She slid down to the floor and sat down on the sleeping bag where Tanner was sleeping soundly and thought for a moment how unfair it was that these two good people were suffering through the worst of it and she wasn’t having to go through it, not really. She didn’t have anyone to lose that wasn’t right next to her. And as far she was concerned, if one of them went, they all would. So, she was getting the best end of this, and they were losing people. They were having to sacrifice.
Carlie laid down for a minute next to Tanner and wondered if she even should wake him up and ruin his night. He had been through so much and talked and complained so little about leaving his family behind. Carlie wondered how worried they were if they were looking for him or if whatever was going on in the world was making them forget all about his existence entirely.
Alex turned on the water for the shower, but instead of getting in, she sat down on the toilet with her head in her hands. Hopefully, Carlie and Tanner wouldn’t mind having a bit of time to themselves, because she needed to have some time alone to come to terms with what she was going to have to do. She was failing Tanner and Carlie, she was failing Amon, and she was failing the world by clinging and holding onto something she was never supposed to have. She was going to have to walk away from everything and everyone in order to make sure the world got fixed. That whatever was broken could be repaired. And damn it, she couldn’t even figure out what her power was, and yet she was supposed to lead this thing. But she wasn’t going to give up. She would put on that brave face and walk away from Amon tonight. She would do it for him so that even if he didn’t survive, he would know he was a part of making sure everyone else did.
Chapter 14
Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that it’s enough. ~ Robert Heller
ALEX had fought so hard, insisted that Carlie and Tanner come up those steps with her to tell Amon everything they knew, everything Carlie saw, but both of them remained at the bottom on a bench, waiting for her to have her time with him. It was funny, all these relationships she had built in such a short time, when her whole life she had never been in love like this, never had friends quite this close. She thought she had been close to Wesley, but she realized at the end she never was. Not close enough to tell him everything. He never would have understood the way she wanted him to.
It was funny how time had to stop in order for her life to begin.
She dragged herself up the steps, dreading what she would have to do and say to him. She didn’t know how he would feel about her leaving or about the fact that it was likely a separation that would happen forever. He would probably try to push her away; try to tell her to forget all about him. Instinctively, she knew this. She knew he was like that. But she also knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. She wouldn’t let it.
She was going to pour out her heart because it might be the last time. She wasn’t the girl to bottle it all up as much as she wanted to appear like this strong emotionless leader. It just wouldn’t work.
Once she came up, and the sun was just on the horizon, she didn’t waste any time coming around to find him there. Seeing him during the day, well, it was different. It was an even more brilliant sight; looking at him and the embers and fire coming off of his wings. It was clearer now, that he was ill, the light showing the missing and burning feathers. If she paid enough attention, she could even smell it.
“I don’t like you seeing me like this,” Amon spoke first, placing his hands over his chest as if he was trying to cover himself up. “If I could put my wings away, I would, but that’s part of the punishment. I can’t!”
Alex approached him, reached out and began to stroke the feathers as he shivered, even the damaged ones, the soot covering her hands. Despite his protests, she watched as he closed his eyes and relaxed into her touch. It must have felt good. It felt intimate to her, more intimate than she had ever been, with anyone, not even with her own parents. She didn’t know what it meant to him, if anyone had ever touched his wings, but it must have been something important.
He suddenly pulled her into him, their lips meeting. This kiss, though, it wasn’t like that first one. The first one had been her experimenting, wanting to know what it would be like to kiss him, to be his. This was a kiss you had with someone you already belonged to. This was something of passion and possession.
His hands slid over her body as if exploring her, and she allowed herself to do the same to him, unbridled from whatever had stopped them both before. If this was going to be the last time that she saw him, that she touched him, then she was going to put everything to it.
Something began to overtake her, though, a burning from within her body. Something other than her conscious mind was driving her, as they went down to their knees. It was like pushing herself to become a part of him, even as the chains tangled around them both. They just carried on, their lips landing everywhere, their hands slipping underneath clothing.
That was until they broke away to the sound of a round of applause. Alex jumped and turned around, seeing another angel standing there for the first time.
“Wasn’t your visit enough last night, Oryx?” Amon asked, and Alex could feel his veins popping with the anger and tension he was feeling.
“You’re the angel of death, aren’t you?” Alex asked, looking him over. He had the same white hair that Carlie had described and a sword by his side. He wasn’t wearing a shirt this time, just a pair of black pants, covered in chains, that fit tight to his skin. Something stylish, nothing he was forced to wear. He was beautiful; but it was all dark. Alex immediately sensed that she could not trust this angel; not at all the way she did Amon.
“The one and only,” he said with a smile and a bow. “And you are the human that I have been hearing all the fuss about from the others. I didn’t believe it. I had to see it with my own eyes. Did you really think the two of you would get that far with all those chains?” he asked beginning to chuckle. “It’s a shame I stopped you, though. It would have been quite the show. I can see the appeal, she is quite exquisite, her outward and inner beauty, much brighter than that of other humans.”
