But instead of the anger he’d expected, she bowed her head. Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded. He heard her whisper, “All the time. It haunts me. I wish we’d never gone so far now.”
Surprised again by her docility, Jesse just stood there, watching her shoulders silently shake. He itched to go to her, but he denied himself. It wasn’t his place anymore. She’d taken away that privilege the day she hadn’t joined him at the airport. In essence, told him she wouldn’t marry him.
After a few moments, her shoulders straightened and she looked up, pushing her hair back. Her wet gaze didn’t waiver from his. “I never meant to hurt you. I thought I might get a second chance when the timing was better.”
Jesse swallowed against the thickness in his throat.
“I guess I thought you’d understand. I couldn’t leave Daddy alone.” She snatched a trailing tear away from her cheek.
“I did understand, Ally.”
“No. If you understood, you wouldn’t have waited three years to talk to me again.”
He took a step toward her, narrowing his eyes. “Was I supposed to just let it go? Pretend I didn’t give you every little piece of me and watch you throw it away?”
Her face crumpled and she sobbed, but managed to say, “I loved you, Jesse.”
Instead of giving in to his anger, his lips curled as he leaned toward her. “Then maybe you suffered as much as I did.”
She turned then and ran upstairs. He didn’t want to hear her crying, but she wasn’t trying to hide it. Her soft sobs broke his heart, chipped away a little at the ice he’d carefully constructed around his battered soul. He yearned to go to her and fill his empty arms with her softness. So instead, he sank down into the nearest chair and ran his fingers through his hair. He no more wanted to dwell on the past than he wanted to feed himself to a hungry bear, although the latter would be less painful.
A few minutes passed, and her sobs still didn’t stop. He’d never possessed an ounce of self-control with Ally Roche and now was proving to be no different. He stormed up the stairs, not really sure what he intended to do to make her stop crying. He’d figure it out when he got there.
Throwing open the door, he saw Ally on her knees in the middle of the floor, her face pale with red-rimmed eyes. Her lips were a rosy hue, standing out in stark contrast to her white skin. She looked up at him, her eyes silently pleading. But hope was there, too. Why would she look at him with hope?
“Stand up, Ally. You’re being ridiculous.” In an effort to hold himself back, he crossed his arms and locked his knees.
At his words, her face crumpled again, and she buried her head in her hands.
Before he’d registered his own movement, he was on the floor next to her, gathering her into his arms, smoothing her hair. He gritted his teeth against her body, so soft and warm on his.
“Ally,” he whispered, praying he could get through this without crying himself. “Stop crying, baby.” In all their years of knowing each other, he’d never seen her cry over someone except her mother and her sister. Did he really rank that high in importance to her?
Ally clung to him as if he was the only piece of debris in a vast ocean to keep her afloat. He couldn’t have made her move if he wanted to, and he didn’t want to.
“Jesse,” she whimpered. And then her lips were on his. He tasted the salt of her tears and felt the desperation as her hands framed his face and pushed him for more. Her tongue darted between his lips, licking him the way she knew he couldn’t resist. She nipped at his bottom lip and suckled, something else that drove him crazy.
For a split second, he debated shoving her off of him. But what did he have to lose at this point? She already belonged to someone else. A farewell kiss wouldn’t be the end of either of them.
With a harsh groan, he pushed her against the floor, punishing her with his mouth. He delved his tongue deep, making sure he left no space untouched. He wanted to brand her, make Ally his again, if only for a moment. Ally fought against him, with an equal passion that left him stunned. It took him a few seconds to figure out who was kissing whom. But he’d never been one to back down.
Taking her hands away from his neck, he pinned them over her head and continued his kiss. She tasted so good, like mint and vanilla, just like he remembered. But all her curves felt so different since the last time he’d touched her. Taking her wrist in one hand, his other hand slid down her body, under her shirt and touched her rib cage.
She was skin and bones. Apparently that wasn’t affecting her strength though. He suddenly found himself between her legs, Ally’s anxious body rising to meet his. Jesse pushed against her and laid his weight on her, keeping her from moving. He couldn’t think straight if she did that.
Breaking his mouth away from hers, he trailed kisses down to her jaw and neck. He suckled hard and elicited a feral moan from her. He certainly didn’t remember his Ally being such an animal, but he wouldn’t take it for granted.
“Make love to me, Jesse,” she whispered hot against his ear.
With a chuckle at her ear, he tugged on her ear lobe between his teeth, completely lost. “Oh, baby. If that’s what you want…”
“It is. I need you. I’ve always needed you.”
Like a naked man thrown into ice water, he pulled up short and looked into her eyes, still puffy from crying.
“Want and need are two different things. And I’m done with need,” he said.
She tried to kiss him again, no doubt to recapture the moment, but he avoided her mouth.
“I want you, Jesse. I do.” She let him see inside of her with her candid stare. He didn’t doubt her one bit, but what did need have to do with this?
“I know you do, Ally. That’s the one thing we’ve always had.”
With a long-suffering sigh, he touched his forehead to hers for a moment then hoisted himself up, offering his hand to her. She didn’t touch him.
