by Beth Andrews
“You have,” she said. “You need to get out from behind the computer and into the sun now and then, Aaron.”
“I do. I mean, I get out from behind the computer, but there’s not much in the way of sunshine in Valley Ridge, New York, in December. It’s gray and overcast more often than not.”
“That sounds depressing.” She beckoned for him to follow her.
He left his suitcase in the foyer, clutching the divorce papers as he walked into her sunny living room. “You’d think it would be, but there’s so much snow that its brightness sort of counters the gray skies. I hardly notice the lack of sunshine, and when there is a sunny day, the entire town talks of nothing else.”
“How is your uncle?” She motioned to an overstuffed chair.
The room definitely had Tracey’s style. It was haphazardly thrown together and comfortable. Tracey had always been comfortable with herself.
“He’s in Arizona for the winter. His arthritis has been bothering him a lot. That’s the family line, at least. I think it was an excuse to guilt me into overseeing the store for him.”
“And yet, you’re not in Valley Ridge, you’re here.”
“I brought you these.” He held out the envelope. It looked a bit worse for wear as he handed it over. “I signed them.”
Tracey took the dog-eared envelope and looked up at him. “Why now? You’ve had them for months.”
“It was time.”
She looked at the envelope again, then back at him. “You could have mailed them, Aaron.”
“Listen, Tracey. I didn’t understand then, and I still don’t. What happened between us?” If he could understand that, maybe he’d have a chance with Maeve.
And as he had the thought, he realized that was what he wanted...a chance with Maeve.
“We grew up, Aaron. We grew apart. I know it sounds trite. It sounds like a cop-out, but that’s what happened.” She lowered her voice. “You accused me of leaving the minute you signed the papers and sold that damned program of yours. But I left you a long time before that. You were so preoccupied with your work, you didn’t notice. I stayed with you out of habit, because you were so wrapped up in your work that I felt I had to take care of you. Do you know how long it took you to even realize I’d gone back to school?”
He shook his head.
“I was midway through my second term. I’d been studying for a term and a half—studying big text books at the kitchen table, and you never noticed. For all you knew I could’ve been reading romance.”
Her comment made him think of Maeve. “Speaking of which, I’ve read my first romance.”
He’d known Tracey his whole adult life, and he’d never seen her look so surprised. “Excuse me? I must have misheard.”
“I read a romance. An anthology of holiday romance novellas, to be exact. It was pretty good. And I read The Hobbit for the first time, as well.” Since he’d already flabbergasted her, he decided to go all in. “What do you call a computer geek who’s swearing?”
Tracey looked totally bemused as she said, “I don’t know.”
“A cursor.” He laughed again. Maybe he wasn’t ready for stand-up, but he still thought it was a pretty funny joke.
“Just what is in the water in Valley Ridge?” she asked. Then she paused and studied him in a way that only she could. “So, you’ve met her.”
“Her?” he repeated.
She nodded. “Her. I knew she was out there. And I knew she wasn’t me.”
“Why wasn’t she you?” He’d married Tracey fully intending to spend the rest of his life with her. He still didn’t understand why that life had derailed.
“Aaron, I waited patiently while I watched your work consumed you. I went about my life. I worked. I went back to school. You didn’t even notice I was gone. But I waited. I thought that if I stuck it out while you finished the program, I’d get my shot. But you finished the program, sold it for enough money that you could do anything you wanted to do. Anything. We could have lived more than comfortably for the rest of our lives on what you’d been paid. We could have traveled the world, or built a dream house. We could have bought the boat you’d always talked about owning. I waited and I thought, here it is. It’s my time. He’s going to notice me and we’re going to do all the things we’ve dreamed about. And do you know what you did?”
He didn’t answer.
Finally Tracey said, “You started a new project. And that day when I walked in and saw you back in your chair on the lanai, bent over your laptop, I knew. I knew with absolute certainty that I wasn’t her. I was never going to be her. I could wait around for the rest of my life, and I’d still never be her. Right after that, I realized that we’d never dreamed together. I’d dreamed for both of us. I’d planned a life with you, but you weren’t interested in what I wanted. You found me comfortable and familiar. Like an old college sweatshirt. Something that had been your go-to outfit for years. I wanted to be more than that. And I wanted you to have more than that. So I left.”
Her voice was soft as she added, “I’ve missed you, Aaron. To be brutally honest, I didn’t miss you in a husband sort of way, but in a friend way. You will always be my friend.”
If they’d had this discussion last month, even last year, he wouldn’t have understood what she was saying, but he thought he did now. “I’ll always be a friend, but I’m not him?”
“No,” she said gently. “You’re not him.”
“Have you found him?” He waited to feel some pang of jealousy as he thought about Tracey with someone else, but it never came.
He remembered seeing Maeve and Dylan on the dance floor and felt that same wave of jealousy all over again.
“No, I haven’t found him, but I’m patient. I didn’t want to start looking until you and I had resolved things.”
“What if we never did?” he asked. “What if I’d dragged the divorce out even longer?”
