Love or Lust

by Megan West

  “Free dinner or not, the man is as boring as a brick wall.” I said with a heavy sigh, dreading my date with him later on in the week. “I always feel like everyone is forcing expectations on me. Like I can’t just tell Samantha I don’t want to date Jonathan or tell my mom maybe I don’t want to focus my life on-” I held up my hands and made quotation marks with my fingers, “‘being successful’” or making money.”

  “Do you really have to make money to be successful?” Vivian asked as she leaned in to listen to me vent.

  “Try telling my mother that.”

  “Really though, I don’t make a whole lot of money but I’m comfortable. I pay the bills, I have enough left over to have fun, and I don’t work myself like a dog like you do. Could you not call that successful?”

  “I suppose you’re right.” I said, sucking the rest of my drink dry. The bartender made a motion to see if I wanted another drink. I quickly waved him away as I tried to shake off the lightheaded feeling.

  “Sometimes I envy you Vivian.”

  “What do you have envy about me?” She asked with a laugh.

  “The fact that you could go out and have fun. You’re so outgoing and lovable.”

  “Oh stop it, your outgoing and lovable too. At least you can be when you want to be.” Vivian shot back.

  “I guess. What I’m really trying to say is I envy that no one breaths down your neck. You’re free to live your life the way you want without feeling so…” I wracked my brain for the right words, “constrained and constricted. It’s like I’ve come this far and I’ve done so much work for someone else. It wasn’t for me. Sometimes I just want to do something for me. You have that freedom and I don’t. I envy that.”

  Vivian sat in silence as she listened to me practically pour out my heart in a small dusty bar. Just then, the man looked up from the pool table to lock eyes with me. My heart gave a little jump when I realized the whole time I was spewing out my life’s problems to my best friend, I was staring at the man like a hypnotized zombie. You know those times when you space out and look off into the distance? That was me, only the distance was some handsome biker dude with a nice ass.

  “I want to have a one-night stand.” I blurted out before coughing up a burp. Vivian burst out laughing, nearly attracting the attention of everybody around us.

  “What!” I laughed as I nudged her arm to get her to quiet down. “Seriously though, I want to do something wild and crazy. Something unprecedented and unequivocal.”

  “And a one-night stand is unprecedented?” Vivian asked as she tried to wrestle control of her laughter.

  I took a moment to pause and think. “Yeah. You have one night stands right?”

  “Hey now, don’t make me sound worse than I am.” Vivian shot back. She wasn’t offended, she knew I didn’t mean anything bad by it. “Occasionally I’ll have a little fun.” She added.

  “I look at all the men in my office and they all look like pansy-paper-pushers. They’re all pale, clean-shaven, and overly professional. I want a real man to take control of me. A man with calluses on his fingers.” As I said all this my eyes were glued to the guy across the bar. Occasionally he would look up to ensure I was still staring at him.

  He probably thought I was some kind of creep.

  Actually, who was I kidding? He’s a guy, he probably loved a woman staring at him.

  Vivian’s eyebrows scrunched up as she tried to make sense of my ramblings. I wasn’t one to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, but I also wasn’t one to open up like this so blatantly.

  “You need to loosen up a bit and have some fun. Go meet a stranger or something. Why not that guy playing pool over there that you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from?” Vivian asked with a chuckle. My eyes lit up in shock.

  “I can’t.”

  “Kayla… Go.”

  “No, no.”

  She shot me a punishing look as if she were daring me to say no again.

  “Okay fine, but I’m going to the bathroom first.” I said with a smile creeping across my face.

  “Deal.” Vivian said as I stood up from my barstool and made my way to the bathroom.

  Chapter 3

  As soon as I got out of my seat I felt the alcohol hit me. I held onto the bar for a brief moment as I readied myself for my walk to the bathroom. I wasn’t that drunk and I wasn’t one of those women that got drunk and did things they regretted. And as ridiculous and wild as the thing I was about to do was, I still don’t regret it to this day.

