We stayed down in the bathroom for what felt like forever. I folded up towels and laid them on the floor, and I sat down with my back up against the tub. Milo lay down next to me and rested his head on my lap. All I could do was brush his hair back with my fingers, and eventually, he even stopped crying. When Jack opened the bathroom door, Milo jumped to his feet instantly. I was too scared to move, as if me standing up would have an impact on whether Bobby lived or died.
“He’s alive,” Jack said, but he wasn’t smiling. Milo almost fainted in relief, and he had to grab onto the counter to keep from falling. I got to my feet because I figured it would be better if I caught him. “But he lost a lot of blood. So he’s not exactly stable yet. We’re in kind of wait and see mode to see if the transfusion works.”
“I understand,” Milo nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Can I see him?”
“Yeah, Ezra’s up there, and he’ll probably wanna talk to you too.” Jack touched Milo’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but Milo just sniffled and hurried past him.
“So… how is Bobby?” I walked over to Jack and looked up at him.
“Not good,” Jack said grimly. “He really almost didn’t make it. I mean, Milo almost drained that kid dry. It was bad.” Then he forced a smile at me. “But his heart’s beating now, and that’s something.”
Jack wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest. Even though I hadn’t been that fond of Bobby, I found myself crying. Milo would never kill anyone, and he really loved Bobby. It was terrifying to think that he might die. And he might die because they were in love, and they were careless.
It scared me even more when I thought about my relationship with Jack, and how I had almost lost control the other day with Peter. Milo was way more in control of himself than I was, and he had nearly killed Bobby. What would I do to Jack? Even with him being a vampire, I could just as easily find myself in the same situation, and that was too much. I was starting to think that maybe I would never be ready for anything more with Jack.
Worse still, Jane was still out there, doing that kind of thing all the time with strangers. Most of the vampires she picked up were probably more in control of themselves than Milo and me, but maybe they weren’t. She had no way of knowing, and we could just as easily pick up a bloodwhore as someone like Ezra or Peter. And even if they do know what they were doing, they were still draining her of her blood, over and over again. Accidentally or on purpose, the odds of her dying were getting exponentially higher ever day that passed. I couldn’t let her do it anymore. As soon as things were settled with Milo and Bobby, I was taking Milo the club, and we were taking her away. I don’t care if we had to kidnap her; I wasn’t going to just let her die.
The house was incredibly subdued. Mae didn’t tend to Bobby the way she normally would’ve, and almost immediately after he was stable, she returned to her room. Ezra stationed himself in Milo’s room to monitor Bobby, but Jack later confided in me that it was just as well because Ezra’s been crashing in the den with him the last few nights. Mae has all but kicked him out of their room, apparently. Milo didn’t feel right being around Bobby, and he was positive that he would hate him when he woke up. I couldn’t convince him otherwise, but he wanted to bunk with me, and really, I didn’t mind. I was glad for the company.
Milo cried in his sleep a lot, and that made it harder for me to sleep, but I didn’t complain.
After what he’d been through, I didn’t blame him at all. I don’t know what I would do if I did anything to Jack, and then I immediately pushed the thought from my mind. I would never do anything to him, even if that meant I had to wait months and years to do things with him. Or maybe never do anything with him. I wasn’t going to hurt him, not like that.
Not like that. I had to amend everything with that now, because I was clearly okay with hurting him other ways, as seen by me making out with Peter. That situation didn’t want to resolve itself quite so easily either. When I got up in the morning, I bumped into Peter in the hall. There was this awkward exchange where neither of us knew what to say and just kind of stared at each other. At least he hadn’t said anything to Jack, so that was something.
It was almost twenty hours after the transfusion that Bobby started to really come around.
He’d some hazy conversations before that, but he obviously wasn’t lucid then. Milo was too afraid to go in and talk to him, even after Bobby had started asking for him. I even went in to talk to him, and Bobby repeatedly assured me that he didn’t blame Milo for what happened and he still loved him. He was pale and tired, but otherwise, he seemed okay, but Milo was too ashamed to have anything to do with him.
