by Willa Okati
Quinn forced himself to breathe. “Then what warrants the occasion? Ben.”
Ten Hawks shrugged. “Just checking in. I like talking with my professors from time to time to see how things are going with the semester. You’d have seen me before now, but I’ve been, er, busy. A little busier than I expected.” He ran a finger beneath the collar of his shirt. “Things come up. You know how it is.”
Blinking, Quinn took in the sight of a clearly embarrassed Ten Hawks. A late visit was no cause for—was that?—yes?—a blush. “I’ve heard from Andy that you’ve been busily occupied,” he said without thinking. “Andy speaks highly of you.”
Ten Hawks’ color deepened. “Andy. Yes. I’ve spent some time with him. He’s a…good man. He tells me that you and he are developing a fine friendship. That’s excellent. I worried about how well you’d settle in when you were sharing lodging with someone like Dr. Jennings—Billy. But you seem to have adjusted. Andy says so, to any rate.”
Quinn kept his face blank, but small exclamation points were dancing in the back of his mind. Good Lord, did Ten Hawks have a crush on Andy? Was there something in the water up here? He bit back words that wanted to come out, encouragement for Ten Hawks to go ahead and take the next step, then choked down laughter at the thought of himself, of all people, offering such advice.
He, who had yet to face… Not yet. Not now.
Still calm, he faced Ten Hawks. “Thank you. I have been settling in just fine. Was there anything else we needed to talk about? Ben.”
“No, no, nothing else.” Ten Hawks patted the lectern. “You, uh, go back to what you were doing. Talking about Andy’s reminded me that I have an appointment with him in a few minutes.”
“Will he come looking for you if you’re late?” Quinn said, straight-faced. He kept from chuckling as Ten Hawks’ eyes opened slightly wider. “He’s a dedicated worker, after all.”
“I’ll go and find him,” Ten Hawks said hastily. “Good job with the teaching. Keep on going. You’ll turn out a fine batch of students. Excuse me.”
Quinn watched the tall Native American hurry up the aisle of the lecture hall, neatly sidestepping the occasional piece of dropped paper or chewing gum wrapper. He managed to recover his dignity as he walked, his shoulders straightening by the time he’d reached the top of the high cement steps. Quinn watched him, amused in a vague sort of way. If Ten Hawks did have a crush on Andy, he couldn’t imagine himself wishing them anything but the best.
And he certainly didn’t have room to throw stones about relationships in the workplace, did he?
Quinn almost giggled, but the sound choked in his throat as the door to the lecture hall opened once more and the man of his dreams, most recently realized fantasies, stepped in easily as if he belonged there.
Billy.
Dressed casually in jeans and a sweatshirt with some faded logo plus steel-toed boots, he looked once again more like a student than a full professor. Although he was too far away for Quinn to hear very well, he watched as Billy greeted Ten Hawks, putting a casual hand on the man’s shoulder.
The pencil fell from Quinn’s fingers again. He watched Billy moving casually and carelessly, his fingers kneading Ten Hawks’ shoulder. He laughed about something, and managed to tease a smile onto the Chancellor’s face. Instead of continuing his hurried exit, Ten Hawks lingered to laugh and chat.
Watching the two of them together, Quinn felt the first prick of the pin that would burst his bubble. Maybe not Ten Hawks, maybe not now, but… God. I knew this couldn’t last forever, yet…
Cold, hard facts began to rush in on him. Billy wouldn’t be satisfied with a shy, bumbling professor forever. Look at how he’d jumped on and off Enrique, the mover. Love them and leave them, that would be Billy’s raison d’etre. Anyone with his lust for life would be eager to devour any morsel of pleasure that he came across. Hadn’t Billy said as much once?
Ten Hawks was a lofty goal, and there was the Andy problem to consider, but Quinn could so easily see Billy charming the Chancellor into his bed. Or cozening his way into the Chancellor’s bed, sucking what would no doubt be a long, thick, bronzed cock, laughing with him about things great and small, teasing him about being too serious when it came to running his university…
He’d toss Quinn aside as carelessly as a child discarded one toy in favor of the next.