  I had a thousand feelings swirling inside of me. The drinks, the talk with Vivian, the pressure I was under at work—it all felt like a weight on my chest that I couldn’t get rid of. To be honest, I just wanted to drop everything in my life and leave. Go to the Grand Canyon or the redwood trees in California. I didn’t care, I just wanted out.

  I stared at myself in the mirror after I used the single toilet bathroom. Call me weird, but I had a habit of staring at myself in the mirror several times a day. I think it was one of those things where you can’t believe the life you’re currently living. I was trapped and I had to figure out something.

  “Get it together Kayla.” I said to myself with a heavy sigh as I dried my hands off on a paper towel, tossing it to the trash can and missing.

  I unlocked the door and swung it open. As soon as I walked outside my face ran smack into someone’s chest; a strong, toned, manly chest.

  “Whoops, I’m sorry.” I muttered as I looked up to see who it was. My heart dropped the moment my eyes landed on his strong jaw line and bright green eyes.

  It was the man across the bar playing pool.

  “Ohh, hey there sexy.” I said without thinking. My eyes lit up in shock and my hand shot to my mouth as I tried to cover up any more honest words that might escape it. I couldn’t believe I had just said that.

  “Not bad yourself.” He said with a devilishly smooth smirk.

  My breath fluttered still as I got a waft of his scent. He smelled like a perfect mix of sandalwood, leather, and whiskey.

  “I couldn’t help but notice you staring at me from across the bar.” He said as I stared at the floor, trying desperately to avoid eye contact. My face was blazing red with embarrassment. Alcohol always made the honest Kayla come out. Sometimes it could be a good thing, and other times it could be terribly embarrassing. Now was one of those terribly embarrassing moments.

  “Do I know you? Or do you just find me irresistibly attractive?” His smile grew a little bigger as he tried to hold back laughter. He was playful and his face lit up with perfect charm, but he was all man. He had on an unzipped worn leather jacket, dark gray T-shirt underneath that clung to his muscular chest like tissue paper just waiting to be peeled off. His boots were scuffed with tiny clumps of dirt clinging to them, and his pants hugged his meaty thighs and butt in the most tempting way possible.

  He was the exact opposite of a pansy-paper-pusher man that I had grown so accustomed to seeing around the office. He was a man’s man that looked like he knew how to fix things, but the only thing that needed fixing at that moment was my racing heart.

  His hand reached up and he placed the bottom of his index finger underneath my chin to push my head up and force me to make eye contact with him.

  “Well, which is it?”

  “Which is what?” I couldn’t even remember what he had asked me. He pulled his hand away and rested it on the door. His skin was rough and even though he was a complete stranger I wanted him to touch me again. He leaned against the door, blocking my way to the tiny hallway that led out into the bar.

  “Do I know you? Or do you just find me attractive?” He asked again. He was so direct and pointed to this question that it threw me off guard.

  I swallowed hard against my dry throat. “I don’t know you. But I couldn’t help but notice your cute tooshie bending over the pool table every two seconds.” I couldn’t help but giggle after saying that.

  “Tooshie?” His dark eyebrows shot up as he held b
ack the urge to laugh. “That’s not a ‘Tooshie’, that’s a grade-A high quality man ass right there.” This time we laughed together.

  “You’re damn right.” I said as I reached around him and grabbed a nice handful of his grade-A high quality man ass. It was nice and firm underneath my palm.

  He practically jumped out of his skin. “Woah!” He blurted out and after the initial shock he inched a little closer to me. “You sure are forward aren’t you.” His hand reached up and lightly brushed a curl of my hair behind my ear. His fingers sent rough and tiny tingles racing up the back of my neck the moment his fingertips grazed across my cheek.

  “It’s just been a different kind of day.” I said as my life worries crept into my mind yet again.

  “Or maybe you’re just a different kind of girl.” He said as his playfulness melted away from his face and his hand slipped around my waist and pulled me closer. I drew a deep breath in. His unmistakable scent tickled the back of my nose and nearly made my knees wobble. He didn’t say another word as his hand snaked up my back until it nestled on the back of my head.

