“What money?”
“She’s spending too much and there ain’t no way the admission money is going to cover it all. So there’s no doubt in my mind she’s going to be real worried,” Agnes explained.
“Okay,” Charlotte said and waited.
“Now this is where you come in. I want you to offer to give her a thousand dollars to let you call out the names.”
“A thousand dollars?” Charlotte whispered.
“I’m donating that to the cause. She’ll jump on it; believe me. I been keepin’ tabs on what she’s spending.”
“Why?” Charlotte asked.
“I want you to pull out Stella’s name from the women’s bowl and Jed Tucker’s from the fellers’ bowl,” Agnes said.
Charlotte sat straight up in the chair and said, “Why?”
“You sound like a damn parrot, girl. Because Stella has a boyfriend and she likes him a lot or she would tell y’all who he is. For some reason she don’t think she’s good enough for him. If he’s there, it won’t bother him if she’s dancin’ with a preacher. I don’t want her to lose someone that she loves, Charlotte. And while you’re at it, fix it so that Piper and Rhett wind up together, too. The rest of it is up to you,” Agnes said.
“You old toot.” Charlotte laughed.
“You’d do the same if you’d have thought of it. She just looks so happy and sad at the same time. I couldn’t bear it if she lost her boyfriend because her name got put with Rhett or some other sexy feller and the boyfriend got all jealous,” Agnes said. “But you can’t tell her what your job is. You just say that I said it was one of them FBI things.”
“Yes, ma’am. Pizza should be ready. I’ll be back in ten minutes,” Charlotte said.
“Walk real slow past Violet’s room with it,” Agnes said.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The strong aroma of bleach preceded Piper into Stella’s living room. She looked up from the sofa where she was watching Steel Magnolias. “You ever realize how much Agnes and Ouiser are alike?”
Piper hauled her suitcase toward the guest bedroom. “Of course. How come you didn’t see that before now? I’m here until the boys come home. I’ve tried staying at my house and it’s too damn lonely. Send me a bill for room and board at the end of the time.”
“Hey, if you clean, I’m sure we can work something out,” Stella yelled and went back to her favorite movie.
She heard the bathroom door shut and the shower start. Thirty minutes later Piper carried a blanket from the linen closet to the recliner, threw the side lever, and covered up.
“You smell better, but you do know this is summertime in Texas,” Stella said.
“And you keep this house at sixty-five degrees and I’m cold-blooded. His spirit is still in my house. When he filed for divorce and moved all his things to Rita’s place, it was gone. But it’s back now. That leer on his face is there every time I turn the corner. I wish he really was there and the boys were outside playing. I’d knock him flat on his ass and enjoy doing it.”
Stella didn’t take her eyes off the screen. “I like this part. They’re in the locker room of the football team.”
“Are you hearing me, Stella?” Piper raised her voice.
“Yes, I heard every word, but you don’t have to worry about a thing. It’s taken care of, and short of moving out of Texas, which Gene won’t do because it would mean leavin’ his mama, he’s going to get a lifelong dose of karma chewing holes in his ass.”
“What did you do?”
“Me, not one thing. I just had a long visit with Mama.”
“Good God!”
“Oh, yeah. We’ll get some garlic and a roadkill armadillo and perform an exorcist thing on your house if he don’t reclaim his spirit and leave you alone. We’ll put butcher knives into an effigy of him and send the video right to his e-mail box,” Stella said.
“You know how superstitious he is. That would cause him to have an acute coronary.” Piper laughed.
“If he dies, he dies. Oh, I can’t watch this part without crying. Shelby should have never gotten pregnant,” Stella said.
“She lived the way she wanted to. It took risks but she did it,” Piper said.
“Hey, shove them words right back into your mouth and eat them. Rhett wants to take you out and you’re afraid to take that little risk.”
“Sometimes I don’t like you,” Piper said.
“You are evil and you must be destroyed,” Stella quoted from the movie.