His plan was to hide away from Bobby as far as he could, so he went down into Mae’s room with her.
Mae was being abnormally useless in the situation. Jack and I were the ones who ended up getting Bobby food and clothes and doing all the maternal/nurse things that Mae usually did, leaving him to survive entirely on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Campbell’s soup. He mostly slept at first, so I let it slide, but I wasn’t going to let Milo just hide while I took care of his boyfriend. I gave Milo another night to sleep on it, but that was all I would stand for.
When I went to fetch him from Mae’s room, I brought along Jack with me. Milo was still pretty fond of Jack, and I thought he might listen to him, even if he wouldn’t listen to me. Stupidly, I had half-expected Mae to be encouraging Milo to get up and deal with Bobby instead of hiding, but that wasn’t how new sulky Mae rolled. They were curled up in the dark, listening to Norah Jones, and if anything, it seemed like she was persuading him to avoid life with her.
“Milo, come on.” I flicked on the bedroom light, even though I didn’t really need it see anything. I just felt like they needed a flash of something to wake them up. They both squinted at me and groaned, and Milo buried himself deeper in the blankets and pillows. “Bobby wants to see you.”
“He does not!” Milo pulled the blanket entirely over his head, so his protests came out muffled.
“I’m sure he does, love,” Mae sounded almost like her normal self. I don’t know if it was our presence or the light, but it momentarily snapped her out of her funk. She scooted a bit closer to Milo and pushed back his blanket. “He loves you, and you know he does.”
“I can’t see him!” Milo insisted, and he was fighting back tears. “Not ever!”
“I know it seems major, but it’s really not as bad as you think,” Jack sat at the down at the end of the bed and tried to coax Milo out from the bed. “I mean, it would be major for normal people, but he understood what he was getting into when he got involved with a vampire.”
“Well, maybe I didn’t!” Milo was whining, and he almost never whined. Mae pushed back his hair from his forehead, and he rubbed at his eyes with the palm of his hand. “I don’t know how I can ever face him again.”
“Just face him the same way you did before,” I shrugged. “You haven’t seen him, but if you had, you’d understand. He really doesn’t hold anything against you.”
“But he should!” Milo had pulled himself out from underneath the covers a bit more, but he just stared up at the ceiling, looking complete desolate. I couldn’t imagine how terrified and guilty he felt knowing he had almost killed someone he loved, but Bobby was alive, and I didn’t want him to spend the rest of his life moping about. “I nearly killed him. He should hate me. Something should happen. There should be repercussions for my actions.”
“You don’t think there are?” I asked. “Look at you!”
“It’s not enough,” Milo protested. “I mean, I’m a monster! I should be locked up and kept away from people forever!”
“You’re not a monster, love,” Mae cooed, running her fingers through his hair. “You’re just young, and you have some things to figure out. That’s all.”
“The fact that you’re beating yourself up so much about this proves you’re not a monster,” Jack added. Milo looked at him, sniffling, and for a mi
nute, I thought that Jack might have really gotten through to him.
“Have you ever done anything like that?” Milo asked him, almost sounding hopeful. If Jack had behaved somewhat like this, then it would make it okay that Milo had done this. Jack wasn’t horrible, so it was evidence that Milo wasn’t horrible either.
“Well… no,” Jack replied hesitantly. He knew the answer he was looking for, and if he wasn’t such a terrible liar, he probably would’ve made something up.
“And you haven’t even bit anyone, so you have no idea what I’m going through,” Milo said to me, making me feel like an idiot and a loser. I really hated that he had more experience in all of this than I did. I wanted to be able to advice him and comfort him through this, but like everything else in life, he knew more about it than I did. I was completely useless to him as an older sister.
