“Alejandro.” I felt tears pour down my cheeks and drop onto my hands as I reached up to wipe them free.
“Lauren, mi dama, shhh. I am so sorry!” He brought his hand to my temple. His cool hand soothed the fire that roared in my head. I couldn’t say anything; my body trembled uncontrollably. He ripped off his coat and quickly wrapped it around me.
“It’s okay, I’m here now and he will never hurt you again.” I felt him kiss my forehead.
I wanted to talk, tell him how I felt, but I couldn’t. It was as if my mouth was wired shut and sealed with cement.
I felt the rush of air as he stood up in front of me. I heard him walk over to the front of my porch and land heavy on each step as he left me alone on the swing. I was twelve all over again, watching my father as he left me sitting on the steps, abandoned. I pulled my arms tight around my waist, trying to comfort the chills that my body memorized that day. A private moment I forgot I owned.
I heard a low timbre conversation that became heated and lasted for several lengthy minutes. My vision cleared enough to make out the shapes of Roger and Alejandro. I saw Alejandro force his hands to his head and drop to his knees forcing his head down to the ground. I could hear him bellow in agony. I closed my eyes trying to build enough strength to go to him. I ached fiercely for him. I pushed my hands against the swing when footsteps clomped on the stairs and I felt the porch tremble as he hurried back to me. He lowered himself once again in front of me. Hands on his knees, he stared down at my feet. Ashamed at what he learned he did, he couldn’t look me in the eyes. We sat there a moment, not touching, just feeling each other’s presence. I saw tears drop and break against the porch he spoke soft delicate words to me in Spanish as his voice broke.
“What have I done? What have I done? Lauren, mi dama, can you ever forgive me? Please, please, forgive me, my despicable act. I would never hurt you. I adore you. I would rather die over and over again than hurt you. I love you with everything I am.”
I put my hand on his head ran it down the side of his face and pulled up on his chin before I answered him in Spanish.
“Sé que no significa que me hizo daño. Te perdono.”
He pushed up to me; unable to kiss my battered lips, he laid the side of his face against my chest. His arms locked around my waist and I felt him breathe me in. I knotted my hands into his tousled hair and wept. I was frightened by what I saw he could become.
Interrupted by a car door slamming shut, Roger drove away. My heart dropped into my stomach, this wasn’t the way I wanted him to find out about Alejandro. I twisted myself to a standing position and I stared out in the direction of Roger’s escape. The guilt raged and crept up through my body. Alejandro attentively held me steady for that regrettable moment before we went back into the house.
“You need to go to the hospital,” Alejandro spoke quietly.
“I want to lie in my bed right now,” I told him.
“I think you’d feel better if you went.”
“I’m not going to the hospital.” My face winced and my body tightened. He strengthened his hold on me.
“Okay. I’m here to take care of you now.” He helped me to my bed, wrapped me in my down comforter and delicately climbed next to me. He grabbed my hand and held it to his face. It was exactly where I wanted him, next to me … forever.
I was forced awake by a ringing in my ear … it was Samantha Wilkins, someone that laid heavy on my mind, but I was unable to help. I wanted to talk to her, wanted to find out if she was okay and now was my opportunity. My eyes met Alejandro’s as I told him what I saw.
“Sam is contacting me,” I whispered to him. He sat up and became attentive.
“Talk to her, find out where she is.” His voice mounted strong.
I focused on her name and connected with her.
Sam, are you okay? Where are you? I felt the words slip from my mind into hers. I waited forever for her to respond. I asked again, nothing. What was going on?
“She’s not responding,” I slurred to Alejandro.
“Not saying anything?” he asked desperate.
“Nothing, just blank space,” I answered him. I didn’t know what to do. “She’s there, unable to speak to me; like something is blocking her from talking or even thinking out loud.” Alejandro helped me sit up.
