“No goblins,” he said. “At the store? She vanished at the store? I didn’t see her.”
“So you worked Wednesday?”
“Yeah, every Wednesday,” he said. “I thought you knew that.”
“I don’t keep track,” I said. “I barely keep track of myself.”
My computer beeped and an email from Erin popped up.
“Erin wonders if I plan to deal with this shit in a curled up ball of angst all alone,” I said with a small smile. “Probably. I’m always alone.”
Aka looked like a kicked puppy. “No, you aren’t.”
“I didn’t mean it that way, Aka,” I said. “I just mean . . . I don’t like to bug other people with my crap. It’s no one’s business, anyway.”
“It’s mine,” Aka said, his tone angrier than I thought it should be. “We’re best friends. You’re supposed to burden me, then I burden you.”
“You never tell me anything,” I said, gripping the arms of my chair and swaying back and forth in a nervous need to do something with my body. “I didn’t even know your middle name ‘til a few days ago. I never know what’s going on in that head of yours. You write all the time, draw and sketch, but never share it with me. What’s that all about?”
“You,” Aka said. He got up and walked over to the window he’d left open, but did not leave. The sky darkened in the vanishing sunlight, and his pale reflection was a ghost upon my window pane. “It’s all about you.”
My question had been rhetorical so I was caught completely off guard by Aka’s admission. My mind doubled back and I tried to remember glimpses of things he’d done that I’d been allowed to see. I remembered a sketch he’d drawn the week before of a person sitting under a tree. It must have been me from that afternoon I’d argued with Rigel. Where had Aka been that he’d been able to see me there? His seventh period was on the other side of the school.
“Why didn’t you say something?” I demanded of Aka’s profile.
“Because you didn’t see me,” Aka said with shut eyes.
I frowned at that and stood up. He wasn’t being poetic or deep. Judging by the inflection he used, he was referencing another frickin’ movie. I did it all the time in my head, but I at least made an effort to keep it out of my conversations with people. Why did half the conversations I had with Aka have to have some sort of movie or television reference? If my life movie had a soundtrack, it’d have songs ripped off from other movie soundtracks because half the conversations and emotions that surfaced from them came from someone else.
“We’re not the Na’vi, Aka,” I said. “We’re not part of the Rebel Alliance, members of Starfleet, or trying to save Middle Earth. The real world; give it a try.”
Aka turned and gave me a hateful look. “As if reality has nestled you in its bosom.”
“I’m not being a hypocrite,” I said. “I don’t enjoy reality half the time, either. I just want to have a normal conversation with you that doesn’t include dialogue someone else wrote. My previous request for complete sentences still stands.”
“Fine.” Aka rounded on me and said, “You’re blind to everything, not just me. You sit around in your self-pity parties of one and don’t take a good look at everything else you have. You think it’s you against the world, but you have Sarah and Erin who would be there for you if you just let them. You let me in a little, but not enough. I know what your mom puts you through, but you recite it like a badly written play instead of telling me anything substantial—about how you feel or any of the things that bring you pain. I’ve seen your family in action, Kathleen. I know it’s got to bother the shit out of you, but the only thing you ever complain about is your mom. Do you ever cry? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it, and after everything you’ve been through lately, it’s not good for you to just keep it all in chains against your chest. It’s weighing you down, and you’re going to drown in it someday.”
“What good would crying do me?” I shot back. “It ruins my makeup and makes my eyes burn. It doesn’t solve anything, and it definitely doesn’t make anything better. Tears won’t bring back Mom or make Ryan any less dead.”
Aka stepped away from the window and sat on the end of my bed. “You’re missing the point. Not just that, everything. You’re clever and talented and responsible. You’re not in charge of the newspaper for no reason. And you’re beautiful. You don’t see it, I know. Fucking Ryan had you brainwashed into believing otherwise. You were chubby when we were younger, but you’re not anymore. You look in the mirror and still see what you were. No, you’re not a stick figure like Sarah or an hourglass underwear model like Erin, but you’re not fat.”