“Eventually, you’d figure it out. I had faith in you. You’re a very smart man,” Tracey said with grin. “If you didn’t figure it out for yourself, I knew your sisters would eventually beat it into your thick skull. And to be honest, I was busy at school. I got my Ph.D. last spring, you know.”
“Really? Congratulations.”
Aaron sat back and talked to Tracey. Probably the first real conversation they’d had in a very long time.
She had two job offers and was currently weighing her options. She sounded happy. Happier than she’d been with him.
“Thank you,” he said a couple of hours later. “Thank you for knowing me better than I knew myself.”
“You were my first love, Aaron.” Tracey kissed his cheek.
“You were my first love, too.” And because he finally understood what she’d been trying to say all along, he added, “But you weren’t her.”
“And you’re not him,” she replied.
“There might be a romance novel here,” he said with a laugh.
“Really, this woman got you to read something that wasn’t some tech magazine or Manga? I’m shocked. And I hope I get to meet her sometime, if that isn’t too weird.”
“I don’t think it’s weird,” he said. “I don’t think she will, either. But if you do meet her, don’t tell her what a geek I am. I don’t think she’s figured it out yet.”
“Oh, she will,” Tracey assured him. “And she’ll like you all the more for it.”
“Let me know where you decide to go.”
“I will. I still talk to your sisters,” Tracey said a bit hesitantly, as if she was afraid she’d disrupt their new truce. “They’re my friends, too. I know it may seem strange, but they are. I spent more holidays with them than with you.”
He remembered all the times he’d sent her to his family functions while he holed up with his work, and nodded in understanding. “
Well, you’re a braver person than I am. They still scare me, frankly. Speaking of my family, I’m going to go see them and spend the night. Then I’m heading home tomorrow.”
Valley Ridge was home. He knew that now, as surely as he knew that Tracey had never been the one for him.
“Good luck with her, Aaron.”
“I’ll need it. She’s angry that I kissed her before I signed the divorce papers.” He hurried to add, “It was just one kiss, that’s all.”
Tracey smiled. “Buy her some jewelry and apologize.”
“Yeah, I don’t see that helping. I bought her a house...well, not for her. I bought a house she wanted to give away, so I gave it to her so she could. I’d buy her another house if I thought that would do the trick, but she’s already working herself half to death on the first one. I could buy her a book.”
Tracey studied him. “Love looks good on you, Aaron. She sounds like an interesting woman.”
“You know that curse, May you live in interesting times? Well, I think there’s a second one, May you love an interesting woman.”
Tracey shook her head. “Aaron Holder turned comedian. I never thought I’d see it, but like I said, it looks good on you. Good luck. And maybe I’ll come visit you in Valley Ridge sometime.”
He nodded. “Do. I think Maeve would like to meet you, too.”
The cab he’d called pulled up in front of her house, and he kissed Tracey’s cheek. “Merry Christmas, Tracey.”
“Merry Christmas, Aaron.”
He walked toward the cab and the bell at the church down the street start to ring out the hour.
Angels’ wings.
His lanai.
His family.
His ex.
Maeve.
Thoughts rolled over in his mind.
He’d said goodbye to his past. To his anger.
Tomorrow, he’d go back to Valley Ridge—he’d go back home—and see if he could find a future.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“SO, WHERE’S AARON?” Josie asked on Friday as Maeve sat with her in the RV, watching Carl play with some blocks.
“No one knows.” Maeve had hoped that Josie would know where he was
“Well,” Josie said, “according to Boyd, he’s called and checked in at the store every day, but no one’s seen him since Monday at the book club meeting.”
Well, that was a bust. Josie didn’t know anything more than Maeve had already known.
She should be happy. She’d told him that she wanted some space and he’d obviously taken her at her word. Maeve changed the subject. “How are you feeling?”
“Great. I went to see Dr. Marshall again and he said everything looks fine. If I promise to continue to take it easy, I can start getting out more. I want that so bad that even grocery shopping sounds like a treat. I’m going to head over after dinner and pick up a few things.”
“I’ll be at the library.” Maeve fished in her pocket and pulled out her keys. “Take my car.”
“I’d like to argue, but odds are you’d win, anyway.”
It was good to see her friend looking so happy. “Because I’m such a good friend, why don’t you drop Carl off at the library and go all by yourself.”
Josie hugged her. “I love my husband and son, but I’m so ready for ten minutes to myself. I’ve got a pile of coupons and Boyd’s paycheck. I’m ready to party.”
Maeve laughed to see Josie so jubilant. “It doesn’t take much to please you, does it?”
“The secret to a happy life—” Josie leaned closer and stage-whispered “—is to find joy in the small things.”
“You may be right,” Maeve admitted.
“Do you want some dinner?” Josie asked. “I made a lasagna.”
She’d smelled the tomato sauce when she walked into the RV. “No, but thanks. I had dinner already.”
Josie frowned. “A peanut butter sandwich?”
“No, Miss Smarty-Pants. I had a tomato and bean sprout sandwich today.”
Josie shook her head. “That’s not a dinner. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s not dinner.”
