by Karen Kelley
“My nephew is on the police department. He’s always talking about how you kick ass when you bring a bail jumper in. So, did you get your man?”
If she only knew. “He got away.”
“Don’t worry, dear. I’m sure you will in the end.” She started to walk past, but at the last minute stopped and gave Cody a brief hug. “Take care of yourself, dear. We’ll have tea soon. I want to hear all about how you capture the bad guys. We all do. Lord knows we don’t have that much excitement in our lives these days.” With a nod, she opened her door and went inside.
Cody stared at her door for all of two minutes before shoving her key in the door and unlocking it. As she went inside, she tossed her keys on the table.
What the hell was it with all this hugging? It was almost as if God had looked down and decided to make up for all the hugs she hadn’t gotten as a child. It was damned creepy and she wished it would stop.
Liar.
She ran her hands through her hair. Damn, she was more tired than she realized. After she called Pearl, she’d take a nap. A guilty flush heated her skin. Why hadn’t she called while she was gone?
She grabbed the phone out of its cradle and punched in the number. When her call was cheerfully answered, she thought for a moment she’d hit a wrong digit.
“Pearl?”
“Cody, you’re home.”
She closed her eyes and bit back an angry retort. Pearl was drunk. The only time Pearl was this happy was when she’d been drinking, but showing her anger would only make matters worse.
“You have to come over. If you’re not too tired, that is. Moji and I are having tea. It’s the most wonderful breakfast blend.” She chuckled. “Although it’s closer to dinner.”
Her mother’s words gradually filtered through to her brain. “Moji? What the hell is he doing there?”
“Why, looking after me, dear. Just like you asked. We’ve had some wonderful discussions about you…” Her words trailed off. “And me,” she finished.
This was great. Just fucking great. He was only supposed to call Pearl and see if she needed anything. She’d strangle him.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She dropped the phone back in the cradle and headed for the door.
Josh was nearly home when he realized he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He loved Cody and he didn’t want to get a divorce. Damn it, the marriage ceremony had been real for him.
He turned at the next corner and headed back to her apartment. Somehow he would convince her that he wouldn’t walk out of her life. He would be there as long as she would have him.
No matter what argument she gave him, this was the right thing to do. Maybe their marriage wouldn’t work out, but what the hell did they have to lose? A hell of a lot if they didn’t at least try.
Maybe Maria had slipped a love potion into the wine. Stranger things had happened. She’d told him it was a very special wine. Right now, he didn’t really care. What did matter was getting to Cody and telling her how much he loved her.
He parked in the garage, locked his car, and headed for the elevator. It felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he waited for the doors to open. He felt more alive than he had in a very long time.
And he couldn’t wait on the elevator. Grinning, he went to the stairs. Hell, he’d probably fly up them. He took the steps two at a time.
He still wasn’t out of breath when he knocked on her door. “Come on, open up, Cody. I know you’re in there.” He knocked again. And waited. “Cody, I love you.”
He heard something fall inside her apartment so he knew she’d heard him.
“Cody?”
Silence.
Slowly, he turned and walked away. He didn’t need more answer than that. He’d misread the signs and mistakenly thought she cared for him. Hell, why would he even travel down that road? Cody didn’t trust him enough not to walk out of her life like everyone else had.
He went to the elevator. As soon as the doors opened, he stepped inside. He’d see a lawyer tomorrow and start divorce proceedings. There was no sense in dragging their marriage out longer than necessary.
Cody knocked on her mother’s door, then paced in the hall while she waited for the door to open. She didn’t have long to wait, but any words she’d been about to utter were caught in her throat as she stared at her mother.
It was her mother…right?
A gentle smile curved Pearl’s lips. “I’m glad you’re back. We have a lot of things to talk about.” She stepped aside so Cody could enter the apartment.
“What have you done to yourself?” Had Pearl gone on an alcohol binge or what? Her mother wore a flowing blue caftan and her hair had blond highlights. She’d kill Moji. Where the hell was he, anyway?
“Moji thought we needed time alone so he left.”
“You’re reading minds now?” She almost hated the sarcasm in her voice. Almost.
“No, I’m your mother. It wasn’t hard to guess what you were thinking or what you’re thinking now.”
She opened her mouth, but snapped it shut. She wasn’t going to get into a discussion with Pearl about the joys of motherhood.
“Okay, so what am I thinking?”
“That I’ve been drinking.”
“Have you?”
Pearl squared her shoulders and thrust her chin forward. “I haven’t had a drink of alcohol in five months, twenty-one days, and I won’t go into the minutes and seconds.”
Cody couldn’t remember her mother ever going a day without a drink. Pearl was lying.
“I’m telling you the truth. I knew if I told you I’d joined AA what you would think—that I’d fail, like I’d failed in everything else I’ve tried to do. I am doing it, though.” Her eyes pleaded with Cody to understand.
It was too much to take in all at once. She shook her head. “So why are you telling me now?”
“Moji. He helped me see through some things. You have a good friend in him.” She smiled. “Rather odd, but likable.”
