by I. T. Lucas
Not a stranger to loneliness—hell, she was his most ardent mistress—Andrew had at least known pleasure, intimacy, camaraderie. True, none had been lasting, but there had been plenty, most of whom he’d enjoyed and remembered fondly.
Why would Nathalie deny herself? Or be denied?
Was it for religious reasons?
When he’d shaken Fernando’s hand, Andrew had noticed the small golden cross hanging from a thin gold chain around the old man’s neck, but the fact that the guy was religious was a far cry from proclaiming him a fanatic who’d cloistered his daughter. There had been no other religious paraphernalia around, unless it was all in Fernando’s bedroom.
Nah, it didn’t add up. Nathalie didn’t behave like someone who wished to save herself for marriage, or who’d been brainwashed to stay away from men. She was passionate, and not shy about it either. After all, she’d been the one who had asked to be kissed. His plan had been to keep his hands to himself and try to enjoy a platonic evening with her.
So what was it?
The only other thing that came to mind was that she’d been sick. Perhaps a heart condition? Diabetes? Parkinson’s?
He’d seen a movie once about a young woman afflicted with that disease. Parkinson’s wasn’t exclusively an old people’s thing.
This, or something like it, would explain her reluctance to share with him what had troubled her. Not something one wished to disclose on a first date.
Except, this didn’t make sense either—and thank God for that. Nathalie worked insane hours while taking care of her dad. There was no way a person suffering from a life-threatening or debilitating disease could’ve managed that.
Damn it, what could it be?
Hell, the answer was probably simpler. It wasn’t that Nathalie had never been kissed, or that she was still a virgin, but that it had been a really long time since she’d been with a man. Except, even this more plausible scenario begged the question why.
The mystery had him both excited and anxious. Excited about the unraveling of secrets, anxious about what these secrets might be.
Chapter 29: Bhathian
“Jackson, would you care to share with your friends the subject of this evening’s class?”
Smirking, like he was letting them on a grand joke, Jackson exchanged looks with his three sycophants, Gordon, Chase, and Vlad.
Damn, what had been this kid’s mother thinking when she’d named him Vlad? That crazy maniac had done more damage to the clan than all their enemies combined, and the woman had named her kid after him?
“I’m waiting.”
“Yes, sir. The reason I asked for another class was that your previous one was incomplete. You told us about all the things we were not supposed to do with girls, but you said nothing about what we could and should do. I thought we could all benefit from your vast experience on the subject.”
Aha, so that was his game.
If the boy had thought to embarrass him, Jackson had another think coming. By the time Bhathian was done with them, they would be blushing like a bunch of virgins, which he suspected at least two out of the four still were.
Not Jackson, the little prick had been quite active for some time now, and perhaps Gordon. But for sure not Vlad and Chase.
Bhathian leaned his butt against the edge of the desk and crossed his arms over his chest. “An excellent idea. Actually, I’m going to call your mother and compliment her on raising such a fine young man. To seek knowledge is a commendable trait, and not to be shy about asking questions even more so.” Bhathian wished there were cameras in the classroom so he’d have a souvenir of Jackson’s bewildered expression.
Unfortunately, there were none.
“So, Jackson, what is it that you find most difficult?”
The boy took only a few seconds to reevaluate the situation and come up with a new plan of action. He smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Let’s say I’m alone with a girl and I want to kiss her. What do I do next?”
“I thought I was very clear on this the other evening. You ask permission.”
“How?”
“A simple ‘can I kiss you’ will do.”
Jackson grimaced. “Do you have anything more subtle than this lame approach? You don’t know anything about girls today. I’ll get laughed at.”
Bhathian stifled a chuckle. Watching the back and forth between him and the boy, Jackson’s friends were turning their heads like a trio in a synchronized swimming performance.
Still, he sensed that there was at least some truth to Jackson’s statement. Perhaps this generation played by different rules.
“Very well. You can ask permission without saying a thing. You put your hands on the girl’s waist and gently draw her to you. If she resists, even a little, you let go. But if she lets you, you go to the next step and bring your lips close to hers, without touching, and wait. Nine times out of ten she will close the distance and kiss you. Problem solved.”
“What about the one out of ten?”
“Then you go to the third step. You close the distance, but very slowly, giving her every opportunity to turn her head away, or step back. If she does none of those things you can proceed.”
Gordon groaned. “This will make me look like a spineless wuss; like I’m not man enough to make the first move.”
Jackson nodded his agreement. “Girls like guys who are confident.”
Gordon snorted. “They like assholes. The worse a guy treats them the more they want him. I don’t get it, but this is the way it is.”
Uncrossing his arms, Bhathian sighed. “Look, boys, I’m not an expert on female psychology, but I’ve been around long enough, pondering the same question, and I came up with a hypothesis. But bear in mind, this is only my opinion and not a fact, and it is not scientifically backed so I might be totally off. We all know that women are impossible to understand, and smarter men than me and you were unable to solve the mystery.”
That earned him a snort from Jackson and chuckles from the other three stooges.
