I'm starving. She collapsed on her towel on the beach and looked hungrily at the basket.
Go ahead, silly, dig in. Don't be so polite. He sat down next to her, and gave her a salty kiss. Your family must have been very strait-laced. You're a very well-behaved young lady
Not anymore.
Kate, are your folks dead too?
She looked at him for a minute before answering, and then decided to tell him the truth. About that at least.
They disowned me
He stopped unwrapping the lunch to look at her.
Are you serious? He looked so shocked that it made her want to laugh. It didn't matter to her anymore. It was too long ago.
Yes, very serious. I disappointed them, so they crossed me off their list. Or I suppose it would be more honest to say that they felt I had betrayed them.
Do you have brothers and sisters?
Nope. Just me
And they did that to you? What kind of people are they? You were an only child and they threw you out? What the hell did you do?
Marry someone they didn't like.
That's it?
That's it. I dropped out of college after my freshman year and went to live with him. And then we got married. They never came to the wedding. We never spoke again. They crossed me off the family tree when we started living together. They didn't think he was good enough.
That's a hell of a price to pay for a man.
He was worth it. She said it very softly and without regret
That's a nice thing to say about somebody. He must have been a very special guy.
She smiled again then. He was. They didn't talk for a few minutes, and she helped him unpack the lunch. And then she saw something in Nick's face. Something a little bit hurt, or left out. Nick?
Yeah? He looked up, surprised. He had been lost in his own thoughts.
She reached out and took his hand in hers. All of that was a long time ago. Some of it hurts, some of it doesn't. It all mattered then. A lot. But it's gone now. All of it And ' She couldn't say it, but she had to. She knew she had to. No matter how much it hurt ' so is he. He's gone too. Her eyes shone too brightly for a moment and Nick pulled her into his arms.
I'm sorry, Kate.
Don't be. There've been such good times too. Tygue. The books. Licia. You ' She said it in a tiny voice and he sat back from her for a minute with a tender smile.
Lady, one day ' But he didn't dare say it. He just sat there smiling at her.
What?
Just one day?
Nicholas, tell me. She propped herself up on one elbow and smiled at him.
One day, Cinderella, I'd like to make you Mrs. Charming.
As in Prince Charming and Mrs. Charming? She looked at him wide-eyed and he nodded. But you're crazy, Nick. You don't even know me. Who was this man? Why was he saying all this?
Yes, I do, Cinderella. I know you to the tip of your soul, and I'm going to know you better. With your permission, of course. He handed her the bread and kissed her softly on the lips. But she was looking more serious than he liked. Does that upset you?
No, not the thought behind it. But Nick I'm never getting married again. I'm serious about that.
Famous last words. He tried to make light of it. He was sorry he'd brought up the subject. It was much too soon.
I mean it. I couldn't
Why not? Because my husband's not dead. Jesus.
I just couldn't. Once, but not again. Up until two days ago, I could never even imagine loving a man again, and now I can imagine that, but not getting married. Then there was hope after all.
Then let's just take one step at a time. She could tell that he wasn't taking her seriously, but she didn't know what else to say to him. Prosciutto, melon?
You're not listening to me. She looked unhappy but he ignored her.
You're absolutely right. Besides which, I'm an optimist, and I love you I refuse to take no for an answer.
You're a lunatic.
Absolutely. He sat back happily with a hunk of bread and Brie and smiled at her. And you are a fairy princess. Care for some Brie? It's terrific.
I give up.
Good. And then even he had to smile, when he thought of all the women over the years who would have given anything to hear him propose marriage, and the third time he'd seen them yet.
They polished off most of the lunch and then lay side by side in the sun for a time before going back to the water. And by then it was after four. Had enough of the beach, Kate?
Mmm ' She was lying in the sunshine again, and tired from swimming. The salt water was running in little rivers from her temples to her neck and he leaned over and kissed them off with his tongue as she opened her eyes.
