An hour and a half later they left the store armed with a couple of board games, some Legos, a princess doll, Christmas pajamas and a promise that he would find them the perfect sled. This Christmas was going to be the best ever.
Now, as they headed south on Highway 550 in his Jeep with Christmas music playing softly on the radio, he could hardly wait to get back to his house so they could wrap the presents and place them under the tree. Kenzie would be so excited when she saw them.
If only he could decide what to get Lacie. Something heartfelt. Jewelry? Clothes, maybe?
He’d worry about those things another day. Tonight, he and Lacie were alone. And even more than wrapping the gifts, he wanted to talk about his and Lacie’s future. Not about jobs or moving, but their feelings for each other and where those feelings could ultimately lead.
“I think we did pretty good, don’t you?” He watched the darkened road ahead.
“I do. I’m glad we were able to get it out of the way.”
He eyed his rearview mirror. “I can’t wait to see Kenzie’s face on Christmas morning.”
The hum of the tires filled the space between them as Lacie stared out the passenger window.
Reaching across the center console, he gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You tired?”
“No, not too bad.” She twisted in her seat to face him, but didn’t say anything.
He glanced her way, slowing his speed as they came into the town of Ridgway. “Something wrong?”
Appearing somewhat nervous, she drew in a breath. “I heard from the company in Colorado Springs today.”
His grip tightened around the steering wheel and he suddenly found it hard to breathe. “What’d they say?” His voice was tight.
“They offered me the job.” The smile he saw via the dashboard lights felt like a knife between his shoulder blades.
This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not when they were growing so close. “Are you going to take it?” Regretting the anger that tinged his words, he added, “I mean, what about the job in Telluride? You haven’t heard from them, have you?”
“No, not yet.” She faced forward again as they passed under the stoplight. “And I’m still not a hundred percent sure about this one. However, it pays very well and there’s room for advancement.”
“But what about...?” Us, he almost said.
She looked at him. “What?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head, accelerating again as they continued out of town.
Looking down at her clasped hands, she said, “How would you feel about it? If I decided to take this job?”
How would he feel? Did she even have to ask? Of course he didn’t want her to leave. He couldn’t believe she was even considering it.
And what about his daughter? Was Lacie planning to keep Kenzie away from him the way Marissa had?
“Lacie, I—” He stopped himself, his nostrils flaring. Arguing would do no good. She’d made up her mind. “You do what you want to do.”
Nothing more was spoken. Just the fact that she was still considering taking Kenzie and heading back east said it all. Obviously what happened between them the other night meant nothing to her. So there was no point in going back to his place.
When they hit the Ouray city limits, he took her straight to her mother’s.
Bringing the Jeep to a stop, he said, “Let me know what you decide.”
Chapter Sixteen
Lacie stood in the cold night air and watched Matt drive away. She knew better than to get her hopes up. Yet she’d done it anyway. Matt wasn’t interested in her. Only Kenzie.
Hands buried in her coat pockets, she forced one foot in front of the other, battling back tears as she continued up the front walk at her mother’s. She needed to get away from Ouray. And the sooner the better.
Yes, she was in love with Matt, something she could kick herself for, but she’d obviously misread his feelings for her. Otherwise he would have told her not to take the job in Colorado Springs. Instead, he would have asked her to stay.
But he didn’t. Leaving her free to do whatever she wanted. So why was she so torn?
She glanced toward the house. The blinds were closed, yet she could see the glow of light beyond them. It was almost nine o’clock, so Kenzie would likely be in bed. Just as well. Lacie wasn’t sure she had the strength to pretend that all was well in her world. Facing her mother was going to be tough enough.
Pausing on the porch, she slumped against the wall. God, my heart is hurting and I don’t know what to do. Should I go ahead and accept this job that will take me and Kenzie away from Ouray and Matt? Or should I wait to see what Telluride has to say?
A chilling breeze sifted through the trees.
Staying here would mean seeing Matt on an almost daily basis. Was she prepared to deal with that?
She squeezed her eyes shut. My heart is telling me to go, but I want to be in Your will, Lord. Show me what I should do.
Wiping a tear from her cheek, she took a deep breath, pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“Surprise!” An overly excited Kenzie rushed toward her and took hold of her hand. “Look what we did, Aunt Lacie.” She swept her little arm through the air, as if to say tah-dah.
Turning, a lump caught in Lacie’s throat. There in front of the window was a Christmas tree, its white lights twinkling among the silver bead garland and a multitude of ornaments. And beside it was her mother, smiling as she added another ornament.
Lacie’s broken heart now felt as though it might explode.
“What...?” Tears welled in her eyes as they had only moments before. Except these were happy tears. She brought a hand to her mouth as if trying to keep everything inside. For the first time since Daddy died, there was a Christmas tree in the living room.
Mom came toward her then. “You were right, Lacie. I have been trying to get back at God. All these years, I’ve been angry.” She slipped an arm around Kenzie’s shoulder. “It made it hard to listen when my granddaughter so joyfully reminded me just how much Jesus loves me. Then I found this.” She turned then and picked up a small box.