“You’ve got that right. Let’s hear it, then.” Jackson straightened his back, the other boys leaning forward to listen to Bhathian’s words of wisdom.
“I think it’s subconscious, a survivor instinct from a time when a female who succeeded in securing a strong, dominant male as a mate had better chances of survival than others, and, of course, the benefit extended to her children as well. A nice guy wasn’t a priority.”
Vlad harrumphed. “And I thought Jackson’s pretty face was responsible for his success with girls, when all along it was his jerky attitude.”
“Hey, I’m not a jerk.”
Vlad folded his arms over his bony chest. “A bully then.”
Jackson shrugged. “I don’t let anyone get away with shit. That doesn’t make me a bully. I don’t terrorize the weak and the meek. Only those who pick up a fight with me.”
“So good looks have nothing to do with it?” Chase asked. “I always thought that good-looking guys got away with being jerks, and hot chicks got away with being bitches, just because they could.”
The kid had a point.
“Yeah, I guess being attractive doesn’t hurt, and those who get enough attention from the opposite sex without having to work for it sometimes develop an entitled attitude.” He looked pointedly at Jackson. “Still, you don’t have to be a jerk to project confidence, and confidence makes a man seem more attractive to women. Especially when he also has a job and makes a decent living.” Bhathian winked. “No girl wants a penniless loser, not even for a hookup.”
“I got it. Confidence and a job. Anything else?” Gordon glanced at Jackson, whom the boys appeared to look to as an authority on everything having to do with girls.
“You got to be kidding. Nothing is ever as simple as that with chicks. Though I have to agree with Bhathian about the job thing. It feels wrong to ask my mom for money to spend on a date. But that’s just one small part. There is so much more to it.”
Now, this should
be interesting. A seventeen-year-old’s perspective on this most difficult of subjects. The boys seemed to agree, all three staring at Jackson and waiting for him to reveal the secret to his success.
“Their expectations are insane. It’s like no guy can be all of that. They want you to be tough but sensitive to their feelings; to be dominant and assertive but do what they want, how they want it, and where they want it. And the worst part is that they will never tell you anything, they expect you to guess. No wonder guys end up just ignoring their bullshit and behave like jerks.”
If he weren’t the teacher of this class, Bhathian would have clapped, applauding the boy’s wisdom. He couldn’t have put it better himself.
Women could be so frustrating.
Jackson’s succinct assessment seemed to depress his friends.
Vlad threw his hands in the air. “So how do you do it? It seems impossible to please a woman.”
Gordon and Chase nodded with twin dejected expressions.
Jackson shrugged. “You don’t. You do the best you can and if they are not happy with it, tough.”
“Are all of them like that? And why? What do they get out of making us feel like failures?” Vlad whined.
Bhathian chuckled and raised his palm to stop Jackson, who was about to respond. “First of all, you have to realize that they don’t do it on purpose—this is important to remember when you get frustrated with a girl. Gender roles have changed, but not the underlying physiology. A woman’s hormones, which are a remainder from a more primitive time, might compel her to seek the best protector and provider. At the same time, though, these qualities are not as desirable in modern society, and men are expected to be more accommodating and nurturing. She may crave a dominant man in bed, but not outside of it, which is confusing to us simple-minded creatures. But women don’t have it easy either. They are expected to be soft and feminine but to succeed in a world that demands the exact opposite. An assertive, bossy guy is called a leader, a woman exhibiting the same qualities is called a bitch.”
“Well, I’m no smarter now than I was before. I still have no clue how to behave.” Vlad pushed his chair back and got up.
Bhathian motioned for him to sit back. “We are almost done. I just want to give you boys a parting piece of advice.” He raised two fingers. “Communication and respect. Internalize it and repeat it like a mantra. As long as you communicate clearly and show respect, everything else will work itself out. And if not, let it go, it’s not worth it. Never compromise on these two things. And, of course, it should go both ways. You should expect the same in return.”
His concluding statement must’ve impressed the boys. Vlad was first. He got up and walked up to Bhathian to shake his hand. “This was good. I’m still clueless, but at least no longer blind.” Bhathian clapped his back. “Good, I’m glad.”
Chase was next, then Gordon. Jackson waited until they cleared the room before approaching Bhathian. For a moment, he just looked down at his white Converse shoes. “I want to apologize.”
“Yeah?”
Lifting his head. Jackson offered his hand. Bhathian shook it.
“None of us came here expecting to learn anything, it was supposed to be a joke. You know, getting back at you for the other class when you made us feel this small.” Jackson brought his thumb and forefinger together to illustrate. “But I was wrong. You’re cool.”
Bhathian smiled as he clapped Jackson’s back. He had to hand it to the boy, Jackson had balls to come clean like this. Most people were too scared to even say hello to him, let alone apologize.
“Tell me, Jackson. Where are you going to college next year?”
“I’m not. I’m going to take a gap year. My mom agreed to let me dedicate this time to pursue my music career, but only if I find a job and work at least part time. She doesn’t want me to spend all day sleeping while staying up all night, performing non-paying gigs with my band.”
“Do you have anything lined up?”
