by Xenia Melzer
He grinned a tiny bit evilly. Richard looked down on Emily, who didn’t give the impression of a baby on the verge of falling asleep. “How long will this take?”
Julio shrugged. “I don’t know. A while, I guess?”
Richard looked from Julio to Dean to Emily to his wonderful bed and back. His decision made, he took his pillow and headed for the door. “I leave this to you. There’s a lot of work tomorrow, so I need my sleep. Have a good night!”
Dean stared after him as if he wanted to say something but kept his mouth shut. Good for him. Just when Richard left the bedroom, the crying started again. Not as loud and angry as before, but he could hear Emily working her way up to it. While the sound increased in volume, Richard hurried down the hall to the only place in the apartment where he wouldn’t hear a thing: the playroom. It was soundproof, and the bed was the same as in their bedroom. Richard snuggled under the satin covers, let his eyes roam swiftly over the assembled implements for pain, switched off the bedside lamp, and started to fantasize about all the things he would do to Dean in here as punishment for bringing this menace into his life.
Chapter 13
WHEN DEAN woke the next morning, he was curled around Emily on the bed. He checked the clock and found he had slept about five hours in total the previous night. After her bottle, Emily had suffered from bellyaches that kept them up for almost two hours before she finally fell asleep. Then she had woken once more because she was hungry, but this time Dean had heard her sooner, and she had gone back to sleep quite quickly. When he looked at her now, she seemed like an angel. Her face was completely relaxed, her hands open, flexing slightly when she dreamed. Dean couldn’t help himself. He felt a surge of love well up inside him. This was Tricia’s little girl, now his to take care of. Dean made a silent vow to his sister that he would always be there for Emily.
While he watched, her tiny lips opened. She made a strained expression and then Dean heard a gurgling noise, followed by a stench that made his toes curl. Emily smiled. Dean hurried to get out of the bed. The sudden movement woke Emily. She looked around for a bit before her gaze focused on him. Dean leaned over to take her in his arms. Another waft of whatever Emily had just produced hit him.
“You, my little lady, need a fresh diaper ASAP. Let’s see if we can do this on our own, shall we?”
He carried her into the living room where they had set up a temporary diaper-changing station, and got to work. Everything was fine until he reached the baby’s sleeper. Apparently, the diaper had lost against the full assault of Emily’s bowel activities and leaked a good amount down her legs and up her back. It was all one stinking, sticky, yucky mess. For a split second, Dean contemplated dealing with this task alone before he let his pride slip and yelled for Julio. This was just too much on an empty stomach.
Julio appeared only moments later, already dressed and seemingly unruffled by the short night and Dean’s despair.
“What’s the problem? Oh, I see. Well, at least, the stomach trouble should be done with now.”
“How can you be so cheerful first thing in the morning?”
Julio flashed Dean a wide smile. “I’ve been doing this job for quite some time. This was not close to the worst night I’ve ever had. Plus, every time I feel like getting cranky, I remind myself of the check I’m going to get at the end of the month. Somehow that thought cheers me up anytime.”
“You’re an evil man, aren’t you? I like it.”
Both men chuckled before they returned to the problem at hand. Julio assessed the damage with an expert’s eye. “The wisest course of action is to clean out as much of the poo as possible with the wet wipes, then free her from the sleeper. After that, it’s the bath again.”
Dean sighed. “There will be more wailing, won’t there?”
“That’s the fun of having children.”
WHEN EMILY was clean again and the ruined sleeper put into the sink to soak in soapy water, they sat down in the kitchen for breakfast. First they fed Emily; then Dean and Julio enjoyed a cup of hot coffee and some yogurt while Emily sat in a little baby swing and watched the light patterns created by the sun filtering through the high windows.
“So, Richard doesn’t seem to be too invested in the baby stuff.”
Julio phrased his words carefully, as if giving Dean the chance to tell him off. There was silence for a couple of minutes before Dean answered.