“It’ll do. I’ll see Carl in a bit.”
“I’ll drop him off in a little while.”
By seven o’clock that evening, Maeve realized that Carl had saved her sanity. She’d been so busy chasing after him that she didn’t have time to wonder where Aaron was. Or at least, she didn’t have as much time.
Only three people wandered into the library to check out a book. Vera, Lily’s mother, brought Hank in and they were the only ones left as Maeve started tidying up the mess so she could close up for the night.
Vera picked up her books and tucked three dollars into the small container on the counter, like she did every time she visited.
Tori had put the container out a few months ago to collect money for new books, but Maeve felt guilty taking Vera’s money. Maeve knew that Vera’s job at the diner didn’t leave her a lot of extra cash and it touched her that she was so willing to share what little she had with something that benefitted the community.
“Thank you, Mrs. Paul.” Carl reached for the donation can. Maeve handed him a stress ball instead. “You really don’t have to donate every time.”
Lily’s mom laughed. “It’s my pleasure. But I wanted to ask you if I could do more. My evenings are pretty quiet. Maybe I could come work an evening in your place? Maybe Fridays? A young girl like you shouldn’t be working every Friday night.”
“You’re right about that,” Hank said. “All the eligible men are getting snapped up, Maeve. You’d better get out there.”
Hank held out his hand to Carl and said, “We’re going to leave you two girls to work this out. Come on, kid.” He took Carl over to the kids’ corner and picked out a book.
“So, how about it, Maeve?” Vera pressed. “Friday nights off? I know you don’t have any book clubs that night. I can read here as easily as I can in my apartment.”
Maeve glanced at Hank and Carl cuddling in the rocking chair, studying a book. Her first instinct was to assure Lily’s mom that she had it covered, but she was trying to really think about how she always responded automatically. Having Friday nights off might be nice. “If you really don’t mind, Mrs. P—”
“Call me Vera, dear. I’ve watched you here for weeks now and I’m sure I can manage if you walk me through the computer checkout system.”
“I can show you right now,” Maeve said and motioned for her to come around the counter so she could show her the very basic system she’d set up.
“I know you’re working on the house tomorrow,” Vera said. “What if I come over and help out here in the morning? My shift at the diner doesn’t start until one.”
“Mrs. Paul—Vera—that would be great. There’s so much still to do at the Culpepper place.”
“I think what you’re doing is wonderful. I’m so glad I moved to Valley Ridge with Lily. This town...well, it’s special.”
“It is.” Maeve promised to come over and unlock the library the next morning and get Vera set up before heading over to the house.
After Hank and Vera left, Maeve gathered up Carl and got ready to leave. She’d finished putting on his coat when the doorbell rang and Aaron came in. “I’m not too late. I thought you might have closed.”
“Carl and I were just about to go. It turns out bundling a toddler up in the winter takes a while, so you have time to find your book if you move quickly.”
“I’m not here for a book.” Aaron hefted the bag in his hand. “I came with a St. Nicholas gift for you and Carl. I was going to stop in at the RV next with his, but since he’s here with you, you saved me a stop.”
“St. Nicholas?” she asked. She added as primly as she could manage, “I don’t accept presents from married men.”
He ignored her last comment and answered the first. “St. Nicholas Day is a German tradition that my family observes with our own twist. On St. Nicholas Eve, you leave out your shoes. If you’re behaving, you get a treat. A small toy or some candy. And always an orange. I don’t know why, but that’s what we always got. If you haven’t been very good, then you get a lump of coal. It’s an early indicator of how you’re doing before Santa comes.”
“Did you ever get a lump of coal?” she asked in spite of herself.
“Just once. I got one in my shoe yesterday. I was told to pull my head out of my a... Well, let’s just say my mother read me the riot act and told me that I’d better be home for Easter since I’m not going back for Christmas. Then she called my sisters, who still live nearby and they pretty much told me the same thing, only not as politely as my mom.”
“What about your dad?”
“He didn’t say a word. When Mom and the girls get going, that tends to be the best thing to do.” He thrust a package at her. “Here. St. Nick left it at my house for you.” He handed a bag to Carl. “And he left this for you, champ.”
Carl dug into the bag and pulled out an orange, a pack of Cranraisins and a Nerf ball. He seemed delighted and threw the ball.
“Open yours,” Aaron said.
“Aaron, I meant what I said about us being friends, but really, I can’t accept anything from you.”
“I’m not married now. I’m happily divorced.”
“I’m glad that you signed the papers, Aaron, but it’s not only that. There’s a whole host of reasons why—”
“I bought it used, Maeve. Or rather, St. Nicholas did. We can’t return it.” When she still didn’t move, he said, “Open it, please.”
Aaron looked so excited about the gift that Maeve couldn’t not open it. She gently peeled back the tape and unfolded the ends of the package. She pulled off the paper and took out an old, leather-bound copy of A Christmas Carol. She couldn’t resist opening the book. The spine gave the slightest groan, as if it hadn’t been opened for years and it was enjoying the experience.
