"And you do that so well," Martin chimed in.
"Martin, yer not helpin', blessyersardonicnature." Ruth shot him a pair of warring brows.
Martin let out a long, disgusted breath, rolled his eyes, and turned to Toni. "Look, missy, your grandmother wanted you to inherit the gift because Sara merrily tounged her way right out of it. So Gran pushed Bartholomew to make sure Paul popped your un-popped cork after you turned eighteen so you could carry on the family legacy. Bartholomew wants to possess your new little necromancer ass—Gran's all up on it—so let Sara get into your body before he has a chance to hop on in and take over."
Sara glared at Martin.
"What?" Martin asked, flipping a trail of his smoky hand through the air, one brow cocked. "Somebody had to say it!"
"Blessyerlooselydescriptivewords, Martin, and the only thing y'didn't embellish on, dear, is who Bartholomew is."
Sara said, "I was gettin' to that."
"Well, get to it then," Martin chirped.
"But . . . but . . . this is so . . . crazy. It just can't be true," Toni stuttered, rubbing her eyes red.
Sara whipped her head in front Toni's face. "You can see me, right?"
Toni dropped her hands and vigorously nodded.
"And you can hear me, right?"
Toni nodded again.
"Then deal with it. We have a shit-load of stuff to warn you about and I want to know what's going on with that damn text-video shit, so-"
"Oh, for Christ's sake," Martin said, "can you just get on with the possession thing, and Bartholomew, before Antoinette gets here?"
"Get off my back!" Sara growled at Martin and then turned to Toni with an exaggerated smile. "Here's the thing. We have this plan, and I can explain everything, but right now I need to jump into your body. You bein' a necromancer, it should be a piece of cake. See, Gran wants Bartholomew to get inside you ASAP and, well, since he's the bastard that killed me, and-"
Toni gasped, "He killed you? Who is this Bartholomew guy and what does he have to do with Paul. Did you say Gran made Paul kiss me and... Ohmigod, did she...?" Toni shuddered. "No! No! No! Okay! Okay! I'm going back to sleep now and when I wake up; I know you'll be gone!" Toni snuggled down and covered her head with her pillow. "It must be the champagne," her muffled voice whispered.
"How ya doin', Sara?" Martin asked.
Sara put her hands on her hips, glowering at him.
"Bless'erincorruptlittlesoul, she doesn't seem t' 'ave it sorted out in 'er mind yet, she doesn't."
Toni peeked out from under the side of the pillow.
"Of course she doesn't." Martin shook his head. "First of all, let me introduce myself." His misty form slithered down the side of the bed until he was eye level with Toni. "I'm Martin, and I'm truly sorry for the seemingly lewd first impression. We're stuck wearing what we die in and poor Sara is beside herself. She's left her skinny jeans behind." He pointed over his shoulder. "Anyway, that's Ruth, and, well, we kind of latched on to Sara because of Bartholomew, who's a real prick, and," he flipped a finger to point somewhere inside of his navel, "as you can see we're all ghosts, and-"
"And Bartholomew's a seer-ghost and 'es the reason we're 'ere, dear," Ruth interrupted. "See 'e made Martin and myself kill . . . well never mind dear, another story fer another time, but 'e did kill yer sister, 'e did. And now 'e wants-"
"Okay, everybody shut the hell up because we're running out of time here!" Sara glared at Toni. "Get this straight, 'cause I ain't sayin' it again! I'm here! I'm dead! Get over it! I sure have."
"Oh honey, if only that were true," Martin chided.
"You didn't kill yourself?" Toni said. "Paddy and Reggie and I thought..."
"Well, you thought wrong. Gran made sure of that," Sara said. "She's been terrorizing us and manipulating you. We wanted to tell you everything so you wouldn't inherit this stupid necromancer thingy. Bartholomew wants you and Gran wants him to have you, so open wide, because if I don't get inside, that's exactly what is going to happ-"
All eyes jerked toward the bedroom door when a boisterous knocking nipped Sara's words. "Wake up, birthday girl," Antoinette chirped loudly.
"Shit-shit-shit! Hang on Sis, I'm comin' in!" Sara dive bombed Toni's body. Toni shook violently.
Oh hell yes! I'm in! I did it! Now just chill, and act normal. Sara's words ricocheted around in Toni's mind as the bedroom door opened and Ruth and Martin zipped through the wall over the dresser.