“What is it?” Lacie’s bottom lip trembled as she watched her mother lift out a shimmering ornament that read Jesus Is the Reason for the Season.
“It was your father’s last gift to me.” Her mother’s voice broke, her blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I found it in the closet the other day, still wrapped, with a note that said Never Forget.” She sniffed. “Kenzie was right. Jesus does love me. Enough to hear me out when I finally told Him how upset I was about losing your father.”
Unable to hold her emotions in any longer, Lacie embraced her mother. “Oh, Mom. I know how much you miss Daddy.” She sobbed.
“I do, sweetheart. More than you will ever know.” She set Lacie away from her. “But I can’t tell you what a burden has been lifted from me these last few days. My bitterness is gone. All because I finally said my piece.”
“I’m so happy for you.” She hugged her again. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart.”
“Aunt Lacie.” Kenzie tugged on her hand. “You need to come see this.”
Swiping a finger across each cheek, Lacie allowed Kenzie to lead her to the tree, where she picked up a glittering Popsicle-stick snowflake ornament.
“My mommy maded this.” Her dark eyes that were so like Matt’s were alight with what could only be described as pure joy.
“She sure did.” Lacie smiled at the memory. “And I got mad at her for using up all of the purple glitter.” She laughed.
Kenzie giggled while Lacie continued to study the tree, which was filled with so many memories. The colorful palm tree ornament they’d gotten that year they vacationed in Florida. It had been her first time at the beach. The sa
lt dough imprints of her and Marissa’s hands when they were toddlers. And the Mod Podge photo of Lacie and her dad that she’d made in kindergarten.
She looked at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. So much joy. So much sorrow. Thank You, Lord.
Lowering her gaze, she noticed the stockings hanging from the bookshelf.
“My stocking.” After grabbing a tissue from the table next to Mom’s chair, she moved to the far end of the room to admire the handcrafted labor of love her grandma Collier had made for her before her first Christmas. Running a finger over the felt-and-sequin snowman, she smiled. How proud she’d been of her stocking, always eager to show her friends when they came over. Because no one had a stocking like hers. Except Marissa.
Just as it always had, her sister’s teddy bear Santa stocking hung to the right of hers, the white felt cuff forever marked with a few chocolate smudges courtesy of an eight-year-old Marissa.
“I thought maybe Kenzie could use Marissa’s stocking,” said Mom. “For this year, anyway.”
Recalling the three stockings hanging over Matt’s fireplace, she sniffed. “I think that’s a great idea.”
Arms wrapped around her middle, she continued around the room, taking in all of the items that had lived in her memory, but hadn’t seen the light of day in twelve years.
“Oh, Grandma Preston’s nativity.” Kneeling beside the side table, she felt as though she’d been transported back in time. How she used to love playing with the ceramic Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. And while most adults would have objected, Grandma never took issue. Sometimes, she even joined in.
Standing, she saw her mother across the room, watching Kenzie, looking happier, more carefree, than she’d seen her in a long time. This was truly an answer to prayer. “I’m proud of you, Mom.”
The woman hugged herself as she surveyed the space. “I’m kind of proud of me, too.”
“Now we need some presents.” Kenzie dropped to her knees in front of the tree, her small fingers moving from one ornament to the next.
Mom looked to Lacie. “That reminds me, how was your evening? Were you successful?”
Lacie’s heart broke anew. While she and Matt had been successful in picking out gifts, the rest of the night had been a miserable flop. She didn’t know what she was going to do. The Christmas they’d planned at Matt’s, the one that had seemed so promising, probably wasn’t even going to happen now. At least Mom had had a change of heart. Now Kenzie could wake up Christmas morning to a tree filled with presents and carols playing in the background, the same way Lacie had always done.
But what about Matt? What about the gifts they’d picked out? Would he still get Kenzie the sled?
“It was fine. Though we still have some decisions to make.” The biggest one being whether she would stay in Ouray or head back east and away from Matt.
* * *
Matt came home from work the next day and dropped his gear at the door, only to spy the Christmas tree at one end of his living room and the bag of unwrapped gifts at the other. The sickening feeling that had plagued him all day intensified. He didn’t know what to do now.
Shoving a hand through his hair, he collapsed onto the couch. He was a mess. These last few weeks his life had been fuller than he ever imagined and he didn’t want that to change. Not now, not ever. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what was about to happen.
All day long he’d tried and tried to make sense of it. He and Lacie had such a good time at the store. Everything had seemed fine. Yet she’d known. The entire time they were there, she’d known about the job offer and didn’t say a thing. Why couldn’t she have said something before they went to Montrose?
Because they still would have ended up in the same foul mood and that would have made it nearly impossible to think about shopping.
Glimpsing the stockings spread along the mantle, his heart ached. J-O-Y. That’s exactly what Lacie and Kenzie had brought into his life. Without them he was miserable.