Alex felt disgusted, a sudden need to cover up and hide from this angel. How could an angelic being even speak that way?
“You have no need to fear me,” he said in a more serious tone, looking her over. It is not your time. Though, I guarantee that you will wish I would have taken you after you meet what’s coming. It’s worse!”
“You know something!” Amon accused. “You’re out there dealing with all angels and humans. You know something, so why don’t you help? Surely, you do not benefit from any of my suffering, from the suffering of this world.”
Alex couldn’t help but take interest in the way he used the words “this world.” But she filed it back in her mind for later. Right now, she needed to get answers out of this other angel.
“Maybe I do know a little more than you about what is happening, Amon, but why would I give away information freely, that might be my ticket out of a bad situation later? What’s happening effects all of us, and I am going to make sure I stay in the game as long as possible; possibly till the end and beyond, and I suggest that you do the same.” Oryx’s eyes landed on Alex when he said it, not Amon. This confused her.
“You’re telling me that I should look out for myself and screw the rest?” she asked him coldly, squinting her eyes at him as she stood up, challenging his stature. He looked menacing as they had their stare off, but she stood her ground.
“It would be a shame for a spirit like yours to leave this world forever because you were too busy saving others rather than yourself,” he answered finally, reaching out and sliding two fingers along the bottom of a loose curl that fell over her shoulder.
Alex shrugged his arm away. “Why would you think that you can touch me?” she asked him, appalled.
“Such judgment for someone who doesn’t know the whole story. I wonder how you will feel about me after you know everything after you know the truth abo
ut yourself. This journey has only begun, and I am afraid you may not like yourself at the end of it. I assure you I will still see you as I do now because I have seen beyond the veil. I have seen death and destruction, and I know what is coming. I know that black and white are not the colors of existence.”
Alex shook her head in annoyance. He was speaking in pretty riddles. What was up with this character? “Angel of death, life, good, bad, whatever you are, why would you not help us by telling everything you know? Shouldn’t there be an obligation to help us or something?” Alex spat at him.
“Obligation is something humans made up a long time ago because their brains couldn’t manage infinite possibilities. Remember that, when you’re trying to save the world and it seems impossible.”
Alex was even more confused now because it sounded like he wanted her to succeed. “Are you with us or against us?” Alex asked as he seemed to turn to walk away.
Oryx came close to her, leaning down so his mouth was right against her ear. His lips were soft, and she didn’t like that his presence gave her a chill, the kind she thought only Amon could give her. But this served to make her hate this angel even more. He was using his angelic presence against her in some way, making her want to swoon and give in. Clearly, not all angels were good. Nothing would be as it appeared. “I am neither with or against you. I am with and for myself. That is the way I have learned is best, if you want to win,” he whispered, making goosebumps appear all over her neck.
“So, you don’t care about your fellow angels or any of the humans?” Alex asked incredulously
“I only care about those that serve me or seek to destroy me, inasmuch as I need them for my purposes. Even if I did care, I would have to care about myself more. What good am I to anyone if I allow myself to fade away?”
Alex shook her head as if she could shake everything he said, out of her brain, like an Etch-A-Sketch. It was like he was trying to convince her to abandon the idea of saving others and just worry about herself. “Isn’t selfishness a form of evil?” she asked him.
“Evil is everywhere in everything, even in you, even in the angel that you think that you so dearly desire, right now. It doesn’t matter what I say to you now, I can tell you will have to learn all this the hard way. I offer something to you; that when you are ready for more answers, I will give them, no sooner and no later.”
Alex watched as he turned around, perching on the edge of the tower like a great gargoyle, before looking back at her one more time and then spreading his wings as he leaped off. Alex went to hang over and watch as he swooped down over the city and then shot up into the sky to disappear into the clouds. It made her feel breathless like there was a brick laying on her chest and keeping her from getting enough air. It wasn’t real until then, none of it was. But now she had met another angel, the angel of death, and she couldn’t ignore there was more out there, any longer. And she would have to leave to go meet it head on one way or the other.
Alex slowly turned back to Amon, not sure if she was ready to look him in the eye after everything. She was left with questions about him. She didn’t know how he would feel if she asked. She hated to admit that the evil angel that had just been there, taunting them, was right about anything. He was about at least one thing. She may trust Amon, she may have stronger feelings for him than anyone she had ever met, but he was there in those chains for punishment. He had done something wrong. He wasn’t innocent.
“I have to know something,” she told him. “Before I can say goodbye and make the decision to risk my well-being, my sanity, my family for you, I have to know what it is you did wrong to get chained up here. I have to know what you were punished for.”
Amon motioned for her to come closer, and she did, stopping just out of his reach. He was looking down at his hands as if there was blood on them, and a bad feeling rolled through her stomach, acid coming up into her throat.