"Gran!" Toni yelped, her eyes looking like two large green pools of shimmering water.
Don't do anything stupid and work with me here or she'll send us back to this really creepy crypt with life-sucking zombies, Sara hissed in her head.
Toni covered her chest, taking short, shallow breaths. Will you calm down! Sara said. Gran's not stupid. She's gonna know something's up.
Antoinette gave Toni a curious look as she walked in carrying a tray, Rufus at her feet. "I brought you breakfast in bed. Are you all right? Did I frighten you?"
"Um . . . sort of . . . I was dreaming and . . . and you..." Toni wiggled up and leaned against her headboard, rigid, as Rufus leapt on the bed and growled.
Great! Just great! The F'n cat doesn't like me, do something, Sara warned. And Bartholomew may still be inside him.
Ohmigod, the guy that killed Sara may be inside of Rufus! This is all way past crazy. "Thanks for breakfast, Gran. That's . . . that's so sweet." Toni's eyes darted around the bedroom as she pulled Rufus to her chest and scratched his rump a bit too intensely.
That-a-girl, you're doing fine, Sara said, nice save. Chalk one up for the geek. And don't worry about Bartholomew; he can't talk through the cat.
You can hear me? Toni mentally asked with a bit of attitude.
Yessss, Sara answered.
I am not a geek! Toni thought, spitting each word. Rufus squirmed in Toni's arms. "What's gotten into you?" Toni giggled, ruffling his fur. But I am scared, Sara, and I can't believe Gran is capable of—what is she capable of?—and what about Rufus? Ohmigod, Rufus killed you!
Not Rufus, idiot! A seer-ghost in cats clothing! Just take it easy, they can't do anything to either of us as long as I stay inside your body, Sara mentally pushed.
"You probably scared Rufus as much as I scared you," Antoinette laughed. "I'm sorry for entering so abruptly, but you've slept half your birthday away. It's almost one o'clock." Antoinette laid the tray on Toni's lap, shooing Rufus off the bed.
The cat landed on the floor daintily, eyed Antoinette with an air of arrogance, twitched his tail, and, head lifted, pranced out of the room.
Toni quickly picked the coffee cup off the tray and took a nervous sip. Ohmigod—MG—MG, this is freakin' scary as hell.
You think this is scary? Try being dead—your psycho grandmother so totally F'n with you, and, shit, Bartholomew?—one scary dude, and he wants to be where I am right now. You don't want him in your head. Trust me.
Antoinette sat on the bed beside Toni. She patted her leg and asked, "So how was your date with Paul?"
Toni blushed.
She knows all about Paul. Don't let her kid you, Sara warned.
"Oh, my, you've had sex," Antoinette said with a big smile. "Well good for you."
Toni's hand fluttered over the locket at her throat. "How did you know?"
See? I told ya, Sara said.
Antoinette leaned in and read the inscription on the locket. "'Together always'. How sweet."
"How did you know I had sex with Paul?" Toni asked again, the locket in a death grip.
"It's written all over your face." Antoinette laughed.
Yeah, right, the bitch, Sara huffed. She orchestrated the whole thing. Just keep acting norm. I've got your ass covered.
"Gran, I . . . we . . . I don't know what to do now," Toni blurted out. I'm losing it here.
No you're not. Just be you, Sara mentally instructed.
"Just because you were intimate with him, doesn't mean you have to do anything, Toni. He didn't push you into it d
id he?" Antoinette coyly asked.
She knows perfectly well what happened. Just look at her, Sara said, smugly.
"No! I kind of wanted to, Gran." Oh, man . . . what the hell do I say now?
"Are you telling me you experimented with Paul?"
That's just what I did. How does she know that, Sara? When Sara didn't answer, Toni said, "I really like Paul, Gran, but..." Oh Sara, I'm afraid of being sexually attracted to boys and girls. What if I'm like...?
Toni shuddered when Sara audibly sucked in a breath. Oh hell no! Please tell me you're not talking about me? I so wanna kill Jessica—that damn video—she'd better delete it!
"Physical attraction is just that, Toni. There are no set rules," Antoinette said flippantly. "But I'm sure you'll figure it out, and it's really of no importance anyway."