Let's go home. We can get rid of all this sand. And oil, and salt, and bread crumbs, and watermelon seeds.
She laughed as she stood up and looked at the mess they'd left on the blankets.
Looks like it was quite a party. She wrapped up the towels, he picked up the basket, and they walked slowly back to the house.
We'd better go in the back way. He'll have a nervous breakdown if we get sand all over the house. It seemed a crazy way to live at the beach, but no crazier than anything else people from L.A. did.
Yes, sir. She followed him in the back way, to a brightly decorated little yellow room. It had a striped circus awning, and three separate shower stalls, a half-dozen director's chairs, and a marvelous old-fashioned wicker chaise longue with a huge striped parasol overhead.
The dressing rooms, Miss Harper. They're usually not co-ed, but if you trust me
I don't.
He grinned at her. You're right. Tell you what. Leave your bathing suit on. And laughing along with him, she complied and climbed into the shower with him. She was still laughing as he told her funny stories about the show while he washed the sand off her back, and then suddenly the chattering stopped, and he turned her slowly around to him. And slowly, hauntingly, under the spray of warm water, they kissed. She felt his arms go around her, and his body press against hers, and suddenly she was as hungry for him as he very plainly was for her, and they couldn't get enough of each other as the water rained down on them.
Wait, I'm drowning! She giggled as he moved and the shower ran full in her face. And laughing down at her, he turned off the water.
Better?
She nodded. It was very still without the purring of the shower in their ears. And the shower stall was filled with steam. Their hair hung loose in dripping strands, and there were beads of water on her eyelashes, which he gently kissed as he slowly peeled down the top of the bikini. He whispered gently in her ear as she ran her hands over his chest You just lost your Band-Aid, Cinderella. She smiled but her eyes were still closed when she kissed him, and then he stooped to kiss her breasts. He did it so gently that her whole body cried out for him.
I love you, Prince Charming.
Are you sure? His voice was very serious as he stood up again, and she opened her eyes. Are you sure, Kate?
Yes, I'm sure. I love you.
It's been a long time, hasn't it? He had to know, though in his heart he already did. She nodded. He had sensed that about her from the first, once he had realized the extent to which she had been cloistered for years. In an odd way, it pleased him. It made him feel special, and made him know just how special she was. Very long, darling?
She nodded again, and he loved her all the more for it. Since before Tygue.
Oh, sweetheart' And then he pulled her close and held her very tight for a long time. He wanted to make up to her for years without loving, without a man. But he couldn't give her those years back. He could just give her now. And ever so gently he wrapped her in an enormous pink terry-cloth towel and carried her upstairs to the room where he slept. It was a lovely airy room that seemed to sail out over the sea. There were big picture windows, and fine old Early American pieces, and there was a somber-looking brass bed. It was not the room he would have chosen for her, but it was the
room where he first loved her, and he loved her gently and well, caressing and stroking and entering her again and again, and at last she slept in his arms as he watched her. When she awoke it was dark.
Nick? She remembered what had happened but not where they were.
I'm right here, darling. And you can't even begin to know how much I love you. It was a beautiful way to wake up, and she smiled as she cuddled back into his arms. And then suddenly she stiffened.
Oh my God.
What's wrong? Had she remembered something painful? He was suddenly frightened.
What if I get pregnant?
He smiled and kissed the end of her nose. Then Tygue has a baby brother. Or sister, as the case may be.
Be serious.
I am serious. I'd like nothing better.
Good lord, Nick. I've never even thought of having another child. She sounded so subdued in the darkness, and he held her closer.
There are a lot of things you haven't thought of for much too long. We'll do something about all that next week. But this weekend, we can take our chances. And if something happens ' we'll live with it And then he had- a thought. Or would you hate that very much? Maybe she didn't want his child. He'd never even thought of that, and he looked down at her in the darkness. He could see her face clearly, and her eyes.
