by Elin Peer
This toned-down version of me was working wonders with the Motlanders. The crowds became bigger and bigger with every place we visited. Hans told me that the press had given us five Nmen nicknames.
“They call you five the Dancer, the Infatuated, the Ranger, the Artist, and the Doctor.”
“Who’s the Infatuated?”
“The one called Bruce Lee. He admitted in an interview that he was infatuated with his mediator, Antoinette.”
Remembering the beautiful woman Bruce had been paired with, I wondered if he would be leaving the Motherlands with a wife or with a broken heart like me.
I had come here with the intention of sleeping with as many women as I could. But that was before Athena got under my skin and connected to a part of me that held a desire much deeper than that. I wanted everything with her.
Two days before I was scheduled to go home, I dragged myself through one more interview, answering the same basic questions about being a carnivore, our lack of females, my time here in the Motherlands, and my hopes for the future.
The rebel in me wanted to throw in a few curse words and shock them. The only thing holding me back was the fact that I’d spoken to Pearl earlier that day. She had been bursting with pride. “They love you, and my mom says the Council received several messages from women who are offering to marry you.”
“That’s great,” I had told her with a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.
“Can we go back to the hotel now?” I asked Hans when I got into the drone.
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” he said and the excitement in his eyes made my heart race faster.
“What happened? Did Athena contact you?”
“No, but my friend Donna did. I’ve had to fabricate more than a few lies, but it paid off. We found Laura.”
CHAPTER 24
Laura
Finn
Laura had changed since I last saw her. Her hair was longer and there was a new level of confidence in the way she moved.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t blame her, even though I was mad at her for having caused my friend so much pain.
“Do you live around here?” I asked and looked out the window from the coffee shop where she had agreed to meet me.
“I’m not telling you where I live, but no, it’s not close to here.” Laura was distracted by two women who had recognized me, and were trying to get my attention by waving.
“I warned you it was a bad idea to meet in a public place like this,” I muttered. “Don’t be surprised if there’s a picture of us on the news tonight with a fabricated love story.”
Laura’s eyes darted around the room. “I thought you were just exaggerating.”
“I wasn’t. It doesn’t matter, you and I both know why I’m here.”
Squirming in her chair, Laura looked down. “Magni sent you, didn’t he?”
“He wants you to come home, Laura. He loves you.”
Her head shot up, and she looked at me with a little frown. “How do you know? He never spoke those words, did he?”
“Maybe not those words exactly, but that’s just because Magni isn’t exactly a big talker, is he?” I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, trying to find the right words to convince her. “He waited a long time for you Laura.”
“I know. It’s been almost six months since I left.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh?”
“Magni passed up five tournaments, waiting for you to turn eighteen.” I leaned forward. “Did you ever wonder why a man who was a given winner of any tournament he participated in would choose not to take part in them?”
“I just thought he wasn’t ready for marriage,” Laura said and blinked those pretty blue eyes.
“Then you’re naïve.” Leaning back again, I crossed my arms. “Magni lost his heart to you after that episode at the Gray Mansion.”
“I was just a child then; surely he didn’t think I was serious.”
“Do you know Magni at all? The man has always taken life too fucking serious.”
Laura creased her brows. “That makes no sense. That episode happened eight or nine years before we got married. I doubt he even remembers.”
“You asked him to marry you,” I reminded with my brow lowered. “It might’ve been the first marriage proposal from a female to a male in the Northlands, so yeah, he fucking remembers alright.”
Laura rested her elbows on the table and let her face fall into her hands. I waited until she looked up and spoke. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Then how do you remember it?” I asked and her eyes grew distant as she went back in time.
“We had been invited to the Ruler’s palace and my mother had done my hair and dressed me in my finest dress. I was so excited, but it turned out to be boring with nothing but adults drinking coffee and talking for hours. Desperate to see some of the large palace, I snuck out and went exploring. That’s when I found two men fighting. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know that it was Khan and Magni. I just spied on them, enthralled by how elegant they looked as their large, sweaty bodies danced around each other in swift movements. To me they were grown men. Looking back, Magni can’t have been more than eighteen or nineteen at the time.”
While she spoke, Laura was twirling a lock of her hair between her fingers. “Being a child watching something that I didn’t understand, I saw Khan provoking and kicking Magni to the floor over and over. It was scary to watch, and I was scared Khan would kill him.” Her eyes focused on me as if coming back to the present. “Magni always got up again, but I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t fight back. It made me want to cry.”
“That doesn’t sound like Magni,” I commented.
Laura smiled a little. “He must have been teaching Khan some special technique or something. In the end, it became too much for me to watch, and I knew I had to do something to help him. I wished I could fight off Khan myself. Of course that was impossible. There was no time to get my father since Khan was being really mean to Magni. That’s why I entered the room and pretended I was lost.”
“Clever!” I nodded my head. “What did they do?”