Like, it is so too important! It was important when she thought you wouldn't hop on Paul's dipstick! The lying bitch!
Antoinette got up with a pat to Toni's knee, and walked to the door. "I have something more significant to discuss with you. A very big surprise. In fact, a life-altering surprise, and I'm sure your silly worries about sexual matters will take a backseat as soon as I show you who you are now."
And here it comes. Just act freaked out, okay? Because if she gets wind that you already know, I'm toast. Sara's words frantically echoed in Ton's mind.
"What surprise?" Toni asked calmly.
Antoinette smiled and glanced into the hall. "Sara, you can all come in now."
Toni put on a frown. "That's very inappropriate, Gran. You know how much I wish-"
Ruth and Martin wafted through the wall over Toni's dresser.
Toni screeched, shot from the bed; the tray hit the floor, splattering food and drink on carpet.
So totally rad, geek-girl! Sara's laughter echoed in Toni's head.
I am not a geek! Toni mentally chided, while gasping for breath, reaching for the bedside table, knocking off the lamp as she fell to the floor, fluttering her eyes closed, cranking out a moan.
Man that was so totally awesome! You go girl with your bad-self!
Toni tried not to smile. Geek-girl my ass.
"Where's Sara?" Antoinette asked, and she wasn't smiling.
Toni swallowed hard when Sara yelped and gave her what felt like a brain freeze. Shit! That hurt!
Please don't screw this up. Please don't screw this up, Sara was mentally chanting.
"I tried to tell her she had to be here," Martin squealed.
"Bless'ervain'eart, she wouldn't leave Jessica and 'er friends this mornin', she wouldn't. They were talkin' about the said video and Sara's sexual peccadilloes, while plannin' a special party fer tomorrow. Sara said y'didn't need 'er 'ere, she did, and thought it'd be better if she stayed there."
Antoinette smiled as she lifted her eyes from Toni's prone body to Ruth's. "That's the first smart thing she's done thus far. I'm sure she doesn't want to end up in that crypt for an eternity."
Antoinette didn't notice Toni's slight intake of breath, but Sara did.
Do ya hear me now? Gran's goin' down, geek-girl.
Chapter Thirty
"All right, sweetie, you now have a good understanding of your skills as a necromancer," Antoinette was saying, "and how to draw a circle and do a summoning. You're aware that if any spirits are near and they want your attention, you will immediately see them. And if you work with Bartholomew, Toni, the wealth and knowledge he would bring to our family would be well worth any inconvenience you may feel."
Right, geek-girl. What B'll bring is a little piece of Hell. He killed me! The dickwad! Toni was becoming used to Sara being a part of her. Simmer down, Sara. We can do this.
Antoinette flipped the pages of the spell book in her hands and used the crimson ribbon to mark a place, then laid the book on Toni's lap. "Now that you have an understanding of your abilities, it's time to summon Bartholomew if you want to keep your three o'clock date with your friends. Although I only expect you to meet him right now, I wouldn't object if you offered him entrance to your body for the day to get a better understanding of what he's offering."
When Toni's eyes became wide, her grandmother smiled and continued, "Fine, but I want to assure you that no one will be aware of Bartholomew's possession. Not even you or I can sense a spirit inside of a human."
Toni let out a long breath and she could feel Sara's tension melt along with hers.
Sara gave Toni a joyful mental nudge. Yessssss! And remember, Bartholomew can't get inside your body while I'm in here, so stay cool. Just do what she asks and then we can fricken' get the hell out of here and go meet Reggie and Paddy at the mall.
But what if he insists I let him inside of me today and Gran changes her mind? Then they'll know you're in there! Why can't I ask if I can summon Ruth or Martin today and make Bartholomew wait? Toni mentally asked for the umpteenth time.
Come on! She just wants you to meet Bartholomew. Deal with it. Do the summoning and then tell them you want some time to think about things, Sara instructed.
"Are you ready?" Antoinette asked.
"Yes, and I know you want me to try the possession thing, but I'm just not ready, Gran," Toni said.
"You don't have to make up your mind right now, but you should at least meet him." Antoinette said, a sweet smile on her face. "He has so much to offer us, Toni."
Sara jumped right in. Did ya catch the defining word there? She said 'us'. It's all about control, geek-girl. Crap, tell her to let Farty-Barty ride around in her head while you think about it—the bitch!