“I guess you do deserve to know. It’s been so long, though, and I still don’t quite understand why it was seen as so taboo, other than a less than ideal outcome. I overstepped my bounds as an angel in my rank, in my assignment. I was a part of a group of angels who did something different; something they shouldn’t have, in the name of making things better. It didn’t go as planned, though no one got hurt, we got caught and punished for overstepping our bounds. We lost our full memories in the process as well. I can’t tell you more because I don’t know more. I just know my punishment was harsher because I was more involved with it than others. I was a leader or something, I guess.”
Alex believed him inherently, even though she probably shouldn’t have trusted so easily. It was a dangerous thing to give your heart away like that. Even though she hadn’t spoken the words, it was too late, he already had her in a very real way. “I have something to tell you, and then I am going to kiss you and walk away because we are leaving. We are going to find their angels and piece the puzzle together and fix this. I don’t know if we will succeed, but I know I am going to try my best and I will keep you in my mind and heart, always. I love you. I have fallen in love with you, Amon, and I can live without you, but I don’t want to.”
She fell into his arms, a damsel for just a moment, as she melted into him. Then, a kiss of desperation and promises that she didn’t know if she could keep. She knew she would do anything, just to try to.
“I want you to live a full life, save yourself and let me go if that’s what needs to be done. I love you too, but I will not chain you or your heart here with me, do you understand?” he said, tears threatening to escape his dark eyes.
Alex placed her head against his bare chest and nodded into him. She did understand, he was letting her go. He was setting her free to love another, to live another day without him if that’s what it came to. But could a heart ever love another after this? Only time would tell, and it seemed that was good and broken right now.
Chapter 15
It is by suffering that human beings become angels. ~ Victor Hugo
AS the sun was coming up in the sky, Carlie could feel the tension coming off of her best friend. Something was up, and they waited with bated breath while Alex said goodbye to her angel boyfriend, having promised her the privacy to do so. Though, Carlie didn’t know how much longer they could allow that with the fact that something just didn’t feel right at all.
Tanner suddenly grabbed her hand, squeezing her wrist a little too hard. She went to shrug him off when she saw the look in his eyes. “We’re about to split up. I can see it, and I don’t know why. What I see is that if we leave her here we will lose her and not be able to find her again for a long time.” He nodded up to Alex. “Whatever happens, I don’t think we can allow that. I just feel like bad things will happen if we do.”
Carlie didn’t like the sound of that. “But that would mean if something does happen and we have to separate, I have to go off on my own. I am not leaving you, Tanner,” she told him with determination, though something deep down let her know that when the time came there wouldn’t be a choice.
Tanner gave her a hard look but said nothing to refute her. He wouldn’t want to be without her either. She knew that. But she could also see how sticking with Alex would be more important. Whatever her power was, was likely the key, and especially if they might end up in trouble with these other angels that knew about them, she would be needed.
“Should we go up there?” she asked, tapping her leg with impatience as the heat began to settle over them again from the weather.
Tanner shook his head. “No, they need their time. She will be fine. Wouldn’t she scream if something was going on? We will get to leave soon enough.” His tone was a little harsh, but she didn’t want to fight by saying anything to him about it. It wasn’t about leaving, it was about this feeling that they both clearly had that something was going to go wrong.
“Okay,” was all she managed to get out before looking down at the ground. She was antsy. She didn’t know how much longer she could stay still and wait this
all out. “I think I am going to take a little walk just around the corner and come back, stretch my legs and all that,” she announced, standing up.
“I’ll come with you. She can still find us if we stick around here. I don’t think I can just sit around either,” Tanner agreed, following her away from the clock tower. In all honesty, if she was in danger, Carlie didn’t know what they could actually do for Alex. Their powers weren’t exactly the kind that could be used in any kind of combat. All these new thoughts and lack of developments were making Carlie doubt herself, doubt all of them. There had to be more of them if they would be able to stand against what was coming. But she didn’t know the first idea of how to find any more of them. It wasn’t like they had the time or resources to travel the whole planet to find them. Even she knew better than to think that big.
Carlie stopped in her tracks, unable to move. She was suddenly somewhere else. Had she been able to astral project while awake? That would suggest that either her powers were getting stronger now that she was here in Kingsbridge, or that there was something she desperately needed to see that couldn’t wait.
Carlie looked down and could no longer feel or see her body and wondered what she would look like to Tanner right now, if she would just fall to the ground and faint or what. She would have to trust him to care for her body right now.
In front of her was a scene, something she might have seen in one of the neighborhoods she used to live in, cops chasing down an African American boy through alleyways and past trailers. This was a poor neighborhood, and she could see smoke coming from a factory somewhere, trucks and trailers from a logistics company. Yet, the sky looked the same as the sky she had just left. Able to move around more freely this time, she could turn and see the capitol building of Kingsbridge, though it was much further away. She must have been on the other side of the bridge they had seen when they first got there, the one that Alex jumped off of.
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