Then Hayden arrived and motioned to me to follow him round the side of the loos. As soon as he’d gone round the corner Lily appeared from the other side.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said and followed Hayden.
I stood and waited. It could only have been about a minute but it felt like for ever. I wanted to look to check that Lily was okay, but at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to look. I was just about to go and fetch someone to help when Hayden came round the side of the building. He was limping. I shrank back against the wall but he didn’t even look at me.
Lily came out looking grim but perfectly unharmed.
‘He won’t bother you again,’ she said.
‘What happened?’
Lily grinned. ‘I told him that, if he so much as looked at you, then I’d get Mum to put him in one of her books. I said she’d draw him as the ugliest, meanest boy in the school who everyone hated and the whole world would know it was him and it would be on the telly and everything.’
‘Really? Is that what happened?’
‘No,’ said Lily, linking arms with me. ‘It’s a nice thought, though.’
I can’t believe that I kissed Hayden Bailey when he was demanding money with menaces. I never did tell Lily that part. It still makes me cringe.
Chapter Nine
I couldn’t get out of bed this morning. Not that I needed to because it was Sunday,; but it wasn’t a nice Sunday morning feeling, like I knew I could have a long lazy lie-in. It felt more like I’d lost the use of my arms and legs. Or at least I knew they worked, it was just that the connection between my brain and my body had broken.
I didn’t need to open my eyes to know that Lily wasn’t there; it’s a twin thing.
I couldn’t even move my arm to turn on the bedside light and it’s dark down here in the mornings. I could feel the weight of silence from the house above pressing down on me. I felt like I’d been buried alive in some subterranean tomb, surrounded by all my worldly possessions. One day an archaeologist would dig me up and wonder why I’d died so young. They might be confused about the significance of the doll’s house, buried alongside me.
Mum poked her head round the door.
‘Milly, you’d better get up. You’ve got a visitor.’
I shot out of bed, but Mum had gone so I couldn’t ask her who it was. Who would be visiting me? For a moment I thought it might be the Americans. Perhaps they’d arrived last night and come visiting. Yeah, like that’s the first thing they’d do. It was probably only Carmel, come to see how I’m getting on at the new school.
I could hear voices and laughter coming from the kitchen. Was that Effy? She’d asked for my address and phone number last week and I’d given them to her reluctantly. I hadn’t expected her to call round without any warning. What if Lily had been here? I’d never hear the end of it. She wasn’t going to like Effy.
It was strange seeing her in our kitchen talking to Mum, like nothing was wrong. We don’t often have friends round. What am I saying? We never have friends round. The girls who like me never like Lily and the ones who like Lily get irritated with me. It’s easier not to bother.
‘Effy’s been telling me how your new school is so different from her last one,’ said Mum. I took that to mean that Effy had been relating her life story again.
‘I thought we could go out, round town or something,’ Effy suggested.
‘That’s a good idea,’ said Mum. ‘I’ll give you some money.’
Mum went off to find her purse. I didn’t really feel like going out, but it looked like I didn’t have a lot of choice. We couldn’t stay here and risk Lily turning up.
Like I said before, it’s easy being with Effy. We went off into town and I didn’t have to think because Effy organised everything. She decided which shops we’d go into and where to go for coffee. It was almost fun. It’s not that she’s bossy; I wanted to go to the Sunday market and she was happy to come along.
I needed some things for my hair. It’s long and unruly and I wanted some more ties because I wear it in a ponytail most of the time. Effy asked me if I’d thought about having it cut. I couldn’t tell her that it would be like insulting Lily, because she doesn’t know about Lily and even if she did it would sound silly. Lily was talking about having hers cut a while back but she never did it. If I had mine cut it wouldn’t be right.
Anyhow, I explained to Effy, if I had it cut it would have to be really short because otherwise it would just stick out all over the place because of the curls. At least if it’s long the weight pulls the curls out a bit. Once, Lily and I tried to straighten our hair with some hair straighteners Lily had borrowed from a girl at school. It didn’t work; it made us look like witches. Mum said there was a time in the 1980s when our hair would have been dead fashionable. That didn’t help.
