I roll my eyes, playing along to move this along. If not we'll be here all night, and still at point A. "And what spirit animal should I become?"
"A pussy."
I choke on my spit as I swallow, coughing uncontrollably, my face most likely turning red from lack of oxygen. That always happens to me when I'm caught off guard. "Wha-" Another cough. "Ta?"
"Be a pussycat. I would say a peacock, but the males are prettier. Fuck that. Ain't no man going to be prettier than me. On top of that, he can strut all he wants, but he's going to be the one chasin' not the other way around. Never chase the man...ever. You will be left outside watching like a stalker, days after gifting him your V-card while he flirts with the next twitterpated tramp, crushing your heart."
My brows dip as I lower the outfit back into the box. "Meredith, what the hell are you talking about? You lost your virginity to Chris Ainsworth on Homecoming night freshman year in the backseat of his truck. Hottest soccer player at school and he was obsessed with you for like a year after that while you strung him along with sex so you didn't have to ride the bus home and had an insta-invite to all the good parties...at fifteen! You're a man-eater. I secretly called you a praying mantis until we were juniors."
Her eyes widen suspiciously. "Oh, r-r-right," she says, stuttering. "I just meant rhetorically speaking. Not me. Pffft. Like I would be that girl. Puh-lease. I'm way off track here. I drank coffee after five so I could stay up and practice for this open audition I have coming up. Pussycat. Back to the subject at hand."
"Sometimes you're such a weirdo." I shake my head, completely thrown off now.
"Kambry, guys aren't that hard. Dress pretty, fix yourself up, and flirt. Flirt shamelessly. Not even the hottest one is out of reach, hence Mr. hot as hell sex-god porn star all up in your Kool-Aid. It's all about confidence. Men like pretty things that they can shove their dicks into. Confidence and desire yield seduction and sex appeal. It's a thoughtless skill that gets easier over time. Before long you won't even realize you're doing it, but masculine eyes everywhere notice. Let me break this down in simple terms. Picture a pussycat. Isn't it annoying how they, females especially, walk ever so slowly into a room with this arrogant saunter, fluffy tail swaying in the air, with her chin turned up like she owns the fucking place? Picture Miss Pearl, Mom's cat. I swear you'd never know I was an only child. Jealous little bitch. Anyway, moving on. You remember right?"
I laugh, because I know exactly what she's talking about. I nod. "Yeah, I remember. You pointed it out every time she followed your mom out of the room."
"Ding, ding, ding. Be Miss Pearl. Let your inner pussy reign. Put a little sway in your step, believe you're sexy, and flirt shamelessly. You will have him eating out of your hand."
"Okay, but when am I supposed to wear this or bring out the goodies?" I whirl my finger around at all the new offerings she has brought into my room.
She reaches over and grabs the Kindle. "Read, Kambry. This one little device is filled with so much female - and some male - knowledge, all coded in the words of a story. Yes, some is fiction within fiction, but also, you will find things added from experience, coming from one being to another. So much power with one piece of technology. Taint your pure mind a little. You will get ideas, you will get instruction, and the moment will come to you. Men are control freaks in the bed, but they also like a girl that knows and voices what she wants."
I take a deep breath. I long for the day when I don't feel as clueless as I am. "So you're saying...just wing it?"
"Precisely."
"Okay, but you act like you're thirty."
"What can I say...I like having a little experience and knowledge under my belt." She winks.
" What's in the duffel bag?"
"More tools." She grabs it off the floor.
"This is overwhelming."
"Awe, you'll get the hang of it in no time."
Opening the bag, she scoots over and sets it between us. There is a thick, white, cardboard postal service envelope labeled priority mail on the top, addressed to me. "What's that?"
I grab it and shake, hearing something moving around inside, before examining the return address section. "It was in the mail. I just shoved it in the bag since I was short of hands with all this stuff. The only thing on the entire envelope that stands out to me is the sender: Saxton Maverick.