“Aka, sweetie. I’m a size fourteen,” I said with a shake of my head. I appreciated what he was trying to do, but I didn’t have visual impairment when it came to reading sizes on my jeans.
“So what?” he said. “I don’t even know what that means. I just know how you look, and you’re beautiful to me. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. But my opinion is like wind in your hair for all the notice you give it.”
I put up my hands defensively. “That’s so not true. And if this is some weird argument about what Ryan tried to do—”
“No, I didn’t mean that,” Aka said. “I meant Josh.”
“He’s an emotional cripple,” I said. “He doesn’t know what he wants. I’m just chalking up his weirdness to being in a grieving period.”
“He’s been coming around since before Ryan died,” Aka said. “It’s not that.”
“How do you know that?” I said, peering at him with suspicion. “How could you possibly know about that?”
“I saw him at school,” Aka said. “Creeping around the newspaper office all the time. I didn’t know what to think until I found him with you in your room last night.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I said. “He was having me write something for him. It’s stupid. I’m not telling you about it. It’s too embarrassing. Okay, no. You know what? Fuck it. He paid me to write a letter for Macey Trindle. Only he never gave it to her because Ryan took it and someone shoved it down his throat when they killed him. There, you know all the sordid details of my relationship with Josh. He thought I killed Ryan and had the police interrogate me. Happy now?”
“So you were so pissed at him you brought him to your room and macked on him?” Aka said angrily.
“I didn’t . . .” I began, then determined to calm myself before I said anything more. People who cared about each other should not make each other miserable. “Josh was upset about Ryan and tried to kiss me. I didn’t let him. You walked in at the worst possible moment, that’s all. I think I told you this already.”
“I’ve gotta pee,” Aka said, then walked into my bathroom.
I stood there and stared at the monochrome sugar skull poster on the back of the door. It was so random for him to do that in the middle of a conversation, much less a heated argument. Inside, I was a little excited. Aka liked me. Actually liked me, like I liked him.
He’d been so unattainable before. At least that’s what I told myself. I adored most everything about him, but there were boundaries. I thought I couldn’t have him, so I didn’t let my thoughts linger too long on what it would be like to kiss him or hold him. So many times I stopped myself from slipping my fingers into his, to feel that connection. Now it might be okay if I did. I was almost giddy. Which would be a first for me.
It felt good to like someone like this. Scary. But good. I didn’t have time to think about it for too long, however. Josh’s head popped through my open window and startled the crap out of me.
“Hey, Kathleen,” he said. “I wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier. I don’t want you mad at me or anything. I’m not thinking straight these days.” He didn’t bother asking if he could enter before he climbed into my room.
“Oh, my God. Can’t you two use the door?” I said, barely keeping myself from stomping a foot in a tantrum fit. “Seriously, my dad’s about the unscariest guy in the world.�
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“Two?” Josh said.
I didn’t have a chance to reply before Aka came back out into my room. He took one look at Josh, then looked at me. “Right. Bye.” He stepped past Josh and headed for the window. Monosyllabic was never a good sign.
“Aka, wait,” I said, grabbing for his arm. “I didn’t ask him over. Please don’t go. He can go. He just wanted to apologize for being a skeazy self-tantalizer earlier since I hung up on him, and I was going to tell him to go away because you’re already here, and we have things we need to work out between us, and then I thought we could go get some ice cream or something. Do you want ice cream?”
I felt like doing a bit of a facepalm in frustration of my shining example of extroverted marvelousness. Aka used nothing more than his presence and his eyes, trying to let his thoughts be known to me through some sort of Jedi mind trick or something. It didn’t work. I had no idea what he was thinking.
Behind me, Josh said, “Yeah, thanks a lot.” I ignored him.