“So, where do you go from here?”
She walked to the window and looked down on the street. It wouldn’t last, the voice inside her head warned. How many times had she prayed, hoped for the day her mother would turn into her vision of what a mother should be. Each time her hopes and dreams were crushed and they would go back to the way they’d been.
Maybe that’s what had hurt so damn much. It was the glimpses of the mother she could’ve had. If she’d never seen the love in her mother’s eyes during the sober times, maybe she wouldn’t have yearned for it so much.
“I do love you.”
The words were spoken so low that for a moment she wondered if Pearl had actually said them or it was just wishful thinking.
“I love you,” she repeated.
The words were stronger this time and held more conviction. She flinched when her mother put her hand on her arm.
“Please,” Pearl said.
“I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of losing you again.” She closed her eyes tight against the tears, but the next thing she knew, her mother was pulling her into her arms and holding her.
“I know. I’m scared, too. I’m scared that I won’t be the mother you want me to be. That I won’t live up to your expectations. I’ve been scared all my life, but AA is teaching me how to be strong.” She choked back a sob. “I might fall again. But I’m going to try my best not to.”
“I’ll help you back up if you fall…Mama.” She tightened her arms around her mother and held on. Please, she silently prayed, let me keep her this time.
“We have a lot to talk about.” Pearl pulled away, but she held onto Cody’s hand as she led her to the sofa. “There’s a lot you don’t know about…about your father and other things. It’s time you knew the truth.”
“It’s not so important anymore.” Maybe all those years she hadn’t been looking for her father, but trying to find the mother she’d lost somewhere along the
way.
“It’s important to me that you know. It’s the only chance I’ll have of surviving.” She took a deep breath.
“Okay.”
“When I was seventeen, I ran away from home. My father was an alcoholic. He used to beat my mother so badly she’d carry the bruises for days. She’d scream at me to run and hide. One day I did, and I didn’t go back.”
“If you don’t want to…”
Pearl’s smile wobbled just a fraction. “No, I do. I have to get rid of all the skeletons in the closet or it will be too easy to take that next drink.”
She nodded and Pearl began to talk.
“It didn’t take long for me to run out of what little money I had. When James, your father, found me, I’d decided to sell my…my body. I couldn’t go back home.”
Cody understood the effort it was taking her mother to tell her everything. She wanted to say it was okay, that she still loved her, but she knew staying silent would help her mother more.
“James was so handsome and so young. He was also from a wealthy family.” She looked down at her hands. “And he was married, but I didn’t know it at the time. Not that it would’ve mattered. I was pretty desperate.”
Cody forced herself to remain calm. For the first time in her life, she didn’t much like the father she’d fantasized about for years.
“He set me up in a small apartment. I loved him so much it made my heart ache whenever I thought about him. I think he loved me, too. At least, for a little while. But then I got pregnant and he didn’t come around as much. I think it scared the hell out of him. His parents would’ve killed him if they’d found out about us. But I kept thinking he might come back. When he didn’t, I started drinking to help the pain go away.” She met Cody’s gaze. “I told myself I’d be a better parent than my parents were, but I wasn’t. I might not have physically abused you, but I hurt you in other ways. I’m sorry.”
Cody gathered her mother in her arms. Just like she had when she was younger. “It’s okay, Mama. Everything will be okay.” There was a big difference this time. This was a time for healing.
“I didn’t mean to carry on so.” Pearl grabbed a tissue from the box on the table beside the sofa and dabbed at her eyes. “I wanted to be the strong one this time. I guess I’m not very good at it yet.”
“I think you’re one of the strongest people I know.” Please let this last, she silently prayed. Please. She took a deep breath. “You never saw my father again?” Why had she even asked? Morbid curiosity? She was on a roll with her mother. But damn it, she wanted to know if he’d cared enough to keep in touch in some way.
Her mother shook her head. “He did come and see me for a while, but then he stopped. He was going into politics…” Her words trailed off and she looked at Cody.
“You mean, he lives here? In Fort Worth?” And he hadn’t cared enough to keep in touch. That hurt, but it also pissed her off.
“He’s on the city council.”
She drew in a sharp breath as a man’s face flashed in front of her. Dark hair, green eyes. She’d seen him on television. Son-of-a-bitch. All this time he’d been within arm’s reach and she hadn’t even known it.
“It’s been so long, Cody. Don’t stir up any trouble. He’s not worth it.”
She snapped out of the sudden fog she’d walked into and looked at her mother. “You’re right. He’s in the past.” She squeezed Pearl’s hand reassuringly.
“Have I ever told you how proud I am of you? Well, I am. Tell me how your trip went. Did you bring someone back?”
“He got away.” Both of them. No, she wouldn’t think about Josh.
“So, did you do anything exciting?”
“Besides getting married? No, not a thing.” Her mother’s mouth dropped open as Cody stood. “Do you have any of that chocolate ice cream left? Maybe some chocolate syrup, too.”
