“You don’t know that!” Mae insisted. “I’m going out after her.”
“Mae!” I went to stop her as she left the room, but Jack put his hand on my arm.
“Let her go,” Jack said. “She’s not going to listen to reason anymore than Jane will.”
“You’re right.” I ran my hands through my hair and stared out the door. Across the hall, Mae had left Peter’s bedroom door open, and I could see into the empty disaster that had been Jane’s space. “Do you think we should go after?”
“Where?” Jack stared across the hall at the same thing I was. “Do you know where she went?”
“No. It feels weird just letting Jane go, though.” I chewed my lip.
“You can’t save her if she doesn’t want to be saved,” Jack smiled sadly at me. I knew he was right, but I just hated that way it felt. We had gone through a lot of trouble to get her here, and Bobby had risked his life. I thought Jane had really seen the error of her ways, but she was just looking for a place to crash. Jack put his hand on my back, and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. “I probably say this way too much, but it’s going to be okay, Alice. Honest.”
“I know.” I wasn’t sure if I really believe it, but I had to hope it was true. Jack kissed the top of my head, then pulled away from me. “Hey, where are you going?”
“Taking a rain check on tonight.” He went over to the closet and changed into his pajamas.
When he walked out, he was still pulling his shirt on over his head. “The mood is kind of destroyed.”
“I can reset the mood,” I offered with a smile, but it felt plastic even to me. I wanted to want him, but my heart wasn’t really in just then. I knew he could see through it, though, because he almost always sees through me. He walked over to me and I put my hand on his chest, amending my sentiments. “It could be a really good distraction.”
“Probably,” Jack agreed, smiling. “But I’d like to be more than just a distraction.” He kissed my forehead before heading out of the room. “I’ll be in the den if you need me.”
I stayed awake long after Jack had left. I probably should’ve convinced him to stay with me, even if we didn’t do anything. In a house overflowing with people, I felt strangely lonely. After everything I had tried to do for Jane, it had inevitably been a failure. All the worry and strife, and it hadn’t amounted to anything.
Even if I saved her today, what about tomorrow? Or the day after? Eventually she would die, and all my efforts would amount to decomposing in the dirt. Everything suddenly felt really pointless, but I tried to shake it off and just get some sleep.
Jack once again started the day with an apartment hunt, which I once again declined. It had taken forever for me to fall asleep, and I wasn’t up to it. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to move out, but by now, I knew that I didn’t have a choice. Peter had made it perfectly clear that cohabitating with him would be impossible, and considering Jack had actually been alive for over forty years, it was about time that he started living on his own.
I hadn’t been awake for that long when Jack returned. I had started gathering clothes to take a shower, but then I noticed the state of our bathroom. Mae was still gone, determined to rescue Jane, and I thought as a nice treat for her return, I’d get all our towels down and actually clean the bathroom. I pulled my hair back in a messy bun and got out the Comet and got to work. I was scrubbing dried toothpaste and shaving cream off the sink when I heard Jack bounding up the stairs.
“Alice!” Jack shouted. “I’ve got great news!”
“What?” I came out of the bathroom, and I know I looked hot. I had on this yellow rubber gloves to keep my hands from getting all mucky, and I was still holding the Comet soaked sponge. My pajamas were had water and soap splattered on them, and my hair was falling out my bun.
“What are you doing?” Jack gave me a perplexed look, but his delight was unmistakable.
Whenever he was happy, I had no choice but to be happy. His eyes were even sparkling.
“Cleaning, but never mind.” I tossed the sponge back in the bathroom, since I doubted I needed it to converse with Jack. “What’s your great news?”
“I got us a place!” Jack beamed, and I’m sure it was struggle for him to keep from jumping up and down. I smiled because he was, but the nerves in belly tightened.
“Already?” I asked, and somehow managed to keep the unease out of my voice.
“Yeah! I know you haven’t seen it, but it’s perfect! It’s absolutely perfect! You’ll love it!”