“Come over later,” Aka said. He didn’t wait for me to reply before he disappeared through the window and walked across the roof.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” Josh said. A polite person would have left. Josh took a seat in my desk chair.
“Well, you did,” I said with a flounce onto my bed. “Pretty much the most important conversation in the history of me. Look, I get that you’re a boy and are therefore prone to do things that are disgusting and rude. There’s no need to apologize. I’d really rather be alone right now, if you don’t mind.”
“I do mind,” Josh said. “That’s not an easy climb.”
“I was faking politeness,” I said. “And no one asked you to climb my house or even come over. That’s all on you. I’d rather you scampered off. You’re cutting into my brooding time.”
“Fine.” Josh popped up from my chair and shoved it too hard against my desk. “I can see you’ve got your bitch back on.”
“Indeed I do.” I gave him a bright smile lined with sarcasm.
“See you,” he said, then climbed back out my window.
“See you.” I got up and closed the window, watching him as I locked it. He took the same path Aka had. Maybe I should’ve gone downstairs to figure out how they kept doing that. My house was a security risk for burglars, clearly.
22: When Worlds Come Crashing Down
I didn’t spend a lot of time at Aka’s house. I didn’t spend a lot of time anywhere that wasn’t school or home. It was far more common for him to come to my house and hang out before Mom got home than it was for me to walk all those extra blocks to his place. Much of our friendship occurred through texting or the web since we pined for our computers if kept from them too long. He preferred internet gaming. I preferred researching on various informational websites. It would be a strength when I made it as a journalist someday.
His parents had converted their attached one-car garage into his bedroom and built a detached two-car garage in the backyard with alley access. He had his own door to come and go through, and the door into the house led straight into the kitchen through a short corridor that had a bathroom and the laundry pantry. I doubted he saw much of his parents since he had no reason to go further than the refrigerator and microwave.
His father’s old aquarium had been filled with saltwater fish until he got bored with the upkeep and stashed it in the garage. Aka kept it when the garage was remodeled and put it up on end to where it stood six feet-tall. He put a male mannequin dressed as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange inside it with some multi-color rope lights. He said Alex was his muse and preferred the ultra-colorful lights since he had to give up the ultra-violence. I’m sure Aka’s parents thought he was crazy, but I considered him pre-rich eccentric.
I knocked on the door, but Aka didn’t answer. I tried the knob and it was unlocked, so I stepped through the door. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
Alex was tossed onto the floor, his plastic body in disjointed pieces that tried to escape his white clothes, and his black bowler hat lay at my feet. The aquarium was upside down on the floor atop what looked like half of a sliding glass door. Aka was draped over the top like a discarded wooden puppet, his legs and arms hanging to the floor. He was splattered with blood, and the only thing that kept me from screaming in horror was the fact he was looking at me, blinking and still alive.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Aka said slowly, but did not attempt to lift himself up and give me some sort of proof he wasn’t seriously injured.
Then I spotted what was underneath him, trapped in the glass. Rigel lay on his side, covered in blood. His breath was labored, but when my eyes met his, he lifted a tiny paw to the glass as if begging to be let out.
“Oh, my God!” I said, running over to kneel next to the glass. I put my hand against it to shove it over, then pushed at Aka instead. “Let him out! What the hell are you doing?”
“It’s the only way to trap him,” Aka said as he held tightly to the tank. “We can’t let him out. Trust me on this.”
“Kathleen.” Rigel’s voice was ragged and I could barely hear him through the glass. “Do not trust him. Remember, I told you. Do not trust him.”
I was torn. I trusted Aka with my life, but the situation was too fantastic, and not in a good way. More in a way that really, really sucked.
“Don’t listen to him,” Aka said, pounding his fist against the glass where Rigel held his paw against it. “He’s a liar. He’s just playing games with you. Wait a minute and you’ll see. When he dies, you’ll see for yourself.”
“What? No way. That’s crazy.” I tried to push him again, but he held fast. “I’m not going to just let him die, Aka. Get the hell off.”