Chapter 24
Cody sat in her apartment watching the television, but not really looking at it. Why the hell had she blurted out that she’d gotten married? Must’ve been all that sharing they’d been doing. Her mother had wanted to know all the details. She had to keep reminding her that they’d be getting divorced as quickly as they’d gotten married.
She leaned her head on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes.
Damn it, why hadn’t he contacted her? Sure, she knew that she’d been the one who said it was over, but he hadn’t even argued the point. She wished just once in her life that she would mean enough to someone that they would say, “No, I’m not letting you walk away, we’re in this together.”
Apparently, she wasn’t worth the effort.
A deep sigh escaped. At least her mother was trying harder. That was something to be grateful for. If it lasted. Damn, when had she gotten so cynical? Would she forever be waiting for the other shoe to fall?
She opened her eyes and glanced at the television, then grabbed for the remote and turned up the volume when a familiar face came across the screen.
“Adam Sinclair returned to the United States of his own accord yesterday. Though he will face charges, it won’t be for murder. Evidence was recently uncovered that pointed to the murdered man’s cousin, who stood to inherit the bulk of his fortune…”
“I’ll be damned,” she breathed. She’d known there was something squirrely about the nerdy cousin. Now Adam wouldn’t go to trial for murder. Good, she’d rather liked him and Bertrice.
She started to turn off the television, but the next picture that flashed across the screen made her catch her breath.
“In other news, there are rumors that Councilman James Rutledge will be giving up his city council seat to run for the Senate.” The newsman turned to the woman on his right and smiled. “I think everyone knew this day was coming. When you come from a family of politicians it isn’t hard to guess the Senate will be the next step.”
“That’s true,” the woman said with a wide, very perfect smile. “Of course, we all thought it would be sooner than this.”
Cody turned the television off. She’d heard enough, and no matter what she’d promised her mother, she had to end this chapter in her life.
She grabbed the phone book and thumbed through the pages, stopping when she came to her father’s address. Of course, he would live in the better part of town. Anger flared inside her. How many times had she longed for something, but knew her mother didn’t have the money?
She reached for her keys and left the apartment.
What the hell are you doing?
She resolutely shoved the voice to the back of her mind. Maybe she would only drive by his house. Hell, she didn’t know what she was going to do. There was a connection missing in her life. Not knowing was sometimes worse than knowing. If she just saw where he lived, maybe she could somehow fill one of the voids in her life.
As she drew closer to his house, she saw there was a party in progress. Lights blazed from the windows, and when she pulled to the curb and turned off the ignition, music and people’s voices spilled out.
For a moment, she sat there, looking at the two-story brick and wood structure, the manicured lawn. Everything was perfect. What would it have been like to be raised surrounded by all this?
Without really thinking about what she was doing, Cody climbed off the Harley and walked to the front door. Some force propelled her forward.
She vaguely heard a car stop and the sound of a door closing. Her gaze fixed on the entryway. Somewhere behind the front door, her father laughed and talked to his friends. His wife would be at his side.
Her hands clenched.
“Madison?” A voice spoke from behind her.
She turned. A gray-haired man walked toward her.
“Sorry, I thought you were Madison. You have to be related, though. You could almost be her twin.” He laughed and reached across her to ring the doorbell.
Madison? Her gaze swung to the door. She’d never thought about her father having other children. She took a step back, but the man beside her pu
t a hand on her back.
“Careful. You don’t want to fall off the step and break an ankle.”
The door opened at that moment, revealing a butler. One eyebrow shot upward when his gaze fell on Cody, but he didn’t say a word about her jeans and T-shirt as they walked past him.
“It was nice to meet you,” she mumbled and walked away from the older man. She wormed her way over, but still continued to stand on the fringe.
There were people everywhere. The two front rooms were full and overflowing into the backyard. She heard someone shout something about the new senator. Then more shouts for him to make a speech.
Her hands began to sweat and her pulse pounded in her ears. She followed the crowd out back. As she walked past a tray of drinks, she grabbed one and quickly downed the contents. The alcohol did nothing to warm her insides.
There was more room outside. Tables were set up around a swimming pool, the water shimmering in a kaleidoscope of colors as it reflected the lights that hung from trees, the patio, and the gazebo. It looked like a fairy tale, but she wasn’t Cinderella and she was afraid her life wouldn’t have a happy ending.
Why had she come? What had she expected to find? A father who actually wanted her? That was a laugh. If he’d cared, he would’ve attempted to see her. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know she existed.
She started to turn to leave, but stopped at the last minute as a man stepped up to the microphone someone had placed on the gazebo. He smiled, laughed, and waved.
“Thank you, thank you.” His voice boomed across the yard.
Pearl had been right. She did look like her father.
“I’m not a senator yet, though.”
“Only a matter of time,” someone called out close to her.
“Only with the help of my friends and…” When he turned toward the person who’d spoken, his gaze passed by her, then swung back.
Cody watched the expressions that crossed his face. Confusion, like he should know her. Then understanding, followed by fear. His face paled.
He attempted to finish the sentence he’d started. “And the…uh…”
