by Kara Louise
The sound of footsteps coming down the hall caused Elizabeth to tense. She looked up to see Mrs. Goldsmith enter. She had not really spent much time with the lady and now actually welcomed the opportunity to get to know her a little better.
“Hello, Mrs. Goldsmith,” Elizabeth said softly.
“Oh!” Mrs. Goldsmith said as she turned. “I did not see you.”
“Do you play the piano?” Elizabeth asked her.
“I play a little. When Gladys and Harriet began learning, it helped me recall what little I learned when I was younger. I must confess that I had been rather neglectful of practicing through the years. I actually find now that I enjoy it more than I did when I was younger.”
“You can play if you like,” Elizabeth offered. “It will not disturb me. I am only reading.”
Mrs. Goldsmith waved her hand in the air. “Oh, I am quite sure it will disturb you. I said I can play a little,” she laughed. “But not well, at all!”
She came in and sat down next to Elizabeth. “I have always enjoyed this room,” she said softly. “I often thought that by just sitting in here, my music skills would improve.”
Elizabeth laughed. “How nice that would be if improvement came without all the practice!”
“Yes.” Mrs. Goldsmith leaned back in the chair. Elizabeth could see in the manner she was resting that she was quite comfortable.
“How long have you been acquainted with Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth asked.
“My husband, Benjamin, and Mr. Darcy went to Oxford together. From the moment they met, they became the closest of friends.”
“Hmmm,” Elizabeth replied with a nod.
“I used to be quite intimidated by him,” Mrs. Goldsmith continued. “And quite resentful.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Truly? Of Mr. Darcy?”
Mrs. Goldsmith nodded her head. “I feared he would not think well of me. I had neither the connections nor the fortune that Benjamin’s family expected, and I believed he felt the same. I resented him because my husband always sought his advice. I felt as though he had some sort of control over Benjamin.”
“And now?” Elizabeth’s curiosity was piqued.
Mrs. Goldsmith smiled. “Now I am indebted to him.”
“Indebted?” Elizabeth’s surprise was evident.
She went on to explain, “Benjamin’s family did indeed consider that an alliance between us would be disgraceful, foolish, and dishonourable. They could not… would not… consider that the love we had for each other was sufficient grounds for marriage.”
“And Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth asked softly.
“Believe it or not, he is a man who believes strongly in a marriage based on love. He not only encouraged my Benjamin to make me an offer of marriage, but he also helped smooth things over with his family.” Her eyes lit up as she said, “Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised to discover Mr. Darcy was a very honourable man, who liberally gave very wise advice, and who also happens to believe in love.” She looked at Elizabeth and laughed. “You cannot find fault with a man like that.”
“No, no.” Elizabeth laughed nervously, her rapidly beating heart signifying its agreement.
The two talked for a length of time, eventually moving on to the subject of Mr. Bingley.
“Did you know him?” Elizabeth inquired.
“Barely. He studied quite a few years after my husband, and he and Mr. Darcy became good friends after my husband graduated.”
Elizabeth then told her that he was now engaged to her sister.
“I am very happy for him,” Mrs. Goldsmith said. “I know Benjamin always hoped for the opportunity to get to know him better, but our paths have simply not crossed all that often.” She took Elizabeth’s hand and said tenderly, “Perhaps with his upcoming marriage, we will find ourselves frequenting the same circles.”
Just as quickly, though, her face shaded. “I only wish we could find someone suitable for Mr. Darcy. He has spent so much time making sure his friends marry for love that he has had little time to find it himself.” She let out a downhearted sigh. “I do not think…” She stopped suddenly. “We can only hope he is waiting for just the right person!”
Elizabeth enjoyed her talk with Mrs. Goldsmith; she very much enjoyed her company. But she was eager to be left alone, because of a nagging thought. There was something she needed to think more on, and she required solitude to do it. Mrs. Goldsmith finally left, and once she had the music room to herself, she thought back over their conversation. Mrs. Goldsmith had said much, but what was it that had her so unsettled?