“Well,” she breathed, her eyes distant with memories again. “They stopped fighting at once. I think both of them were surprised to see a nine-year-old girl. I can remember Magni rushing to me asking me where my protector was.”
“Did you tell them that you had snuck out?”
“No, I was afraid of getting into trouble. I just told them that I had been looking for a bathroom when I got lost. Magni offered to take me back to my parents.”
“Is that when you asked him?”
Laura rubbed her collarbone. “He had such nice eyes, blue like mine, and I was so worried about all the beatings he had taken. Then it dawned on me, that this nice man would surely die if he entered a tournament, and I didn’t want him to die.”
I couldn’t hide a smile. “You pitied Magni?”
“Yes, so I begged him not to fight in a tournament, and I promised that if he would wait for me I would marry him.”
I laughed. “He never told me that part. Did he know you thought he couldn’t fight?”
Laura lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “Probably not, but he tousled my hair and called me a sweet kid, and that’s all I remember from that day.”
“But he did wait for you.”
She smiled. “Yes, he did, but I had no idea that it was related to that episode.” Shaking her head, she lowered her voice. “You make him sound like he’s a romantic, Finn, but we both know that isn’t true.”
“Define romantic,” I said.
“Well, for one he doesn’t express his love to me, and he’s always bossing me around, warning me about this or that.”
“There are many ways of saying I love you,” I pointed out. “Being protective is one.”
Laura looked thoughtful. “I guess you have a point, but coming here has opened my eyes to how limited my life was in the Nort
hlands. I’m happy here, Finn, and I get to train in martial arts.”
“Laura, tell me you don’t miss the Northlands at all?”
She drew her eyebrows close together. “Of course I miss home. I miss my friends, my sister, and…” She swallowed and exhaled with force. “And I miss Magni too.”
“So, come back with me,” I exclaimed, pushing to the edge of my seat. “At least for a while. If you can’t make it work then you can always come back here. Just give Magni a chance to talk to you.”
“He’s mad at me,” she said and fidgeted with a blue bracelet. “I know he is.”
“True. But that’s because you left without a goodbye.” I softened my voice. “Laura, he worries about you and he misses you.”
Biting her lip, she sat quiet for a while, deep in thought. “I’ll think about it.” She raised her chin in a defiant way. “But you’d better tell Magni that I’m not the same woman as when I left. I won’t allow him to boss me around anymore.”
Shit. I could only imagine how Magni would react to getting a rebellious wife back to replace the sweet one that had left him.
“Maybe it’s better if you tell him yourself,” I advised.
Laura tapped her foot with nervous energy. “The reason I agreed to meet with you is that I’ve been thinking about the Northlands a lot these past months. I feel guilty for leaving the way I did. Maybe it would be good for Magni and me to talk about our marriage.”
“You’re not thinking about divorce, are you?”
“All I know is that I’m not willing to go back to what we had, and with Magni…” She sighed. “Let’s just say he’s not the most flexible person in the world.”
“No, but he’s probably one of the most loyal,” I argued, my heart racing from fear that Laura would be cruel enough to divorce Magni. His pride and honor had already suffered a great deal when she left him. If she insisted on a divorce, it would be even worse.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true. He is very loyal.” She gave a small nod and looked down, taking a little time before she spoke. “Finn, what time are you leaving tomorrow?”
“There’s an official ceremony by the border at noon. After that the five of us are returning.”
“I’ll let you know what I decide before then,” Laura said and stood up. “If I’m not at the border when you go back, don’t wait for me.”
CHAPTER 25
Calling
Athena
My favorite book couldn’t keep my interest. With a sigh of resignation, I lowered it onto my lap. Everything in my small house, seemed too quiet and empty.
When Finn and Hans had been here, I had often found myself longing for some of the peace and quiet that was my custom. Now that I had it back, I missed their company.
Memories assaulted me of Finn’s silly jokes and failed attempts of teaching Hans the art of irony. I smiled when I thought about his skeptical approach to my food in the beginning and how he had ended up liking much of it anyway.
I missed him!
Closing my eyes, I leaned back on the couch and thought about our last night together, just like I had so many times these past five days since he left.
We had made love. It had been such a beautiful experience that I would cherish it forever. If only we didn’t live in different countries with no way for us to be together.
It was a selfish thought. Even if the Council would allow Finn to live with me, it would require him to give up his friends, culture, and maybe his job as well. I couldn’t imagine that he would be allowed to practice medicine in the Motherlands. At least it would take time for him to prove his knowledge and skills.
It was touching how he had offered to stay with me. I could never ask that of him, and I doubted he had been serious. Yesterday, there had been a story on the news about him and another woman. I only heard the headlines before I turned off the news. It had been a confirmation I had made the right choice. Finn had already moved on with a new woman, and I was happy for them. A groan escaped me, as I repeated the sentence to myself. “I am happy for them.”