“You can’t be Ouiser. Agnes is Ouiser. You have to be Annelle.”
“Hell if I will. I don’t pray if the elastic in my panties is shot”—Stella quoted lines from the movie—“and I damn sure wouldn’t ever pour out a good can of beer. I’ll be Clairee but I’m not being Annelle. Besides, I’m not tall enough. You can be Annelle.”
The giggle started low in Piper’s chest but soon it was a full-fledged laugh that would have put a three-hundred-pound trucker to shame. “She is divorced and the elastic in my panties is shot and I am tall like her,” she said when she could catch her breath.
Charlotte pulled a suitcase inside and quickly shut the door. “What is going on in here? I thought someone was crying or dying.”
Stella put the movie on pause. “Holy shit! Did you and Boone break up?”
“No, but Nancy called and said that Piper had moved into your house after she hosed hers down with bleach. Y’all ain’t havin’ a house party without me. I might go for a sleepover with Boone but hey, if Piper is going crazy it’ll take both of us to keep her out of a straitjacket. She’s one tall woman, I tell you,” Charlotte said.
Stella pointed. “See, I told you so. You are Annelle.”
“Is that Steel Magnolias? Sometimes I think we’re reliving that thing down at the shop. Agnes is Ouiser.” Charlotte left her suitcase in the middle of the floor, kicked off her shoes, and curled up on the other end of the sofa with Stella. “Start it all over again and let’s watch it from the beginning. If Piper is Annelle, who are you?”
“I’m Clairee,” Stella said proudly.
“You are not! You’re not that old and you’ve got red hair.”
“Then I want to be Truvy,” Stella said.
“You’ll have to bleach your hair and get a boob job to look like Dolly Parton. You think this new boyfriend that you won’t talk about would like you as a blonde with big boobs and a smart mouth?”
Stella’s laughter came close to breaking the windows. “Darlin’, my new feller likes me any way he can get me, but he likes me best naked and hot and he thinks my smart mouth is right fine.”
“He don’t mind the past thing or have you not told him?”
“Oh, he knows, and he says the same thing that Truvy says. If you can achieve puberty, you probably have a past.”
“And what is his past?” Piper asked.
Stella tossed a throw pillow at her. “I’ll tell you after that rotten ball is over. I’m really starting to look forward to it since Agnes has spiced up the party with her ideas.”
Charlotte smiled. “I’m serious as a heart attack. I want to grow up and be like Ouiser.”
“You’ll have to dye your hair and get a pair of overalls.” Stella laughed and it felt so good.
Stella had just gotten into bed when her brand-new ringtone, “Good Hearted Woman,” started playing.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“I drove past your house and saw two extra cars. I guess Piper doesn’t like the quiet,” Jed said.
“Gene’s ghost in the house is spookin’ her more than a quiet house. She’s moved in until the boys come home. And Charlotte couldn’t stand it so she brought her suitcase and she’s here for the duration, too,” she said.
“You know what they say about familiarity.”
She nodded even though he couldn’t see it. “We
’ll practically be together twenty-four/seven. By the time they leave I’ll be ready to yank all my hair out, but tonight it wasn’t too bad. They’re my friends, Jed.”
“You got a lock on the bedroom door?” he asked.
“Yes, I do. Why?”
“Got one on the window?”
“Yes, I do,” she answered.
“Then unlock the window right after you lock the door. I’m comin’ in. No way I’m going that long without sleeping with you.” He chuckled.
She bounded out of the bed and quietly turned the lock in the middle of the doorknob and then raced across the room to open the window. He slipped in effortlessly, bringing a small duffel bag with him.
She took the bag from him and tossed it on a chair, wrapped her arms around his neck, and rolled up on her toes for the first kiss. “This may keep me from yanking my hair out.”
“I’m sure it will keep me from going insane.” He marched her backward across the floor until the back of her knees hit the bed. “Turn on some music to mute the sound.”
“I can be very quiet.”