He’d already fallen in love with the place, and I could feel it coming off of him in waves. “I had to put money down because it’s so hard to find a place that matched all our needs, and it would get scooped up crazy fast. But I set up a time for you to see it tomorrow, and if you don’t like it, the deal’s off. I won’t make you move anywhere you don’t want to, but this place was just so perfect.”
“No, I’m sure it’s great. If you love it, I know I will too.” That was completely true, so I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel that way. His happiness was taking me over entirely, but there was still this bit of doubt gnawing at me.
“They allow Matilda, and it’s really hard to find a place that allows big dogs, and there’s a dog park real close by. It’s three bedrooms, one for us, one for Milo, and one for… I don’t know. Cause why not?” Jack shrugged. “And it has this fantastic balcony!”
“Do we even use the balcony now?” I asked. All three of the upstairs bedrooms had balconies, but I’m pretty sure that I had never been one, and the only person I’d ever seen use them was Peter. After we kissed. That reminded me that I had to move out. “I’m sure we’ll use it more since we don’t have a yard.”
“I know we’ll be giving up some space and some creature comforts, but I think it’ll be great.” Jack had calmed down some and he looked at me sincerely. “We’ll be able to have a life of our own, you know?”
“Yeah, totally.” I nodded.
“I stopped and got some boxes on my way back, so we can start packing some stuff up.” He started edging away to the door. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay. I think that I’m gonna take a quick shower and get all the cleaning gunk off of me,” I said.
Jack barely heard me because he was already darting down the stairs.
Once he was gone and took his emotions with him, my anxiety finally had a chance to kick in. I tore off the stupid rubber gloves and went into the closet to get a change of clothes. The shower was mostly an excuse. I needed a moment to catch my breath. It all felt so sudden, and I couldn’t explain what terrified me so much about it. We were just moving out, not that far away, and Milo and Ezra and everyone would still be a part of our lives. Jack was obviously making fairly decent money working with Ezra, although I was too embarrassed to ask the exact dollar amount, so I’m sure he could afford to take care of us.
There was nothing to fear really.
Except being alone. As much as I wanted to be with him, it scared the hell out of me. On top of all these vampire hang ups about possibly murdering him, I still had the normal teenage girl insecurities. I had never been with anyone before, and Jack had. And if something were to go wrong, we were on our own. Milo wouldn’t know how to handle anything, and if Ezra couldn’t get there time.
As I started leafing through my drawer of undergarments, it finally dawned on me. Without a doubt, I wanted to spend the right of my life with Jack, and I definitely wanted to have sex with him.
It would happen someday, and probably someday very soon if we were living on our own. So why not now?
Ezra was downstairs in the den, and Milo was next door. If something happened, I could easily get help. And besides that, nothing would probably happen, except I’d feel scared and embarrassed. But that’s okay. I’ll probably feel that no matter when it happened. And really, I was sick of waiting. I was sick of interruptions. I loved him, and it was time.
I purposely held my clothes close to me when I came o
ut of the closet so Jack wouldn’t notice, but he probably wouldn’t have noticed if I were waving them on a flag in front of me. He put in some 90’s mix CD in the stereo that he claimed had lots of “upbeat jams” that got him in the mood to pack.
Normally, I would’ve argued with him about why he had to have a mix to CD to get him in the mood to do something as specific and rare as packing, but I was on a mission. When I went into the bathroom, I left him grooving to the Presidents of the United States of America while tossing some of his graphic novels into a cardboard box.
More fun facts about being a vampire: The hair on my head grows crazy fast. Body hair does not. I think it’s because of how vampires are designed to be aesthetically pleasing above all else, and apparently, vampires don’t find body hair sexy. It does still grow, but to get the grizzled look Peter had in Finland would take weeks of not shaving. Jack shaves maybe every other day, but he doesn’t even really need when he does.
Still, for today’s shower, I took extra care in making sure that my legs and body were silky smooth.