When we got back I didn’t invite Effy in. I hope she didn’t think I was being rude.
The new neighbours had arrived while I was out. I could hear them moving about upstairs. Mum said we should bake some biscuits and take them up as a welcome. I refused but Mum insisted we’d have to go up and introduce ourselves tomorrow because it would be rude not to.
I lay in bed trying to hear them but it had all gone quiet. They must have gone to bed. Lily wasn’t bothered.
‘I don’t know what all the fuss is about,’ she said, turning over.
‘What fuss?’ I said crossly. ‘Nobody’s fussing.’
But then, at three o’clock in the morning, I heard someone moving about. It’s nice to know that someone else is awake at that hour. I was trying to fall asleep while reading a book. I’ve discovered that if I read really slowly I can sometimes fall asleep without realising it. I expect the Americans have got jet lag and it’s messed their body clocks up.
School’s getting better. I like going now, even though the mornings are getting darker and sometimes I feel so tired I can barely function first thing. I’ve started drinking coffee in the morning to try and wake myself up.
The best thing about Effy is that she’s good at making friends. The first few days we stuck together and had lunch by ourselves in the canteen. Then Effy said, ‘Let’s go and sit with them,’ indicating some girls from our year. I wasn’t so sure because I could see that one of them was Amy and I could tell a mile off that she’s bad news. But before I could warn Effy she’d plonked herself on the end of their table and started talking to them. I kept quiet; I had a bad feeling about this. You’d have thought the girls were being friendly but I could detect an undercurrent and when they started asking Effy about her old school, St Bart’s, I tried kicking Effy’s ankle to warn her to shut up but she just said ‘Ow,’ and carried on talking.
I didn’t tell Effy that I wasn’t happy about Amy and her friends because I didn’t want to come across as paranoid but the next day, at lunchtime, I could see her looking around for them so I steered her towards a different group. I’d had a few lessons with some of them and while they were nice I’d never have dared approach them if I hadn’t been so desperate to keep Effy away from Amy. That’s the trouble with Effy: she’s not very street-wise. She thinks everyone is as nice and uncomplicated as she is.
So we ended up with Molly, Harriet and Katy. They were really friendly but I didn’t say very much because they were talking about what they’d watched on television last night and we don’t have a telly to speak of. It’s not like Mum’s said ‘no telly’ or anything; it’s just that the one we’ve got is really old and small so it’s hardly worth bothering with. I had heard about most of the things they watch though so I just listened. No doubt my how to make friends book would have advised me to try and change the subject, to steer it onto something I could have joined in with, but I didn’t feel ready for that.
When we were twelve Mum took us on holiday to Cornwall. We were going to visit Mum’s friend Matt who used to live in the house but had moved to a commune on an organic farm. It wasn’t until we were halfway down the motorway that Mum said it wasn’t exactly a hol
iday –, we’d be expected to help on the farm.
‘What?’ said Lily.
‘Sorry,’ said Mum, ‘but it will be all hands to the deck.’
‘Don’t you mean, “all hands to the plough”?’ I said.
Mum laughed. ‘Very true,’ she said, ‘serves me right for using platitudes.’
‘What’s a platitude?’ I asked. Lily gave me one of her ‘don’t encourage her looks’.
‘It’s a trite, worn-out, clichéd expression,’ said Mum. ‘Politicians use them all the time. See if you can think of one that’s relevant to the situation.’
Mum does this all the time; tries to get us to think – especially about language.
Lily was sulking. I don’t think she could think of anything.
‘How about, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”?’ I said.
‘Very good,’ said Mum. ‘We can’t expect to stay there and not help out. There’s a big farmers’ market coming up soon so there’ll be plenty to do.’
‘What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger,’ said Lily.
‘Let’s hope so,’ said Mum.
