Twelve
AGUAS FAMILY SECRET GROUP
Maggie Aguas created the group.
Flora Aguas has joined the group.
Fauna Aguas has joined the group.
Merryweather Aguas has joined the group.
Philip Aguas has joined the group.
Chari Aguas has joined the group.
* * *
Fauna: Hello family. Mama has heard of what happened. She is calling a family meeting. So we will be Antipolo-ing this Friday at 7pm sharp. ALL IS REQUIRED TO ATTEND. Should we ride together?
* * *
Philip: Ate, it’s ‘ALL ARE REQUIRED.’
* * *
Chari: #grammarnazi Philip.
* * *
Merry: What is that Charity? Why did you spell it in one word? Is this that hash tag that you were trying to explain to me the other day? I think my high school classmate does this as well. What is the significance of putting a # key in your messages? I saw the baby of your niece the other day, she was very cute!
* * *
Flora: Fwd: Fauna Aguas mentioned you in a comment.
* * *
Maggie: Tita, I think you accidentally copied the wrong link.
* * *
Maggie Aguas sent a sticker to the group.
* * *
Flora: Oh Magggie, how d you do thst? Shwo me how!
* * *
Maggie Aguas sent a sticker to the group.
* * *
Philip: Martha and I have meetings until six pm, but we will head straight to Antipolo. Might be better not to have the girls in the same car for now.
* * *
Chari: *sends a thumbs up button*
* * *
Merry: Regina and I are free the whole day tomorrow. I am thinking if I should ask Enzo to join us because she might be suspicious if I do not invite him. But I think he has work until late that evening.
Fauna: Let them suspect what they want. It’s for their own good anyway.
* * *
Maggie: Tita that is scary D:
* * *
Flora: If anyond can get thse two ksidos toghether it’s Mama.
* * *
Philip: Here’s hoping. See you all on Friday.
Thirteen
“You’re late,” Lola May’s nurse informed Dad and I as we arrived at the doorstep. I had no idea why we had to rush to Antipolo for dinner, and I wasn’t really in the mood to find out. But the moment the nurse led us to Lola May’s library, I knew something was up. We were never led to the library.
I hadn’t been in the library since about two years ago when we hosted a family reunion here, and I hid from the other relatives while looking at Lola May’s photo album from her first trip to Europe. My grandfather worked for a big Asian bank, and was always going on these trips for conferences and meetings. Lola used to say being his travel companion was her full time job, and she seemed to enjoy it.
I think that was when I said it was time I did something about my dream of going to Europe, to experience the way my grandmother had, to change the way she said it changed her. So I started putting part of my salary into a small fund, which was slowly but steadily growing.
But tonight wasn’t about remembering old memories. I could see from the serious looks on everyone’s faces that this was an intervention. From the way Regina gasped when she saw me, I knew I was right.
“Oh my god,” she said, turning to her mother with her perfectly crossed legs. “Mom, was this necessary? I want to go home.” If I was brave, I would have said, ‘Don’t be such a spoiled brat, Regina.’
But I was in front of the family, so I decided to be a little more decorous. I simply rolled my eyes before I sank on the couch across her and fixed her with a glare. I remembered what Enzo said, about her internalizing what was happening to Tita Flora. I wondered if it was true.
The whole family was sitting at the side of the room, with me and Regina facing each other while my Lola held court in between us with a cane in her hand as if she was going to whip us with it. I did mention my grandmother was traditional, didn’t I?
“We’re here to talk about what happened between the two of you,” Lola said, gesturing to me and Regina with her cane. “I want everyone out.”
The family didn’t need to be told twice. Regina was glaring at me the way she used to when we were kids, all pouty lips and furrowed eyebrows. Lola tutted her lips and snapped the cane against the side of the couch, making us jump. Then she glared at us.
“You girls are cousins. You grew up together. Stop fighting,” she said simply.
“But Lola—“ Regina began. “Stop. Fighting.”
“She’s not even talking!” She exclaimed, pointing at me with an accusing finger. My teacher once said that when you pointed at someone with your finger, you were pointing three fingers back at yourself. “She was the one who’s in love with my fiancée. The one who lied to everyone about Max.”
“Don’t bring Max into this,” I said between grit teeth. “And I knew Enzo long before you knew him.”
“Oh and that gives you the right to lie to me?”
“NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!” I finally screamed, clenching my fists. “I’m so sick and tired of putting everyone’s needs first. Can’t you organize your own engagement party? God knows you don’t do much since you moved back a month ago!”
“Hey!”
“Martha,” My grandmother said in stern warning, and I deflated slightly. I was being cruel, and I was never cruel.
But looking at Regina, the personification of everything that I wasn’t (thin, beautiful, happy, pursuing passion projects for Instagram) right now brought out the worst in me. Why else was I acting so erratically?
“Fine,” I said stiffly.
“You were trying to offload your guilt,” Regina pointed out. “That’s cruel, Martha.”