She sat at the pianoforte and played aimlessly until it suddenly came to her. Mrs. Goldsmith said that Mr. Darcy made sure his friends married for love, and that he seemed to have had little time to find it himself. Elizabeth knew he loved her when he first proposed. He was a man violently in love! He admitted it to her himself! But did he actually believe her to be in love with him? Would he have asked for her hand if he did not believe that?
She rubbed her hands nervously together as she thought about his comment to her as they had played chess the other evening. He said he once made a move without considering all the possibilities.
She took in a deep breath. He had to have believed she loved him! He not only believed she would accept him, he believed she would have accepted him because she loved him in return!
***
Elizabeth heard later in the day that Mr. Darcy had finally returned to the house. The rain had swollen some creeks and the roads were quite muddied and difficult to manoeuvre, but other than that, there was nothing of immediate concern. She heard the news from Rosalyn, who came up and found Elizabeth still in the music room waiting for Emily to wake up from her nap. She had been downstairs when the men returned.
She sat down next to Elizabeth, quite perturbed. “I do not see why he has to go out in such dreadful conditions,” she lamented. “He has others who can do that. Why must he go?”
Elizabeth raised her eyes at Rosalyn’s passionate complaint. “Perhaps it is something he has always done, and his father before him.”
Rosalyn shook her head. “He is master here, Elizabeth, and can send servants to do that sort of thing. He has been gone all day!”
I know, Elizabeth thought to herself. “How was the outing yesterday?” she asked, eager to change the subject, although bracing herself for what she might hear.
A smile suddenly appeared. “It was wonderful. It is truly unfortunate you were not able to go. The peaks were magnificent, and we had the most delightful tour. Our picnic was in a beautifully situated spot overlooking the valley. As we walked around after our meal, Mr. Darcy took my arm as we had to climb a little incline.” She paused to let out a breathy sigh. “I truly felt as though I were in heaven. We had such a pleasant conversation.”
Elizabeth tilted her head. “What did you talk about?”
Rosalyn shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “Oh, all kinds of things.”
Elizabeth turned to her, waiting for Rosalyn to elaborate. When she did not, she said quietly, “Sounds interesting.”
Rosalyn relayed to her that she had at first been disappointed that Mr. Darcy had not ridden in the carriage with her. Apparently he had something to tend to and rode his horse out to meet them. But it gave Rosalyn much pleasure as she informed Elizabeth just how fine he looked on a horse and what an excellent rider he was.
Elizabeth thought back to the one time she remembered seeing Mr. Darcy on his horse—at least up close. He and Mr. Bingley had ridden into Meryton and encountered her and her sisters just after they had met Mr. Wickham. The only thing she remembered from that incident was noticing the scowl on Mr. Darcy’s face as he rudely and unexpectedly rode off, leaving Mr. Bingley behind. She had no recollection of thinking to herself how fine he looked. She had been too prejudiced against him to notice anything good about him!
It caused a sharp pain deep within as she realized what her misjudgement—of his character and behaviour—had cost her
.
As her thoughts took her one direction and Rosalyn’s discourse continued unabated, the master himself stepped in, very nicely cleaned up after being out all day in the mud and rain.
They exchanged greetings, and then Darcy addressed Elizabeth. “Did you go out walking today, Miss Bennet?”
She had to laugh as he had the most earnest look on his face save for a slight twinkle in his eyes. “No, sir. Unfortunately I neglected to pack a pair of mud boots, so I was quite confined to the house.”
He chuckled. “It is unfortunately quite muddy out there. Did you enjoy your visit yesterday? How did you find the Ketterlings?”
“They are quite amiable and I enjoyed myself immensely.” She told him of her tour of Lambton, seeing her aunt’s home, and meeting some of her friends. She conveniently left out all the stories she had heard about the Darcy family.
“I am glad you found them to your liking. Will you join us this evening and allow me another opportunity to redeem myself at chess?”
Elizabeth laughed. “If you wish.”