And where would that leave him? Quinn’s breath began to come in short, quick bursts as panic crowded in. He’d fallen off the track he’d walked so carefully for so long, all for the sake of Billy. When Billy left him, what would happen? Did he dare to try and find another man to fill his shoes, or would all the training wash over him and suck him back into a cold, sterile life filled with disdainful females? Sin and sensuality or the safe, straight path? Sex and sexuality or the straight and narrow?
His heart pounded as he watched Ten Hawks clap Billy on the shoulder, shake his head as he laughed, and head out of the lecture hall. Had they made plans to meet later? Had Billy come there to tell him it was all over?
Billy leaned against the back wall of the hall, thumbs tucked into his belt loops. His hips were thrust forward slightly, showing off his goods. Quinn couldn’t stop his mouth from watering at the thought, even as he was floundering for a solid rock to cling to.
Tentatively, he raised his hand to wave. It’d be rude not to acknowledge his—former?—lover coming to visit him. He felt like a fool with his hand in the air, but kept it there until he heard the low rumble of Billy’s chuckling drift down to him. Billy raised his own hand and beckoned Quinn. The message was clear—come here.
Without looking, Quinn shuffled his notes into a pile and stuffed them into his satchel. Slinging it over his shoulder, he began the trek up to where Billy stood waiting. Every step was accompanied by a double stab of guilt and fear. His bubble had well and truly shattered, and now he was waiting for the hammer to fall on his head.
His hands were shaking by the time he reached Billy. The expression on his face must have been one of horror, he knew, but he couldn’t change it for the life of him. “Billy,” he said bravely, initiating the conversation in the hopes of salvaging a little dignity. “What brings you here?”
Billy rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “You have to ask? Dumbass. C’mere.” He reached for Quinn.
Quinn jumped back. “Billy, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Why not? No one else around. Just you and me and a great big hall. Haven’t you ever dreamed about doing it in a classroom? Rolling around on the quizzes and slides?” Billy shimmied closer, winding his arms around Quinn’s neck. “How about just a kiss? Got a kiss for your best guy?”
Quinn hesitated. The pause was long enough for Billy to heave a sigh and lean in to brush his mouth against Quinn’s, his tongue flickering out for a brief taste. “What crawled up your butt?” he asked, still clinging to Quinn. “I know it’s not me. Yet.”
“I—I—” Quinn shook his head, unable to speak. He shrugged instead, knowing the gesture was inadequate.
“You, you,” Billy mocked gently. “Look, you have the afternoon free, right? I’ve got plans for us. We can drop your stuff off at the housing and head off into the garden paths.”
Quinn felt confusion beginning to cloud his mind. It dulled the fear somewhat, but raised even more questions. What was Billy’s game? “What will we be doing there?” he queried suspiciously.
“You get one guess.” Billy rotated his hips against Quinn’s. “And maybe a couple other things.”
“Billy. Outside?”
“Hell, yeah. You never did it outdoors? Damn, man, we have to remedy that. Gotta be well-rounded, right?” Billy’s infectious grin lit up his face. Despite himself, Quinn began to smile. “Plus, I have food. Sex and food. Who needs more?”
“I expect you’ll be taking your cigarettes along.”
“See? I’m a good influence on you. You’re already learning how to be a smart-ass.” Billy leaned forward and kissed Quinn again, linge
ring this time. With his eyes closed, Quinn could almost fool himself into believing that everything was still fine, that his bubble was intact, that Billy was still wholly focused on him. That he didn’t have to face a future alone or with someone who didn’t care…who wasn’t Billy.
He kissed back as if it were the last time. Desperation lent force to his embrace, bringing his arms around Billy’s back. He fisted his hands in the loose fabric of Billy’s sweatshirt, grinding into the muscles beneath.
“Hey,” Billy said, freeing his mouth to speak. “Something wrong, Quinn? You gotta tell me if there is, you know. I’m pretty good, but I really don’t read minds.”
Quinn regarded the man who’d turned his life upside down and inside out, who kept turning him on his edges, and found that he could not help but shake his head. “Nothing’s wrong,” he lied. “You said you had plans for us?”
