I don’t realize Mason is still holding my hand until he starts toward the cafeteria and my arm is yanked after him. Apparently he didn’t realize either, because he stops and looks down at our hands. He smiles sheepishly, no doubt embarrassed that his earlier anxiety affected him so much.
His hand slides out of mine as he says, “Sorry.”
I bump against Mason’s shoulder with a smile before continuing on to the cafeteria. As soon as we walk through the double doors, I spot her. It’s hard to miss her sitting all by herself at a table meant for eight. Her bright red glasses stick out just as much as her big, goofy grin. I can’t help cringing when she sees us and starts waving enthusiastically. People already think I’m kind of weird. Robin certainly isn’t going to improve my reputation.
Mason is already five steps ahead of me before I commit myself to sitting down next to Robin. By the time I actually sit down, I am convinced she is about to explode. The mental image of her head bursting like a party balloon does nothing to improve my mood. Normally, I don’t mind perky people. Perky and question hungry, possibly a threat . . . that, I’m not so keen on.
“How was your morning, Olivia? I had so much fun with Mason! He hung out in my classes with me and we talked about all kinds of stuff. I love the name your family picked out for him! He only told me about his first name, though. I can’t wait to hear about the other names. I was too little when my parents chose the name for our Aerling, but I loved hearing the meanings. I am so excited to get to talk about this stuff again! It’s been forever since I’ve had Caretaker friends to chat with. Aren’t you excited?” Robin says, the words bulleting out of her mouth.
A quick glance over at Mason almost makes me laugh. With one eyebrow cocked and his mouth hanging half open, he looks a little surprised by Robin’s free flowing enthusiasm. He hasn’t had to spend nearly as many hours listening to Evie prattle on about everything under the sun as I have. Needless to say, I recover first.
“Excited might be a little strong,” I say simply.
Now Robin looks shocked. “What? How can you not be excited? I always hated keeping secrets. It feels so awesome to be able to talk about this stuff with someone who understands.”
Regardless of the fact that Robin is acting completely clueless, I’m not buying it just yet. I lean back in my chair and eye her carefully. “We prefer keeping to ourselves, actually. Having other Caretakers around, well, it feels a little claustrophobic.”
“Hmm,” Robin says, tilting her head to one side. “I guess I might be a little out of the loop since it’s been a while since we’ve had much contact with the others, but I didn’t think the conflict was still going on. Grandma said it had been bad when she was younger, but she made it sound like most of it had resolved. Mom and Dad never really talked about it. Has it gotten worse? Was there an actual split? Oh wow, if there was . . . maybe I should call my grandma when I get home and ask her about it.”
Sure that Robin will continue to ramble without stopping, I step in and shut her up before she totally loses me. “Look, I have no idea what you’re talking about . . . ”
Mason’s eyes widened, thinking I am about to bail on his not-so-carefully laid plan. I roll my eyes and refocus on Robin.
“I never said anything about a conflict or splitting. All I said was that my family prefers to keep things private. We don’t have much contact with the other Caretakers or anyone else involved in all this, for that matter.”
“Why not?” Robin all but demands.
“Why should we?” I counter. Not my best comeback, but I am grasping at straws here.
Robin’s shoulders drop in defeat. “Because . . . because other Caretakers are the only ones who understand. We help each other and give each other support when we need it. It’s not easy walking around with secrets all the time.”
For some reason, Robin’s chin dips down. I can’t say for sure, but I think I see a hint of tears in her eyes. Is she hiding something? Guilt would be my guess, but guilt for what? I’m suddenly so fixated on what mistakes she might have made, or secrets she might have let her runaway mouth spit out, that when she speaks again I jump.
“What about Mason? Staying in contact with the other Caretakers gives all the Aerlings a chance to socialize and help each other,” Robin says, just a touch indignant.
Her tone gets under my skin. Is she judging my family for our choices? In the back of my mind, I know she has the whole situation screwed up because we’re lying to her, but all the same, what right does she have to judge?