“I don’t understand what’s stopping you,” she said, anger lacing her words.
Jesse pretended to think. “Let’s see.” He held up his fingers to tick them away as he listed his reasons, trying his best to remain unemotional. “You’re with someone else. We’ve done this before. You’re with someone else. And you said no when I proposed. Oh yeah, and you’re with someone else.”
“You’re just being stubborn. Tell me what you want to hear. I’ll say whatever you want to hear. I’ll beg if I have to. I just want to feel you again, Jesse.”
Tired of the charade, he took her hands in his and kissed her fingertips. Her eyes followed the movements. When he had her attention again, he said the words he’d waited years to say just to her.
“I wanted to hear you say yes three years ago, Ally. Too little, too late.”
A knock at the door interrupted her from saying anything else.
“And speaking of your someone else…”
Jesse released her and strode purposefully to the front door. He didn’t bother to say excuse me when he bumped into Michael, and he left Ally to explain everything to the man she claimed to love.
****
“Hold still, Ally, you’ve got a rash on your neck. Let me see what’s wrong.”
Ally pulled away from him and tugged her hair around to hide the evidence of Jesse’s kisses. “I’m fine, Michael, thank you.”
“So, what was he doing here?” Michael gestured at the squad car as it sped away, much too quickly for Ally’s liking.
“Lucky asked him to see me home after I dropped by the station.”
“So tell me about this minor emergency, and why you’ve got to stay with Lana?”
Ally ushered him in and closed the door behind him. She led him to the kitchen, where she put on a pot of tea. She needed something to soothe her battered nerves as she told the story of what she’d seen next to the pizza place. When she was finished, Michael simply nodded.
“You did the right thing, Ally. And I’m glad you’ll be with Lana and Lucky. They’ll protect you. But you know I’m
happy to stay here at night if you want to stay in your own home.”
Ally cast her gaze downward. “Thank you, but I’m sure Lana could use my help with Lily, too. I’ll just take the time I’m away to do some renovations.” She and Michael had never slept together in their three-year relationship. Ally had immediately known how wrong it was and told him she wouldn’t be comfortable taking it to the next level. So far, he’d been willing to wait, but she couldn’t hold him off forever. And she suspected now that Jesse was back in town, he’d want to push her a little harder.
“If you change your mind…” he said softly.
Looking at him, Ally gave him a sad smile. “I won’t, Michael.”
He sighed. “He’s under your skin again, isn’t he?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
“He kissed you, Ally. He’s all over you. I smell him.”
Boy, had he been. Ally shrugged. “It was my fault. We talked about the past some and things just kind of happened. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”
“It does hurt. But I always knew if he came back, it wouldn’t take long. In fact, I’m surprised it took this long for you two to speak to each other.” Michael stood and gave her a meaningful look. “Maybe you should get your stuff together, and I’ll follow you to Lana’s.
Ally took a step forward. “Michael, Jesse and I are over. We have been for a long time. Tonight was just… getting rid of old ghosts. I don’t want to lose you.” But even as she said the words, she knew if Michael insisted they were through too, she wouldn’t be heartbroken. She’d miss the companionship he provided, but their relationship had lost its luster about six months after it began.
“You haven’t lost me. I’ve never been known to run if I really want something. And you’re worth it, Ally. We’ve invested a lot of time together to lose everything now, don’t ya think?”
Ally smiled, relief sagging her shoulders. “I do.”
“Come here,” he whispered and held out his arms. Ally went to him and tried to focus on Michael instead of the way Jesse had held her only a little while ago. But with a solemn acceptance, she realized Jesse was the only man whose touch could make her feel alive.
After a brief kiss, she went upstairs and packed her clothes and belongings. Michael followed her to Lana and Lucky’s house. She got out of the car and bid him farewell, watching his tail lights fade into the darkness.
Leaves crunching under footsteps caused her body to freeze in fear. She could hear low breathing behind her. If she turned and ran for the front door, she might have a shot of alerting Lana.
Unease prickled down her spine and her stomach felt like a knotted fist was inside pushing at her spine. She willed her legs to move, but they wouldn’t cooperate.
A small whimper escaped, and she offered up a silent prayer of protection. Blindly turning, she headed in the direction of the house, only to run into a solid wall of muscle. Strong arms came around her and held her steady.
When she finally had the sense to look into the eyes of her captor, she saw Jesse standing there, his eyes concerned and full of warmth and something else…
He took a deep breath and let her go. With his step backward, the distance between them couldn’t have felt farther. “I just wanted to make sure you got here safe. Now that I’ve seen for myself, I’ll leave you alone.”
She took a small step toward him. “Jesse…”
He eyed her expectantly for a second, but then turned. She saw his squad car parked around the corner and knew if she didn’t speak soon it might be her last opportunity.
“I don’t love him, you know,” she called. “He knows everything about us, but he still sticks around.”
He flung his arms wide as he walked backwards. “Which is more than you can say for me, right?”
When she didn’t say anything, he gave her a sardonic smile that pulled his lips wide and gave him a feral look in the dark. “It’s your life, Ally. I can’t make you love him, just like I couldn’t make you love me.”