My head was heavy. I knew she was there. If I could just find out where she was, Alejandro could get to her. I minimized her communication file and pulled up my GPS. It opened like before, showing the world each continent a different color. The United States lit with a yellow aura. I focused on the east coast and there it was. Two bubbles lit bright red and the third was a faint pink. Only three this time, not four like before. I focused on the red bubble moving slowly across Virginia toward D.C. The text box popped opened.
Roger Clarke
Arlington, Virginia
Coordinates:38.53N,7.07W
Then the text box blanked to a spinning timer, it was recalibrating his coordinates for his location. I knew the other bubble was me, because it was blinking steady as it sat in McLean, Virginia. The third bubble, faint pink, was north. I focused on it and a textbox opened revealing who it represented.
Samantha Wilkins
Baltimore, Maryland
Coordinates:39.17N,76.37W
The textbox began to flicker and before I could register what was happening, it faded to an outlined shadow.
I was back at the map of the D.C area with two bright blinking red bubbles and one fading pink that decided to sputter to a tired stop and disappear. At least I remembered seeing Baltimore, Maryland.
I felt Alejandro’s temperate hand press at my back, gently reminding me he was still there. I closed the GPS in my head and saw I was still connected to Sam through the prototype, but our connection had timed out. I was grateful the disturbing words that flashed diagonal across Doctor Finway’s information the day he died, didn’t find their way to her file.
“Sam’s in Baltimore, Maryland,” I said. Before he could ask a question, I continued, “That’s all I know—Sorry.” I dropped my chin to my chest and broke eye contact with him. I didn’t see the point in explaining. Besides, I still had a hard time talking through my swollen lips. I pulled the comforter from my legs, the muscles across my shoulders and down the front of my chest reacted to the sharp ripping pain that followed. Alejandro saw my face writhe with despair and reached over to grab my hand.
“Wait, let me help you. Please.” He held out his hands and slid them around me, strong, secure and warm. I quivered as they found the sore parts of my body. I watched him crumble from guilt as he looked at me.
“I feel a lot better now.” I lied, looking into his worn eyes. I felt his muscles tighten as he started to lift me from the bed. My body rejected his attempt and began to shake.
“Are you cold? Let me get you something to warm you.” My weight pressed back onto the bed, he was letting me go. I interrupted his motion, grabbing him tighter.
“No, don’t go. I’m okay.” I was desperate to stop my body from betraying me. He pulled close anchoring my chest against his, lifting me from the bed. My fingers drained white from clinging to him. His sweet smell captivated me as it filled my lungs. His moist lament eyes stared unblinking into mine.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry you had to experience that,” he whispered. His eyes closed heavy trying not to get lost in a complicated despair. I pushed my hand to his face, he turned pressing his mouth to my palm. I desperately wished he could kiss me, rush the sparks he produced that ebbed deep in the locked away corner of my soul. Allow his lips to penetrate the shadows of dark demons craving to be tamed to slight imps. That’s where we should’ve been. Instead, he pushed his lips to my forehead and softly warmed the deep worry lines that began to have a permanent place on my face. My body was broken, trying to heal from the damage Alejandro unwillingly caused me. I ached to be with him like we were before. I needed him to want me, to love me. But the way I was now, I was afraid my body wasn
’t going to trust him ever again. I got him back, God answered the one prayer I needed him too and now how can I ask for something else? A trust, an unabashed love we had before Marshall got a hold of me.
“Where am I taking you?” His lips brushed my eyebrows, his words quietly tangled in my hair as they found my ear.
“Bathroom.” I pointed my silken pale red hand down the hall. I needed to get to the best place to contact Roger. He had to know something about Samantha; maybe he was able to see where she was using his prototype. Still he left, hurried along by his vision of Alejandro falling to his knees. Roger witnessed the passion between Alejandro and me and it must have devastated him. I couldn’t do that to him again. The bathroom seemed to be the best choice to keep it private and between just Roger and I.