“Yeah, if you dare take this outside my bedroom.” Billy’s eyes twinkled. “Let’s live dangerously, Quinn. Never know if we’ll get another chance this semester. It’s warm outside and the sky is clear. We’re in the middle of nowhere, with no one to see but us. Let’s live.”
The breath escaped Quinn in a long exhale. Come what might, he couldn’t say no. “All right,” he agreed, then dragged Billy to him for another kiss. He held on as long as he could, blocking out his own thoughts.
Perhaps he could enjoy Billy a bit longer.
If that was possible, he’d devour every morsel, just as Billy directed. He’d cherish every second before the inevitable happened.
He would, as Billy said, live.
Chapter Twelve
Billy, apparently, had his surprise laid out on part of one of the nature trails. Quinn couldn’t have said he was startled. Billy had specified “outdoors”, and where else would he go unless they headed into the actual hills? This was dangerous, as any professor or student could come along at any minute, but at least—for which Quinn was devoutly grateful—they weren’t in the backyard of the faculty housing.
Quinn looked carefully around himself, taking in the details of the glorious autumn colors on the trees, gently falling leaves and beams of sunshine arrowing through gaps in the foliage. Billy seemed to shine, bathed in a perpetual glow as he moved. His skin was as beautifully bronzed as it had been when they first met, and except for a few inches in length, his magenta-tipped hair hadn’t changed. The locks gleamed as if tipped by rubies. His lips were soft and full, begging to be kissed. While gazing, Quinn caught a glimpse of Billy’s bright blue eyes sneaking a peek at him in return, and blushed, realizing that he’d been staring like a wide-eyed child.
Hastily, to cover his lapse in manners, Quinn asked, “Where are we going?” Billy hadn’t specified much, and he carried a bulging knapsack that couldn’t help but arouse curiosity.
“I told you, it’s a surprise. You’ll see.” Billy winked at Quinn. He sparkled with mischief as he reached out and took Quinn’s hand, boldly linking the two of them together.
Quinn almost managed to restrain his flinch, but couldn’t stop himself from glancing around to see if anyone were watching.
Billy frowned. “Hey, what have I told you about chilling out? You’re thinking again.” He came to a stop as Quinn cringed, the fear of being scolded springing up like a tight fist in his chest.
But instead, turning Quinn so that they faced each other, Billy brought his hand up to lightly touch Quinn’s cheek. “No one’s around. It’s just you and me out here. Promise. Okay?”
Quinn swallowed down his uneasiness. After a moment of careful listening, when he didn’t hear anything or anyone else but a few late-season birds, he nodded. “Okay,” he added, just to be sure.
Billy’s broad grin was a welcome reward for compliance. He turned back around facing forward, gave their joined hands a little shake, and began to walk again. “We don’t have far to go now. You’re gonna love this.”
Quinn wasn’t at all sure that he would, but he’d been swept up in Billy’s wake. He followed behind like a seashell in the tide, unable to stop the pull on his hand or his senses or his… No, he wouldn’t say heart. That was too dangerous.
Especially now, when he’d come to the conclusion that Billy wouldn’t be a lasting part of his life. The man might be satisfied with quiet, bumbling Quinn for a time, certainly, but Quinn knew he’d end up boring Billy stiff. He had only to look around himself to see the proof of that. For example, Billy saw a beautiful day of Indian summer and a chance to have some fun.
Quinn saw the beauty, yes, but he also saw endless possibilities for getting into trouble.
Why would Billy hang around to hold Quinn’s hand forever?
Stop thinking. Do what Billy’s told you time and time again. Just feel. This is a gorgeous day, one to be savored, and you should cherish the moments you have left. Billy would tell you to drain each second dry. Do that. You’ll have memories to keep you warm when he’s gone.
Tentatively, Quinn squeezed back, flexing his fingers in Billy’s. Billy tossed him a grin and shook their hands again, swinging to and fro as if they were children on a playground. However, there the similarity stopped. Quinn knew that Billy would be bent on some very adult games once they arrived at—wherever it was.
“Okay,” Billy said, coming to a stop. He extricated their hands from their grip together and pointed at what looked like a thinly worn footpath through a tangle of trees that lined the nature trail. “It’s just through here. I found this place a while ago. I don’t think anyone ever goes there. Pretty sure, anyway.”