  He stooped down a little and pulled my head closer to him as he planted a firm kiss on my lips. I just let it happen, because deep down I wanted it to happen. The moment his lips touched mine my breathing stopped, my heart stopped, my knees trembled and my hands clutched at his arm. Even over the thick leather jacket I could tell he was strong and muscular. His breath smelled like whiskey and a hint of mint. The realization of what was going on started to crush down upon me as soon as he pulled me closer and his tongue found mine.

  I pulled back, hand smacking against his strong chest as I thought about pushing away and escaping. His grip on the back of my head loosened slightly as he looked at me with a giant question mark written across his face. There I was in a dusty dive bar at the entrance of a single toilet unisex bathroom kissing a complete stranger that smelt and looked like everything I thought it man should be.

  But I didn’t even know his name.

  “I don’t even know your name.” My thoughts practically blurted out of my mouth.

  “Rick.” He said pointedly, still holding on to the back of my head.

  “Kayla.” I said with a nervous smile.

  “Well, now were not strangers anymore.” He said with his signature smirk, pulling me a little closer as he dared to kiss me again.

  “Nice to meet you Rick.” My eyes traced across his perfect face and dark features.

  “Nice to meet you too Kayla.” He said as he pulled me in for another kiss. I could already tell he was the type of man that took what he wanted. And right now he wanted me.

  His stubble brushed against my soft skin as his lips found mine. Slowly, he started walking me back into the bathroom. The door shut behind us as we stepped in the tiny room. I trembled the moment I felt his hand slide down the side of my hip and rest between my legs, right on my pussy. I bent at my knees a little, trying desperately to apply pressure from his hand on the outside of my pants. I was already wet.

  I let out a tiny, muffled moan against his mouth as he pushed his hand against me. My hips pressed up against him. My hand slipped underneath his jacket and fumbled with the bottom of his shirt as I tried to slip it up underneath. As soon as I heard him unzip my jeans my heart stopped.

  Was I actually going to do this? Was I actually going to fool around with a stranger in a bathroom. I mean sure he was dead sexy beyond belief, but was this what I actually wanted?

  He fumbled with the button of my jeans for a moment before he broke our kiss and looked down. In an instant he had my pants unbuttoned and unzipped.

  I was going do it. I was going to go through with it because that’s what I wanted. I wanted him. I wanted spontaneity in my life. I wanted to be wild and different like Vivian. I didn’t want to know where I’d end up any given night or wake up any given morning. I needed an escape from the mundane and the pressure.

  I wiggled my hips a little, helping him awkwardly tug my jeans down my thighs. He didn’t even bother getting them all the way down before his hand pushed between my thighs and rested on the outside of my panties.

  “Oh, fuck…” I whispered against his mouth as I felt him push my panties aside and trace a fingertip up my wetness.

  “You’re sexy Kayla.” He said as he eased the tip of his finger inside. I held onto him as my knees grew weak and I did my best to widen my stance, making it easier for him to push inside.

  My mouth locked open in a silent scream as soon as I felt the entire length of his finger ease into me. I rolled my hips against him, trying desperately to get him to go deeper.

  And that’s when the door swung open.

  “Oh shit, we didn’t lock it?” I said in shock as I tried to awkwardly pull my pants up as quickly as possible. Rick immediately pulled his hand away and swung around.

  A bigger man with a long beard and a drunken walk stumbled into the bathroom.

  “I gotta take a piss…” He managed to slur out. I was still shimmying my hips as I tried to get my pants back up.

  “Can’t you see we’re busy here. Fuck off and take a piss outside if you have to go so bad.” Rick barked as he turned around to face him. I watched as Rick squared up with the man. His fists clenched at his sides. He was clearly ready for a confrontation. There was something about watching him be so aggressive towards another man that made him even more attractive. And I was already as wet as I could get.

  “Sorry man… shit.” The man said as he stumbled back towards the door.

  “Hurry up.” Rick said, giving him a swift push towards the door to hurry him along. The man tripped outside the door and I heard him mumbling something as he walked down the hallway.