Alejandro supported me to the bathroom, his expression riddle with guilt as I shut the door behind me. I wish I could take it away, bury it in the past so we could regain our future. I pushed on the faucet and let the cold water run strong while I contacted Roger with my prototype. The sound of the water running in the sink felt normal. I thought my way to connecting with Roger. I was getting pretty good at proto-telepathy. We connected, however; he waited to say anything.
“Roger? I need to talk to you. Roger?” I felt like I was talking to an answer machine. The EQ bounced with every word I said and every breath he took as he punished me with silence.
“Please, Rog, answer me, I found out about Sam and where she is.” Nothing still; only his breath caused the EQ to dance. I knew what he wanted me to do.
“Wish we wouldn’t waste any more time, Sam is in trouble—she really needs you.” I felt my heart wallop with anger as he still refrained from speaking. Something snapped inside of me. I knew I shouldn’t have conceded to his silent treatment, but I had run out of ideas to get him to talk.
“You know, Roger, I am not going to apologize for meeting someone and falling in love with him. If you want to be a part of my life … you’re just going to have to deal with it. Don’t make me choose … I don’t think you’ll like the outcome.” I had every intention to disconnect, when I heard him clear his throat.
“Where is she?” Dry words, belonging in a desert, climbed out uncomfortable from inside his head, blasting away the mirage he worked hard to create. I understood, focus on Sam and forget the rest. I can do that. I’m a pro at redirecting. I’ve done it for so long that it was second nature to me.
“She’s in Baltimore, Maryland. That’s all I got before her GPS bubble disappeared.” I made my voice uneventful.
“Bubble disappeared? How many were on the grid?”
“Three—Sam, you, me. There was something strange before her GPS bubble was gone. It went from red to pink.”
“Was she able to talk?”
“No, she couldn’t communicate in anyway; mentally or physically. Like something was blocking her.”
He took a group of long methodical breaths. I visualized questions swirling around his head, waiting to be answered as he exhaled.
“Sounds like Marshall’s disabled her prototype. We need to get to her. We don’t have much time. The prototype evolves with the body, any long periods of disengagement, could cause irreversible damage.”
I tried to grasp what he was telling me. Prototype evolves with the body—disengagement—irreversible damage. Everything around me started to spin; my mind was searching for the definitions that usually came so easy to me. I knew in my mind what he said, but I just didn’t really hear it. They skate around the truth until they’d get you to admit what you are willing to do for them.
Marshall’s words set cruel in my gut. Pain you’ll know forever—the prototype in your head. Pain—forever—in your head. I began to understand his and Marshall’s encrypted words, almost like an out of body experience. This can’t be true … this can’t be my fate. Bile began to swell in the back of my throat.
“I want to meet you. Take this prototype out of my head now!” I demanded. I needed him to answer my demands now. I wanted to hear him tell me. Tell what he did to me.
“I can’t, Lauren,” he mumbled. I could tell he was holding something back.
“Sure you can, just come back here.” I pushed my hands into the running water; the cool bubbles clung to my skin trying to clear away the insecurities of the day.
“You don’t understand, Lauren, I can’t!” he exclaimed. His words triggered my heart to hammer beats of despondency rough against my chest.
“I know it hasn’t been two weeks, but—”
“It’s not about the two weeks—Don’t you hear me?—Listen to what I’m saying—I can’t take it out.” He paused, I was silent and processing what he was saying when he finished his sentence. “Ever—I will never be able to remove the prototype from your head—Never!” He sounded pained, almost cruel, pushing his results of a test run I never asked for.
I felt my eyes roll up into darkness; the bathroom began to spin in my realization as my body fell to the floor. I must have hit it hard enough for Alejandro to hear.
“No, you won’t. You have something to say to her, you have to get through me first.” Alejandro readjusted his arms around me, tightening even more.
“This is between Lauren and me. You have nothing to do with this.” I heard him take a breath and continue, “Lauren, you and I have a lot to talk about.” His words twisted their way to my head.
“I don’t think you understand me. She isn’t going to be alone with you—ever again.” My head still buried deep in his certitude. “So if you need to speak to her, you will do it through me.” I felt Alejandro’s hand slide up and off my back.