“Pretty sure,” Quinn echoed. He licked his lips. Well, the small path would be hard to spot if one were casually ambling down the trail. You’d have to look for the thing to find it. It should be safe…should be. Folding his arms across his chest and running his hands over his biceps, he inclined his head in agreement. “All right.”
Trusting Billy was so chancy. But he—he wanted to play the game out, no matter how uncomfortable it might make him on occasion.
Didn’t he?
Yes, he told himself, discovering it to be the truth. I’ve told Billy that I am his, and yes, I want to be. I realize that means stepping beyond the boundaries of what I’m not comfortable with, but he’s such a vibrant force of personality that one cannot help being attracted to him.
No…take that down to a personal level. I, Quinn, am attracted to Billy. Perhaps I always have been from the moment I first met him. So charismatic, so full of joie de vivre, so very much the bon vivant. He’s everything I’ve ever wished, in my secret dreams, of being. Everything my fantasies have wanted, when I’ve allowed myself the luxury.
Billy can take me out of myself, if I let him. He can shape me into an entirely different person. Already I feel the changes in the air and beneath my skin.
He’s teaching me how to know myself. For as long as this lesson lasts, I’ll savor it.
This much I swear.
“Quinn? Hey, Quinn, you in there?” Billy was snapping his fingers in front of Quinn’s face. Quinn blinked, then realized he’d gotten lost in his thoughts…while staring vacantly at Billy’s impish face. “Jeez, I know I’m pretty, but you’ve gotta stop this moony-eyed gazing shit. It’ll go to my head.” He laughed. “So, you ready to brave the wilderness?”
Billy held back a branch on the side of the trail. “I’ll go first. You can follow behind me. It’s not far, but watch your step, okay? There are some briars and I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Quinn felt a small flush of pleasure. Billy cared. “I’ll look where I step,” he said obediently, gratified by Billy’s look of approval. “This way?”
“Yep. Just step where I do, and you’ll be all right.” Billy took his first stride off the trail, ducking underneath the raised branch and holding it up for Quinn. Quinn swallowed and followed in Billy’s footsteps, feeling as if he were doing something far more dangerous than simply diverting from a common road.
Dangerous…and exciting.
The trek through
the woods was, as Billy had promised, not very long. Quinn remained watchful as to where he put his feet, and only got snagged on a string of thorns once. Billy teased Quinn as he got them untangled from Quinn’s pants, finishing up with a light slap on his calf.
And when they emerged, it was in a little piece of paradise.
Billy stood at the edge of the small clearing they’d walked into and beamed. “Well? What do you think?”
Quinn shook his head. The place they stood in wasn’t wide—perhaps eight feet across and equally broad—but there were no rocks, no briars and no tree stumps. The ground was covered by a mat of crackling autumn leaves in every fall color there could be, looking soft as a downy pillow. Billy took on an entirely new aspect as he stood in the middle of nature. An almost fox-like glow. He seemed one-hundred-percent at home.
Quinn felt that he himself must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Nevertheless, he appreciated the wild beauty of the place. “Where did you find this? I mean, how?”
Billy chuckled as he swung the knapsack off his shoulder and set it down next to one of his legs. “A couple months ago I was looking for a good place to bring someone. This was perfect for what I needed. Quiet, secluded, no chance of being interrupted…” He turned so that Quinn could see him waggling his eyebrows. “Perfect little seduction spot, huh?”
Quinn felt himself begin to grow warm. “Yes,” he agreed. “Is that…seduction is what you plan on?” He hoped, but didn’t quite dare to presume. Then again, given that this was Billy, it would be a safe wager that sex was what he had on his mind.
“If you play your cards right. Come on, sit down. If you get dirty, it’ll wash.” Billy folded down into a cross-legged position and patted the leaves in front of him. “Get comfortable.”
Quinn hadn’t sat on bare earth in more years than he could remember. All the same, it felt somehow right to be following Billy’s lead. And, as he carefully lowered himself, it wasn’t awkward or off-putting. The leaves crunched underneath him, welcoming as a blanket could be.
