lydia was still clinging to me and that helped me more than I could have imagined.
Thankfully it was over and we were free to leave when Bill came over to us. He wanted to make sure that we would come to his house where they were having a big buffet dinner. I didn’t want to go but we all needed to eat and Bill was very insistent. He added that he wanted with talk to me privately back at the house and not to leave until we had talked. I had no idea of anything that we needed to talk about. I had pestered him for months, asking that he campaign with Katherine and Mama Woodward to grant me visitation rights. Nothing had come of that so I had ceased calling him about it. We finally agreed to go to his house mostly because we needed food although I don’t think anyone was hungry after a child’s funeral.
Chapter 58
The Lawn Gathering
Lydia rode to Bill’s house in my car. I parked on the street so that I could easily leave when I wanted. There was a mob of people and cars. We walked around the house to the back. What I saw didn’t surprise me because I knew the Woodwards and Simpsons. They had a large tent erected and long tables of foods and tables for sitting and eating. We got our food and sat at a table by ourselves. I had explained the situation to my friends so it wouldn’t be embarrassing. I told them that we would be treated as pariahs.
Woody and Lorraine came over and sat with us. I introduced them. I half expected Dragon to show up but he didn’t. He was probably higher than a kite. I was hoping that Ann would show up but I didn’t see her. Probably she was afraid it would upset Katherine because of our romantic past or maybe she had a medical emergency.
The food was great and we had our fill. It was time to get away. I remembered that Bill wanted to talk with me but I didn’t take it very seriously. I didn’t owe anyone here anything but before we could leave Bill came over to get me. Bob said he was flying back now, which was fine since I was driving anyway. I said my goodbyes and followed Bill into the office that he had in his house.
On the way Katherine intercepted us. Bill went on into his office and left us alone. I didn’t know what to say and since she is the one who initiated the contact, I let her take the conversation lead. She said that she was glad that I came and she wished me well with my girlfriend. I explained that Lydia as not my girlfriend but was my neighbor. Katherine’s voice was a little slow and maybe slurred. I imagined that she was on drugs to get through the day. She said, “Jack, wake up and smell the coffee. That woman with you is in love with you.” I denied this and she insisted. She said, “Lydia hasn’t left your side or lost visual contact with you the whole time today. Even as we speak she has her eyes boring into me. And furthermore, I know you and you are in love with her. Don’t waste it. I am happy for you.”
I was stunned. I didn’t know what to think. Lydia and I had been spending a lot of time together and it was a good time but I had never thought of her as girlfriend. I didn’t think I was ready for that kind of relationship and besides I thought that Lydia would take my head off if I suggested such a thing. After all she didn’t date. I would have to think about it later. Bill was waiting for me.
He fixed a Manhattan for me with a thick slice of orange and two cherries. Bill had been planning this. You don’t have thick orange slices unless you plan ahead. Bill said that he wanted to talk with me about a few things. He wanted me to give him a dollar and sign a contract, making him my legal lawyer so anything that was said would be confidential by law. I gave him a dollar and signed the contract, mainly out of curiosity.
He then began telling me that he had a pretty good idea that I had a key role in finding Will. He cited the things that he thought he knew. He also pointed out that I was one of the few people who could turn a man’s head around backward. He knew that I had done that to the guy who killed Will.
I was wondering where all of this was going. Confidential or not I wasn’t telling Bill anything or confirming anything.
When he finished, he said that he and the family wanted to thank me and those who had helped me for getting Will back. I didn’t know what to say. I was horrified that he had talked with the family about this.
I said, “Look Bill, even if I did what you say, there is no way I could confirm it with you, confidential agreement or no. We all have lost a child in death. This is a terrible tragedy and I don’t wish to say anything to minimize the pain you all must feel. However, I draw your attention to the fact that almost a year ago you all deprived me of two children I loved as my own. I was not allowed to see the children even at a distance. Because of that I lost my home, my job and I had to leave town. Now after all that why would I do anything to help you or your family? Think about it. Have your family think about it. If I did do anything to get Will back, it would have been for Will and myself, not for you or your family.”
Bill, sat back in his seat, looking shocked. It was clear he was not expecting this. I told him it was time that I got back to West Virginia.
He said, “Wait. Jack, I think I can get the family to relent and give you visiting rights with Laura.”
This surprised me. I thought about it and said, “No, Bill, it is too late. If I visited Laura now, it would only be a selfish act. It would confuse her. She has already lost me. It is better that we keep it that way. It breaks my heart but it would break my heart to see her go through the pain of seeing me off and on and try to deal with me not being there for her. Let’s leave it where it is.”
I got up, leaving him sitting in a chair, a defeated man. I walked outside. It felt good to get out of the house into the fresh air. The fall air was crisp. I drew in a chest full and blew it out with a lot of stress going with it. I felt freed from a group of people who had never accepted me as I am.
I noticed that most of the people had left. There was a small group around Katherine, consoling her. I was about to cross the lawn and make my way to my car when someone grabbed my arm. I turned and was surprised to find Lydia. She was back hanging onto me for dear life.
She said that the rest of the gang had flown back. They left her here to ride back with me. They didn’t think I should be left alone. After hearing what Katherine said to me and the fact that they let me drive out here alone, I wasn’t so sure that this was the case. Maybe Lydia had manipulated things to ride back with me.
Surprisingly, it gave me a good feeling, thinking that maybe she had managed a ride back with me. We walked to my car and got in. In the old days with bench seats, you could tell where you stood (or, in this case, sat) with a woman. If things were romantic, she would sit over next to you. If things were cooler, she stayed over on her side of the car or perhaps in between. It was Detroit’s romance scale but sadly, it was gone and guys like me were left on our own, isolated by the console. And that wasn’t a good thing. I fired up the motor and we started back to West Virginia.
We were two lost souls driving along in a car as if we knew where we were going. In truth we had no idea where we were going. We act
ed like we knew. So much of life is faked.
Chapter 59
Home
Most people think that Ohio is flat and boring. That is true in the north but southeastern and eastern Ohio have beautiful rolling hills We were taking secondary roads back to West Virginia. It wasn’t as fast as roaring down the Interstate but we would see more. I wanted to drive more slowly and mull things over.
Lydia sat on her side of the car, watching the scenery, not saying anything. Both of us were silent, thinking whatever it was we were thinking.
The last year of my life was unbelievable. I had lost my home, my family, my job and had to move out of my city. I moved to West Virginia and, with one thing leading to another, I had killed five men. I felt terrible about the first. It made me sick. The other four had little effect on me, which made me wonder what kind of person I had become. Was I now a soulless man, a killer of no remorse? Somehow such thoughts were more upsetting than getting sick over the first killing.
I felt bad seeing Will buried. It is heartwrenching to see a child buried no matter whose child it is and if it is yours, it is very, very sad. This is especially true in modern times where with the advances of medicine we expect children to live. This wasn’t always true. In the 1800s parents had many children and didn’t expect them all to live. They even reused names, which is very confusing to genealogists.
My love for Katherine was extinguished over the past year. Still my heart went out to her during the funeral and interment. She looked like she had aged substantially. Her anguish over losing Will had to be awful.
A Shadow of Death in The Woods Page 32