I wonder what he would send me. My heart starts beating wildly, remembering I will see him tomorrow. Instead of opening it with her here, I'll wait. I want this to myself. I peek in the bag full of clothes, hand priced tags showing from some of the top items. "What's all this?"
"I got Mom to overnight you a wardrobe. As proud as I am of you for buying a few cute things here and there over the summer, you need to find you, and not Evelyn's Kambry." The mention of my mom's name sends my nerves into a spiral. It always does. "Since you always comment on my clothing, I got her to send things I would wear. Before I take you tomorrow I will help you go back through your things and leave the stuff that looks like you were born a Cleaver kid here."
I want to argue, to throw a tantrum that I will not take any more handouts, but with Meredith it does no good. The girl loves to brighten tarnished gems. It reminds me of that movie, She's all that, where the hot jock fixes up the nerd, making her popular and pretty. Even though I know genetics was nice to me, I lack the confidence to make me model material. I feel pretty, not hot.
"Oh, wait, I almost forgot something," she says, running out of the room. "I got you some stuff from work yesterday," she yells from somewhere in the apartment, before coming back with a makeup bag, handing it to me. "This makes a girl go from a hard seven to a ten easy. You know application. I've taught it to you for years. All you need are the right tools. Throw that neutral, Evelyn approved shit away. Color is a beautiful thing when done right."
My nerves are in a huge ball in the pit of my stomach, driving me mad. I'm excited about seeing Saxton again, but knowing everything we say or do will at some point be filmed and watched by other people has me feeling nauseous. I at least want his first reaction to ease my mixed feelings. "Meredith, will you make me hot tomorrow; like scorching, camera ready, I've never seen a girl that hot, hot? Please."
She stands, then grabs my face in her hands and kisses my forehead. "Sweets, I will make you so hot that he will be making every attempt to not swallow his tongue when he lays his eyes on you. I will show you with a little polishing the beauty that's been there all along. It's getting late. Bryant should be closing up the store by now and wants me to come by his place for a bit." She wriggles her eyebrows. "He's going to run lines with me...and it's a steamy scene. Will you be okay being a loner for a while?"
I slap her butt and she yelps in passing. "Get out of here, you hornball." She grabs onto the door and turns to blow me a playful kiss. "Oh, Meredith..."
"What's up, sweets?"
"I like him. I'm not sure what you're waiting for, but maybe you should give this one a shot at dating."
"Eh, I don't know. The right one will have to come along and sway me. Things change when you add on a title. I kind of like keeping my options open. Night, Kam."
"Night, Mer," I say, watching in confusion as she walks out the door. For the life of me, sometimes I can't figure her out. I have no idea why someone would continue to hang around and sleep with the same person, yet not actually be in a relationship. She's done that since Chris. She will sleep with the same person for an extended period of time, and then move on to someone else. I don't have any solid proof that she's ever had a true one-night stand, even though she plays this super wild girl.
Maybe I'm just living in too much of a traditional mindset. I don't know. It's none of my business. I have other things to worry about.
I stand at the sound of the apartment door closing, eying my room and all the new stuff inside. How am I supposed to be taking all of this crap? He didn't mention a bag limit or anything, not that I have that much. It's not like I could pack my entire room in the middle
of the night. I came here with what clothes I could muster in my biggest suitcase, and a few things I couldn't live without. Since we moved here at the end of May I haven't added that much stuff, so with Meredith requesting that I discard some of my more conservative clothing options, I'm sure I'll have room.
The envelope catches my attention, reminding me of the mystery mail sent. What would he send through the mail that he couldn’t just bring over himself of give me tomorrow? I guess there is only one way to find out. Snatching it off the bed, I tear it open. When I look inside there is a clear, square case, with a disc inside. My brows furrow.
I remove it, glancing at the yellow post-it note on the outside.
