I close my eyes and lower my head and die a slow death inside as I realize where I am and what I must look like. I’ve been running through the woods in the middle of the night in nothing but my night shirt which barely covers my bottom. I’m a mess, filthy and bleeding. Oh, God, what must he think of me?
“Alexandria?”
He moves closer. I can feel the heat coming off his body.
No, no, no, no, no! This can’t be happening. What is wrong with me? He has to be thinking I’m as loony as everyone says I am.
Strong fingers grips my chin and forces my head up. My eyes open and all I see is the blazing green of his eyes. The ice is gone. They aren’t cold or hard or even mocking as I’d feared. Instead, they’re full of concern.
“Are you okay?”
“Cold,” I manage to get out. With the heat gone, I’m freezing. His fingers are the exception. They are hot against my skin, almost like a brand.
“I can see why,” he grins and stares down at my bare legs. “What are you doing out here at this time of night? It’s almost 3am.”
“Running.”
“With no shoes on?”
“Apparently.”
“Do that often do you?”
I sigh and then my eyes widen with a sudden revelation. The dream. It was the dream of the wolf that had driven me out here. All the emotions in the dream had still been with me when I’d woken up. They’d morphed into the insane urge to run, hard and fast, through the night.
A small gasp escapes with another realization. I remember my dream! I never remember more than a few flashes and hazy images, but I remember the wolf. A smile spreads across my face and then another thought slams into me.
“Why are you out here at this time of night?” His face closes off faster than I can blink and his eyes harden again.
“I couldn’t sleep so I took a walk.”
He’s lying.
I start at the sound of the voice in my head. That is definitely not my voice.
Calm down.
Oh, damn, there it is again.
“Alexandria?”
Don’t trust him.
“You’re as white as a sheet, Cara. What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong? Besides the fact that I’ve lost my mind and am hearing voices? I’m just peachy.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not fine,” Devon snaps. “You’re injured.” He points to my bloody knees.
I frown at the accusation in his tone. It’s as if my getting hurt has offended him. Well, excuse me for falling.
“I said I’m fine.”
He snorts. “Come, I’ll see you home. It’s not safe out here by yourself.”
Safer than with him.
This is so very not good. Schizophrenia maybe? I think hearing voices is one of the early signs of the disease.
“It’s getting late, Alexandria.” Devon says, impatience clear in his voice. “You need to get home.”
My eyes narrow. There is just something about this boy that grates on my last nerve. He’s gorgeous mind you, but he’s also irritating beyond belief and very, very bossy.
“I can get home by myself, thank you very much.”
He reaches for my arm and I slap his hands away. Slipping around him, I start walking. It only takes him a few strides to catch up to me.
“You’re going the wrong way,” he tells me.
I swing around and start walking the other way.
“Are you always this stubborn?”
“Are you always this arrogant?”
“Yes,” he nods. “I am always this arrogant.”
I burst out laughing. I can’t help it. It’s such an outrageous statement, but he says it so matter-of-factly. At least he admits his flaws.
“How did you know we were going the wrong way?” I ask after a while. I don’t remember telling him where I live.
“I moved into the house below yours.”
“Oh.”
Great, just great. He lives below me. Hmm . . . I wonder if I can see his bedroom from mine?
We walk in silence until we reach my house. My foot catches on the top step of the back porch and I stumble again. He reaches out to steady me and his scent invades my senses. He smells of the night, of dark things, and there is a spicy undertone I can’t identify. He smells familiar to me, too. Not in the same way Morgan does, but familiar just the same.
“Good night, Cara,” he whispers against my ear. Cara means beloved I think. Why would he call me that? I barely know him.
I turn around to ask him and his eyes are glowing again. I can drown in those eyes if I let myself. Honeysuckle and the smell of freshly mown grass fill me and I’m able to break away from those eyes. He chuckles and before I can say anything, he’s gone, leaving me with bloody knees and voices in my head. What else could go wrong?
Chapter 6
I have this fear that is always in the back of my mind. It never goes away, just lessens or worsens by degrees. Insanity. I’m afraid that I truly am insane. It would explain everything that has happened to me the last ten years or so. There are books on the subject and I’ve read them all to appease my own need to believe that I’m normal, that I shouldn’t be locked up in a padded room so I can’t hurt myself or anyone else. Most days, I can convince myself that I’m not crazy.
But not today.
Today, my deepest, darkest fear is bubbling over. I want to lie to myself, to pretend last night was just another dream, but the pain in my scraped and bandaged knees shatters that illusion. I’d gotten up out of my bed, hit the door running, and had not stopped until I was close to collapse. I’d been barefoot in a ratty nightshirt. The feelings from last night try to swim to the surface of my mind and I push them back down into their box and padlock it.
I’m not crazy, I’m not.
That phrase is a running lyric in my mind, but it’s hard to believe it. Honestly, I think I am losing my mind. Hearing voices is not a good thing. Coming back here might have been a very bad idea. I’d come back to the place where all my fears and nightmares were centered. Everything from school to The Event. Vague images tease the edges of my memory and I want so very much to remember them. I need to know why I am the way I am. What happened to me that day?
