Apparently she felt the same. "I was waiting for you. I wanted to be with you a little."
I crossed to her and stroked her face. "Okay. Give me a minute to get ready for bed, and I'll come join you. Help you get ready for bed, too." I kissed her on the head—I couldn't stop kissing her since I'd gotten her back, couldn't stop touching her as much she allowed. I slipped into my closet to change into a pair of boxer shorts, my preferred garment to sleep in—when I wasn't naked, of course. I also grabbed the few items I'd stashed in there earlier when Alayna wasn't looking, and brought them with me back to the bed. I dropped the small bag on the floor beside it and reclined next to her on my side, my head propped up with my elbow. Tenderly, I caressed her thigh.
"Have I told you today how much I love you?" I asked, staring into her deep brown eyes.
"Yes," she smiled. "About a million times."
"Here's a million and one. I love you, precious."
"I love you. More than I can ever say." She swept her fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry," she said.
"Whatever for? I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn't keep you safe. I didn’t figure out who was threatening us. I didn't have the security tight enough. I never told you about Adora." The words tumbled out, the apologies I'd been holding for days.
"I shouldn't have been at work, especially when there was a job fair."
"I told you to go to work."
"You wouldn't have told me if I hadn't been so catty and jealous."
"If I'd let you in all the way, you wouldn't have had a reason to be jealous." I pulled her hands down from my hair to my mouth and kissed the inside of her palm. Then, in unison we both said, "This isn't your fault."
I smiled and she laughed, immediately groaning afterward from the pain. "I forgot that would hurt."
I winced as if it were me who had the broken rib. I hated that she was in pain.
She kept her palm along my cheek. "H, did you hear me? This isn't your fault."
I'd heard her. "I'm going to have to work on believing that."
I reached behind me and grabbed the bag and pulled it between us. "I do know something that was my fault. And I'm going to fix it. I really didn't let you in, not all the way. Not because I didn't think you couldn't handle it, Alayna. You’re so strong, so unbreakable, you've proven it surviving everything you've been through. And because of everything you've been through I always want to keep you from ever feeling anything bad again."
She started to say something, probably to explain why that was impossible, how people have to feel pain as part of the human process, something wise and meta.
But I didn't need to hear it. I'd already learned my lesson. "I understand why I can't do that," I reassured her. "And to make sure that I don't do it again, to prove to you how very much I want you in my world—and I mean every part of my world—I have something for you." I pulled the keyring out of the bag and handed it to her.
"This is for you. A key to every door, every desk drawer, every filing cabinet that I own, both here and at the office." Every paper, every file, was hers. Every secret, every memory. Everything I owned, and everything I was. All hers.
She took the bundle of keys, more than thirty in all with labels on a large ring, and stared bewildered at the gift.
"I've also had you added to my security level. Jordan has sent you an invitation to the app that will give you access to all the passwords and links he would need to access any of my accounts or information."
It was more symbolic than anything else. She wouldn't ever really need to go through my things, though she might do it out of her own curiosity—she’d always been one to snoop. But the intention was genuine, and she seemed to understand as her eyes started to brim with tears.
"Oh, Hudson," her voice was tight. "I don't know what to say."
"There's more." I pulled up the last two items, another, smaller keyring and a paper folded up in thirds. "These are all the keys for the event space next door to The Sky Launch, and the deed, in your name. Lee Chong sold it to me, and I know I should've waited and you wanted to do this yourself, and I'm trying not to hover, but I really couldn't allow you to go back over there without installing our security cameras, and he wouldn't allow that without a purchase agreement."
She bit her lip, as though trying not to laugh. "How did you get him to sell so early? He wanted to wait until the new year, I thought."
"I had to raise my offer to get them to sell earlier. And pay cash. I’m sorry, but I'm not. I do hope that you're not upset."
"I'm not upset. I would've been too scared to go back over there if you didn’t put in cameras, honestly. And considering how Lee doesn't like to work with women, he probably gave you a better price than he would've given me even with the earlier buy." She hugged all the items to her chest. "I love them. All of them. They are so thoughtful and perfect and…"
She was getting emotional, but she held back her tears. "How did you even have time for all of this? You've been by my side for days."
"You don't realize how much you’ve slept. Besides, you'd be surprised how much you can do with a laptop and a phone when you're sitting in a hospital room next to a sleeping patient."
I leaned over to kiss her, gently. Then I kissed her again, because she tasted so good, and I loved kissing her.
I pulled away and leaned my forehead against hers, with great effort. If I didn't stop now, I'd never want to stop, and she was still recovering. "I'm glad you love the gifts," I told her.
I had not expected the response she gave.
"Alayna, what are you doing?" I asked as her hand fondled the outline of my cock.
"Can’t you tell?" she teased.
"Alayna, precious, we can't. It's too much pressure on your rib."
"I'm still wearing the wrap," she said, her hand continuing its stroking. "And I had the local anesthetic, and pain pills. The doctor didn't say that we couldn't. He said, when I'm ready. And I need you."