Watch me - The words that are scribbled across the front…
I remain still, staring at the small case in my hand, slightly nervous. Surely he wouldn't send me one of his films, right? It shouldn't bother me to watch them, since I know this is what he does, but I can't help it. Maybe it's the girl in me. I don't want to see him touch another girl that way now that he's touched me. It doesn't matter whether it's business or pleasure. Touching is touching. I want to keep that part of him for myself, at least for now. Seeing it and knowing that it's there, in the background, are totally different things.
"This is Saxton, Kambry. He hasn't done anything cruel to you so far. Just watch the damn video."
Mind winning out, I grab my laptop from the charger and open it as I sit on my mattress, resting it on my lap. I open the case and remove the round, blank disc, before inserting it into the drive and typing in the passcode to unlock my computer, just as the sounds of the disc being read plays, the movie playback system immediately coming on. I grip the sides of my laptop in my hands, waiting with anticipation.
"Hey, Beautiful."
I yelp and my body jumps as Saxton's voice frightens me, not expecting it. Instantly I glance at the door, half expecting him to be standing there, before realizing that it came from the computer. It wouldn't be far-fetched. It's not like he hasn't barged in my room unannounced before. It's a good thing I was holding onto my computer or it might have gone flying.
The position of my view changes and then his face comes on the screen. Good lord he's beautiful. "Did I scare you?" He asks as he grabs the bill of his ball cap and turns it around backwards, replacing it.
"Yes, actually you did, and ball caps on you should be illegal."
"Sorry." He licks his lips, staring at me. "Do you miss me?"
"Yes, like crazy," I say as a smirk pulls up on his lips. "And you have me talking back to a screen like a crazy person, sexy man."
"Say it again."
"What the?" My eyes widen and I pick up the computer, inspecting it. There is no way he can hear me. Silence is the only thing in the room.
As I place it back on my lap, he has the back of his hand covering his mouth, clearly laughing underneath. "Asshole. I'm not that predictable."
He drops it and leans closer to the screen, his stubble becoming more noticeable. I want to kiss you... "No, I can't really hear you. I was just hoping that would be your response and that I wasn't the only one stuck in this boat. Come tomorrow - you are mine."
"Promise?" My voice comes out in a whisper. "Still talking to a computer, Kambry."
"Okay, I just wanted to tell you personally that I'm kind of going stir crazy right now. This was the only way to stop me from driving over, because I've already gotten halfway there once and turned around. You're making me crazy, beautiful." The last line comes out with reverence behind it.
"Also," he continues, now speaking in a louder tone, "I forgot to give you something last weekend. I was distracted until I got home. As soon as I stop recording this feed it'll start. I left out a lag time between the videos. I watched it after I dropped you off." Pausing, he takes a deep breath, and crosses his forearms on the table in front of him. His entire voice deepens and becomes just above a whisper. "I need you to see what I saw, Kambry. Nothing I say will be able to describe it accurately. It was supposed to be more of a porn film icebreaker, but this... I'm still kind of fucked up over it to be perfectly honest. I've kept it in as long as I can. It's just...real, unlike anything else in my life. Come tomorrow, it's just us. The rest is just background noise. Good night, beautiful."
My heart falters at his minor confession in relation to us, as he reaches forward, and then the video goes blank, another following immediately after. I grab my computer and roll over, placing it on the bed as I lay on my stomach, watching the dark room. Nothing is on the camera at first, aside from the floor, but before long, the angle is perfectly positioned on us. I can barely breathe, but I can't focus on something as silly as oxygen, because it's us, on the night that we took from each other for the first time.
It's so different watching it after experiencing it, but still, I can't take my eyes off of us, so I don't. I watch it from a third person point of view as we undress, kiss, and touch, just like others will see us. He never got under the covers that night, so I'm able to see as he pushes inside me. The difference in what I was thinking is that it's not dirty, it's not ugly, but the total opposite. There is nothing demeaning about it, because it's natural. It's erotic but in an artistic way.
The sounds leave me feeling wet between my legs as I watch, listening to the two of us find pleasure in one another. I thought I would be ashamed, but if this is a piece of what it'll be like, then I'm not anymore. Maybe to most people that makes me a slut, or maybe a piece of trash, but there is something beautiful about two people naturally participating in erotic art. Sex is a natural thing, and for the first time I see it as a good thing instead of an evil, what I was always taught.