“He’s a demon, Kathleen,” Aka said. He reached for my hand, but I snatched it away. “If you just wait, I’ll prove it to you. He’s the one that’s been doing everything to you. I don’t know what he’s told you, but he’s a liar. You can’t trust him.”
I shook my head and pawed uselessly at the glass with my fingertips as Rigel’s eyes closed. A few seconds later, he drew his last breath.
“Rigel!”
I threw myself at Aka, ferocious for the first time in my life. I beat at his chest and smacked at his face, but he fended me off easily and didn’t budge.
“Stop it,” he said as he pushed at my arms. “Watch. Just watch.”
Below him in the tank, the sight of Rigel’s body became obscured by thick smoke. I pulled back onto my knees to gaze in as the smoke solidified into something person-shaped. The shape became a young man with pale skin, long white hair, silver eyes, and the most perfect features I’d ever seen. He was, for lack of a better word, beautiful. He was clad in a long white robe, like an angel made flesh before my eyes.
“Rigel?” I said, my eyes wide and disbelieving.
He nodded and put his hand against the glass.
“Don’t believe it, Kathleen,” Aka said. “It’s a trick. He’s a liar. His name’s not even Rigel.”
“I am not lying,” Rigel said. “He is. He is the one that did everything. I swear to you.”
“Did what?” I said. I honestly had no idea. The only one who did anything to me was Ryan.
“What is my name, Aka?” Rigel said.
I was irrationally annoyed it was not an answer to my question. I didn’t see what his name had to do with anything. He could have been Rubber Ducky for all I cared.
Aka frowned. “He said it’s Gabriel, but don’t believe that, either. Nothing he says is true. He’s been lying to both of us.”
“Look, I don’t understand what the hell is going on,” I said at last, getting to my feet. “Why is he in the tank, and how come you know who he is?”
“He’s been coming around for about a week,” Aka said. “He said he was going to help me.”
“He had Ryan attack you,” Rigel said. His expression was so serene and his voice so calm. It was entirely different from conversing with him when he
was a skunk. He spoke as if he was patiently giving me information, not like he was throwing wild accusations. It gave me pause.
“How do you mean?” I said.
“Don’t listen to him,” Aka said and pounded on the glass with his fist. “It’s not like that.”
“It’s not like what?” I said. My trust in Aka faltered further. He didn’t say it wasn’t true. He said it was something different. “Were you involved in that, Aka? Were you in any way a part of what Ryan did to me?”
“Sort of,” Aka said, but then shook his head. “But not really. I didn’t know it was going to be like that. Honestly, I didn’t.”
I stared at him in disbelief. What the fuck? Did I even know him at all? Aka, my best friend in the whole world had played a part in the assault against me. It was too much to take.
“He killed Ryan,” Rigel said. “He killed your mother.”
“What?” Aka said, then shook his head vehemently. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t have anything to do with wherever your mom is.”
I looked between Aka and Rigel. I didn’t know who to believe. I had always believed my friend to be everything that was noble and worthy, the supporting pillar of my world. But that conviction evaporated like water droplets upon a hot skillet when I realized Aka hadn’t denied killing Ryan. He only denied killing my mom. I had fooled myself. My comfort with Aka was an illusion, the friendship I thought we had nothing but a mirage. His words were but an epitaph of our dead friendship. My trust shifted to Rigel. Or Gabriel. I didn’t care at the moment what his name really was.
“Think about it, Kathleen,” Rigel said. “Where was she last seen? He said he had not seen her, but she was there with him. There at his job.”
That was all it took. I snapped. I threw myself at Aka again, pushing at the glass with my legs as hard as I could to try to topple it. I must have lifted it enough as I struggled with Aka because Rigel reverted to smoke and spooled out onto the floor before forming into a person again.
“Oh, shit,” Aka said. He fell backwards over the tank and crawled backwards away from us. “What’d you do, Kathleen?”
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