He departed with a soft, “Good. I shall see you both later.” Rosalyn looked at Elizabeth oddly, but said nothing. Elizabeth excused herself, telling Rosalyn she needed to go see if Emily had awakened from her nap.
Rosalyn only replied that she needed to speak with her sister.
Chapter 17
Elizabeth left Rosalyn and walked to Emily’s room, her feelings whirling within her. She shook her head as she considered how much she now treasured and appreciated any notice Mr. Darcy paid to her. How unlike their acquaintance in Hertfordshire when she surmised that the notice he gave her was solely to find fault with her.
When Elizabeth came to Emily’s room, she found her awake and quietly drawing with crayons. Elizabeth allowed her to entertain herself in this manner until it was time to prepare Emily for dinner.
When they walked down for dinner, Emily squealed with delight when she noticed her parents waiting at the bottom of the staircase. With a hearty greeting, Mr. Willstone picked up his daughter and swung her around. He then carried her toward the dining room. Elizabeth started to follow, but Mrs. Willstone put up a hand to halt her.
“If you please, Miss Bennet, I wish to have a word with you.”
“Certainly,” Elizabeth replied, noting the look of displeasure on Mrs. Willstone’s face. “Is anything wrong?”
“Well, yes and no.” She reached for Elizabeth’s hand and took her aside. In a whisper, she said, “Miss Bennet, I regret having to bring up this matter, but I fear I must. There have been far too many occasions recently when you have shown a little too much familiarity with Mr. Darcy and his sister. I suggest you remember your position.”
Elizabeth’s eyebrows arched high at Mrs. Willstone’s words. Never before had she ever referred to her as being in a lower station.
“If you recall, Mrs. Willstone, I was acquainted with Mr. Darcy before I ever took the position of governess. At the time of our acquaintance, I do believe he considered me his equal.”
“Tsk, tsk.” She patted Elizabeth’s hand. “Perhaps it appeared that way. You must remember who he is, my dear. Certainly you understand that he cannot afford to have associations that might tarnish the Darcy name!” She gave her a condescending smile. “I am sure you will understand when I beseech you to refrain from speaking to him… or his sister… in such a familiar manner.” Her lips pursed tightly. “And we must insist that you do not come to the drawing room in the evenings ever again.”
Elizabeth bit her lower lip as she fought an increasing sense of insult and personal disappointment. “Earlier, Mr. Darcy himself invited me to join the others in the drawing room this evening for another game of chess.”
Mrs. Willstone shook her head abruptly. “He is only being polite to you and does not truly expect you to do such a thing. No doubt you have noticed that Miss Bartley does not come to the drawing room. She knows her place. And consider Miss Darcy. The poor girl is so very young and unsure of herself, attempting to learn her duties as Mistress. Do not tempt her with associations that are unsuitable.”
Elizabeth felt her chest tighten so much that she could barely breathe. Certainly Rosalyn was instrumental in prompting this discourse. Elizabeth had readily noticed that Rosalyn had seemed perturbed during the conversation earlier between herself and Mr. Darcy. Moreover, when Rosalyn came upon Miss Darcy with Elizabeth in the music room, there were traces of jealousy in her demeanour.
A myriad of thoughts assaulted Elizabeth, especially when Mrs. Willstone gently patted her hand and continued, “We would not want Mr. Darcy to think ill of Rosalyn because of unbefitting behaviour tolerated by her family.”
“You think my behaviour unbefitting?” Elizabeth asked incredulously.
Mrs. Willstone’s eyes cast briefly toward the ground in an unwitting gesture of discomfiture. “Unbefitting a governess, yes. Miss Bennet, you must know we grieve with you over your change of circumstances. It must be terribly difficult, but Mr. Darcy may be watching Rosalyn carefully for any signs of improper behaviour from her or her family…” Her eyes slowly looked up. “…or the family’s governess.”
Elizabeth wished to defend her actions with everything inside of her, but she knew her only defence was that Mr. Darcy had once made her an offer of marriage, and he was treating her with kindness and courtesy… much more than she ever deserved. “Yes, Mrs. Willstone,” she replied softly.
