by Rye Hart
“Andrew. Andrew. I’m gonna come. Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop. Fill me up, Andrew.”
His hips stuttered, and I felt him still. My pussy exploded around his cock as his face fell into the crook of my neck. He rutted against me, stroking my clit with his tightly-wound curls and throwing me over the edge into an endless abyss of pleasure. Sweat dripped down my neck. His rock-hard body fell against mine. Every pebbled muscle blanketed me as his cum filled my body, planting the seed of the child the two of us would have together.
My back collapsed to my bed, and I opened my eyes, grimacing at the wet spot underneath my body. I fought to catch my breath as my body relaxed into the pillows. I switched off my vibrator and screwed my eyes shut. I felt like an idiot, being so attracted to Andrew. He was only a business deal. Nothing else. But my attraction to him and the enjoyment I got from being around him made me worry about what we were agreeing to. Was it a good idea for us to proceed with something so intimate if I felt like this around him? A surrogate contract was so formal. It tainted what I felt with him. Did he feel the same way?
At his house, it felt like he had, with the way he took my hand and gazed into my eyes.
I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was way too late to call Nikki and talk about any of this, but I needed to talk to her. I needed to bounce all this shit off someone. I felt like I was going crazy. I was in a surrogacy service, not a dating one. Yet every single interaction I had with Andrew felt more intimate than the last.
I got up to clean myself up, resolved to talk with Nikki in the morning. She’d help me figure out what the hell I was supposed to do.
**
“All right. If this requires a drink, then it’s bad. Talk to me. What's going on?” Nikki asked.
“The drink isn’t for me. It’s for you. I’m sticking with soda, but I figured you’d need the alcohol for this.”
“That’s not good.”
“It’s not. So, I got together with Andrew, and we hammered out the terms of our contract,” I said.
“Where did you two meet?”
“His house,” I said.
“How did you feel at his house?”
“It’s actually really nice. It’s massive, this log mansion up in the mountains.”
“He lives in the mountains?”
“Yeah, on a beautiful stretch of property. I tried my best not to gawk too much. I didn’t want to look like an idiot.”
“Okay. What are the terms?” she asked.
“That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“What are the terms, Heather?”
“He’ll cover everything and pay me two million to have his child.”
Nikki choked on her drink as her eyes widened.
“Two what?” she asked.
“I know. Trust me, I had the same reaction, but that’s not why I’m worried.”
“That digs you out of everything. That fixes everything, Heather. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
I sighed and took a sip of my drink.
“Oh no.”
“What?” I asked.
“I know that look.”
“You think you know everything,” I said.
“You’re getting attached,” Nikki said.
“Okay, so maybe you do know. I’m worried that I’m getting too attached. Nikki, he’s a great man. Wonderful with his daughter. And he cooks. The enchiladas and the rice for dinner? Superb.”
“Does he like you?” she asked.
“I don’t know. There are moments where I think he does. Then, other times I remind myself this is a business transaction and he’s probably doing it just to make me feel more comfortable with him.”
“That doesn’t mean he doesn't like you, and that would be an ideal situation.”
“What? No, it wouldn’t. That isn’t what this process is about.”
“Think about it. If the two of you get together, you don’t have to be a surrogate. You don’t have to give your child away. You can be a part of your child’s life, Heather.”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“What did he do over dinner?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“What does he do to make you feel this way?”
“I don’t know. It’s just the way he looks at me, I guess. Oh, and he came by the bakery a couple of days ago. And he was so sweet. He insisted on paying even though I wanted to give him and his daughter a treat for free. Then, when my oven broke while he was there, he fixed it free of charge.”
“On the spot?” she asked.
“Yeah. And Charlie came in while he was there.”
“Of course, he did.”
“Things got tense, and it felt like Andrew was, I don’t know, coming to my aid or something.”
“Oh, protective. I like that in a man.”
“And watching him with his daughter is so cute. I can tell she’s a little shy, but she’s really opening up. She asked me over dinner if I was staying after the baby came.”
“Wait, his daughter knows?” Nikki said.
“She knows I’ll be having the baby, but I don’t think she knows what that means. He took my hand, Nikki, and it felt so good and so right. He looked into my eyes, and he was so close, I could feel his breath on my cheek.”
“Oh, girl. He likes you.”
“You think?” I asked.
“Yes, I do, and you like him too. But the two of you are using this contract bullshit or whatever to shy away from the topic. You should talk with him. Tell him how you feel. Who knows where it could go?”
“It would go down the drain.”
“You don’t know that. It might be a relief to him that you took the initiative,” she said.
I sighed as I took another sip of my drink.
“Andrew seems like a great guy. What could go wrong if he says no? You keep to the contract anyway, you get your money, you keep trucking as normal. You stick to your plan.”