After the shower, I lotioned myself up, even though my skin is generally incredibly smooth. I had a debate about perfume. Of course I wanted to smell good, but the natural smell of my skin and blood would probably overwhelm any other scent anyway. Besides that, I didn’t want it to make my skin taste funny if he kissed me. I blow dried my hair trying to give to that sexy, full look, but I’m not sure how well it turned out.
I’ve always been so bad at styling hair.
Finally, I put on the piece de resistance: sexy lingerie. Last month, Mae had given me credit card and let me loose in the mall. On a whim, I went to Fredricks of Hollywood, and I spotted this little number. Dark purple, lacy, and sheer, it had a baby doll top with matching panties. I had never worn anything like this before, and I was pleased to see that I looked kind of good. I posed for the bathroom mirror, trying to look as sexy as I possibly could. My stomach twisted with excitement and nerves, and I opened the bathroom door.
The wall was slid open, revealing the secret closet where Jack had his 10,000 DVD’s. He was filling up a cardboard with box his movies, and he was too busy singing and dancing along to the music to notice me. I was doing a sexy lean up against the doorframe, and I didn’t really want to move and ruin it, so I had to wait for him to notice me. Naturally, since I was planning on losing my virginity tonight, the song coming out his stereo was “Truly Madly Deeply” by Savage Garden. Cause the moment didn’t feel awkward or calculated enough for me.
“I’m probably gonna have to buy like a massive entertainment center for all these movies,” Jack said, stilling staring up at his DVD’s. It overwhelmed him for a minute, so he sighed, and finally turned back to look at me. I have no idea what he was planning to say, but his jaw fell open and his eyes widened. “Holy hell.”
“Is that a good holy hell?” I blushed deeply and fought the urge to cover my body with my arms.
Sheepishly, I stepped out from the bathroom door, and I had never felt so self-conscious in my entire life.
Maybe this was a really bad idea.
“Yeah.” Jack seemed to recover a bit and smiled at me. “What’s all this for?”
“You know,” I shrugged. I bit my lip and looked up at him, hoping he would catch the gigantic hint and wouldn’t make me spell it aloud. I took another step closer to him, but the Savage Garden was throwing off the mood entirely. “Can you change the song?”
“Oh, yeah.” He clumsily grabbed the remote off the bed, almost dropping it, and flicked the song to the next track. It was Mazzy Star’s “Fade Into You,” and while I wasn’t sure how it was an upbeat jam, I liked it a lot more. “Better?”
“Much,” I nodded.
Jack started walking over to me, and I started to feel how much he wanted me. The butterflies in my stomach made it hard for him to overpower me, but he finally managed to. Intense and yearning, his hunger radiated off of him like heat. He stood in front of me, taking me in a way that made me uncomfortable, and he exhaled deeply. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I crossed my arms over my body, trying to cover myself up.
“No, don’t do that!” Jack protest more loudly than he meant and touched my arm gently. I lowered my arms and looked up at him, at his ever softening eyes that burned for me. Gingerly, he touched my cheek, then moved his fingers back to my hair. “You are so gorgeous. What are you doing with me?”
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I am a very lucky man,” Jack murmured then bent into kiss me.
As soon as his mouth found mine, I felt this surge of love rush through me. This was Jack, and I loved him more than anything else. I had gotten so caught up in being of afraid of sex that I forgot why exactly I wanted to do it. Kissing him, his familiar taste, the way his lips worked against mine… I wanted him desperately. I pulled him tightly to me, and we stumbled back towards the bed. I fell back on the bed first and looked up at him.
“Are you sure you want this?” Jack asked huskily. He wanted it so badly, he could hardly stand it. In response, I reached up and pulled off his shirt. Shirtless, he was breathtaking, and I kissed his bare chest and smiled up at him. His skin was already smoldering hot on my fingers, and that was all the encouragement he needed.
The weight of his body pressed against mine. His chest hammered in his chest, and I could feel it pounding in time with mine. Instinctively, my body pushed against his, and I tightened my fingers in his hair, pushing his lips harder to mine. Fervently, he kissed me, and everything inside me trembled with anticipation.
Intense warmth spread all through me. His chest hammered in his chest, and I could feel it pounding in time with mine. Every part of me was begging for him.