  Rick continued to stare at the door until it swung closed. Finally, he turned around with a smile and nearly on the verge of laughter.

  “Sorry about that. Drunks can be ridiculous.”

  “I’m drunk, am I being ridiculous?” I asked with the teasing smile.

  “No. You’re being sexy.” He said as he walked back toward me and grabbed my hand.

  “I got a better place to go. Follow me.” He said as he started pulling me towards the bathroom door.

  “To your place? I can’t leave. I have a friend out there.” I said in protest as I quickly tried button up my jeans as he tugged me out of the bathroom.

  “Not my place.” He said, pulling me out into the tiny hallway. I hadn’t even had a chance to button up my jeans. I stumbled behind him and awkwardly looked down the hallway towards the bar. I could see Vivian chatting up the bartender as Rick pulled me in the opposite direction of the bar towards the end of the hallway.

  He opened up a door and practically slung me inside with a smile. My eyes raced around the room as I tried to figure out where we were. The door shut behind him and he turned on the light. We were in a tiny office with a small desk and a few filing cabinets.

  “Who’s office is this?” I asked as I leaned against the desk and he made his way towards me. Without saying another word, he grabbed the back of my head and forced another kiss. I let out a heavy sigh as his tongue found mine and his other arm pulled me closer.

  My heart skipped the moment I felt his bulge press against my hip. He grabbed the back of my thighs and hoisted me up on the desk. The wooden leg squeaked against my weight and for a moment I worried if it would be able to hold me.

  I broke my kiss and pulled back. “We can’t do this here…Who’s office is this?” I said, looking at him like he was crazy.

  “It’s my office.” He said before stooping back down and pressing his lips against mine.

  I pull back again.

  “Your office?”

  “Yes my office. I own this place.” His hands snaked up the underside of my shirt, lips forcing their way against mine yet again.

  I pushed him away.

  “You own the bar?” I was surprised. Why I was surprised I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t expected him to own the place.

  “
Yes I own the bar. Now are you going to keep pushing me away?” His same devilish smirk crept across his face before he said his next line, “or am I going to have to get rough?”

  “No, come here.” I said, this time pulling him towards me.

  His hands instantly felt their way to my hips and forcefully yanked my unbuttoned jeans down my legs. I kicked my pants off my ankles as he tossed his jacket off and reached for the bottom of his shirt. As he tugged his shirt over his head I quickly took my own off with him. As soon as our shirts fell to the floor our eyes traced over each other’s bodies. His gaze stuck to my breasts, mine to his chiseled abs and muscular chest. He had a body of a Greek statue and it made my mouth water for a taste of his skin.

  “Those have to come off too.” He said, pointing at my panties. Without thinking I pushed them down my thighs and kicked them off my ankles. I shoved a few papers off the desk and leaned back. The unsteady desk made a little creek as I gave Rick a worried face. He paid no attention to the desk or the papers I had pushed off. All his attention was stuck between my legs as he walked over to me, staring at my wet pussy.

  My breath stilled as he grabbed hold of my thighs and yanked my legs open.

  “God you’re hot.” He said as he stooped down and playfully nibbled the inside of my thigh. His hand rubbed up and down my smooth leg. His palms were rough and dry. He was clearly a man who worked with his hands. Every bump and scrape of his fingers sent tiny little tingles dancing across my skin.

  I inched my hips to the edge of the desk as he drew a deep breath in through his nose. He took in my wet scent and looked up at me with a smile.

  “Lean back.” He ordered as his hand smacked against my chest and forced my back against the desk.

  I fell back and looked up at the ceiling as his hands wrapped around my thighs and pulled my ass off the desk. Without another moment of hesitation, he pressed his face between my thighs and trailed his tongue along the outside of my wet lips. My breath stilled and my heart raced. He puckered his lips and gave me tiny kisses up and down my slit. The roughness of his 5 o’clock shadow brushed against the inside of my thighs and forced me to claw at the desk from all the sensations he was giving me.