“Yes, and was kicking her out of your house the best thing to do?” Lola May asked, raising her eyebrow. I’d never seen Lola go into full sermon mode for any of us, but I remember from Dad’s stories that she could hold court for hours on end if she wanted. “Martha kept that secret to herself for a very long time. Telling you must have been very hard on her.” Regina said nothing, lowering her gaze.
I hid a little smile of triumph.
“Don’t think you’re free to snicker, hija,” My grandmother warned me. “You’re not supposed to keep things inside the way you did. It makes you binge-eat, and that’s not healthy at all.”
I cringed. Of course she made this about my weight. Anyone could point to a flaw of mine and connect it to my weight. A headache? It must be because of your weight. A fear of heights? It’s a weight thing. I was more than my size, and I knew that. Why didn’t anyone else?
“Lola, this isn’t about my size,” I grumbled.
“No, this is about how you aren’t in touch with your own feelings,” Regina said. “Which is pathetic, coming from someone who acts like she’s got it all together.”
“I’m not acting like anything,” I snapped at her. “And obviously, I don’t have it all together if I’m still doing things for you.”
“The two of you are acting like children,” My grandmother concluded, snapping her cane against the side of her chair. She pointed it at us. “You want me to treat you like children? I’ll have you sit in corners and march right to the altar to apologize to God for your behavior.”
“You’re not serious, Lola.” Regina said.
“Are you sure you want to test me?” Lola asked, raising an eyebrow.
Which was how we ended up sitting in Lola’s bedroom while the rest of our family went out to dinner. My stomach grumbled and I was hot and uncomfortable.
“You had to fight Lola on this,” I said under my breath. “Now we’re never going to leave. Now were going to sitting here in this heat until our sweat turns into a gross puddle on the floor.”
She said nothing.
“Of course you wouldn’t know about that since you’re a
Londoner now.”
“Can you stop that?” Regina asked. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I was trying to make an effort to change things between us. You have no idea what it was like for me there.”
I stopped, immediately remembering what Enzo told me. Regina had been a volunteer for cancer patients at a hospital. She must have made friends who passed, seen what they had to go through to get better. I immediately regretted it. I looked up at Regina and felt the ice in my heart melt a little.
“Enzo told me about the cancer patients,” I said. “And Lola was right. I do binge-eat,” I confessed with a small voice, thinking about the pangs of hunger I got when I felt horrible or sad. Was Lola right? “Sometimes it makes me feel better.”
“Oh Martha,” Regina said, reaching out to squeeze my hand. I worried that Regina would still be angry with me. That no matter what I said, she wouldn’t listen.
“God, Regina, I’m so sorry about this whole thing with Enzo. I don’t know why I said that,” I finally broke, covering up my tears with my free hand. “It’s not even true anymore.”
And it wasn’t. I knew that now.
“I hear you,” she told me. “Enzo and I talked about everything, and I get it, he’s a charming dude. Plus, he sings, which I figured was a thing for you.”
“You have no idea,” I chuckled behind my sobs, and Regina smiled.
“Not to rag on my fiancée, but I don’t think he made you happy the way you deserve to be,” she said. “I know you. You would have made it happen if you really wanted, Martita.”
Would I? I would never really know. It was too late now to think about what I could have done, or what could have happened. All l knew now was that my cousin had forgiven me, and we were going to be okay.
Enzo had been right, but only half-right. Regina needed me to help her with the party, but I needed her to keep me from bottling everything up inside. I could trust her with things, and I wouldn’t have to keep word-vomiting all over the place.
Maybe there was still a way to make up for all that time we had lost.
“I’m sorry I tried to bail on the party,” I said to her. “And the Maid of Honor thing.” “Oh honey,” she said. “You can never bail on being my Maid of Honor.” “So I still have to wear that dress?” “You know it.”
We were back in Lola’s house a week later, and Regina and I had been talking nonstop since that night. She and I went back to the preparations for her engagement party like nothing happened. Funny how families can forgive each other so quickly.
We became thick as thieves, making up for time we had lost. I talked to her about Tita Flora, and we both agreed that we had to be more pro-active with our support of her, which was why we had been accompanying her to the handsome oncologist she really liked to know her options.
"I didn't know this about you," Regina said, reaching over to squeeze my hand. "You never really say anything, do you, Martha? I always thought you were this master of confidence, doing things so well without trying so hard. It made me just a bit jealous of you."
"I'm not, really," I said to her. "I try very hard. I want to seem like I have everything together, or else I open myself up to worse things."
Then, over cups of evening coffee, Tita Merry called us to the den to play mahjong, and soon we were pretty deep into our second round. Lola May looked seriously over the table, her light grey brows furrowed and her fingers fumbling under the smooth back of the mahjong tile.
The tile snapped on the table, and she smiled before she placed it in the discarded tiles in the middle, the face side of the tile showing up.
"Six balls," she declared with a hint of glee.
Across her, I could see Tita Merry biting her lip. It was the only time I’d ever seen Tita Merry look nervous, cautiously picking up the tile Lola May had discarded and placing it face down with two more of the six ball tiles in her line-up.