I grow extremely uncomfortable downtown as I watch the moment that he comes. It leaves a sense of pride completely consuming me, because it means that not only do I want him, but also that he wants me the same. When the video ends I roll over, bumping into the large basket in the place Meredith left it. I'm growing more frustrated by the minute, and the increasing lubrication between my legs from my girly bits confirms it wants exactly what my mind does, but thinking of him while I touch myself doesn't even compare.
My hand rests on my tank, slowly beginning to descend toward my shorts, but then stops as it reaches the waistband, retreating for my hair instead. I pull, growing irritated at the fact that it wasn't a rule that we couldn't see each other, but he made it one. This is stupid, but it's also stupid that it's barely been over a week since I finally had sex for the first time and now I think of it often. I'm horny, but I always feel filthy touching myself. "It's just a few more hours. I can wait."
The memories from that night resurface, playing in my mind as if it just happened. My legs press together as my eyes close. My body gets a prickling sensation in the very place that he's touching me in my head, driving me mad. My hands begin to travel downward again, brushing over my breasts. My nipples are hard through the fabric since I'm not wearing a bra. I pinch them, before continuing toward my lower half, pretending that it's him and not me.
"Kambry, always remember that you should never entertain sexual thoughts. Lust is a sin. In marriage it is good, but outside it is bad. When you get married you want to be completely untarnished and pure. The only person allowed to touch you in any way aside from something platonic is your husband. Do you understand?"
I look at my mother as she pulls into our high school, preparing to drop me off for my first day of freshman year. "Why are you telling me this, Mother?"
"Because I know how high school boys are. They become sinful creatures, only thinking of ways to take your goodness from you. They don't care about your reputation. Do not be tempted by the serpent like Eve. Stay away. Do you understand?"
The carline is long, waiting for the cars in front of us to drop off and move along. I wish it would go faster. I still don't understand why she won't let me ride with Ben. It's stupid to bring me to school when he drives. This is making me uncomfortable. "Okay, Mother," I say as I place my hand on the door handle, p
reparing to get out.
"Kambry."
"Ma'am..."
"I know what you did last night. You should be ashamed of yourself. Years ago, it would have been wise to remove your hand after such an act, and even your eyes. That's the devil at work, tempting you to fall."
I start breathing heavily, terrified. "What are you talking about, Mother?"
My voice is uneven, showing my fear. She tosses the magazine at me, into my lap. I look down at it, my cheeks blazing as I stare at the half naked couple on the front. I want to cry from embarrassment inside. "I found this in your room this morning. I looked after I heard you in your room last night when I did bedtime checks on you and your brother. I can't believe you would touch yourself after sitting in church yesterday, or where you would even get such filth. I'm disappointed in you, Kambry. You need to spend the day thinking about what you did and praying that you will be forgiven. If I catch you doing something like this again, I will tell your father. Are we clear?"
I nod. The magazine is Ben's, but I'm not bringing him into this. He's been moody the past few weeks, but he won't talk to me about it. He just keeps brushing me off. Maybe he's just in that pre-college mindset and this being his last year of high school is sinking in. After all, he's had to listen to Dad harp on this year his whole life. This is the year he becomes a man, so I won't get him in trouble when I'm already getting reprimanded for it.
I found it between his mattresses when I was looking for my iPod that he borrowed to work out with the other day after his went dead. It made me curious when I opened it and saw them doing what they were doing, so I took it, unsure as to why he even had it in the house knowing how our parents are. I was only going to look at it, but when everyone went to bed I just wanted to see if touching that place made my face look like the girls on the pages.
It felt better than I thought it would, making me feel foreign things in my body, but then I felt guilty when it was over. Now I know why. "I'm sorry, Mom, it'll never happen again."
Sex Sessions: Uncut (Camera Tales #1) Page 24