“But I can’t. Not with you in my arms.”
“I feel like a naughty teenager.”
“I just feel like I’ve got the woman I love in my arms.”
Nancy followed the girls into the shop on Wednesday morning. She brought two loaves of banana bread, a plastic container of chicken salad, and a loaf of fresh homemade bread. “Thought y’all might like something other than takeout for dinner today. We’re on countdown starting today. It is ten days until we get this ball over with, then the sign can come down off the church and I can plan Stella’s birthday party. What do you think, girls? A fish fry or a steak cookout. We’re already sick to death of the idea of barbecue, so I’m not fixing that the week after the ball.”
Stella clapped her hands like a little girl. “Thanks, Mama. That all looks scrumptious and I want steak and one of your cream-puff cakes for my birthday cake.”
“I brought some tomatoes to go with all that and I’ll be glad to bring something to the party if you’ll invite me.” Rosalee followed Nancy into the shop.
“Of course you are invited and Agnes should be out of the rehab place, so you can bring her along, too,” Nancy said.
Stella adjusted the thermostat, turned on the lights, and headed toward her station to do some minor cleanup before her first client arrived that morning. Rosalee trailed along behind Nancy to the back room and came out with a chunk of banana bread.
“Your mama is making a pot of coffee,” she said. “From the looks of them dark circles under your eyes, Stella Joy, you done stayed up too late last night, so the caffeine might be just what you need.”
“We stayed up and watched Steel Magnolias to see if Agnes is like Ouiser. You been to see her?” Stella glanced in the mirror. Yes, she did have dark circles, but they were so worth the night she’d had.
“Of course I have seen Agnes. I go every day before she goes to therapy. I’m surprised that she hasn’t bitched about going. But she loves it because she gets to show Violet up in the therapy sessions. She’s doin’ so good they’re already sayin’ she won’t have to stay the whole time. And Stella, when I first saw that movie, I asked Agnes if they’d interviewed her for the character.” Rosalee cackled.
“What did Agnes say?” Piper caught the last part of Rosalee’s comment.
“She said that of course they did and asked her to play the part but she was too busy keeping Cadillac on its toes,” Rosalee answered.
“I don’t doubt it for a minute. Now why do you have dark circles under your eyes, Stella Joy?” Nancy turned her attention to her daughter.
“If she wouldn’t play that music so loud, she could probably sleep better,” Piper said. “It was going at two o’clock when I got up to raid the refrigerator. Oh, I forgot to tell you, I got the last piece of banana bread, so it’s a good thing that Nancy brought more today.”
Stella picked up all the brushes to run through the sterilizer. “I like music. It helps me sleep.”
“We called it sex in my day,” Rosalee said. “Who was in the bed with you that you had to cover up the noise with music?”
“Really!” Piper almost choked on the banana bread. “Was there a man in your bedroom?”
“Well, shit! I gave up Boone to stay with y’all and you get sex?” Charlotte shook her finger at Stella.
“Quit grinning and talk,” Nancy demanded.
“I’m not saying a word.” Stella felt the heat of a deep crimson blush crawling up her neck all the way to her face.
Rosalee winked at Stella. “Looks like we need to leave Stella alone with her secret, but darlin’ girl, the whole town is snoopin’ around tryin’ to find out who is puttin’ that smile and that blush on your face.” She turned toward Nancy and said, “Tell me more about these god-awful rules Heather has made up for the ball. Did she really say it was going to be an annual affair?”
Nancy nodded. “She did. Why?”
“Anyone want to bet me five dollars that this is a one-time-only shindig?”
“Not me,” Nancy said. “Not when Agnes has passed the torch to Stella.”
“Well, damn. I withdraw my offer. If Stella is going to take Heather down, then it’s a onetime thing for sure.”
A cold shiver inched its way down Stella’s spine. They were sure enough putting a lot of pressure on her. “What makes you so sure?” she asked.