His lips trailed down my throat, and I moaned breathily. It wasn’t until I felt them pressed my veins that I realized how badly I wanted him to bite me. He was so hungry for it, for me, so I tilted my head back, exposing more of my vein.
The sharp pain of his teeth was over before I felt, and then hot ecstasy spread away from my neck. I felt his heart thudding in my own chest, above my heart, that double beat that made it feel like he was inside me. In some kind of twisted pleasure, I could taste him in mouth, the tangy, honey taste of his blood, and my own bloodlust for him surged. I bit my lip to keep from biting him, but it was a gratification I can’t even begin to explain. Wanting him that badly while he had me, it was agony and bliss all rolled in one. I could feel the edges of myself waning, blackening. My body was threatening to lose control, black out and give into the thirst.
What kept me from giving in was feeling how much he loved me. It flowed through my veins in this amazing sensation. It was coming from him, but it felt like was coming from inside me. I was everything to him, and he was pure joy. I had never felt closer to him or more in love with them than I did then.
A tiny jolt ripped into me, and I gasped painfully. My body suddenly felt cold and alone, as result of the separation when he stopped biting me. Before I could even fell how empty I felt, his mouth was on mine.
I could taste my blood on his lips, and that did strange things to me. I pressed him even tighter against me, desperate for the burning heat of his skin against mine.
I felt his hand, strong and sure on my hip, and his fingers looped in my panties, sliding them down. I sat a bit so I could peel off the negligee, and this his arms were around me, pushing his bare skin against mine.
His intensity was overwhelming, but it only made me want him more. Then I was lying back down on the bed again, and he was looking me directly in the eye.
“I really do love you,” Jack said breathlessly, brushing my hair back from my forehead.
Then I felt him, sliding inside of me, and my breath caught in my throat. It hurt more than I expected it to, but within seconds, any pain was a forgotten memory. I buried my fingers in his back and pushed him against me. He kissed my mouth, my neck, my shoulders, everything he could reach, and I moaned against him. I could feel his heart pounding in time wi
th mine, and I could hear his breath in my ear.
Never in my life had I felt as whole or complete as I did then. I felt as if I had been made just for him, just for this. Pleasure exploded inside of me, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming.
Gasping for breath, he relaxed on me, but he still propped himself up so he wouldn’t put the full of weight of his body on. He rested his forehead against my shoulder and tried to gain some composure. When he gently kissed my shoulder, my skin trembled underneath his lips. My whole body felt like it was glowing with happiness, and I felt dazed and weak. My vision had a blurred hazy quality, and I knew that my stomach should ache with hunger, but I just couldn’t feel it.
“Was that okay?” Jack asked, looking at me.
“Yeah. That was the most incredible thing I’ve ever felt.” I smiled up at him and touched his face. He suddenly looked too marvelous to be real. He had the more gorgeous blue eyes, and they were filled with adoration for me. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Did I?” Jack laughed, and there was this wonderful exhausted quality that it made it sound ever better. I had exhausted him, and his laughter sent tingles all through me. “Oh my god, Alice.
I didn’t know it could be that good.” He collapsed back on the bed next to me, and he pulled me into his arms, so my head would lie on his chest. “Oh man. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on that.”
“I know,” I giggled, feeling strangely girlie and buzzed. I snuggled up as close to him as I could, loving the way my skin felt pressed up against his.
“Wow,” Jack laughed tiredly again. “You may not know this, but you are the single most amazing person I have ever met, and I am crazy in love with you.”
“Good.” I kissed his chest and smiled up at him. “Cause I feel exactly the same way about you.”
The loss of blood and the exhaustion of pleasure left me feeling drained. My vision started to clear from the haze of lust, and the pain in my stomach was starting to kick in, but I was too tired to deal with it. I just wanted to stay in Jack’s arms forever and listen to the sound of his heartbeat singing to me sleep. Our bodies were slowly returning to their normal temperature, and Jack pulled the blankets up over us, tucking them neatly around me.
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