My mind turns unerringly to the second half of the night and I frown. I’d been rattled last night, but now in the light of day, questions ramble through my mind. What was Devon doing out at that time of night? Me, I’m possibly crazy, but why had he been out walking through the woods? He should have been sound asleep like everyone else.
I’m not sure what to make of Devon. He fascinates me and I can’t really say why. I’d never really been interested in guys at Compton. The school didn’t foster that kind of relationship either. It had been all we could do to just get through the day without losing it. They were trying to help us, and I did learn a lot, but being constantly watched, poked, prodded and psychoanalyzed does things to a person that most can never understand. It makes you question your own reality and I think that’s part of why I’m a little crazy. I was treated like I was crazy person at Compton. Things like that just don’t go away overnight and they leave a mark.
I shake my head. Thoughts of Compton always manage to put me in a dark mood. My thoughts stray back to the green eyes I can’t get out of my head. This is new territory for me. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. He also infuriates me, but he makes me laugh too. Jason used to email me about his newest crush and all the crazy things he’d felt. What I’m feeling now is kinda like that, but more intense. He invades my mind at the oddest of times.
Then again, it could just be another symptom of my insanity.
A sharp rap on my driver’s side window startles me. Saidie is standing outside with a two cups and a paper bag. My stomach rumbles at the thought of food. I’d run out of the house this morning practically before the crack of dawn. I’m starving.
With great care, I get out. Both my knees are swollen and sore. Saidie hands me a
cup and says, “I hope you like hazelnut.”
“It’s my favorite,” I tell her and savor the taste of the nutty coffee. It’s from Pop’s Diner down on main. I love that place. Best food around for three counties. My stomach growls loudly when she pulls out one of their apple cinnamon turnovers.
Saidie laughs and hands one over. I’m shocked at how tiny she looks today. I must not have paid too much attention yesterday. She might be two inches over five feet if she’s lucky. She looks almost fragile, but then her smile gets in the way and she looks like she is bigger than life. It’s an odd contrast.
“Where’s mine?” Morgan demands as he slides to a stop beside me. His arm wraps around me and all the nervous panic and dark thoughts of just a few minutes ago vanish. Just like that. He touches me and I’m no longer afraid. What is wrong with me?
“You’re fretting about something, Bessie Mae.”
Saidie chokes on her coffee and spews it everywhere, laughing so hard she looks ready to fall down. Bessie Mae?
He grins at me.
I don’t think so.
“I’ll be the only person who can call you that, okay?”
I continue to glare up at him.
“Ah, come on, Bess,” he wheedles. “Have some fun.”
“Does it really matter if I say no?”
“Nope.”
I sigh in resignation and settle into his side. I know how bizarre this is. I am standing here with a boy I barely know, letting him put his arm around me. I don’t do so well with people, especially boys, but Morgan is different. I feel at ease in his presence, confident. But why? My reaction to him frustrates me to no end because I can’t explain it. He’s as much an enigma to me as Devon is.
“You know, Bess, I have a feeling you and I are going to be best friends.” He stretches out. “We should make some rules.”
“Rules?”
What is this nonsense?
“Rules,” he nods, his face serious.
“What sort of rules?”
“Hmm, let’s see. First we should agree to never let anyone or anything come between us.”
Does his smiling face hide some kind of crazy obsessive person?
“We should agree to always be there for each other no matter what. If one of us calls, the other will drop everything and come running.”
I frown. This really is quite ridiculous.
“What else?” he muses, his eyes coming to rest on something across the parking lot. “One more I think. Let’s agree not to date anyone the other hasn’t approved of.”
“What?!”
“Work with me, Bessie Mae.”
I look up at him. He looks so serious. I’ve never seen Morgan without a permanent smile plastered on his face. Then again, I have only known him for a day.
What do I really know about Morgan? Absolutely nothing. His rules are insane. Why does he think I’d agree to such nonsense? Why would he ask me to? My luck would be the one of the few boys who seems to take any interest in me at all turns out to be a lunatic in need of a padded cell.
He snorts and I frown. I guess my face is easy to read.
His thumb rubs slow circles into my hand and that same feeling of peace I’d experienced yesterday when he was around washes over me. He gives me a confidence I’ve never known just being next to him. How?
“And just why should I agree to this foolishness?” I ask at last.
“Cause you want to,” he grins at me.
Inevitably, I find myself agreeing when he smiles down at me. It is just so easy to be around Morgan, more so than even Saidie. I instinctively know he’s right. Rules or not, we are going to be best friends. And he has a point. I do want to agree to his nonsense and that terrifies me just a bit. I can’t explain my reaction to him and it gives more credence to the crazy theory, but for once, I don’t over analyze and just give in. I want to.
“Agreed.”
He lets out a breath I didn’t know he’d been holding. Why does my agreement matter so much to him? It is obvious from the relief on his face that it does, but why? I start to ask but then I smell him. He smells of trees and grass and honeysuckle. His scent surrounds me in a warm cocoon of the remembered smells of lazy summer days hiking in the woods. I smell dirt and rocks and moss.