“It all happened very fast. We weren’t prepared for it at all. Richard is used to being in control. He’ll come around. He just needs time to adjust.”
“I’m sure he will. Having a baby is an overwhelming experience. It pushes your limits in ways you never thought possible. Although I think the pushing part, you’re used to.”
There was a knowing twinkle in Julio’s eyes that made Dean blush.
“How do you know?”
Julio shrugged. “I’ve seen a lot in my time. You and Richard give off a very strong vibe, and if I hadn’t guessed by the way you two interact, the cuffs and ropes attached to your bed would have been an obvious hint.”
When Dean blushed even deeper, Julio winked at him. “Don’t worry. What you do in your bedroom is your decision. I’m only judging you by the way you treat Emily, and in that regard, you’ve already won me over. Any idiot could see that you’ve established a connection with her and that you care about her deeply. That’s all that matters to me.”
“You’re very open. That’s rare.”
“I know. I wish it wasn’t. My motto is ‘Live and let live.’ I don’t want people treating me differently because of my preferences, so I try not to judge in return. It’s hard sometimes, though.”
Dean stared at the ceiling. “As with BDSM?”
Julio took another sip from his coffee. “No. That I can actually understand. The need to control or being controlled. The freedom it can give you. When I first learned about the lifestyle, I wasn’t turned on by the sex or the leather, but by the trust built between D/s couples. It made me jealous. The idea of giving yourself completely, knowing you are safe—it intrigues me. Must be hard, though?”
Dean smiled. Julio’s words reassured him enough to share some of his insights with the man.
“It was, in the beginning. When I first met Richard, I had just come to terms with the fact that I’m gay and proud of it. I didn’t know anything about BDSM, and my sexual experience was limited to jacking off to gay porn. Richard already had tons of experience, but he was very patient. He introduced me to the lifestyle slowly, until I was able to fully embrace it. We’re very happy now, although there are still times when I struggle. Placing all my troubles at his feet is not always easy. Sometimes I’m afraid to appear weak.”
Julio nodded. “As far as I understand, the sub in a D/s relationship is anything but weak. I got the distinct impression they are the strong ones.”
Dean giggled. “Don’t let the Doms hear that. In a way, you’re right. But it’s also about balance. The Dom would be pretty lost without a sub to control, without the sub’s permission to work on his limits. The sub, on the other hand, would be equally lost without somebody prepared to take him places he’s too afraid to visit on his own. If it’s just for a scene, the lines are clear, but the more intense a relationship gets, the blurrier they become. The better you get to know each other, the more layers you can put on the D/s exchange. I’m at a point in my relationship with Richard where I think the kinky sex and the pain are just a yummy by-product of the real deal. Thing is, you don’t get the real deal without starting on the sex and pain. So there’s a roundabout again.”
Julio looked thoughtful. “I’ve never looked at it like that. In the end, I guess, we all want the same out of a relationship. We just use different means to get it.”
“Amen to that!” Dean rose from his chair to take the cups and bowls away. Emily chose that moment to make a little gurgling noise.
“Seems like she agrees with you. Why don’t you get a quick shower and then we’ll take Emily out on a li
ttle stroll?”
“That’s a good idea, Julio. You have to show me how to handle that stroller. It’s still in the box they delivered it in yesterday. To be honest, I’m a little intimidated.”
“No need to be. They may look complicated at first, but once you get the hang of it, it’s smooth sailing. After all, they are designed to be used by people with their brains shut down because of hormone overload and sleep deprivation.”
“You make it sound so wonderful. Remind me, why did I choose you as my nanny again?”
Julio patted Dean’s shoulder in a slightly patronizing manner. “Because I’m the best and my wonderful personality appeals to your masochist heart.”
Dean flipped Julio off. “No, I don’t think that’s it. Must be another reason. Just can’t remember it right now.”
“Get your ass in the shower before Emily decides to throw another tantrum. When she’s screaming her lungs out, we want to be outside so other people have to suffer through it as well.”