It wasn’t heartfelt, and none of my favorite spiritual practices seemed to work. I had done energy work, I had cleared my head by writing down my emotions, I had made a long list of things that I was grateful for, I had done positivity yoga, and meditated for hours each day. Still, I wasn’t happy.
Getting up from the sofa, I walked over to the window and looked out over the snowy landscape, my eyes scanning the sky for any signs of drones. There was nothing.
For the first time, my options were limited. I had never desired to live anywhere else than here. Or to be anything other than an emotional rock for my community. Being a priestess was all I knew. Now I wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t been chosen by the high priestess when I was twelve?
I had always felt honored to be given such a vital role in our community. Never had I felt lonely. Until now.
The bond I shared with Finn that last night we spent together was so different from the connection I shared with my friends. Finn was more than a source of constant entertainment and fascination to me. He brought out sides of my personality that were new and exciting, like a portal to self-discovery. I feared that from now on, all my other relationships with people would be pale imitations of what I had experienced with Finn. There would be no more sexual desire and lust in my life. Only a memory of what I had known with him.
I declined several invitations from families in the area who asked me over for dinner this week. They were curious about the Nman that I had brought to their children’s school. But I wasn’t ready to talk about Finn yet. If I did, I would tear up.
With a heavy feeling in my body, I put on some calming music, got out my mirror that I used to do my daily face yoga, and plunked down on the sofa again.
I looked younger than I was, and gave credit to these daily exercises, my healthy eating and sleeping habits, and of course my energy work.
Today my reflection confirmed how empty and sad I felt inside –Raising my hand, I traced my finger over the dark circles under my eyes; a testament to my sleepless night. I studied the lack of glow in my skin and eyes, before my finger moved along the contours of my lips. The very same lips that had kissed Finn and tasted his love.
You were a great fuck!
It had been Finn’s last remark. Even though I knew he had been upset when he said the words, I was still sad that those were the last words spoken between us.
Despite my grief, I still checked into my Saturday enlightenment class. As always, the virtual reality setting was the tranquil meadow with the large oak tree. It was packed even more than usual. Maybe the entertainment factor of Finn’s visit and the intense debate about the Nmen had made people talk. Taking a seat on the tree stump, I returned the smiles from the audience.
“May peace surround you all,” I said when it was time to start. After our silent moment of gratitude, I continued. “Today we’ll be exploring the topic of conflicts.”
Because of what had happened between me and Finn, the topic felt personal to me. I took my time as I surveyed the audience, consisting of locals and people that I had never met in person. The virtual reality made it possible for all of us to meet in a lifelike setting without having to leave our houses. I was happy to see that my classes attracted people of all ages.
“How many of you would say that you feel comfortable with conflicts?” I smiled when not a single person raised their hand.
“Have you noticed how some people seem to attract conflicts more than others? It’s an interesting phenomenon, and a sign that there is potential for some personal growth. Would one of you like to volunteer with a conflict that you’ve had in your own life, so that we can analyze it and maybe help you come to a peaceful resolution?”
A number of hands went up in the air. I was drawn to a woman in her mid-forties with wrinkles that testified she frowned a lot.
“What is your name?”
“Susie,” she replied and stood up.<
br />
“Do you have any conflicts in your life?”
She looked uncomfortable being called upon, and wrung her hands with a nervous glance around her. “Actually, there is one thing that I have been struggling with for a while,” she said with her eyes darting around.
“This is a safe place to share it, and you will meet no judgment from us.” I gave her an encouraging smile.
“All right, well, the thing is, I have a colleague at work, and it feels like I’m doing much of her work because I’m more experienced than she is, and I have a better eye for details. It’s not that I mind being helpful, because I really don’t,” Susie insisted and looked around to be sure we really weren’t judging her. “It’s just that I have to help her every day and while doing her work, I’m falling behind on my own assignments. I think what really gets to me is that she is so eloquent and…” The woman looked up as if trying to find her words. “What I mean is that she’s good at self-promoting, and everybody thinks that she’s an expert at her job, when she’s not.”
“So where would you say that your conflict with her lies?” I asked.
Wrapping her arms around her waist, the woman hugged herself. “To be honest, I’m too polite to tell her no, so I suppose the conflict is more with myself than her, but I think about it all the time.”
“What are your emotions connected to this conflict within yourself?”
“There’s a lot of resentment building up inside of me. Sometimes I wish I could tell everybody that she’s not half as good as they think she is.”
“Ahh, I see.” I nodded my head. “So to sum it up, you two are opposites. She is terrible at showing results, but amazing at selling herself. While you can deliver the results, but you can’t sell yourself.”
“Yes, that’s it! Sometimes I get so frustrated that it’s hard to be my normal sweet self.”
“I understand. So let’s talk about your personal boundaries. Would you say that you’re good at setting them?”
She shook her head.
“No, it doesn’t sound like it. But I’m going to help you by giving you a simple rule to remember. Are you ready?” I asked and turned to the audience. “By the way, this rule is for everyone who was raised to be sweet, okay?”