Lily didn’t like it much on the farm. She soon got bored with feeding the pigs and the chickens and hated it when we were asked to do the weeding between the rows of vegetables. There were other kids on the farm but they were all younger than us, except for Mark, who was fourteen. I liked Mark. He didn’t say much to start with. I think he was shy, like me. But when he realised I was interested in the animals and liked the work, he was a lot more friendly. He didn’t live in the main house where we were staying. He lived above the old stables with his mum and dad and little brother. I always tried to get the jobs where I could work with Mark and of course Lily noticed. She started teasing me. ‘Mark and Milly sitting in a tree,’ she’d chant if she saw me looking for him. It wasn’t like that at all. I was only twelve and I didn’t really fancy him, I just liked him. Maybe that’s what annoyed Lily. I don’t know. Maybe she did fancy him and was annoyed that he obviously preferred me.
That holiday was the first time that Lily tried to be different. I mean, look different. Up until then we’d always been proud that we were identical, but that summer Lily got one of the women living in the house to braid her hair and told me I couldn’t have any in mine. It was only two thin braids at the front, done in coloured cotton with beads on the end. Mum said it looked lovely and certainly made it easier for everyone to tell us apart. I pretended not to care.
On the last day of our holiday Mark asked me if I wanted to go badger-watching with him that evening. We were in the barn, sitting on the hay because we’d run in there to escape a rain shower. Mark told me that he knew about a badger sett in the woods and if we went up there at dusk we’d get a good view of them. I love badgers and said I definitely wanted to go.
‘Shall I bring Lily?’I asked Mark.
‘Best not,’ said Mark. ‘We’ll have to be quiet or we’ll scare them off.’
‘I might not be able to stop her from coming if she finds out about it.’
‘Well, don’t tell her, then. I’ll meet you by the gate at half-past seven, which should give us plenty of time to get to the hide and settle in before the badgers come out.’
It was easier than I thought it would be because I didn’t see much of Lily for the rest of the day. Thinking about it now I think she was avoiding me. After tea I said I’d help with putting the younger children to bed because I knew Lily hated doing that.
When I was running a bath for them Lily came into the bathroom and said, ‘I’ve got a message for you from your precious Mark. He says make it eight o’clock,’ and then she disappeared. I should have been suspicious at that point. Why didn’t she ask me what was happening at eight o’clock? But I was just glad that I didn’t have to explain. When I was reading the kids a story I kept looking at the clock; I was getting really excited. I’d never seen a badger in the wild. In fact, thinking about it, I’d only ever seen dead ones by the side of the road.
At eight o’clock I went to the gate but Mark wasn’t there. I waited about fifteen minutes, wondering what could be holding him up, then I went to the stable block and knocked on the door. Mark’s mum came to the door and I asked her if Mark was there.
‘I think he’s taken your sister up to the woods to look at the badgers,’ she said.
I thought about going to the woods to look for them but I had no idea where the hide was and I could hardly go blundering about calling them; I’d scare the badgers for certain.
I went back to the house. I couldn’t understand why Mark had gone with Lily. Lily wasn’t even interested in badgers and why had he gone without me? It wasn’t until I got back to our bedroom that I began to understand. Lying coiled up on the bedside cabinet were two braids.
Lily got back two hours later. She flung herself onto the bed, laughing uncontrollably.
‘You will never guess what I just did! It was the funniest thing ever,’ she finally managed to say.
I didn’t look up from my book but that didn’t deter Lily.
‘It was so funny! I went to the woods with Mark, pretending to be you!’ I turned over so I had my back to her. I tried to concentrate on my book but it was impossible. I was furious. Lily could see thatI wasn’t enjoying her joke.
‘It was easy,’ she said. ‘I heard you arranging it in the barn. I was in there all the time – bet you didn’t know that. I heard him telling you not to tell me about it. I can’t believe you listened to him. So anyhow,I just turned up at the gate at half seven and simpered a bit and didn’t say much. He took me to this place in the woods where we were meant to sit quietly or something and wait for some badgers. It was dead boring so after a while I told him that I didn’t care about the badgers but I’d fancied him for ages – and then I kissed him! And all the time he thought it was you!’