Sara, if you call me that name again, I'll be the one sending you to that crypt! "All right, Gran, but I want to explore my gift and right now I have so much going on with the video and Sara... Maybe you can entertain the man by letting him into your body, while I-"
Sara spit a laugh that momentarily froze Toni's brain cells.
Antoinette was all furrowed her brows when she said, "Because he hasn't asked me!" She snorted frustration and glared at Toni. "Young lady, your sister is gone, and this is much more important than your childish concerns for that stupid video or your sister's sexuality."
How does she know about your sexual preferences? What the hell? Toni mentally pushed.
She is such a control monger! She knows everything. She even knew when I had sex! Sara said. God, I wish Martin and Ruth could hear this shit!
Where are they? Toni lowered her eyes and fingered a page of the book in her lap.
Ruth said they had some personal business to take care of. Look, just play along with Gran so we can get the hell out of here. Meet the bastard and I'll try not to steam out of your ears and strangle him.
"I'm trying to be patient, Toni." Antoinette encouraged with a determined scowl.
Toni tugged on the crimson ribbon marking the page and ran her hand over the summoning.
Straightening her back and raising her chin, she read from her new book of spells,
"A wandering soul I seek
One of which I wish to speak
Beckoned from slumber
You will appear to me encumbered
In my circle you will rise
For me to use without threat of reprise
Spirit of Bartholomew, crucified by order of Astyages
Arise and appear before my eyes"
The air in the circle wavered and a smoky form began to take shape. Toni shivered. Holy shit! I can actually do this. And look at him! Nothing like a shriveled up, naked old man to totally gross you out—I sooo DO NOT want this gift.
Sara giggled with glee. I personally think it's damn spiffy! Think of all the possibilities! You can summon up the dead; I can jump inside people! Oh yeah—we're gonna be one hell of a team!
Easy for you to say. I'm the one that does the summoning, Sara.
"Well, we finally get to meet," Bartholomew said, his eyes holding Toni's. "I've waited so long for this day."
"She is well aware of your offer," Antoinette said, gauging Toni and Bartholomew. "But sh
e isn't ready to accept your proposal at the moment. I'm sure you understand; this is all new to her. She wants to explore her new gift before making her decision."
Bartholomew did not take his eyes off Toni. "I have waited for what seems like an eternity, my dear. I can wait a little longer."
Doesn't he just make you wanna jump right out of your skin? Uck! I freakin' hate the perv. He killed me and he is so going to pay for it! No get out of Hell free card for you, death-breath! No passing go, no collecting my sister's bod, you oozing pile of carnage!
"Why can't you use another necromancer?" Toni asked, gripping her spell book.
Good question! I still say we slap his ass into Gran, Sara ground out.
Bartholomew smiled at Antoinette, sighed, and then put the tips of his transparent, weathered fingers together before enlightening them. "I have tried, hundreds of times over the years, but none could give me what I truly want. I believe only you can. As I hung crucified on a cross, I had my last mortal prophecy. You appeared before me and, in your eyes, Toni, I saw myself; and for the first time in my mortal life I felt pain—the pain of my own death. You see, as a mortal-seer, I felt nothing; neither physical, nor mental. I long to feel the sensual pleasures of your world, as well as the pain."
Great! Sara guffawed. Seer-ghost my butt-crack! What we got here's a psychopath trading up to sadist. Ain't happin', Worms-For-Brains.
"But I'm not sure I want to share those experiences with anyone," Toni said calmly.
Antoinette was swift to answer, "He will only be inside you when you allow it, Toni, and the reward of being able to use his ability to see into the future is quite a gift in exchange for a few moments of shared joy."
Tell her you want to do a little research, Sara prompted. Just to cover your ass. See how she reacts, because I think the witch is lying through her teeth. What if you let him in and you can't get him out?
"I can summon other spirits, right?" Toni asked Antoinette.
Antoinette shot a warning glance in Bartholomew's direction before answering, "Yes, but not when another ghost is inside of you. What does that have to do with Bartholomew?"
What a lying, f'n bitch! I'm inside you and you whipped him up! And Ruth said that Bartholomew can't jump in your body when I'm in here! Sara's words rolled around in Toni's head like a train careening out of control. Go ahead, lay it on her! This is so damn good!
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