“Yeah, a couple of clubs. But we have to bring the audience. Not a problem, since half of our high school will come to see us play.”
“I meant job wise.”
“No, not yet. I have no experience, and that’s the first question everyone asks.”
“I think I have something that might be perfect for you.”
“Oh, yeah? What is it?”
“What time do you get out of school tomorrow?”
“I have a final tomorrow morning, and that’s it. I should be done by ten.”
“Wait for me outside. I’m going to pick you up.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
Chapter 30: Nathalie
Nathalie had been waiting for Andrew to show up all morning, but neither he nor Bhathian had stopped by. She had a sinking feeling that yesterday evening had been the last she’d seen of Andrew.
He hadn’t called either. So yeah, she’d forgotten to give him her number, but she was in the directory, or at least the coffee shop was.
Good job, Nathalie, congratulations on chasing another guy away, and you can’t even blame me for it.
Tut hadn’t been the culprit this time, but his absence had allowed that other voice to intrude, startling her worse than Tut could’ve ever done. So, at least partially, it had been his fault.
Where were you?
The morning rush was over, and the few customers remaining were sitting all the way in the back. Nevertheless, she was reluctant to risk addressing Tut out loud even though she found conducting internal conversations with him too intimate.
His presence alone was intrusive enough.
I’ve been checking out more interesting hosts.
Nathalie rolled her eyes. He’d been saying it for years, and yet he was still in her head.
I had a visitor while you were away. He was nice, not sarcastic like you. Perhaps I should invite him to stay. It was an empty threat since the new voice hadn’t returned. And anyway, she couldn’t imagine life without Tut. For better or for worse, he’d been a constant presence since she was a little girl. Annoying, but also reassuring.
Perhaps you should.
Damn, Tut sounded serious. Had she offended him?
“I was just joking,” she whispered.
I know, but I can’t stay forever, Nathalie. I’ve already stayed too long. I’m struggling to hold on because you need me to guard the gateway to your mind, but I won’t be able to do it for much longer. Each day I’m being pulled away more and more. You must’ve noticed it.
She had. But she’d assumed that Tut was just wandering around, or perhaps that she was getting better, and one day the voices would stop altogether. But it seemed that Tut had been misleading her.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
You would have panicked.
“So why now?”
Because I no longer have a choice. The fact that someone else got through my defenses proves that I’m getting weaker.
Shit, this was serious. And he’d been right about her panicking.
“What am I going to do without you? Is it going to be the way it used to be? With dozens of different voices driving me crazy?”
Forgetting herself, she switched from whispering to talking, and now some of the customers were looking at her. She smiled nervously and pretended to adjust the nonexistent Bluetooth in her ear, then turned around and fled to the kitchen.
You’re older now. You should be able to control them better. Start with that new visitor you mentioned, practice blocking him.
“Yeah, right, as if I wouldn’t have done it already with you if I could.”
When you really didn’t want me to know something, you did.
He was right. She’d managed to hide Andrew from him. “I think I learned how to keep some thoughts private, but that’s just a small part of the problem. I don’t know how to block the voices from talking to me, and that’s the worst part.”
Start practicing. I’ll stay for as lon
g as I can, but it seems that I can no longer keep the gate tightly closed, and some will manage to get through to you. Practice on those, and hopefully, by the time I’m gone for good, you’ll learn how to control them.
God, this was just what she needed now. Even on the remote chance that Andrew still wanted to see her, she wouldn’t be able to see him. Managing the voices while trying to appear normal wasn’t going to work.
Perhaps a clean break was exactly what she needed— before she got used to having Andrew in her life.
Not fair. Really, really, not fair.
The bells on the door chimed, announcing a new customer. With a sigh, Nathalie wiped a stray tear away and left the shelter of her kitchen.
Her heart skipped a beat when she saw it was Bhathian. Tilting her head sideways, she tried to peek behind him, hoping to find Andrew. But the only one standing next to Bhathian was a handsome teenager with a killer smile. He kind of reminded her of Luke, the guy she used to have a crush on in high school, they even had similarly conceited expressions. Not that she could really blame Luke or this boy for their cockiness. It was probably impossible for a guy to remain humble when every woman, regardless of age, was checking him out.
“Hi, Nathalie, I want you to meet Jackson. Jackson, this is my d— dear friend Nathalie, the owner of this coffee shop and your future employer.”
Jackson seemed just as surprised as she was by Bhathian’s introduction, but he recovered first. Flashing her a gorgeous smile, he reached over the counter and offered her his hand.
“Hi, boss,” he said.
The boy’s smile was infectious, and she found herself smiling back as she took his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Jackson, but I haven’t hired you yet.”
“How about we all sit together and nail down a deal,” Bhathian offered, pointing to the first booth on the right.
“Sure, go ahead, I’ll be right with you.”
Nathalie glanced at the customers sitting in the back. They seemed fine, but just so she wouldn’t get interrupted later, she grabbed a coffee carafe in one hand and a water jug in the other and refilled everyone’s drinks before joining Bhathian and Jackson at the booth.