“Mason has me,” I snap, “and Evie and Mom and Dad. Why would he need anyone else?”
Again, I look over at Mason, expecting him to back me up. The expression on his face makes me falter. There is longing and guilt reflected in his eyes. I don’t understand. He would never want to leave us, right? There’s no way he would ever want other Aerlings more than us. It hurts to think he would even consider it. I am stunned . . . until Robin starts talking again.
“Why would he want to be around other Aerlings?” Robin asks in disbelief. She shakes her head at me, like I’m the crazy one. “Olivia, you seriously can’t imagine what it’s like to be like Mason? His world consists of his family, only his family. Even though I’m sure you all love him a lot, that’s a totally tiny world!
“Sure, he can go anywhere, do anything, and no one will ever see him. Nobody else sees the talents he has or gets to experience his personality and sense of humor. The only people who hear and see him are obligated to love him because they’re his family. It makes it pretty hard to ever feel truly accepted!
“And they’re so different. They experience life here in a way we can never understand. They have to be hidden, kept secret, lied about. It hurts to always be viewed as a potential problem, don’t you get that? Being around other Aerlings is the only time they’re actually free to be themselves! Why would you want to take that away from him?”
Her accusing stare pins me. I am too shocked to say anything. My eyes dart to Mason, hoping he will stand up for me, for my family. I am stunned all over again when I see his defeated posture, his glassy eyes downcast. Suddenly, it doesn’t matter that everything Robin is judging my family for is all ridiculous because we never actually made choices to keep Mason away from people like him. We didn’t even know they existed. We did the best we could, but it doesn’t make any difference.
I realize as I watch Robin’s hand slide comfortingly over Mason’s that it’s all true, regardless of reality. Mason has felt isolated. He hates being our secret . . . our problem. Practical jokes aside, it kills him to be locked inside the little box that is my family. I know he loves us, but Robin is right, he will never have the opportunity to experience life in a way that truly gives it meaning.
Mason’s funk this morning seemed so strange to me at the time. Now, I am astounded that I have been so blind not to see how much he has been struggling lately. I sniff against the inevitability of tears, tilting my head up just enough to keep them from falling.
“Olivia,” Robin says, sounding rather far away.
When I don’t respond right away, she says my name again. Eventually, I turn in her direction, but don’t actually look up at her. Only Mason’s hand closing over mine gives me enough strength to meet her gaze. When I do, Robin looks embarrassed.
“Olivia, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be so awful to you. I wasn’t thinking, something my mom says happens all the time when I start talking.” She rolls her eyes. “It’s just that the other Caretakers we knew were so supportive through everything and it made such a difference to know them. I didn’t think that maybe your family had experienced something different until Mason explained.” Robin shakes her head, chastising herself. “I know, that’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have judged, either way. Sometimes my mouth just gets the better of me. Friends?”
I stare at her, completely dumbfounded. I turn and stare at Mason. “You told her?” I squeak.
Mason meets my eyes directly, speaking sl
owly when he begins. “I told her about the other Caretakers your parents knew. I told them how they betrayed some of the families in our area and told their secrets, and the harm they caused. Robin understands now that your mom and dad were just trying to protect me by distancing us from the others.”
His gaze doesn’t waver until I nod slowly.
Where did he come up with that? I am amazed that he was able to fabricate a convincing lie so easily, and deliver it so calmly. More importantly, I am so relieved that he stuck up for our family, no matter how much Robin’s words rang true with him.
Both of Mason’s hands are on the table, but I pat his leg gently in thanks. Mason’s eyes dart over to mine at the feel of my hand on his thigh. I feel badly for startling him and pull my hand back, but suddenly his hand is gripping mine, holding it tightly in place.