And once again, she watched him walk out of her life.
Chapter 3
Jesse walked through the doors of his new home and slammed them shut. Would he never be free of her? Would he never stop wishing for a different outcome?
He needed to punch something. No, he needed to punch someone. Maybe he should start with Michael. How could holding Ally in a loveless relationship be good for either of them? Not that he cared a whit about Michael, but Ally’s newfound humbleness didn’t suit her any more than aggression suited a fairy. She was in a lot of pain, and he was going to find out why.
Jesse looked around his new home. It had been an extravagance he didn’t want to afford, but in hindsight, he knew on some level it was because he and Ally had once dreamed of buying this place. Now, as he looked around, after holding her and kissing her tonight, the realization that it would never be home without her took hold of him.
What would it feel like to have her walk in behind him, talking to him like she used to, sassing him until he was ready to ring her neck? How amazing would it be to pin her against the wall in passion, hear her call his name and know that she thought only of him?
But moreover, how would he feel to know that she was his again? Would time have stood still between them? Today certainly seemed to indicate so.
Jesse shook his head in disdain. Why was he even entertaining these thoughts? Because she was under his skin again, that was why. And he was fool to have let it happen. He’d avoided her for six months for this very reason. Ally was a drug he’d never be able to stay away from. He knew this and still he hadn’t been able to stay away, just like the junkie he was.
He threw his keys across the table and marched up the winding staircase. The hollow sound of his footsteps echoed off the marble floors and empty walls. They’d dreamed years ago that they would fill this house with children and love. Make it a home and make a family instead of the empty shell it was now.
With a last look to the floor below him, he sighed deeply. The hole in his heart grew. He grimaced. And here he thought he’d locked it away so tightly. But just like the typical Ally she’d always been, she’d dodged every last barrier and snuck in his heart so quickly, he’d never even seen it coming.
Now the question was, what was he going to do about it?
****
“Where did you say we were going again?” Ally questioned Lana as they headed out to her car.
“It’s a place downtown in the historical district. You’ll love it. It’s the biggest party in town.” Ally was having her doubts about her ability to have a good time, especially after witnessing a murder, but she didn’t voice them to Lana. They’d talked about it until Ally was blue in the face. As they headed away from her home, Ally glanced at her sister.
“You look really nice,” Ally said, eyeing her black dress pants, high heel shoes and cherry red button up shirt. “You look like you’re ready to ring in the New Year. The problem is, your husband is working and your kid is with Daddy. What’s going on?”
Lana eyed Ally’s skinny jeans and knee length boots and smiled. “I have to admit, Ally, I thought you’d wear something dull and boring, but you surprised me. You look like the sister who taught me to have a good time.”
“Just because I’m a little more responsible now doesn’t mean I can’t still have a good time. I know how to party. And I still know how to ring in a New Year.”
“I guess we’ll see.”
Ally glanced down at her low riding jeans and just for fun, she’d worn a push up bra she’d bought not long ago on a whim, shortly after discovering Jesse was back in town. She’d allowed her hair to fall free, curled it into a pure cascade of long chocolate hair. She’d applied extra makeup and to her surprise, she felt feminine again. But it hadn’t happened until after Ally had kissed Jesse. It was almost as if her body had awakened after long hibernation, reminding her she was a woman with needs.
When they arrived, the looming brick house before them h
ustled with what seemed like every person in town. As they walked inside, Ally eyed the marble floors, empty walls from the foyer into the guest area. Above them, a grand staircase sloped upward with a beautiful oval rug just before it. Two white lions sat on either side of the staircase and the intricate woodwork all over the house spoke of great wealth.
“Who owns this place?” Ally breathed. “It’s magnificent.” She ran her hand along the carved chair rail on the wall, realizing something about the house seemed familiar to her.
“It used to be the Ziegler’s, but they moved to Michigan to be with their new grandbaby. Now I’m not sure. But did you know this is where I met Lucky? You came with me that night but disappeared with Michael after we arrived.”
“I thought you went to school together.”
“We did, but this was after I came back.”
Ally looked up at the painted detail of the ceiling. “So we came to someone’s party that we don’t even know?”
“Pretty much. But the whole town was invited.”
They mingled as they fixed themselves food and drinks. Ally saw several people she knew, and Lana stopped to talk to a few people as well. It was clear she was enjoying her time without Lily and Lucky.
After the food was eaten, the music began and Ally found herself dancing with several men she’d never met and having the time of her life. Lana had been talking with an old schoolmate and disappeared an hour later with her phone to her ear. She probably hadn’t resisted the urge to call and check on Lily.
The hours quickly passed away as she exhausted herself and danced happily. Michael had left earlier that day on an emergency business trip across the country. She found that all thoughts of Michael drifted away and so was the lingering memories of her time with Jesse from yesterday. Before she knew it, it was 11:50 and the host was about to make his speech. Ally had no idea who it was and was looking forward to meeting them. The crowd, which had only increased over the hours as midnight drew nearer, gathered in front of the staircase to hear the New Year’s speech.
Jesse's Girl Page 3