“I don’t know if I could stick to the plan after feeling this way.”
“Then don’t. Pull the plug. You have the capacity to still do that, right?” she asked.
“I do up until we successfully get pregnant, yes.”
“Then, you pull the plug.”
“And that money’s gone,” I said.
“Then, you’ll wait until another match crops up. Look, Heather. If the right man for you has come along, who the fuck cares about some contract? Stop tiptoeing around it. Grow a pair. Be the Heather I know you to be. Talk about how you’re feeling. Communicate with the man.”
“How the hell did this all get so complicated?”
“How did you think it wouldn’t? It doesn't matter. You feel this way. And if you can’t continue with this deal because of how you feel, then he needs to know that. But setting all of the what-ifs aside, there’s only one way to find out anything.”
“And that’s talking with him,” I said.
“Exactly.”
I snickered and shook my head before I finished my soda. Then, I excused myself to the bathroom and slipped my phone out of my pocket. I needed to do something before I lost my nerve. I knew I could be heading for a train wreck. In one fell swoop, I could lose a great guy, his interaction, his touch, and my bakery.
But the way I felt around him at his house? It couldn't be denied. He had to know, and I had to know if his interactions were genuine too.
“Heather, is everything ok?” Andrew asked.
I leaned against the wall and smiled at the sound of his voice.
“I was wondering if we could meet to talk,” I said.
“About what?” he asked.
“The surrogacy procedure. Possibly before tomorrow morning?”
The phone call fell silent, and my gut clenched with nerves.
“What’s going on?” Andrew asked.
“There’ve been some new developments I think you should be aware of before we get into this.”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“Talk to me now. What’s going on?” His voice was no longer soft. No longer reassuring. It was tense, slightly angry, a bit fearful. My gut plummeted to my toes at the sound of it.
“I’d really rather talk in person, Andrew.”
“That’s hard, considering I have a daughter I have to work around. Talk to me. You have my attention.”
“Andrew—”
“I hear the worry in your voice. What can I do to take care of it?” he asked.
I closed my eyes and sighed heavily into the phone. I didn’t want him to be any tenser than he already was, so I sucked up my want to see him and decided to tell him.
“Over the short time I’ve spent with you and your daughter, I feel like I’m getting too personally attached,” I blurted out.
I could hear him breathing, but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m worried that if I don’t treat this like a business deal that’s black and white, then I might, you know, get into emotional territory neither of us is ready for.”
“The dinner at my house was too much,” he finally said.
“I don’t want to make you feel bad, but I do want to be up front. I enjoyed our time together possibly a little too much, which could really muddle things going forward.”
“I agree, and I’m thankful you were honest with me about it before things went too far.”
“Too far?” I asked.
“I can’t have a woman who gets emotionally attached. I do hope you understand, but this is a business transaction. I don’t live a life that can accommodate a relationship.”
“I don’t—”
“I wish you the best, Heather. I’ll call the agency and let them know of the change in plans.”
Then, he hung up the phone and left me there, alone in a bar bathroom with his voice echoing in my ear. The best. He’d wished me the best.
My best would be a failing bakery that would shut down before the end of the month. My best would be three hundred thousand dollars’ worth of debt I’d never be able to shovel out from underneath. My best would be declaring bankruptcy and taking a job in a call center or something to barely make ends meet until I got fed up with everything and decided to move away. Or go back to school.
Tears crested my eyes as I slid my phone into my pocket.
My heart hurt. My soul hurt. My future was bleak, and my bakery was no longer salvageable, bt least I had an answer to my question. Too bad the answer hadn’t been worth what I’d risked in the process. I wished I’d never made that phone call because at least if I had my heart broken and gave my child up, I would have had my business to throw myself into.
Now, I didn’t have anything.
CHAPTER 11
CAMERON
ONE WEEK LATER
“So how’s the ‘having a child without a mother’ thing going?” Hudson asked.
“You really don’t waste any time, do you?” I asked as I clapped his back.
“Sorry. But you’re shit with keeping in touch, and I’m dying to know if you’re really going through with this.”
“Well, I’m not.”
“Oh. Good. Wait. What made you change your mind? Was it my stunning wisdom?”
“No.”
“My dastardly good principles?”
“No,” I said.
“Was it my constant battering ram into your phone and howling about how you’re in a shit position to do this?”
“No. It’s because she got emotionally attached.”
“Women. Can’t live with them, can’t have kids without them,” he said.
“Why are you here anyway?” I asked as I close the door behind him.
“Honestly? I’m glad you’re not going through with it,” he said, is voice taking on a serious edge. “Remember that job I was on a couple of weeks ago?”
“The one you were neglecting so you could give me shit? Yes,” I said.
“Well, you’re not going to like what happened.”