Chapter Ten
In the end we didn’t get to meet our new neighbours until the end of the week. Mum was having a bad week, I could tell. I was pretty concerned when I took her a cup of tea one morning and saw a bottle of whisky next to the bottle of pills on her bedside cabinet. I put the tea down and she just about managed a ‘thanks’ before rolling over and pulling the cover over her head. I took the bottle of whisky into the kitchen. I thought about pouring it down the sink but didn’t dare, so I put it in the cupboard under the sink with all the cleaning products. At least Mum would know what I thought when she saw it was gone. But then I imagined her looking for it and getting cross with me, so I took it out and put it on the draining board.
When I got home on Friday Mum was in the kitchen putting some biscuits she’d made into a tin. She insisted we go straight upstairs and give them to the Americans, but I said there was no way I was going in my school uniform so she told me to hurry up and change.
Lily was in the bedroom lounging on her bed. She was wearing her school uniform.
‘We’re going upstairs,’ I told her.
‘You might be, I’m not. I think I’ll listen at the door, though.’ She means the door at the top of the stairs in our hallway that leads to the house.
I didn’t want to argue with her and I wasn’t going to let Mum down by refusing to go. I thought Lily would have been dying to see the boy; she’s way more into boys than I am.
We had to go outside, up the basement steps, onto the pavement and then knock on the front door. It was weird, like knocking on our own front door. I didn’t like it.
A woman opened the door. She looked puzzled, then Mum introduced us and she was all smiles. She invited us in and we stood around in the hall while they made small talk and Mum handed over the biscuits. I was standing next to the new downstairs shower room and I noticed that they’d put a new shower curtain up, over the glass door. Weird. Then I remembered Lily, listening behind the basement door. Good luck to her because Mum and the woman, who had introduced herself as Mrs Wade, had moved into the kitchen.
It all sounded a bit formal. Mum didn’t say she was Ms Pond, s
he said, ‘I’m Summer and this is Milly, I wanted to say, ‘It’s Emily, actually,’ but I didn’t.
Mum and Mrs Wade had got through talking about the flight and the move and the fact that Mr Wade had gone to the university to get settled in because he started work next week, before Mrs Wade had looked at me and said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, how rude, you must want to meet Devlin.’
I could hardly say no, so I just smiled. Mrs Wade got her phone out and sent a quick text so I assumed Devlin had gone out and she was telling him to come home. But then I heard someone coming down the stairs. The boy walked into the kitchen, still holding his phone.
‘This is my son, Devlin,’ said Mrs Wade.
He didn’t smile, just sort of nodded our way.
‘Take Milly into the lounge, Devlin,’ said his mum. The boy glanced at me and turned and I had no real choice but to follow. How I wished Lily was here.
As I left the room I heard Mum telling Mrs Wade about Lily, so I shut the kitchen door behind me. If Lily was listening at the basement door like she said she would I didn’t want her to hear. I kicked it as I went past, thinking it would make Lily jump. The key rattled in the lock and I suppressed the urge to unlock it and fling the door open, causing Lily to fall out onto the floor. Then I was in the front room with Devlin.
It was awkward. I couldn’t think of one single thing to say that wouldn’t sound stupid. Neither, it seemed, could Devlin. I sat on the sofa and tried to look like I didn’t care. Devlin stood by the fireplace and really looked like he didn’t care.
I wondered what Lily would do if she was here. Probably wait for him to speak. She’d probably sit and stare at him and make him feel awkward, not sit looking at everything except him, like I was doing.
I pretended to study a painting on the wall behind his head so that I could get a good look at him. I knew Lily would want a detailed description of him.
His hair was brown, like mine, but not as curly and he had a great tan. Well, he would have, coming from California. Not too bad, I thought, if he didn’t look so bored. He was about a head taller than me and slim without being skinny, muscly in fact. I must have been staring, because he turned and looked straight at me and I saw for the first time that his eyes were blue. Really, really blue.
Me Myself Milly Page 6