“What kind of cologne are you wearing?” I ask him suddenly.
“I’m not,” he frowns.
“But I smell . . . ”
“You smell what, Bess?” he stares down at me surprised, his eyes wide.
The first bell rings and I look across the parking lot. Devon is walking towards us. His eyes catch and hold mine. They burn into me. His eyes are blazing with something close to fury. What is his deal?
Morgan’s hand grabs mine and he drags me inside. He pushes me and Saidie toward the French room, but I can’t get the image of those burning eyes out of my mind. My knees are killing me. I’d had to run to keep up with Morgan and now they hurt like the devil. Saidie noticed me limping as soon as we started out of the French room.
“That pup needs to pay more attention,” Devon mutters as he comes to a halt beside us just outside the door. “He shouldn’t have forced you to run this morning.”
“Morgan?” I frown up at him.
He turns cold eyes on Saidie. “Alexandria is injured. Make sure she does no further damage.” Just like that he dismisses us and goes into the room.
She lights into me as soon as we reach the auditorium demanding to know how I hurt myself and how exactly Devon knows about it. Morgan overhears her questions and his gaze zeros in on my limp. He looks a bit chagrined.
“I went for a run yesterday,” I tell them. “I tripped and fell. Both my knees are pretty scraped and bruised. Devon was in the park when I finally got there and he helped me home.”
“He lives close to you?” Morgan asks.
I nod. “Yes, his family bought the house right below ours.”
Morgan’s face blanches and then he yanks out his phone and goes into super text mode. What in the world? He looks like I’ve just told him Hannibal Lector moved in.
“Morgan?”
“Sorry I made you run this morning, Bess,” he says once he’s done texting. “I didn’t know you’d hurt yourself.”
My eyes narrow. He had made me run this morning and he’d been staring across the parking lot when he came up with that last rule about dating. Had he seen Devon when he’d come up with that utterly preposterous rule?
“You don’t like Devon much do you?” I ask.
“No.”
“Why?”
“There’s something off about him.”
I snort. Something off about Devon? I’m the mental girl.
“You really should . . . ”
“I really hope you’re not going to tell me to . . . ”
“Stay away from him,” we finish the sentence together.
“Uh-oh,” Saidie chuckles. “Your first fight, so cute.”
There is nothing but concern in Morgan’s eyes and I can almost feel the unease rolling off his skin. There really is something about Devon that bothers him, enough so that he’s actually trying to warn me away from him. I’ll agree that Devon comes off a bit dangerous, but at the same time, that’s what makes him all the more alluring. I can sense the violence just under the surface. And I don’t care.
“Morgan, you can’t tell me who to talk to. If we are going to be epic friends, you need to understand that right off the bat.”
He sighs heavily. “It was worth a shot.”
I grin at him and he gives me a smile full of that southern charm I’d seen yesterday. He doesn’t mention it anymore and I hope that he’s at least going to deal with my being friends with Devon. Lunch proves me wrong.
The lunchroom is crowded and as soon as Saidie and I step in, chatter ceases for a moment. I know they are all looking at me, at the girl from the mental institute. I can see the curiosity in their faces and some are snickering, but most are just curious. I ignore them. Kudos to me. We sit d
own at an empty table and I am glad of Saidie’s incessant chatter. It’s one of the reasons I like her so much. She is constantly talking about something and I don’t have to fill up awkward silences with mundane nonsense.
I can feel the hostility the minute they both step into the room about ten minutes later. I don’t even have to turn around to know that Morgan and Devon have come in. I can feel it like a weight that slams into me. They come over and slump down on the other side of the table, barely keeping a civil expression.
“How are your knees, Alexandria?” Devon’s eyes turn to me and soften for a fraction of a second and then turn back into the ice chips I’ve come to expect from him. “The pup didn’t do too much damage did he?”
Morgan snarls at him. So maybe he hasn’t decided to accept the fact I want Devon around. His blue eyes, normally full of laughter, are snapping blue flames of fire.
“Be nice, Devon,” I tell him. Morgan was fine with him yesterday. What changed?
“Whatever for?” He gives me a look that is both offended and shocked I would even ask him to do such a thing. I’m surprised I can so easily forget how arrogant he is.
“Fine, you two can sit here and snap and snarl at each other all day, but I don’t have to sit here and listen to it.”
I carefully stand up, grab my lunch tray and make my way over to where my brother is sitting. It’s hard to make myself go over there. Jason is very popular. He’s the quarterback and captain of the football team and as such, is sitting with several members of his team, but I trudge over there. They can snicker all they want. I’d rather deal with that then those two.
I’m tired, my knees are killing me, and the two of them going at each other like two dogs circling a bone is more than my frayed nerves can take. The fact that I’m pretty sure I’m the bone in question doesn’t help matters either. I don’t understand my relationship with either of them. I feel things around them both that make no sense to me. The thought of losing either of them also causes some panic. It’s too weird to try to deal with and I don’t want to. At least not right now.
PANDORA Page 202