“I have,” Mae admitted reluctantly. Milo and Jack looked at her with surprise, and she gave Jack a weird look out of the corner of her eye. “It was a long time ago, but I remember it very clearly. I know how terrible it feels, knowing that you almost took a life. But I also know that it’s something you can get past.”
“So what happened?” Milo asked. The tears were drying under his eyes, and at least Mae had been able to distract him from his misery. “Was it with Ezra?”
“No, he was a human, but he didn’t die, and that’s what matters.” Mae forced a smile, but there was something incredibly pained about it.
“How come I’ve never heard about this before?” Jack looked confused. They had been very close, and I was even a little surprised that he hadn’t heard this story before. Mae was big into sharing things. “Was it before I turned?”
“Yes, it was.” Mae shifted uncomfortably in the bed and tucked a curl back behind her ears.
She sat up more and refused to look at Jack. Right now, he was only feeling bewildered and intrigued, but I was getting the impression that there was something that she wasn’t telling us, and it made me nervous.
“Did he need a blood transfusion too?” Milo was obviously starting to feel better about this whole thing if Mae had been there too. She was one of the kindest people we had ever met, and if she was capable of this, then it couldn’t be that bad.
“No, but it doesn’t matter how he survived. The point is that it doesn’t make you a monster for drinking too much,” Mae looked at Milo, and she had purposely started turning more towards him, so her back was more to Jack. “It’s easy to forget how fragile humans can be, and that’s why it’s important to always be careful.”
“Well, how bad was he?” Milo pressed. He was starting to doubt her story since she couldn’t provide any details, but I knew she was telling the truth. She was just leaving something out. “Did he lose a lot of blood?”
“Yes, he was almost dead.” Mae closed her eyes and rubbed at her forehead. “He may have been technically dead. His heart had completely stopped beating.”
“So what did you do? You didn’t give him a blood transfusion?” Milo sat up straighter, and even Jack was looking very interested in her story.
“No, we couldn’t. We were… out, and Ezra wasn’t there.” Mae sighed and shook her head.
“It was a long time ago. I don’t know why all of this matters so much to you.”
“I just don’t understand what happened. If he was that bad, how did he live? Did you take him to a hospital or something?” Milo asked.
“No, there wasn’t enough time. They couldn’t have…” Mae opened her eyes, but she stared intently at the bedspread instead of looking at any of us. “It’s so easy to lose control, and that’s why I only drink bag blood anymore. I never want to feel that way again.”
“Mae, what happened?” I demanded as gently as I could. A sick feeling was building up in my stomach, and I wasn’t even sure if I should press her for more information. Maybe it would better if no one ever found out, but I always had to know everything.
“Ezra told me that Bobby almost didn’t make it, and he had a lot more going for him,” Milo said. “I mean, if he was dead, how did you save him?”
“We…” Mae exhaled shakily. “Peter turned him.”
Mae closed her eyes tightly, but for a second, nobody said anything. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Milo’s big brown eyes were even larger than normal, and he just gaped at them, looking back and forth between Mae and Jack. At first, Jack didn’t seem to feel anything.
Then this painful, shocked, nauseous panic spread out over him. His heart hammered in his chest, and I wanted to say something to him, but I didn’t know what.
“What are you talking about?” Jack demanded, and his voice was shaking.
“Jack, love,” Mae reached out for his hand, and he leapt up off the bed before she could touch him.
Tears formed in her eyes as she looked helplessly at him. “It was a long time ago.”
“No!” Jack shook his head, refusing to believe or understand what she was saying. “I followed two girls into the club, and then…” He ran a hand through his sandy hair, and he stared off at nothing, trying to think. From what I understood, Jack had never really been able to remember much about turning. “You told me that you found me in the alley, that they left me for dead.”
“Nobody left you for dead, love.” Mae got up off the bed and took a step towards him, but he just took a step back.