No, I wouldn't hate it at all. I love you, Nick. He was all that mattered in the world as she kissed him again, and he slipped the covers away from her body and let his hands roam across her skin, as she smiled a long, slow, womanly smile.
Chapter 20
It felt as though they'd been together forever. They had gotten up at seven and puttered around the house together. Gone into town for the paper, taken a walk down the beach, and had a huge breakfast which they concocted as a team. Even that went smoothly, as though someone had catalogued their abilities and figured out how each could complement the other. And there was such ease and comfort between them it was that that astounded Kate. After years of celibacy, she did not even feel uncomfortable wandering around naked under his tee-shirt, and now the two of them were lying naked on a towel behind the dune nearest the house, concealed from any eyes but theirs. She marveled again at his beautiful body, as she propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him.
Do you have any idea how extraordinary all this is? Or do you do this all the time? The words embarrassed her as soon as she had said them. It was none of her business what he did all the time. But perversely, she wanted to know. The unexpectedly hurt look on his face as he sat up told her a great deal.
What do you mean by that, Kate?
I'm sorry. I ' it's just' you live in a different world, Nick. That's all. Things are very different for you than they are for me. She said it softly and regretfully. Maybe she didn't want to know after all. He reached out and gently took her shoulders in his hands, and looked at her until she looked back at him. You're right. Things are different, Kate. Or they have been. In some ways, anyway. When I was much younger, I ran my ass off. I chased every woman who turned me on, and a few who didn't. I ran and ran and ran, and you know what? I ran myself out. I finally realized that there was nothing left to run after. Things got a lot quieter after that, and a lot saner, but a lot lonelier too. There aren't many women worth the trouble out there. Hollywood seems to be a mecca for stupidity, selfishness, and vacuousness. Women who'll sleep with you to further their careers, to get closer to Jasper Case, to be seen at the Polo Lounge at the right hour of the day, to get to the best parties, or maybe just to get a free meal and get laid. You know what I got out of all that? Zero. So why bother? Most of the time I don't. In a lot of ways, Kate, I've been as lonely as you have. And you know what I've wound up with? A slick apartment, a few rooms full of expensive furniture, a couple of good paintings, a fancy car. And all added up, my love, it's not worth shit And then, once in a lifetime, one moment, one face, one tiny speck of time, and you know you've seen every dream you've ever had. It's like that feeling of waking up in the morning, dazed and bleary-eyed but you don't quite know why, and suddenly in the middle of your coffee, you remember a dream. A flash of it and then a corner of it, and then a whole chunk of it. And suddenly you know the story and the place and the people you dreamed about. You know the whole thing, and all you want to do is get back there. But you can't. No matter how hard you try you can never get it all back. But it haunts you. Maybe for a day. Maybe for a lifetime. I could have let that happen to me, Kate. I could have let you haunt me for a lifetime.
But I didn't want to do that. I decided to run like hell and get back to the dream before it was too late, for both of us. That was why I came up to see you. I couldn't lose you, not after all these years of waiting. I didn't even know I was waiting for you, but by Thursday night, I did. And so did you. He was right too. She had. She had tried to avoid seeing it. She had told herself she'd never see him again. But she had known something, that strange feeling deep in her soul ' a whisper ' a promise' . I love you, Kate. I can't explain it. I know it's only been a few days. But I just know this is right. I'd marry you today, if you'd let me. She smiled at him and let her head rest on his shoulders, as she gently kissed his neck.
I know. It's incredible though, isn't it? She lay back on the blanket and looked up at him as he watched her with those rich morning-blue eyes. The sky behind him was exactly the same color. It's all moving so quickly. I don't know what to make of it. I keep thinking I can't be feeling like this. I keep thinking I kept thinking, she corrected herself with an apologetic look and a smile, that maybe you did this all the time. But that didn't explain how I feel. How can I feel this way about you so quickly? After all these years ' I don't understand myself. But she did not look unhappy. In fact, it was the first time he had seen her without the shadows haunting her eyes. That darting look of pain had been gone when they'd woken up that morning. She looked like a new person. And she felt reborn.