"Pong," she said breezily before placing a two stick tile in the discard pile.
"Lola, did you really call us here to play mahjong?" I sighed, pulling a tile from the pick-up stack and letting it clack against my other tiles.
I've been playing mahjong since I was sixteen, since it was part of the family’s New Year Traditions, but Lola May never let us play with her. According to her, we didn't present enough of a challenge. So when she and Tita Merry invited Regina and I to play with them, I knew there was going to be a catch.
"Of course not, hija," Lola laughed, picking up the tile I discarded and placing it in her deck. She skimmed her long bony fingers over the tiles in her row before discarding the tile at the end. Seven character, of no use to anyone on the table. “We’re here to discuss a job.”
A job? Was there a family event coming up that I was not aware of? That never happened before. I glanced over at Regina, who shrugged.
Regina pulled a flower tile, and exchanged it for a regular suit from a separate pile. She discarded the tile she got, and I snatched it before anyone else could.
“Pong!” I exclaimed, matching up three of the same tiles from the character suit. “What do you mean a job, Lola?”
My sweet, seventy six-year old grandmother cackled with glee at my discarded tile and seemed to have forgotten she was asked a question.
At least I knew where Maggie’s competitiveness came from.
Regina turned to her mother. “Mom?”
I laid down the tiles I’d completed and discarded four balls.
“For goodness sake, Merryweather, just tell her already,” Lola said.
“MAHJONG!” Regina suddenly exclaimed, flipping all her cards face up so we could confirm her win. Sure enough, she’d won. Lola May started swearing like I’d never heard her swear before, and I didn’t know if I should laugh or be absolutely terrified of my own grandmother.
“Martha,” Tita Merry said, leaning over to me as Lola May insisted on a rematch and started mixing up all the tiles while Regina laughed. “You’ve been doing such a wonderful job for me, on all these charity events, and now the engagement party…” “Oh, I’m happy to do it, Tita,” I said, and I knew that it was true. For all my complaining about it, I really enjoyed helping my Aunt change things for people, for theaters and all. Plus I was getting used to talking to suppliers and putting things together.
It was stressful work, but I liked being able to see the results. Getting closer to the Met's restoration, an art workshop for at risk kids, new work by amazing Filipino artists, I was a part of it all because of Tita Merry. She took my hand.
“I’m starting a foundation,” she said to me. “It will be slow going at first, but I really want to push through with the Gerund Benitez Art Foundation, and I can’t think of anyone better to run it than you.”
I furrowed my brows slightly in confusion. This was the first I had heard of Tita Merry’s plans. I didn’t even know how important the arts were to Tita Merry until she talked about it for the Met screening.
But it made sense for Regina to want to pursue something related to the field if her mother loved it. Most of Tita Merry’s events, I now realized, were arts-related. But a foundation was big. It meant events, fund-raising, accountability, registrations and everything. I remember having a subject on it in college.
“…Me?” I squeaked. “But, but Tita, I don’t have any experience!”
Tita Merry waved her hand over her face to wave off my disbelief. “You know how to handle clients, and your father was very forthcoming about your experience setting up foundations and other corporations. Plus you're a CPA! In fact we’ve been discussing this for some time now.”
She had a point, but…
“Tita, I’ve never worked in a foundation before.”
“I can help there,” Regina chimed in with a little smile. “I have a couple of friends in the Royal Academy of Arts Trust in London. There’s a six-month position as an Events Officer that they can line up for you.”
My eyes widened, and my heart was racing so fast that my pulse was struggling to keep up. Was
this really happening? I knew it sounded perfect, but a little voice in the back of my mind told me it was impossible. These kinds of things didn’t happen to people like me.
In fact I was pretty sure that getting the job of your dreams and the chance to live in Europe was the kind of thing that never happened to girls like me. It was an outlier in a long line of statistical probabilities.
Ah. But you’re an outlier too, aren’t you? My traitorous little brain told me, and I swallowed, unable to believe this. I should just say no. I mean, why would I leave?
Lola May squeezed my arm to pull me back to reality.
“Time to grow up, and grow a pair, Martha.” Lola May told me, like she was reading the doubts that were crossing my face. “This is what you want, and who you want to be. You’ve never apologized for being you before.”
I looked at Regina, who was smiling so wide I thought her face was going to split in two.
Fourteen
Things happened very quickly after that. After I agreed to Tita Merry’s proposal, I resigned from the office. I had my Skype interview with the RA Trust and got the position. My visa was in process, as were my work permits, my tickets were booked, and Regina was coming with me! Just for a couple of weeks though, to help me settle in her apartment, which Tita Merry let me use. My family was beyond thrilled, Dad more than anyone, really.
I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing, though. I knew what it was, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. It had been a month, three days, and two hours since I’d spoken to or seen Max. He’d disappeared off the face of my life, leaving a large gaping hole where he had been. Every day I woke up feeling it pulling me apart inside, and sometimes it made me cry.
If the Dress Fits Page 15