“Age and experience,” Rosalee said. “And speaking of music, why didn’t you just go in there and turn the music down after Stella was asleep, Piper?”
“The door was locked,” Piper said.
“Aha! I knew it.” Nancy slapped her thigh. “You did have a man in your bedroom, didn’t you? Even though I disagree with the way you young people go about things, I might get a son-in-law before your biological clock runs completely out of power yet.”
“One never knows,” Stella teased.
“I’m going down to Ruby’s now and get my nails done. Had my toenails done last week and they ain’t chipped yet. But I want pretty fingernails for Sunday when I go to Tansy’s for Alma Grace’s party. Y’all are all going, right?” Nancy asked.
“Yes, ma’am,” Stella said. “And Mama, thanks for dinner and the bread.”
“You are so welcome. Now I’ve got to go take care of my spy business or Agnes will have my scalp.”
Annabel was sitting at Ruby’s station with permanent rods in her hair when Nancy arrived at the beauty shop. Heather was at Kayla’s nail table and Floy was getting a shampoo.
“You got an appointment this morning?” Ruby asked.
“No, I just came for Kayla to do my nails,” Nancy said.
“They need doing,” Heather said bluntly. “Tacky is always noticeable and there’s nothing tackier than chipped fingernails.”
“Oh, I could argue that point, but not today. So, anything new on the barbecue ball? If we’d been truly smart, we would have made each lady bring her special recipe of barbecue and put out pretty jars for donations for the best one,” Nancy said.
Heather clapped her hands and squealed. “I love that idea. Let’s do it. It’s not too late to announce it and it’ll save us a bunch of money having to pay for the barbecue. Oh, we must do this! Let’s draw up the rules. Each lady has to bring her favorite recipe and a side dish to go with it. We’ll have the food paid for that way. I’ll make cute little boxes for the donations with the ladies’ names on it. It sounds so Victorian, don’t you think?”
It still sounded like a redneck thing to Nancy, but she wasn’t saying a word. She’d never figured she could get Heather to fall for the job Agnes had given her so quickly. Everett wouldn’t have to cook for two days. He could smoke a roast for her and a couple of chickens for Stella and that would do it. Stella could make her ranch potato salad and Nancy would take a bourbon-banan
a cake for the dessert table. Heather didn’t have to know about the cup of bourbon in the recipe. The baking process did, after all, remove the alcohol.
Kayla picked up the pink fingernail polish and shook it. “You sure you don’t want the gold fingernail this week?”
“Yes, I want you to leave it off,” Heather snapped at Kayla. “Aunt Violet told me when I visited her yesterday that she’s had hers removed and she’s just sure that’s what made her knee go bad. Something in the glue seeped into her blood and ruined her knee, so I won’t be wearing a gold nail anymore until I do some more research on the adhesive. After all, I have lots of work to do if I’m going to turn Cadillac into a cultural city.”
“I heard that it can cause dementia and terrible gastroenteritis.” It came out so slick that Nancy wondered if she’d said the words out loud.
“Oh, my! I really can’t afford that. With Aunt Violet ailing, this town needs me so much.” Heather sighed loudly.
“What do you want me to do with this fingernail?” Kayla asked.
“Put it in a nice little box and I’ll keep it until they invent glue that is guaranteed not to make me sick.”
“So it’s all right to tell folks about the new idea for the barbecue ball? You know that will make it somewhat like the chili cook-off,” Nancy said.
“Oh, yes, tell them. I’m making an executive decision right now. It will save my ministry a lot of money and it will be fun. Who can come up with the best barbecue in town? And I went to that chili cook-off. My beautiful ball will be dignified. It won’t be anything like an outdoor thing with beer and kids running around like a bunch of hoodlums,” she declared.
“Be sure that’s what you want, because once the story gets out, there won’t be any going back. Tickets are still twenty dollars but the ladies have to bring barbecue and a side dish, right?”
“That is what I said.” Heather shot her a dirty look.
The Yellow Rose Beauty Shop Page 20