Maybe that's how it happens though. Over the years, I've heard stories about people who've lived together for five or ten years, and then suddenly zap-one of them meets someone else and gets married in two weeks. Maybe if you had to wait all that time to check it out, you knew it wasn't right all along. Maybe when it really happens, when it's right, when it's the person you were meant for, maybe then it just happens, bang, and you know it. That's what happened to me.
He lay down next to her on his stomach and kissed her on the mouth. Kate?
What, love?
Were you really serious about never remarrying?
She nodded and looked hard at him before answering. Yes. He could hardly hear the word, but he was sorry when he did.
Why?
I can't explain it. I just know I can't.
That's not fair. And it doesn't make sense. Or maybe it was just too soon to push. He searched her face and saw something pained come into her eyes again. He was sorry he'd brought it up. Maybe you don't owe me any explanations.
There are none to give. She ran a hand softly down his back and looked at him in a way that made his insides tie into a satiny knot. All I can tell you is that I'll do anything you want, but not marriage. She said it intensely, and he gave her a lecherous smile.
Given what I'm thinking at this very moment, Cinderella, that suits me just fine. And he did not mention marriage again. He made love to her on the towel, in the sand, and then bobbing in the waves in front of the house.
Nick, you're indecent! She ran laughing and breathless back to the towel and lay down, smiling up at him, as he fell carefully on top of her, catching himself on his arms.
Look who's talking. I didn't do it by myself, you know.
Nicholas ' Nick ' N ' Her voice faded away as he kissed her again and spread her legs softly with his in the warm sand. It was well into the afternoon before they went back to the house, tired and brown and happy, and as though they'd been lovers for years. And then with shock, Kate looked at a clock on the wall in the kitchen. Oh my God!
What's wrong? He looked over his shoulder with a
mouth full of grapes.
Tygue. Hell be home at four. I totally forgot! It was the first time in six years she had done that. She had even forgotten Bert, but at least she had fed him before leaving the house the day before. He only ate once a day, and he could get in and out through his own special door.
Relax, darling. It's only three
But' He shut her up with a kiss, and shared one of his grapes passed delicately and uncrushed through his lips. Will you stop that? I have to ' But she was laughing now. I'm serious.
So am I. I packed this morning. All I have to do is shower, and strip the bed, and we'll get back in plenty of time. Do you want to call Joey's parents?
Maybe I should. Christ, I probably should have done that last night. What if something happened to him, or ' He kissed her again while picking up the phone, which he handed her with a smile.
It's not a sin to have a good time yourself for a change. He kissed her again. Call. I'll start the shower. She joined him in it five minutes later. Evething okay?
Fine. She looked sheepish. He doesn't even sound like he missed me.
Of course not. Not with two new goats to distract him. Did Joey's dad get the pony? He lathered himself and handed her the soap. It smelled of carnations.
Two of them. One for Joey's sister.'
Sounds like a good man.
So are you. They kissed again under the spray, with the smell of carnations all around them.
No funny stuff, young lady. We have to get home.
Well, listen to you. But she was amused. He seemed to be good at all things. Being a lover, being a father, being a friend. He was right to want to get married. He would have made a marvelous husband ' would have made ' she thought the words with regret as she handed back the soap, and let the spray of hot water rinse her clean.
They were dressed and the house was closed twenty minutes later. She had packed up the kitchen while he finished dressing, and she stood next to him with a sorrowful look as he locked die front door. He turned and saw her, and then pulled her into his arms with a smile.
Aw, sweetheart, come on. It's not over. This is just the beginning. It was crazy but there were tears in her eyes. The weekend had been so lovely, she didn't want it to end. She wanted it to go on forever. And now she had to go back to being Tygue's mother, and driving up to see Tom. She wanted to stay in Santa Barbara with Nick forever. But he had to get back to reality too.
Season Of Passion (1980) Page 20