I felt every fiber of my being tense as I turned around to look at Hudson.
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked.
I’d thought about Heather every day. Every damn second since that fucking phone call of hers. I didn’t have the heart to tell Audrey that things had fallen through and that things would have to be postponed until I could find another surrogate. But the real reason I didn’t want to tell her was that I didn’t want to be honest with her. I wasn’t ready to be honest with myself yet about the whole damn thing.
But the look in Hudson’s eye pushed thoughts of Heather off to the side for the first time in a solid week.
“It’s them, isn’t it?” I asked.
“I’ve been picking up some communications from the informants we have in place, and they’re tossing your name around. You have to be extra careful.”
“What are they saying?” I asked. “What is it specifically?”
“They don’t know anything yet. I made sure of it. Not where you are or that you’re living under a false name. But your name has come back up. If they’re talking about you, then someone’s brought you up for a reason. You know how they work.”
“But they don’t have my location.”
“No. They don’t have your names, location, town, nothing. I promise.”
“Shit, Hudson. This is bad. Two fucking years later and they are still after me? This is really bad man.”
“And I’m keeping our tapped lines open for anything that would suggest you’re in trouble. The second I hear something, you’ll be the first to know. But I came up here to try and talk you out of this thing face to face. If they’re talking about you, the last thing you need is to bring another person—or two—into your fold.”
“I know,” I said.
“Then, why do you look so distraught about it?”
“Because I want another child, Hudson. My daughter wants a sibling. I want some sort of normal semblance of a family. I always have.”
We walked into my living room, and I flopped down into a chair.
“You sure they don’t know anything?” I asked.
“Positive,” Hudson said as he sat on the couch.
“I don’t feel good about this.”
“I don’t either, to tell you the truth. That’s another reason why I wanted to see you,” he said.
“Why?”
“I have an idea that might work to get the Mafia off your back. You know, so you can return to your life as normal.”
I bolted upright in my chair as my eyes locked with Hudson’s.
“I don’t know if it’s going to work, but it’ll require you coming out of town with me for a little while.”
“I’d have to bring Audrey with me. There’s no one here I trust to watch her,” I said.
“That’s fine. I know where we can keep her safe, but I figured you’d want to know if there was even a chance your life could get back to normal.”
“Of fucking course, I do. We can leave now as far as I’m concerned.”
“Not so fast. You’re very distracted. And we still have to iron out a lot of kinks before we even get to talking about the idea of a normal life,” he said.
“I’ll take anything I can get at this point. It’s killing me, raising my daughter this way. I know she’s happy, but I also know she could be happier.”
“So we take it one step at a time like we always have. Okay?” he asked.
“Fine.”
A normal life? My normal name? No longer having to look over my shoulder? Was it even possible anymore? Hudson seemed confident that it was, and it lit a fire of hope under my ass that I wanted to chase down.
“Now, talk to me about what’s really going through your mind. This girl, she’s got you all twisted up, doesn’t she?” Hudson asked.
I put my face in my hands and sighed.
“I miss her,” I said.
“You what?” he a
sked.
“I know it sounds insane, but it’s been a week since I’ve talked to her. She was the perfect fit. I mean perfect, Hudson. She got along with Audrey and got along with me. She was interesting. Independent. Self-sufficient. A bit stubborn.”
“It sounds to me like you’re attracted to her.”
“Of course, I’m attracted to her. Fuck me. She’s gorgeous. But this is a business deal, a transaction between two people with a contract and everything. She got nervous because of her personal feelings, and then her mentioning her feelings got me thinking about my feelings.”
“You have feelings?”
“Fuck you,” I said.
“I’m sorry. Okay. Why don’t you just say what’s really on your mind? Don’t worry about anyone’s reaction or how it sounds. Just get it off your chest, and we can pick it apart from there.”
“How long are you staying again?” I asked.
“As long as you need me to. I’d at least like to see Audrey and make sure she’s okay with my own eyes.”
“Fine,” I said. “Okay. Just … I want to be with her.”
“You wanted to have sex with her.”
I glared at him, but all he did was shrug.
“Yes. I wanted to have sex with her. Then, she told me how she was feeling, and I wanted her to stay, to be a part of whatever the hell this thing was. But there’s no way that can happen because of the life I live. She doesn’t even know my real fucking name, Hudson. But my daughter blossomed around her. Audrey talked to her like she talks to me.”
“Wait, she did? Audrey talked to her?”
“Yeah, and she was the one to initiate it,” I said.
“The fuck? It took Audrey months after she started talking to talk to me,” Hudson said.
“It felt right having her in my home. We sat on that couch to negotiate shit, and all I wanted to do was pull her into my lap and ask her to stay with me. Just like that. Without any pretense or anything. I don’t know why. There’s just something about her that drew me to her immediately. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”