As ridiculous as it was to think that she would want sex right now, it was also understandable considering our relationship. The way we communicated had always been so very wrapped in the physical. Still, I said, "I don't like this."
"Really? It seems like you like this very much."
Damn cock. Thinking for itself rather than about what was best for her. I was already hard and aching under the manipulations of her caress.
Forcing myself to not give into pleasure, I put my hand on hers, holding it back from its divine massage. "Alayna, I always want you. You know that. But this would be too much activity for you right now."
Her expression grew somber. "Please," she pled. "I need you. I need to erase him."
Every inch of my body tensed. She’d sworn to me he hadn’t violated her. "Did he…"
"No," she answered quickly. "He didn't touch me. But he wanted to. And I need you to help me get that memory out of my head."
I wanted to know every detail of what he’d said to her, every sickening, crude comment so I could replay it in my head as many times as I knew she would. So I could replay it and feel the misery along with her.
But just because we had no more walls didn't mean we weren’t respecting boundaries. I'd given her all the keys to my life, because I wanted her in all those spaces, but if right now she didn't want to share this part of her nightmare, if that was a space that she needed to keep for herself, I had to let her. And I'd be here if she ever invited me in.
So carrying that weight for her, with her, was not possible.
But if she needed this—if she needed me—I could give her that.
I let go of her hand, letting her resume her touch. She understood the cue, and moved her hand inside the fly, her skin hot against my flesh as she wrapped her fingers around my bare cock.
"Gentle," I instructed her. "We will be gentle and slow." I kissed her, deeper than before, my tongue slipping inside her mouth. "And you should be on top, so you can control the pressure and there's less strain to your rib."
"Okay
She lifted up her hips while I pulled the jersey dress up carefully over her torso and head, tossing it to the floor next to us. The keys jingled on her lap, falling from the dress as I took it off. I took those along with the deed and put them on the nightstand, then crawled over her to help her with her panties. She was already braless, having chosen not to wear one with her injury, and her nipples stood up in front of me begging to be sucked on, licked, and loved. I give them each a swirl of my tongue before returning to the task of ridding her of her underwear.
Again she lifted her hips, and I pulled the small bikini briefs down her legs and off one ankle then the other. When she was naked, her pussy glistening in front of me with arousal, I decided perhaps this was what she really needed—my mouth down here, giving her pleasure, overshadowing her pain.
I nestled between her legs, spreading her thighs around my head and licked up the length of her slit.
She shivered and I went to do it again, but she put her hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "I need you inside me, Hudson. Please."
I could never deny her anything when she sounded like that, all soft and whimpering and desperate.
I stripped my boxers off, then lay down on the bed next to her. Putting my hand at the base of her spine, I helped her sit forward and steadied her as she climbed over me. I almost called the whole thing off when she let out a yowl at the pain at turning, but then she was sinking down on me, and her entire face lit up with relief.
She began to move her hips, riding me with soft undulations.
"Slow," I reminded her when she started to speed up. But, oh God, she was gorgeous, rocking her body against mine. I slipped my hand up the side of her torso and palmed her breast, rubbing my thumb over her erect nipple. With my other hand, I tenderly brushed against her plump, swollen clit, my eyes never leaving her face, watching for any sign of weakness or pain. I was never going to come this way, so concerned about her, but I didn't care about me. This was all for her.
I saw the strain start in her features before she showed signs of it anywhere else in her body. I wasn't sure if I should slow down or speed up, rush her to her orgasm and be done with it, or continue to go at a snail’s pace.
I hadn't made a decision when she made it for us, sinking down across my chest with a frustrated moan. "I can't," she said. "You were right. It's too much."
I stroked her hair, and kissed the top of her head as I ran my hands along the landscape of her back, my cock still anchored inside her. "It's okay. We don't need to."
“I know.” She was quiet for a minute.
"He wanted to make babies with me," she said finally. "He wanted to be…" Her voice cracked. "Everywhere… inside me. And I thought if I could just be filled up with you, it would go away, and I would remember that I don’t belong to him. That I'm yours."
My chest felt like it was ripping apart, and I fought the urge to squeeze her tightly to me. To wrap her so tightly in my love that nothing bad could exist.
"Oh, precious. You are mine. Not just because I'm the man lucky enough to put my cock inside you, but because I’m the man who is lucky enough to be inside your heart."
She sniffled, and I felt a tear drop onto my bare chest.
"And you’re mine,” I went on, “because you fill every part of me. Every cell, every molecule. Every dark shadow within me, you are there, bringing light. No one can take that away from us, no matter what they want. You’re mine because I don't exist without you. How much more mine can you be than that?”
She cried softly and silently against me, and I let her stay like that, against my chest, still half buried inside her while I rubbed her back until she was done. Then I rolled out of bed, pulled my boxers back on and tended to her, removing her wrap, helping her put on a fresh pair of panties. I gave her another pain pill and made her as comfortable as possible with a pillow under her head and another under her knees.