“You are a born sadist. You sure you don’t want to embrace the lifestyle?”
Julio grinned like a madman. “No. As you can see, it’s not badass enough for me. I want my victims to suffer.”
Laughing despite his exhaustion, Dean hurried to get his shower.
IT WAS late afternoon when Richard finally made it to Whisper. He went straight into his office, slumped down in the luxurious leather chair behind his desk, and buried his head in his hands. His three-day emergency trip to New York had done nothing to decrease his workload in Miami. To make things worse, he had trouble concentrating because his mind kept wandering back to Dean and how fucked-up their situation was. Richard was torn between his desire to take care of his boy and his annoyance about Dean’s infatuation with Emily. Richard still hadn’t figured out what to think or do. He had liked Tricia, and he understood why she wanted her only brother to be her child’s guardian. He also had nothing against babies in general. Emily was kind of cute, in a very loud way. No, the problem was the change in his relationship with Dean.
Until now, Richard had never spared a second thought as to how he wanted to progress with Dean. Things had just happened naturally. It was all perfect in a carefree world where their money and status took care of any inconveniences they might come across. That was, until fate had decided to drop a baby in their peaceful, perfect BDSM bubble. It just wasn’t fair.
Richard looked up when he heard a knock on the door. Before he could say anything, the handle turned and Martin walked in. He took one look at Richard’s face and flopped down on the designer sofa with a sympathetic look in his eyes.
“Man, you look terrible. Like something the cat dragged in after a rainy night. Trouble at work?”
Richard leaned back in his chair. Perhaps it would do him good to talk to another Dom. “Yes and no. The trouble at work has already been taken care of.”
“So there’s something else?” Martin raised a brow. “Don’t tell me this has to do with the ominous phone call Dean got three days ago?”
Now it was Richard’s turn to do some brow gymnastics. “What do you know about that?”
Martin shrugged. “Not much. Dean called me when he couldn’t reach you. He was close to a panic, so I tried to reassure him. I also told him to call me again should he need anything. Since that didn’t happen, I assumed everything was fine, but looking at you, I can tell something’s horribly wrong.”
Richard sighed. “You could say so. That phone call was from a lawyer. Dean’s sister died six days ago. She left a baby behind and appointed Dean guardian. It’s one big, ugly mess.”
Martin was stunned into silence for a moment, which was rare for him. “Were they close?” There was a rasp in Martin’s voice that told Richard how deeply his friend felt for Dean.
“Yes. She was all the family he had left. After his parents kicked him out for being gay, Tricia was the one who helped Dean with money and a place to live. She supported him when he wrote his first book. I hate to admit it, but there were times when I was jealous of her.”
“He must be devastated.” Martin was no doubt thinking about his twin sister, Olivia. “If anything happened to Oli, I’d go nuts.”
“Well, Tricia’s death had a great impact on him. He just doesn’t have the time to process it because Emily, her daughter, is living with us. Or will be, once the Child Welfare Program decides we’re suitable to be parents.”
“That’s a lot to deal with, man. How are you holding up?”
Richard met Martin’s gaze full-on. “Badly. I don’t think taking Emily in is a good idea. Unfortunately, Dean doesn’t share my view of things. We almost had a fight when I suggested we find a different place for her. He’s clinging to that baby because Emily is all he has left of Tricia. He doesn’t grieve, at least not openly, which is unhealthy, as we both know. As his Dom, I should take care of matters, see to it that Emily gets a good place and then help him through his emotional pain. But how can I take Emily away from him? You should see the way he looks at her. At the moment she’s the only thing that keeps him from falling apart.”
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous of the baby?”
Richard glared at Martin. The man was too empathic for his own good sometimes. Of course, that was also why he was such a good Dom.
“I am jealous. There, I admit it. Dean looks at Emily in a way that was reserved for me until now. What makes things worse, our entire life is changing because of her. I had to sleep in the playroom last night to get at least some rest.”