Elizabeth was grateful, at least, that Mrs. Willstone had not banished her from eating with the others in the dining room. She could easily have requested that she eat with Emily elsewhere. Perhaps if it were not for the presence of the Goldsmiths’ governess, she would have been. She entered the dining room behind the Willstones, uttered a short and succinct greeting to Mr. and Miss Darcy, walked around to the far side of the table, and took the seat next to Emily. As much as she would have liked to converse with the others, she resisted and kept her attention on her ward for the duration of the meal. She did not think she could feel the disparity between her and the others more than at this moment.
***
After finishing the meal, Elizabeth and Miss Bartley took the young girls to the children’s nursery and allowed them to play until almost nine o’clock.
She watched Miss Bartley throughout their time with the children, admiring her ability to teach the girls in the midst of play. She gave every appearance of loving what she did, and she did it well.
At length, Elizabeth turned to her. “Miss Bartley, you have been a governess for quite a long time. May I ask you a question?”
“Is there something about which you need advice? I would be more than happy to share from my years in this position.”
Elizabeth breathed in deeply. “Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.” She wrung her hands together as she formulated her question.
“Do you think… have you seen… any inappropriate behaviour on my part… that is, behaviour unbefitting a governess… in regards to Mr. Darcy or his sister?”
“Heavens, no!” she exclaimed. “What has brought this on?”
“I was informed that I have spoken with too much familiarity to them. It began, I believe, when I took Emily into the drawing room one evening to say good night. I soon found myself in a chess match with Mr. Darcy.”
Miss Bartley’s eyes widened. “Truly?” Her eyes crinkled as she leaned in. “Who won?”
Elizabeth laughed. “Needless to say, I have been strongly warned.”
Miss Bartley narrowed her eyes. “It is an unfortunate position we are in, Miss Bennet. Oftentimes the servants will look down on us for being their superior, and those in upper classes look down on us as being their inferior.” She looked at Elizabeth with understanding eyes. “It is an even greater misfortune when you once had the standing of society.”
“I suppose it is something I have had a difficult time getting used to.”
“May I say, Miss Bennet, that a governess must behave cautiously, for there have been far too many a
naïve young lady who has gone into a household as governess and allowed herself to be disgraced due to the prodigious attentions of a master.”
“I hardly think Mr. Darcy would…”
Miss Bartley shook her head in denial. “No, I have never heard anything even remotely improper concerning the man. The Goldsmiths have been close acquaintances with him as long as I have been with them, and they always speak of him in the highest regard.”
Elizabeth remained thoughtfully silent.
“I understand you knew him before…”
Elizabeth looked up with an arched brow. A wry smile appeared. “Yes, but I fear our acquaintance was a rather contrary one. I believed him to be rather proud and unfriendly. I was not afraid to let him know how affronted I was by some of his behaviour… which, I now comprehend, was due more to reserve than pride.”
“Oh, the lessons we sometimes learn too late.”
“Far too late,” Elizabeth added softly.
***
The rains persisted throughout the night, occasionally interspersed with a flash of lightning and boom of distant thunder. Sleep came sparingly for Elizabeth as her turbulent thoughts vied with the fierce rain to keep her from the sleep she so desired.
She found herself wondering what took place in the drawing room that evening. What conversations took place? What did Mr. Darcy talk about… and with whom did he speak? Did he even notice her absence?
The downpour also brought to her recollections of occasions at Longbourn when the rains pelted the roof so violently that it eventually worked its way in. Mary had been the unfortunate one who needed to sleep with buckets on the floor in her room to catch the water until the roof could be repaired. Other times there had been leaks in the kitchen and sitting room. While she felt safe and secure within the walls of Pemberley, her heart still ached for Longbourn and the life she had had there.
That morning, after having slept very little, she awoke to the increasingly familiar sound of rain hitting the windows. She and Emily dressed and went downstairs. As they entered the dining room, Mr. Darcy greeted them, a raised eyebrow to Elizabeth the only indication that he may have wondered why she did not join them in the drawing room the night before.