“What happened, Mae?” Jack shouted. “What really happened to me?” Mae flinched at the anger in his voice, and Milo and I were too confused and surprised to do anything else but watch.
“You were at the club, and…” Mae trailed off. “You know how these things happen!”
“No, I want you to tell me exactly what happened,” Jack glared at her. “I deserve to know what you really did to me!”
“You were at the club, and I was hungry! I had picked up people there a few times before, and I didn’t think anything of it. So I took you to one of the back rooms,” Mae explained, and Jack closed his eyes. “I didn’t mean to, Jack! Honestly! I never meant to hurt you! I didn’t even realize what I had done until it was too late! You weren’t breathing and your heart had stopped!”
“I thought you couldn’t turn if you were dead,” Jack said quietly, but he still didn’t open his eyes.
“You weren’t dead yet, not completely.” Mae walked closer to him, and he didn’t run away.
“I called for Peter, and he came in and said the only thing we could do was turn you, so he did. And then we took you back home and took care of you and loved you.” She put her hand on his chest, and he let her, but I could feel he was visibly shaken. His heart beat erratically and his breath was coming out raggedly.
The color had drained from his face, and he felt hurt, pissed off, and very ill.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Jack asked as evenly as he could.
“The last thing you remembered was following the girls into the club, and everything was confusing and frightening enough in the beginning,” Mae explained hurriedly. “We didn’t think we should add to it, so we just let you believe that the girls had done it.”
“So you lied to me?” He opened his eyes, and his eyes had gone icy. “You lied to me for the past fifteen years? You thought that was a better alternative?”
“No, we just… I didn’t know how to tell you!” Mae floundered.
“Whatever.” Jack pushed her hand off of him and turned and stormed out of her bedroom.
I went after him because I felt like I should, but I had no idea how I could help him. I didn’t even really understand why he was so upset.
“Jack!” Mae called, running after him. She tried to touch his arm, and he jerked it back from.
“Jack!
Please! It doesn’t change anything!”
“It changes everything!” Jack made it as far as the living room before he whirled on her.
“You killed me! By your own admission, I was dead! You…” He ran his hands through his hair, and he coul
dn’t seem to process what she was telling him. “And you covered it up! How could you lie to me about something so important? What else have you been lying to me about?”
“Nothing! This was the only thing, and it wasn’t lying!” Mae looked away from him and shook her head, her eyes swimming with tears. “We just let you believe what you wanted.”
“Bullshit!” Jack yelled. “You let me believe what you wanted me to believe! You didn’t want to tell me that you had almost left me for dead! I’m sure you considered it, didn’t you? And if Ezra had been there, instead of Peter, you would’ve left me for dead! He never would’ve let you turn me!”
“What’s going on?” Ezra asked, coming down the stairs at precisely the wrong time.
Jack had his arms wrapped around himself, and he was very close to throwing up.
Sometimes, it really sucked being able to feel everything he felt. He was so hurt and sick. The wind had been knocked out of him.
He was just realizing that instead of embracing him as one of their own, his family could have just as easily left him for dead, and they almost did. They had always led him to believe that they had been so moved by his plight that they had saved him. That they had gone out of their way to bring him into their folds, when really, he had just been a casualty.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me Mae killed me?” Jack shouted, turning his anger on Ezra. “You could’ve just told me! I’m only pissed off now cause you made me live a lie the entire time I’ve known you!”
“You’re being melodramatic,” Ezra said calmly. “Nothing has been a lie.” He gave Mae a disparaging look, and she shied away from it. Apparently, he didn’t approve of the way she had told Jack the truth.
“Jack, you know they love you,” I said, and he looked at me uneasily.
Cautiously, I took a step towards him. He stood in the middle of the living room, and Matilda sat next to him, looking very confused by all the yelling. Jack wasn’t mad at me in particular, but he felt kind of mad at the world. Ezra and Mae were in the living room doorway, and by now, Mae had started crying silent tears.
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