Knowing that he is probably still hurting from what Robin said earlier, I don’t try to pull away again. Instead, I turn back to Robin. I am no longer in the mood for a question and answer session, but I do have one thought scampering around in my mind that won’t be put off for later.
“Robin, you mentioned the Aerling your family used to take care of, but obviously he or she isn’t with you anymore. What happened?”
Robin’s already pale face turns ghostly. “Her name was Eliana, and she isn’t with us anymore because the Sentinels killed her.”
Chapter 4
Nightmares
(Olivia)
Screaming wakes me from an already troubled sleep. The sound of Mason’s voice calling out in fear and pain jolts me out of bed and sends me running down the hall. Pushing through his door, the yelling doubles in volume. Mason lays on the bed thrashing. I hurry over to him, unfortunately all too familiar with this routine.
“Mason,” I call out as loudly as I dare. I don’t want to wake the rest of the house. “Mason!”
With his eyes squeezed shut, he continues to thrash and mumble words I can’t pick out of the chaos. I try calling his name several more times, but he won’t respond. Worry begins building in my heart. It’s never been this hard to wake him before. With all the new revelations and stress he’s had to deal with today, I am concerned this is more than just nightmares.
Dodging his flailing arms, I reach in and grip his shoulder hard. My plan was to give him a quick shake, but before I have the chance, Mason’s eyes snap open wide and terrified. His whole body freezes, his eyes not seeing anything but the horrible memories I know are replaying in his mind.
“Mason,” I whisper. My fingers tighten on his shoulder, but I am afraid to move him. “Mason,” I try again.
When his whole body starts shaking, I panic.
“Mason. Mason! Wake up. Please, you’re scaring me!” I grab his other shoulder and hold on tight as he continues to shake. I am half a second away from calling out for my dad when Mason suddenly wakes up.
For a moment he seems confused, then his eyes find mine and his arms practically strangle me as he yanks me into his lap. His face is buried in my hair, hiding from everything before I can even react.
“Ollie,” he whispers. “Ollie, you’re here. Don’t leave, Ollie. Don’t leave.”
The torture in his voice breaks my heart. My arms tighten around him. “I’m not going anywhere, Mason.”
We hold each other until Mason’s body stops trembling, until my heartbeat climbs the ladder back down from rabbit-speed to normal. Even once the night no longer feels like it is collapsing in on us, we stay in each other’s arms. I am afraid to let go. The irrational fear that the nightmares will start again if we slip apart keeps me from doing anything. I don’t know if Mason feels the same fear, but he makes no move to push me aside either.
Time is indeterminable in this moment. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is Mason.
“Thank you,” Mason whispers in the darkness. “Thank you for staying with me.”
Gently, I push back just enough so we can see each other. “Are you okay now?”
There is indecision in his eyes before finally saying, “Yeah, I guess.”
“Liar,” I say. I start to stand up, but Mason latches onto my arm before I can get more than a few inches away, proving my point. Instead of saying so, I press my hand against his cheek. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m just moving so I can rub your shoulders. It always helps you calm down after a nightmare, so scoot up.”
Mason does as he is told and I settle on the bed behind him. I have to stack a couple of pillows beneath me so I can comfortably reach his shoulders, but as soon as my fingers start kneading away at his knotted up muscles, I hear him sigh in relief. As I work at his stress, my mind works at puzzling out tonight’s odd events.
Most nights, Mason has nightmares about what happened to his family. They are always scary and leave him feeling the loss all over again, but tonight was different. I have never heard him screaming like he did tonight. It scared me half to death when he woke me. Not being able to wake him for so long was even worse. Something about his nightmare tonight was different. I want to ask him about it, but usually all asking questions gets me is silence and a sour mood. Still, I am worried enough to risk it.
“Mason, what happened tonight?”
His shoulders shrug under my fingers. “Nightmares,” he mumbles.
“The same as usual?” I question. “Because you haven’t called me Ollie since we were little. And even then, you only called me that when you were really upset.”