We didn’t make love, but we had love. So much it blinded me sometimes, brilliant and white and perfect. It illuminated my once dark world and lit every room she walked into. It hummed with its brightness. It vibrated under my skin.
I curled up next to Alayna and wrapped my arm around hers, listening to the song of our love in the even rhythm of her breathing, a hypnotic, melodious sound that lulled me into a restful sleep where there were no more nightmares or terrors or dragons from the past, just us, living happy and whole, side by side, forever.
Epilogue
Alayna
* * *
In the middle of the night, I woke up to an empty bed. The way Hudson worked, his mind going at all hours, it wasn't unusual to find him in his office in the wee hours of the morning. Normally, I turned over and went back to sleep.
But the anxiety from everything that had happened was still fresh in my mind. I could still feel the tentacles of the nightmare, of David's grip on me, the fear that I would be taken from my family forever, and only my husband beside me could soothe those nerves.
I climbed out of bed, slowly, wincing at the injuries and the fresh stiffness, and eased on a robe before starting my search of the house. He wasn't in the library or the living room. Wasn't in the kitchen. I was about ready to go peek in on the children, when I noticed the door to the patio slightly ajar.
I slipped out onto the balcony, feeling the hot muggy air settle on me like a blanket. "Hudson?" I called to his dark figure sitting in the chair on the other side of the deck.
He turned sharply in my direction. He was immediately alert, sitting forward as though he were about to leap up from his chair and rush to me. "Alayna. Are you okay?"
"No," I said walking slowly toward him. He started to rise, but I stopped him with a gesture. It didn’t stop him from examining me all over once I reached him.
"What's wrong?"
"You're not in bed," I said. “I woke up and didn’t know where you were.”
His features relaxed instantly, lips turning up into a smile. "But you found me."
"That I did."
He tugged me gently into his lap, arranging me so that I wasn’t putting any weight on the side of me with the hurt rib, while being sure not to disturb the wound on my thigh.
He nuzzled his face into my neck, simultaneously slipping his hand inside my robe to gently cup my breast, an intimate caress more than a sexually charged one. As he kissed along my collarbone, his thumb grazed along my nipple until it stood up, pert and proud.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked, my voice vibrating on the edge of a moan.
"Dreaming," he said, continuing his kisses up my nape and to my jaw.
"This is not dreaming, Mr. Pierce. I assure you this is very real."
His mouth moved up to hover above mine, then he lifted his eyes to meet my gaze. He studied me for a moment, then chuckled to himself before leaning back into the chair.
"What?" I played my fingers through the back of his hair.
"Do you remember the other day when Mina woke up crying? And I went in to comfort her?"
I did. I'd been changing a diaper. Hudson and I hadn't even gone to bed for the night yet, and Mina had already padded out of her room with big crocodile tears running down her face. Her daddy went to her, picking her up and carrying her back to bed with soothing words.
"Did she have a nightmare? I never asked." She wasn't usually one to have bad dreams, but everyone did now and then.
"Actually, it was quite the opposite." He chuckled again, remembering. "She told me she'd been dreaming that she lived in a house made of candy—the floorboards were red licorice and she had a chocolate bar for door. There was more. She was very detailed in describing it to me. And she was devastated when she'd woken up and realized that the dream wasn't true."
"Oh my God, she's adorable." Having children with the man I loved was one of my favorite parts of spending my life with Hudson. We had this special thing that was just ours, these little humans that we created. No one on Earth would ever find stories about their antics as charming or magnificent as he and I, but it was something we would always have together that belonged to no one else.
"How did you get her to calm down? Promise to bribe her with candy the next day?"
"Yes. I did do that. I told her we’d take a trip to the candy store." He sobered. "But then I remembered something Jack used to say when I was really little. I'd forgotten all about it. Then with Mina’s dream, it all of a sudden came rushing back to me, this memory of a very similar situation when I was about her age, and my dad putting me on his knee and saying that I didn't need to cry. Because dreams don't come true from dreaming them—they come true from holding them."
In the distance a siren sounded, the regular whoosh of traffic passed by below, but for the most part, the night was silent around us. "Holding them? What does that mean?"
"You keep it in your heart. Think about it often. Cherish it, I guess."
Yep. That did sound like the romantic kind of nonsense Jack would spout. And it was sweet.
Sweet...
"Wait—you told our daughter to hold her dream so it would come true?" I looked at my husband incredulously. "You're encouraging Mina to cherish the goal of a house made out of candy?!"
He shrugged innocently. "We don't know enough about her yet. She might grow up to be one of those eccentric types."
"She might grow up to be one of those diabetic types."
"Oh come on. She's four. Who knows how the dream will change? Maybe she'll end up running a chocolate factory one day. My dreams obviously changed. I didn't grow up to be a train."
I giggled again. "A train? That's the dream you wanted to hold onto? Becoming a train?"
He scowled at me. "I told you—people change." He pulled me closer to him. "Anyway, that's why I was out here. I'd had a dream that woke me up. A good dream, and I wanted to hold onto it."
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