“Don’t do this, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the repercussions of the prototype—with you. I didn’t want to lose you. I should’ve thought about your feelings and I’m sorry. Lauren, look at me!” Desperation saturated his voice.
I didn’t like what he was saying. I pushed my face deeper into Alejandro’s chest and refreshed my grip around his waist. I wasn’t ready to see him, to face the person who has altered my life forever.
“You need to leave. Get out of here.” Alejandro sensed my body’s rejection of Roger’s words.
I felt him loosen his grip and lean me back from his solace. My arms still trying to pull him close, cold air filled the gapping space between us. His warm fingers caught my chin pulling my head to look at him as he whispered to me.
“I want you to go to your room. I will be there shortly.” His eyes radiated deep green with flecks of brown. I tried to say something; he closed his eyes, dropped his head down and nudged my body to move away toward my bedroom. His stance was protective and demanding. I started to limp my way to my room, not making eye contact with Roger, when he spat desperate words toward me.
“Please look at me. I need you to listen to me. Lauren, please stop. You have to understand, you’re the only one that can help me save Sam.”
I stopped walking. Alejandro turned to me, motioning me to continue on.
“You understand—Sam needs us.”
“Don’t play her or me. If you know where Sam is, tell us now,” Alejandro seethed.
“So you can swoop in and save her? Be the hero? Hurt her like you hurt, Lauren—no.”
Alejandro straightened and began to approach Roger.
“Stop!” Pain shot across my swollen mouth and up through my nose. I slowly made eye contact with Roger. His eyes sunk, checks gaunt, and hair completely disarrayed, he looked awful. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice anymore of myself or Sam. I am done being Roger’s experiment.
“Alejandro, stop. Roger, you have done nothing for me or Sam. I trusted you. I loved you like a brother. You used me, and for what?” I felt the anguish well in my chest and catapult up my throat. I tried to hold back the tears and anger; stand strong as my body reacted to it. I couldn’t, my eyes lost the fight with my feelings and I broke down in tears. Roger reacted and pushed his hands out to me.
I forced a word through my breakdown, hardly audible
as I moved my body back from his advances. My hand pushed out to stop him. I didn’t what him touching me, telling me thickened lies with false information. To me, he wasn’t with me anymore, which made him nothing more than someone to be leery of.
“No.”
Alejandro grabbed me and reached out, signaling him to stop.
“I didn’t use you, Lauren. I didn’t think I was. I wanted to keep you close to me. I love you—I’ve always loved you.” Roger’s words pierced my eardrums.
“Stop! I can’t hear this. It’s all bullshit, Roger! If you loved me, you wouldn’t have done it. Nobody in their right mind would have done what you did. You wanted to control me. This isn’t about love … what you did wasn’t about love. Well, you lose—you lose.” I looked him in the eyes, made sure he could see the abhorrence he created in my soul for him.
All at once it became too much. Something I couldn’t squelch in my body rose up, some animalistic tendency took over and I leapt at him with all my strength. My arm broke free from Alejandro’s grip and I swung making contact with the side of Roger’s face. His glasses flew across the room and his head pitched low from the force. I pulled, trying to get free from Alejandro knowing if I wasn’t hurt I would’ve been able to. I wouldn’t have stopped hitting Roger until he hurt as bad as I did, but I didn’t. I stood breathing heavy waiting for him to respond. Seething as the devastation pours into my thoughts, into my life, into every cell of my body. I was nothing more than a fucking experiment to Roger.
“Someday you will see that my intentions were honorable. Someday you will see it as a gift,” Roger murmured.
“A gift? This isn’t a gift! It’s the worst kind of curse next to hell! You tell me the gift in me knowing I’m going to die tomorrow? What about that fact Roger? Picked to die by asphyxiation December sixth, two thousand thirteen! That’s right I accessed the Langley file.”
He looked at me like he had seen the devil himself.
Prototype Page 21