When Mason hesitates, I know I am right. Maybe pushing him to talk is selfish, but this feels important and I am not willing to let it go. My silence is enough of a push after several minutes.
“It started out the same,” he says slowly.
“It was about your family at first?”
Mason nods. “Every night it’s the same. Screaming, crying. Watching them come, watching them hurt my family . . . my sister.”
Sister? My hands slow as I falter. Mason has never said anything about a sister before. I knew he wasn’t an only child, but he’s never shared any specifics with me. Just talking about them is too much. It is a struggle to continue massaging his shoulders with my shaking hands as I realize Mason may have witnessed his sister’s death.
“Everything was the same until I got away,” Mason says quietly.
When Mason doesn’t continue right away, my mind is taken back to the day I saw Mason standing in our front yard. He was filthy, but I barely noticed. His tears were what captured my attention. I had never seen him in the neighborhood before, but I quietly went out the front door even though I knew I wasn’t supposed to go in the front yard without my mom. When I sat down on the front steps beside him, he nearly jumped right out of his shoes.
For a moment, I thought he was going to run away. Then, suddenly, he stopped crying. He looked at me as if he was confused about something. When he reached out and touched my cheek, I didn’t flinch away. Wanting to make him feel better, I asked him if he wanted to play with me.
I was too young to question where his parents were. Later that night when he asked if he could stay the night at my house, I was more than happy to say yes. I had no idea at the time that his entire family had been murdered and he had nowhere else to go. I was just happy to have made a new friend and I wanted to do everything I could to make sure he was happy and didn’t cry anymore.
“Mason, how did the nightmare change?” I ask.
“I found you,” he says slowly, “which I usually don’t. It always ends with me running away, scared and alone. This time, I made it to your house, and then all of the sudden we were older, the same age we are now. I thought everything was fine until they came back. Then it started happening all over again.”
“What started?”
Mason shudders. “The killing.”
“The . . . what?”
“They found me. They wanted to hurt me again, but they couldn’t get to me. They hurt your mom and dad instead. I tried to protect Evie, but no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough. And then . .
. ” Mason’s voice breaks. His head drops and his hands come up to press against his head. “ . . . then they came after you. I couldn’t stop them. They hurt you. They took you away from me.”
It isn’t just his nightmare that shocks me. I haven’t seen Mason cry since the day we met, but I can feel his body shuddering now as he tries to hold back sobs. When I slide one of my hands to his face, he presses against it and the tears tumble over my fingers. Words come slowly, yet my breathing is rapid as fear sets in.
“Mason, it was just a dream. No one is going to hurt us,” I say, more of a prayer than a statement.
“What if it’s not?” Mason asks when his body begins to calm.
More frightened by that statement than I let on, I say, “What do you mean?”
Mason reaches up and stops my hands from rubbing his back. Gentle pressure pulls my arms over his shoulders. I quickly fold them around him in a hug, resting my chin on his shoulder. His own arms follow suit.
When Mason doesn’t answer my question, I say, “Mason, as scary as it was, it’s just a dream. All that stuff with Robin today has you freaked out. No one is going to hurt us or take you away.”
“Why did it happen the first time?” Mason demands.
“You mean to your family?”
I can feel all my hard work getting reversed as Mason’s body begins to tense back up. His voice is rough when he says, “Why did they die? Who killed them?”
He knows I have no clue what even happened, let alone who was responsible. But after talking to Robin today, I know what he is really asking. “Do you think those Sentinels Robin mentioned had something to do with what happened to your family?”
As if having someone other them him voice his thoughts makes them easier to deal with, Mason’s shoulders relax slightly. “I don’t know. Maybe.” Leaning his head against mine, Mason sighs. “If they killed Eliana, maybe that’s what they were trying to do to me.”
“But, why would they hurt your family? Robin’s family wasn’t harmed.”
“My family would never let anyone hurt me,” Mason says almost angrily.
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