Martin snorted with a mixture of amusement and pity in his eyes. He sobered up when he met Richard’s angry stare. “Not funny, I know. Well, at least not yet. Give it a few months. Or maybe a year,” he added hastily when Richard’s expression darkened. “What I mean is, you’re both under emotional stress right now. While change in itself is not a bad thing, too much of it can be challenging, especially when it’s so drastic. I know I sound like an old man, but you have to give it some time. Show patience. From where I’m standing, I don’t think you have much of a choice anyway. And who knows, maybe something good will come out of it. Right now your boy needs you, so focus on that and let everything else fall into place.”
“Easier said than done, but thanks for the advice.” Richard huffed. “I do feel a little better, though.”
“I aim to please.” Martin bowed mockingly. “And on that note, we do have some new applications for the club. If you have the time, it would be good to read them.”
Richard frowned. Normally, Martin didn’t consult him over new applicants. Since he was in the security business, there was no need. “Is there something wrong?”
“No. The background checks were okay. It’s just that I have a strange feeling about one of them. I want to know if you agree. If not, we can put it down to me being paranoid. If yes, he’s out.”
“If he pings your weirdo radar, I’d say he’s out no matter what I think. You’re never wrong in that respect.”
Martin acknowledged the praise with a slight nod. They had been friends and partners for so long, they rarely complimented each other.
“The files are in my office. I’ll get them, and you tell me your impression.”
“Fine. Get on with it. When we’re done, I have to get home and face another night from hell.”
Martin grinned. “You’ll get used to it.”
“That’s what the nanny said as well. Somehow, I doubt it.”
Chapter 14
Three weeks later.
“PEYTON. WHY am I looking at a bill of almost fifteen hundred dollars for a few square yards of curtain fabric?” Richard tried very hard to keep the outrage from his voice and failed.
There was a prolonged silence at the other end of the line before Peyton finally spoke. “If I said those numbers were just a figment of your imagination, would you believe me?” His tone already suggested he didn’t think so.
“Try again.”
“Weelll, it’s superorganic, no-dangerous-stuff-added, ha
nd-dyed cloth especially for environments where children and people prone to allergies live. Plus, the colors I chose were not in their repertoire, so they had some experimenting to do, and you know how it is, once the costs start to rise, it’s kind of an upward spiral….” Peyton’s voice trailed off. He had clearly run out of excuses.
Richard rolled his eyes. The problem with Peyton was, he sucked at negotiation. He was a genius when it came to interior design, but the monetary part of the business was like an alien planet to him. Come to think of it, he was a lot like Dean in that respect.
“Peyton, did they overcharge?”
“Um, yes. They did. And I’m sorry, Richard. I was just so glad when the color scheme finally worked out, I didn’t care about the numbers anymore.”
“You never care about the numbers. Are there any other bills I should worry about?”
“No. Mike and Jeff took care of the rest.”
“Then I’m going to make a call. Perhaps you should reconsider working with that particular company. Obviously, they don’t have any respect for you.”
Peyton huffed. “I know I’m bad at this. You don’t have to rub it in.”
Richard chuckled. “I have to. It’s payback for the extra work you’re causing me even though I’m paying you.”
“Fine, I get it. Rant all you want. I’m going to disconnect now because there are people out there who appreciate my work enough not to make me feel bad about it.”
“Goodbye, Peyton.”
Putting the phone aside, Richard grinned. Riling up Peyton was one of his favorite pastimes. Unfortunately, it was also his only pastime at the moment, since his D/s relationship with Dean was more or less on hold. When he wasn’t fussing over Emily, Dean was usually too tired for anything remotely kinky. The closest they had gotten to sex during the past three weeks had been when Richard walked into the kitchen one evening to find Dean on his knees, swiping up spilled formula from the floor. As compelling as Dean’s beautiful butt had looked, the wailing sounds from Emily, not to mention Julio, who had been trying to distract her, dampened Richard’s mood instantly.