He dropped his head into his hands. What do I do, God? What do I do? Staring at the floor, he saw a sliver of white sticking out from beneath the couch. He picked it up, immediately recognizing the card with columbines on the front. It was a note his mother had written to him when she was dying. Something she’d done for each of her five sons. It must have fallen out of his scrapbook that day all those weeks ago when he’d first suspected he was Kenzie’s father.
Opening the card, he again read his mother’s words:
My precious Matt,
As the middle child, I know you often felt as though you didn’t stand out, but you were always a shining light to me. A man of great character, with a stubborn edge, you’re kind and eager to help others. Traits some people might take advantage of, so guard your heart.
Tears blurred his vision and he looked away. “I wish you were here now, Mama.”
He blinked a few times before allowing his gaze to drift back to her handwritten words.
Traits some people might take advantage of, so guard your heart. However, not so closely that you allow that something or someone special to slip away.
Lowering the card, he thought about Lacie. She was someone special all right.
And you’re letting her slip away, doofus.
He shot to his feet. What was he thinking? He couldn’t lose them. He had to find a way to convince Lacie to stay. And there was only one thing he could think of.
After a quick change of clothes, he hopped into his Jeep and drove the few blocks to the Collier house. Darkness had already fallen over the town when he pulled up, and while he’d often been to Lacie’s at night, this time he found himself doing a double take to make sure he was at the right house.
There was a Christmas tree in the front window.
Deciding he was, indeed, at the correct house, he climbed out and started up the walk, past a dwindling pile of snow. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been so nervous. God, please let this work. I don’t want them to go.
He knocked on the door. A moment later, Lacie stood before him, looking as beautiful as ever in jeans and a sweater, her hair around her shoulders. Her expression unreadable, she simply stared at him through the storm door for the longest time, until he finally said, “Can I come in?”
She stepped back, allowing him entry.
“Matt!” Kenzie barreled toward him in her favorite bright pink outfit, arms outstretched. At least somebody was happy to see him.
He lifted her into his arms, savoring her sweet childlike aroma. “How’s it going, small fry?”
“Come see.” She was already trying to wiggle free.
He set her to the ground, only to have her hand take hold of his much larger one.
She tugged him into the living room. “We made Christmas!”
Turning, he took in the entire space. It was Christmas, all right. Everywhere he looked. There was even Christmas music playing in the background.
His gaze captured Lacie’s before darting back to Kenzie. “Did you and Aunt Lacie do this?”
Kenzie stared up at him, her smile wide. “No. Grandma and me surpriseded her when she got home last night.”
Grandma? Wait a minute. Barbara? But she—
He looked at Lacie. “Your mom? Really?”
Arms crossed over her chest, she nodded. “I was pretty surprised myself.”
He glanced around. “Is she still at the shop?”
“Yeah.”
Just as well. He didn’t need an audience.
“Look, Matt.” Kenzie held up a small ceramic manger. “It’s baby Jesus.”
“I see that.” He couldn’t help wondering what had happened to change Barbara’s mind.
Then he recalled Kenzie’s determination to get home from church last Sunday and the way she adamantly shared the good news of Jesus with her grandmother. Could t
hat have been what turned her around?
“Want to color with me?” His daughter was beside him again, peering up at him with those big brown eyes. “I gotted a Christmas coloring book.” She held it up. “’Cept there aren’t any horsies. Only reindeer.”
Could the kid possibly get any cuter? No one could say no to that.
“Sure. Let’s sit down at the table.” Besides, coloring was supposed to be relaxing. He could use a little of that as he gathered his courage.
While Lacie worked on dinner, Matt sat beside Kenzie, though it was difficult to stay focused with all the things he wanted to say to Lacie swimming through his head.
Nonetheless, he colored a reindeer on one page while Kenzie tended to the Christmas tree on the opposite page. Not near as easy as when they each had their own book to color. But since she had only one that was Christmas themed...
Elbow on the table, chin perched on her hand, his daughter let out a sigh. “I think I want to color by myself now.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded.
Standing, he ruffled her soft hair. “Okay, small fry. Let me know if you need my help.” He sent her a wink before turning his attention to the kitchen.
Lacie was at the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled really good. Any other time his stomach would have growled, but it was too tied in knots to do so now.
He took a deep breath. Okay, Stephens, it’s now or never.
Pressing forward, he moved beyond the island to lean against the counter beside the stove. “Smells good.” Great, now she probably thought he was looking for a dinner invitation.
“Vegetable soup.” She shrugged. “Not exactly a manly meal.”
Time to cut to the chase, before he lost his nerve. “Lacie, I don’t want you to go to Colorado Springs.”
For a split second, he thought he saw a glimmer of hope in her pretty gray-blue eyes. “I know you think the best thing is for you to devote yourself to Kenzie, but she needs more.” He lowered his voice. “She deserves two parents who love her. And, honestly, I can’t go back to the way things used to be.” Looking her straight in the eye, he took a deep breath and went on. “Marry me?”
The Deputy's Holiday Family Page 16
